Name: Deathwish
Archive: Nikki's Realm http://www.geocities.com/mageofthewinds/index.html anywhere else, just ask ^_^
Feedback: If you would be so kind ^_______^ it would be cherished.
Genre: Drama, Romance
Couples: 1+4, 2+5.
Rating: PG-13
Key:
~()~ Break
*Thought*
Description: Heero threatens to kill himself. Wufei calls Quatre in hopes that he can talk him out of it. As Quatre tries to help him, Heero finds out a startling secret about the gentle former pilot.
Warning: Shounen-ai, cussing, talk of suicide.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of it's characters, story lines or anything really ^_^ I'm an amateur doing this for my own amusement and maybe yours. Please don't sue me?
Deathwish
By Nikki :-P or Nataku's Child
~
Phoenix
: a legendary bird which according to one account lived 500 years, burned itself to ashes on a pyre, and rose alive from the ashes to live another period; also : a person or thing likened to the phoenix
-Merriam-Webster's Dictionary
~
Heero sat on the cold tiles of his small bathroom, staring at the gun he held in his hand. He had held it for so long, the metal that was once cold was warm and inviting. He had been sitting there for hours, trying to tell himself that this was the wrong thing to do, like he had so many times before.
Yes, he had done this before. After a long day he would lock himself in his room and pull out his gun.
Always with the same thought: 'This time...this time I'll do it.'
He would pull the trigger and it would all be over.
But he always put the gun back. He would sit and cry bitterly for a few hours and then stand up to face yet another sleepless night.
But now as he felt the weight in his hand, it felt closer then ever. It was becoming too much. The guilt, pain and depression he tried to suppress was tearing him apart from the inside.
With a click the gun was ready. He put it to the side of his head and closed his eyes.
There was a knock at the door.
~()~
"Hey Heero? Buddy! You in there?" Duo yelled through the bathroom door.
At first there was no answer. He was about to give up and search elsewhere when he heard Heero's voice, muffled by the door. "What do you need, Duo?"
"There's a good flick on TV!" Duo called back. "An old movie, Wufei said he liked it so it probably has some fighting or something in it. Trowa's got some popcorn popin', we'll make a night of it!" he waited hopefully for an answer. Heero didn't seem to happy when he came home; Duo was hopping to help him unwind a bit.
"No thanks Duo. I don't feel like a movie," Heero called.
Duo nodded as though Heero could see him. "All right. We're down there if you need anything, if you change your mind I can fill you in on what ya missed. See ya!"
"Thanks Duo."
Duo hesitated for a minute before turning from the door. *He sure is acting strange,* he thought as he closed Heero's bedroom door behind him and headed towards the stairs. *But I can't put my finger on what it is...*
His thoughts trailed off as he felt reassuring arms wrap around his waist.
"Your heart's too big for your own good, you know," a familiar voice whispered in his ear.
"I know 'Fei," he whispered back.
The Chinese man rested his head on Duo's shoulder. "He's terrible to you, yet you still try to be nice to him. I'm sorry to say this, but the guy just doesn't like you."
Duo stiffened at Wufei's words. "What did you say?"
Wufei sighed. "Duo, that can't be a surprise to you, he doesn't like you."
Duo shook his head. "No before that, about him being terrible to me."
"Duo..." Wufei sighed. "He ignores you half the time, if he says anything at all it's either to 'shut up' or 'go away'. You-"
"He is terrible to me!" Duo cut him off.
He heard Wufei sigh behind him. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. I really don't see why you try."
"No!" Duo turned to look Wufei in the eyes. "You don't understand. He's acting odd, I couldn't tell how though. Now I see! He was being nice to me." Duo's eyebrows knitted together in worry. He glanced back at the door. "I don't like this."
~()~
Heero sighed as he heard his friend's footsteps leave the door.
Friend. Funny how Duo was the only one he could call friend, the way he treated him. Wufei and Trowa obviously disliked him. In fact, he was sure he would have been thrown out of the house the four of them shared if it wasn't for Duo. As for Quatre, he hardly saw the soft-spoken ex-pilot, he'd been busy with the family business lately, Heero hadn't seen him in months.
Heero sighed, leaning his head against the bathroom wall.
Duo would miss him. Quatre too, though Duo knew him better.
*That's not saying much,* he thought. *I never talk to any of them. I don't talk to anyone.* he closed his eyes tight against the tears that threatened to spill.
"Heero?" Duo was back.
Heero sighed again; he'd hoped it would be longer before Duo grew suspicious.
When he didn't answer Duo called again, "Heero? Come on, I know you're in there! I talked to you a minute ago! Open up buddy!"
"What do you need Duo? I said I didn't want to see the movie."
"I know...I was wondering if you're feelin' all right. You seemed kinda down earlier."
"I'm fine," Heero said in his usual steady voice, though he could feel tears start to well up in his eyes. *'Open up buddy,' he still thinks of me as his friend. That should be good to take with me, at least I had one.*
"Come on old friend, just open the door." Duo wasn't buying it, worry was thick in his voice. "We can talk."
"Just go away, Duo." Heero's voice wavered a little.
"Heero?"
"I don't want you to...to be here. I don't want you to hear..."
It was the hardest thing he had ever had to say, but he didn't want Duo to hear him when he pulled the trigger, he didn't want Duo to find him lying dead on the floor. He choked on more tears. *Please leave Duo.*
"Hear what Heero? Talk to me! What are you doing?" Duo asked, though he had a sickening suspicion.
"Leave Duo. I need to end this. You're...you're my friend, I can't have you..." Heero's voice gave out as he hid his head in his arms.
"Heero!" Duo's knocking became pounding. "Let me in! Don't do this buddy."
"I said leave!" Heero yelled from the safety of his arms. Then softer, almost inaudible, "Please...just go away."
~()~
Wufei watched the whole thing. He watched as Duo pounded on the door, tears steaming down his face, practically screaming at Heero to open the door.
He walked over and put a hand on Duo's shoulder, but he just shrugged it off and kept pounding. Wufei hated to see him like this; he knew Duo was scared to death. He was pleading through the door with shaking lips. Wufei couldn't take it anymore. He walked out of the room just as Trowa walked in.
"What's happening?" Trowa asked.
"Yuy's locked in him self in the bathroom," he explained quickly and kept walking.
Wufei went to the videophone in his office and dialed Quatre's number.
~()~
Heero could hear Duo's pounding in the distance, but he was too lost in thought to even take notice.
He saw the faces of everyone he killed, some he didn't even remember. Countless mobile suits engulfed in fire. Guilt washed over him again and again as every face cried out in pain.
"Please don't do this." Duo's voice drifted through his thoughts.
He was doing it again, hurting the only thing close to him, the only person who cared if he lived or died. His best friend.
"Please Heero."
The pounding stopped.
~()~
Wufei hung up the phone and walked in to Heero's room, just as that last plea left Duo's lips.
"Please Heero." Duo dropped to the ground.
Wufei rushed over and picked up the fallen man, carrying him to the corner.
Duo's hands were bruised and bleeding but he didn't seem to notice. "Don't let him do it 'Fei," he whispered as he wept into Wufei's shirt.
Trowa stood in the middle of the room, watching silently, only moving a while later to answer the door.
~()~
It could have been hours, maybe minutes, but after sometime there was a knock at the bathroom door. Not as loud as before, but there.
"Go away, Duo." Heero's voice was harsh from the lump in his throat.
"Open up, Heero, its Quatre."
Heero winced. *Damn them! Why did they have to bring him in to this? It was bad enough to have Duo worried, but Quatre is more sensitive, he won't be able to handle having a former friend commit suicide with only a thin wall between us.* he opened his eyes, blinking in shock. *Since when has Quatre been a 'former friend'? When he left?*
Quatre had lived with them for less then a month before moving out.
"Please Heero? Can we just talk?" Quatre requested softly.
"Get out of here, Quatre." he tried to blow him off like he had Duo.
There was silence for a moment, and then he could hear Quatre talking softly, though he couldn't understand any of it. After another moment he could hear the shuffling of clothes and footsteps. They were leaving.
*Finally.*
"They're gone now Heero. Open up," Quatre said quietly.
~()~
Quatre waited anxiously outside the door.
"Just go..." he could barely hear Heero's whisper.
"I'm not going anywhere. Open the door."
He could hear Heero moving inside. When he spoke again, he was closer to the door. "Quatre listen, I'm doing this, you can't talk me out of it. You're wasting your time."
"I don't plan to talk you out of it. Open the door." The last was an order.
There was a click. The door slipped back a half an inch. Quatre set his jaw and pushed the door the rest of the way, only to stare straight into the barrel of Heero Yuy's gun.
He closed the door behind him and locked it.
~()~
Heero watched as Quatre absently locked the door, still looking directly at his gun. He hadn't seen Quatre in a while, longer then he'd thought. His hair had gotten longer and he looked a little taller, though still not as tall as Heero was.
He didn't have any more time to examine the changes though. Quatre started to walk forward.
Heero's grip tightened on his gun. "Don't come any closer," he warned.
Quatre kept walking.
Heero's hand shook. "Stop! I mean it Quatre, don't come any closer!"
Quatre kept advancing until the gun pressed up against his forehead. "Pull it." Another order.
Heero stared at him, his eyes widening a little. His hand shook more. "What?"
Quatre breathed out slowly. Looking thoroughly calm he repeated, "Pull it."
~()~
They stood there for a moment until Quatre dropped slowly to his knees.
The gun followed him.
He stared Heero straight in the eyes. "Please Heero, kill me, I'm begging you." he closed his eyes as tears started to run down his face.
After a few moments the gun dropped and Quatre felt a hand pulling him up.
~()~
Quatre jerked away from Heero's grip. His eyes were blazing and he was shaking with what Heero supposed was anger. "What do you think you're doing?! I said kill me!"
Heero just shook his head. "You don't mean it." He sat down on the floor, back against the wall and closed his eyes. He heard Quatre sit as well.
After a while of silence Quatre spoke up, "why?"
"'Why' what?" Heero asked without opening his eyes.
"Why are you going to kill yourself?"
"Do you really need to ask?" Heero opened an eye to peer at Quatre, he was staring at him intently, his eyes blank.
"Yes," Quatre answered. "You want to talk about it, otherwise you wouldn't have opened the door."
Heero didn't answer right away. He turned his gaze to the far wall before saying simply, "guilt."
"'Guilt'? What are you guilty of?"
Heero looked back at Quatre as if he were insane. "What do you mean what am I guilty of? I killed innocent people! I-I..." he trailed off, searching for what he was trying to say.
"You were doing exactly what we were all doing, fighting for peace. We did the right thing Heero."
"You lie. It was never the right thing. I'm far from innocent."
"You may not be innocent, but it wasn't all your fault, you can't take all that on yourself-"
Heero shook his head. "You don't understand. How could you understand?"
"I don't understand?!" Quatre yelled furiously. "I don't understand!?" he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down. When he looked a bit more in control, he spoke again, "you think you're the only one who regrets every day of you're life? You think you're the only one who can't sleep at night because you hear the cries of all the children whose parents were killed trying to protect them? Do you think you're the only one who wishes for release but can't have it? You're being selfish."
Quatre was shaking again.
Heero looked at Quatre again, this time noticing how much he'd changed. He looked tired and thin, too thin.
"I meant it when I asked you to kill me," Quatre said quietly.
They were silent for a while after.
~()~
Wufei had tried to get Duo to settle down. After a lot of coaxing, a cup of hot tea and the threat of using force, he finally got Duo to sit in a chair in the room next to Heero's.
"What if he does it 'Fei? He-he wouldn't, would he?" Duo held his cup in shaking hands, looking up at Wufei hopefully.
"No. Quatre's in there, he wouldn't let Yuy do anything stupid."
"But-but what if...he..." Duo broke down sobbing again.
Wufei walked over quickly and took the teacup from his hands, setting it on the table. He caught Duo as he slid off the chair to his knees and held him.
"Oh god 'Fei, I can't lose another one. Please God, don't let me lose him," Duo whispered into Wufei's shirt.
Wufei just tightened his grip. *Don't let us down Quatre.* he kissed the top of Duo's head.
"Please God..." Duo repeated.
~()~
Trowa leaned against a wall in the living room. His face was calm, collected, though his mind wouldn't stop.
*You could have been nicer to him.*
*He's not dead yet, it's not too late.*
*He has problems just like the rest of us, but what did you do? Nothing. You pushed him away like he was a freak.*
*Tell him you're sorry. It could help.*
*It's too late. What difference could I make? Besides, Quatre's in there, and he told us to leave. I shouldn't bother them.*
*What's taking so long?*
*How long has it been?*
He opened an eye and then closed it.
*Almost a half hour. How long will it take?*
*And if he lives? What will you do? Will anything change? Won't he just keep trying? Isn't this just worthless? He has problems.*
*We all have problems, you don't see me locked in a bathroom with a gun.*
*That was cruel.*
Trowa pushed himself off the wall, tired of his own thoughts.
~()~
"When did this start?" Quatre asked, breaking the silence.
"What do you mean?" Heero asked, not bothering to open an eye.
"I mean this." Quatre gestured around them though he wasn't looking either. "Suicide, depression, everything. When did we get this way?"
Heero shifted, resting his arms on his knees. "I don't remember. For as long as I can remember I've been like this. I was a murder before I even understood what the word meant." his voice never shook; he was under control again, though he never let go of then gun.
"Me too." Quatre said softly.
His words surprised Heero. He looked over to see Quatre was calm again, his eyes were closed, but lightly, not held shut to ward off tears.
"What do you mean?" Heero asked.
Quatre opened his eyes and looked right at Heero. "I killed my mother." When Heero didn't comment, he went on. "I found out from one of my sisters..." he hesitated slightly at their mention and his gaze fell to the floor before he continued. "Half of my life I was lied to. My mother died giving birth to me, I was naturally born and I didn't know it. I still hated my father when he died because of it."
"That doesn't make you a murder, Quatre. It was obviously their choice."
Quatre looked up sharply. "Oh yeah? That's not what they said! She would still be alive if it wasn't for me! I killed her..."
Heero could feel his anger rising. "What? Who said that?"
Quatre looked away and didn't answer.
"Quatre? Who said you killed her? They lied. You can't be blamed."
"This isn't about me," Quatre said quietly.
"Quatre, you can't go-"
"The subject is closed, Heero." though not very loud, Quatre's voice was clear and had that tone that told you it was an order.
*I wonder when he learned that? I guess being the heir to a fortune makes you like that.* something in his last thought caught Heero's attention. Quatre's clothes, they looked faded and thread bare.
*That's odd.*
"Quatre, did something happen?"
"No." his reply was almost instant.
~()~
Wufei slowly woke up, first becoming aware of how cold it was. He shivered and noticed he was missing the familiar warmth next to him. His eyes snapped open. He was on the armchair, where he'd been sitting with Duo. Where was Duo?
He got up, wondering if Yuy was dead yet.
He wasn't being very sympathetic, but so what? The bastard was hurting his Duo. He should die already.
*No, that would only make it worse. You had better get through this, Yuy.*
He stepped into Heero's bedroom.
Curled up, sleeping by the bathroom door, was his Duo.
Wufei clenched his jaw and grabbed a blanket. "Baka, you're going to catch a cold." he covered the sleeping figure with the blanket and kissed a cheek still wet with tears.
~()~
Trowa stared blankly at the TV, the only thing that could keep his mind from his disturbing thoughts. There was a noise near him and his eyes flicked to the spot. Wufei.
"Are they still in there?" Trowa asked.
Wufei nodded. "What are you watching?"
Trowa looked back at the TV screen, blinked a few times and said: "I don't know."
~()~
Quatre knew they'd sat there for hours, his stiff limbs told him that much. Exactly how long, he didn't now.
"Why did you want me to kill you?" Heero asked after a while.
"I told you, the same reason you had for wanting to kill yourself."
Heero shook his head and looked at him. "But why now? Why not after the war? Why not when you found out about your mother?"
"I couldn't do it," He said quietly. "I tried, but I couldn't get myself to. Maybe deep down, I thought it was wrong, or maybe I'm just a coward. What about you? Why now?"
Heero shook his head. "I've tried before as well, it's become almost every day." he looked down at the hand that held the gun.
"I know," Quatre whispered.
"Quatre?"
"Hm?" Quatre answered, looking up.
"I'm going to die soon. Humor me. What happened?"
Quatre looked away. "I don't know what you mean."
"You know exactly what I mean. You leave all of the sudden, we don't see you for three months then you call saying you were moving out. Obviously something big happened, what was it?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Yes you do, you've been hinting at it since you got here."
Quatre sighed. "You're right. I-I just need..." he trailed off as tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to brush them away but they kept coming. He gave up and dropped his head in his arms.
Heero, seeing his old friend pain, actually followed his own advise and followed his emotions. Immediately, without thinking, he reached over to hold Quatre. However, as soon as his arms wrapped around him, Quatre jerked and threw his hand out, knocking Heero back.
"Don't!" Quatre yelled as Heero fell.
Heero felt the spot where Quatre pushed him. *It was like a child, there was no power in it what so ever.* it was shock that had made him stumble, the usually gentle man had sounded so fierce.
Quatre was shaking again.
Heero's features clouded. He reached over and grabbed Quatre's arm.
"No! Don't touch me!" Quatre practically screamed. He was backing against the wall like a scared animal, but Heero easily overpowered him. He grabbed Quatre's wrist and pulled back his long sleeve.
*Oh god!*
Quatre's whole arm was deathly thin. Heero looked up at Quatre.
*Why didn't I notice it before?*
Quatre pale skin was stretched over his skull, there were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to be shaking half time.
"Quatre when was the last time you ate?"
Quatre was silent.
"Answer me!"
Quatre looked back at Heero, eyes like cold, clear ice. Without speaking he jerked his arm out of Heero's grip and pushed his sleeve back down. Quatre started to stand but faltered. Heero was quickly at his side, only to be pushed away.
"I don't need your help!" Quatre snapped. He started to walk towards the door when Heero pulled up his gun.
"Freeze," Heero ordered.
Quatre looked back, his expression blank, then turned back to the door.
Heero grabbed his arm. Quatre tried to squirm out of it but Heero just tightened his grip and dragged him back towards the wall.
"Sit." he gently pushed him towards the wall.
Quatre slumped to the floor as Heero sat directly in front of him.
"Talk."
Quatre stared him straight in the eyes and stayed silent. They sat like that for a few minutes until Quatre finally gave up.
"I left to go see my sisters," he started. "A family reunion, or so I thought. Heero I..." he trailed off, cleared his throat and started again. "I made a mistake. I swear it was just once, I-I thought..." Quatre was desperately trying to get under control.
"What did you do?" Heero asked, his voice sounding as insincere as always.
Quatre shook his head and whispered, "they said it would make me feel better..." he sat on the floor holding himself, trying to hold back the tears that were streaming down his face.
"Drugs," Heero said, it wasn't a question.
Quatre nodded. "I was sorry afterward, I never did it again. But they didn't care."
Heero put his hand on Quatre's arm, he flinched but didn't shake him off. "You have to calm down. What happened with your sisters?"
Quatre closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "They found out, I don't know how, but they did. Th-they said that they couldn't have that in an heir."
"But your sisters..." Heero was confused. All he had heard about them was how much they loved their younger brother, Quatre used to tell them how much fun they would have when he met with them.
Quatre shook his head. "One of my older sisters, Kayla, blamed me for the death of my parents...she-she says it's my fault..."
Though Quatre had never talked about the death of his father, Heero knew of it. "Quatre, that's impossible. She was just trying to blame you so that she would feel better. You can't let that get to you."
Quatre shook his head, "I-I know I didn't kill my father..." Quatre trailed of again and was silent.
"Go on," Heero encouraged, well as much as he could anyway.
"So when Kayla found out about...my mistake, she convinced the others that I wasn't a fit heir."
"They disinherited you?"
Quatre's bottom lip quivered. "They disowned me."
Quatre broke down sobbing again, this time when he didn't object to Heero's arms, he actually clung to him, burying his face in Heero's shirt.
When Quatre was calmer, Heero asked, "why didn't you come back? Why didn't you say anything?"
Quatre pulled back, wiping his eyes. "I couldn't face you guys. I felt terrible. I just wanted to be alone."
"Why didn't you tell...us?" He had almost said 'me'.
*Why would he tell me? It's not like we ever talked before.*
"I couldn't tell Trowa, he has such a good relationship with Catherine, he would end up telling her...I couldn't have either of them feeling sorry for me. I obviously couldn't tell Duo, he's my friend, but he can't keep a secret."
"Why didn't you tell me or Wufei?"
"I couldn't tell you because..."
Quatre didn't move but Heero could almost feel him pulling away mentally, he put his hand on his shoulder again. "Why?"
"Because I didn't want you to be disappointed in me," Quatre whispered.
"How could you think that?" Heero asked tightening his grip slightly.
Quatre looked up at him, sadly hopeful. The expression confused Heero, but he didn't have time to ask because Quatre shook his head and cleared his throat.
"But I did tell Wufei," he said.
That surprised Heero, though he didn't show it.
"He was the only one I could trust not to judge me or tell my secret," Quatre went on.
"Somehow, I find that hard to believe," Heero commented dryly.
Quatre smiled slightly. "That's understandable. We've been good friends for a while now, and it's amazing what a little kindness can do for a person. Wufei's a good person, but it's easy to get on his bad side."
Heero snorted. He knew that all to well.
After a few moments Quatre spoke: "Heero?"
"Yeah?"
"What about you? I came here to help you, you know. What's wrong?"
Heero was silent for a few moments before finally answering quietly, "everything."
Quatre stretched out and then lied down, placing his head in Heero's lap. Heero stiffened slightly. Quatre raised an eyebrow at his reaction before closing his eyes. Heero relaxed and closed his as well, resting his head against the cool wall.
"Alright," Quatre said. "Tell me about it."
Heero found himself telling him everything: Odin, the little girl and her dog, meeting Dr. J, his training, coming to earth, the wars. Everything spilled out along with an occasional tear.
By the time he was done, dawn was breaking; spilling pinkish light through the small bathroom window.
Heero finished, his throat dry from overuse. He looked down at the peaceful face in his lap and smiled gently, something so rare that it felt odd on his face. Though his eyes were closed, he could tell Quatre was still awake.
"Hey Quatre?"
"Hmm?" Quatre opened his eyes but closed them immediately when the sun shined in them.
"I see now why the others said it was so easy to talk to you."
Quatre smiled slightly. He opened his eyes and sat up, biting at his lip a little.
"But Quatre?"
Quatre stayed silent but raised his eyebrows slightly to show he was listening.
Heero reached over and grabbed his arm, "if ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. I want to thank you, for being here."
Quatre nodded shyly. "Of course Heero."
"Come on," Heero said, standing up.
"Huh?"
Heero reached out a hand to the blond man. "We're going downstairs. It's time for breakfast."
Quatre nodded and took the offered hand.
~()~
Duo, who had been sleeping unusually lightly, heard the sound of the door click near his head. He sat up sharply to see Heero and Quatre walking out.
"Heero!" he ran over and practically jumped on his best friend. "What were you thinking!? You had me so worried! Don't you ever, ever do that to me again! You hear me?!"
Heero patted Duo's back while the other cried into his shirt. "It's all right Duo. I'm sorry."
Duo stepped back, wiping his eyes. "You sure as hell better be!" at that point he attacked Quatre in another bear hug. "Thanks so much Q-man! You're a miracle worker, I swear!"
Quatre chuckled and pushed Duo away gently. "Duo please, I'm starving."
Duo grabbed his stomach. "Ditto. I'll fix breakfast." He sprinted from the room yelling, "hey 'Fei! Where are you? Help me with breakfast! Heero's out! Where are you?!"
~()~
Wufei came in through the back door after hearing Duo's shouts. He found Duo in the kitchen, whistling from the fridge.
"Duo?"
Duo stood up sharply, banging his head on a shelf on the way up. He rubbed the spot and smiled at Wufei. "Hey 'Fei! Come on, I'm makin' pancakes!"
Wufei smirked and walked over. "Do you know how to make pancakes?"
Duo shrugged. "How hard can it be?"
~()~
Quatre laughed as he watched the overenthusiastic Duo run from the room yelling, but stopped when he noticed Heero's grim expression. "What's wrong?"
"I wish he wouldn't have done that. I don't know if I can face them."
Quatre frowned. "What do you mean? They're your friends, they'll understand."
Heero shook his head. "They hate me."
Quatre remembered his conversations with Wufei. The Chinese man was almost always upset at Heero, mostly for hurting Duo -or as he put it 'his Duo'- but hate?
"I'm sure that's not true, Heero. Come on, we'll go together." he hooked his arm around Heero's.
Heero stiffened slightly but quickly relaxed. "Thanks, Quatre."
Quatre smiled up at him. "Sure, Heero."
They walked down the stairs just as a groggy-looking Trowa was walking up. Trowa glanced at their arms but said nothing, just passed by, silent as always.
They were almost to the bottom when Trowa called back: "hey Heero?"
Heero turned.
"Can I talk to you?"
Heero hesitated.
Noticing this, Quatre removed his arm and pushed him gently forward. "I'll go see about breakfast."
~()~
Trowa waited at the top of the stairs.
"What do you need, Trowa?" Heero asked.
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, and I'm glad you're feeling better." Heero could tell the words didn't come easily to the usually silent ex-pilot.
He nodded. "Thanks Trowa, that means a lot to me."
Trowa nodded and Heero turned to go.
"And Heero?"
Heero turned. "Hm?"
"Quatre's a good person, he deserves a another. Good luck." Trowa added the last part with a barely visible smile and turned to go to his room.
*What's he talking about?* Heero mentally shrugged and went back downstairs.
When Heero pushed open the kitchen door, he almost fell over laughing at the scene he was greeted with.
Quatre was desperately trying to keep the eggs from burning, Duo -who was completely covered in flour- was stirring some batter that kept spilling out the sides, and Wufei was trying to flip pancakes and help Duo and Quatre at the same time.
"Duo, you're spilling all over the place! You need to stir slower! Quatre, you have to flip those or they'll- Duo! You can't eat that! It's not cooked!"
Duo looked up with a finger in his mouth and saw Heero in the doorway. "Hey buddy! Can you do this? I think I'll make toast."
Heero nodded, took the bowl and stood next to Quatre, receiving a warm smile from him. From behind Quatre he caught Wufei's eye and nodded.
Wufei nodded back. "It's good to see you, Yuy," he said sincerely.
Duo grinned like an idiot, mouthing over Heero's head: "thanks 'Fei."
Trowa came in a few minutes later. By that time the eggs were burnt, toast on fire and the pancakes were either half done or burnt as well.
"Lil' help Trowa?" Duo asked, trying to put out the toast fire.
Trowa walked to the fridge, grabbed a carton of orange juice and left, calling: "You'd better clean this up," over his shoulder.
"Thanks a lot." Duo said sarcastically.
~()~
So after a meal of cereal and little fruit cups that Duo had found in the back of the cabinet, Quatre stood up.
"I'd better get going," he said sadly.
"Aww!" Duo whined. "Come on! Please stay? We haven't seen ya in forever! You should move back in! I'm tired of having no one to talk to around here."
Wufei nodded. "We would all like you to move back in, Quatre."
Trowa nodded, as did Heero.
Quatre smiled. "Thanks guys. I think I'd like that."
~()~
Quatre looked out the window at the silvery moon.
*It's better this way,* he told himself, slipping on his jacket.
He snuck out towards the front door. The house was quiet, and if it weren't for the moonlight, it would be completely dark. He felt guilty, not saying goodbye to anyone.
*It's better this way,* he repeated the thought for the tenth time that night.
His hand reached the doorknob.
"Where are you going?"
Quatre jumped and whipped around.
He breathed a sigh of relief. "Heero, you scared me! What are you doing up so late?"
Heero must have been right behind him, he was so close. Quatre's heart was beating fast, but it was probably just from fright. *Yes. It's just because he startled me,* he told himself firmly.
"I was just going to ask you the same thing," Heero said.
Quatre looked at the floor. "Heero, you know I can't stay here. I'd love to think that all will be fine, but I can't. I'll call in the morning and say I had some business at home." he choked on the word home.
"If you can't tell me that now, how do you expect to tell them tomorrow?"
Quatre shook his head. "I'll think of something. I can't face them Heero. Every time I hear Duo call me 'Q-man' I feel like I've let him down. I need to go." he turned and opened the door.
"You can't," Heero said quickly.
Quatre turned back. "Why?"
"I need you here. I need to make sure you're safe."
Quatre frowned. "I can take care of myself."
Heero sighed and grabbed his wrist, bringing his arm up to Quatre's face. "You call this taking care of yourself?"
Quatre turned away from his unhealthily thin arm.
Heero dropped Quatre's wrist. "Stay."
"I can't."
"Please?"
Quatre bit his lip lightly. "Please Heero, don't make this difficult."
Heero lifted a shaky hand and pulled Quatre's lip out of his teeth.
"H-Heero?"
"Shh."
Quatre's eyes fluted shut as Heero leaned down, lightly touching Quatre's lips with his own. Heero unzipped Quatre's jacket, wrapping his arms around his waist as Quatre parted his lips, deepening the kiss. Quatre shook of the jacket, wrapping his arms around Heero's neck.
They broke away from each other, gasping from lack of air.
"I need you to stay with me," Heero whispered after sometime.
"I have a feeling you don't just mean in this house."
Heero smiled and kissed him again.
"I have to go," Quatre whispered when they broke apart.
Heero dropped his hands; looking rejected as he took a step back.
Quatre closed the distance again, wrapping Heero in his arms and another brief kiss before saying, "I'm going to get my things, I'll be back, I promise."
Heero nodded quickly then pulled Quatre in for another, longer kiss.
Quatre broke away, smiling. "I'm coming back! It's just for a day or so." Quatre walked backward through the door he'd forgotten to close. "Bye, Heero." he closed the door lightly.
Walking down to his car, he wiped away the tears that were in his eyes. He opened his door and looked back at the house.
*I'm sorry I have to do this to you, Heero. Please know that I love you. I have to do this, it's better this way.*
He slipped into the drivers seat and drove away.
~()~
Heero watched him go through the window. He smiled in pure joy.
*Quatre's moving back...*
He didn't feel like himself, his heart felt light and he couldn't stop smiling.
*Imagine me, not being able to stop from grinning like an idiot. Please come back soon, Quatre. Come home.*
He watched the small car pullout of the driveway.
*Bye, Quatre.*
He watched until he couldn't see it anymore then got up and stretched. He was tired, he felt like he hadn't slept in years. In a way, he hadn't.
He fell into his bed, immediately falling asleep. He dreamt of Quatre that night, what they'd do together when he came back.
But unbeknownst to him, Quatre never planed on coming back...
The End
~~~~~~
Nikki: ::sob::
Quatre: but... but.....
Nikki: I'm so sorry Quatre-sama!!!!
Quatre: but... but...
Duo: hey! I don't cry that much!
Heero: Neither do I...
Quatre: but.....
Heero: I wasn't in character. How could you make me grin like an idiot? I don't even think I can.
Quatre: but....
Nikki: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it to turn out like that! It just did! I didn't mean to make Quatre so...well so how I made him!
Wufei: I'm just not going to comment.
Trowa: .....
Wufei: my thoughts exactly: .......
Quatre: but..... But.....
Nikki: so sorry.....
Quatre: I could have got some!!!
Others: O.o
Quatre: why did I leave? I didn't want to leave!
Others: o.O
Nikki: ::cough:: Well, uh, anyway...Did ya'll like it? Hate me? Well ya would have if I had gone with my original plan of making it a one shot and just dropping it there.
Quatre: ::raises hand:: but I hate you.
Nikki: Sorry Quatre, but you can't get any yet.
Quatre: ::pout::
Nikki: Anyway! Please review, they mean so much to me! Thankies for reading!
- Nikki and her bouncing bishounen!
Wufei, Heero, Link and Trowa: I'm not bouncing.
Nikki: ::sigh::