A/N: Much thanks to Luimenel!! I'm flattered to be on someone's highly-
esteemed favorites list! ^.^ This means we have to keep the updates coming
pretty fast now, so we'll try our best! Back in Rita's POV.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I walked contentedly in between Frodo and Gimli (to make me feel tall), not even disappointed that Boromir had squelched my singing and Gandalf had deprived me(?) of a latte. I wondered, if I asked the ancient Maia very nicely, he would conjure me a latte. Somehow, I doubted it.
Jessica and I had long since given up on trying to describe modern Earth to Legolas and the others; it was getting too complicated. With any luck, they would come to *our* time next time (if there was a next time) and experience it for themselves.
"Can you ladies sing another song?" Frodo asked shyly.
"Aye, your voices are right pretty!" Sam put in.
I winced, weighing the consequences in my mind. This would bode no good for me and Jessica; I had read enough fanfics to know that our nice hair and strong voices made us sound a Hell of a lot like Mary-Sues. (Who came up with that term, anyway?)
Against our better judgment, we agreed, feeling that the Mary-Sue damage had been done. And if it wasn't, Gandalf would just shut us up, anyway.
"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend!
A kiss, although grand, will not pay the rental on your humble flat or help to feed your pussycat!"
We sang together, semi-flirtatiously, pouting our lips in a mock-petulant fashion and throwing a wink at everyone, up to and including Gandalf and Gimli (who enjoyed our attention, I think.)
I half giggled, before continuing. This was too funny, especially the looks on the Hobbits' faces.
"Men grow cold, and girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end," I sang, mock-pouting and shimmying a little as I sang the word 'charms,' with a quick kiss blown in the direction of Merry, who grinned and blushed at the teasing.
"But square-cut or pear-shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape! Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"
On 'friend,' Jessie and I each threw our arms about Boromir's neck and kicked a foot out behind us. We were about to go to the next line when Gandalf thwopped each of us on the head with that Staff of Doom and told us to "stop that foolishness."
"Sorry…" Jessica said, with her patented "I-am-cute" look. "We were just having fun. We're excited to be here, that's all."
"If *I* were a young maiden of such tender age as your own appears to be," Aragorn interjected, rolling his blue-gray eyes, "I would not flirt so"---he shot a look at me---"nor would I be so excited to come along on this quest. It is a dangerous one, and it would be better for you to be afraid, or at least show caution."
"Hey! Are you going all chauve-y" ---read: chauvinistic---"on me?" I demanded, frowning. I cannot *stand* chauvinistic men.
"*No, *" he explained, looking a little testy. "You do not realize the danger of this quest. You could be hurt, perhaps killed!"
This thought had been preying in my mind for the past day, since our encounter with the Orcs, and I bit my lip, looking at Jessica. She shrugged.
"Well, if the Orcs or something don't kill us, our moms *will*." She reminded me.
I shuddered. "I'll take the Orcs…as long as they don't go after the fanfic type Orc, and, uh…take advantage of me, if you get my drift."
We both flinched. That was just nasty.
"I doubt," Gimli began, "that any Orc would be smart enough to figure out *how* to take advantage of a girl. You needn't worry."
Boromir looked at Jessica and I, shaking his head. "What strange, aye, almost foolish, girls are these."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So you *still* haven't found out where they are?" My mom asked Jessica's mom over the phone, twirling the cord anxiously.
"No. I'm even starting to miss the incessant tapping of the keyboard and singing of 'Les Miserables.'" Jessica's mom returned.
"Well, call me if you hear anything…it's been a day and a half…I'm starting to worry."
My mom hung up, sitting down at the table beside my sister.
"D'you think she ran away? She's threatened to do it before."
Julia shook her head, brown waves bouncing.
"Nah…I'm telling you, Orcs made lunch out of her. Pity they had to take Jess, though."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THREE DAYS LATER…
We had *finally* ascended Caradhras. At first, Jessi and I had liked the snow, but now…it was just getting to be a pain in the butt. I was mentally making a list in my head of things that I missed from modern times:
"European shampoos, deep conditioning, lotion, razors, band- aids, CD players, coffees, sodas, fanfiction.net, Monty Python…"
"What *are* you doing?" Legolas asked me, as I repeated the words like a mantra.
"Thinking of stuff I have to live without. I don't really *care*, but after going funky for three days…some of that bath stuff from modern times would be nice. Other than that, I'm adapted." I didn't add that my feet were giving me *Hell*, and I didn't *dare* ask for a massage of any sort.
He shrugged, though still looking a bit perplexed. "If chanting 'deep conditioning, lotion, razors, et cetera' helps you any, I fail to see how."
I laughed, shaking my head. "It doesn't. I was acting so high- maintenance that it scared even me."
Pippin tore past me, pelting me with snow, running after Merry, with Sam and Frodo on his heels.
"Hurry up, lass!" he shouted, grabbing my hand excitedly.
"What did you find?" Aragorn asked urgently of the little Hobbit. This could mean nothing, or it could be crucial. With Pippin, you could never tell.
Jessica was bouncing excitedly. "We're on a mountain…I hope it's what I *think* it is…think Japan, think Japan…"
"A HOT SPRING!" Sam called back excitedly, still running off.
The rest of us shared a look, and then went darting off after the Hobbits.
"BATH!" Jessi and I yelled, sprinting ahead of even Legolas. (Well, OK…stumbling and tripping and falling and sliding, but that doesn't matter)
When we got up to that glorious site—an ellipsoidal, deep pool of steaming, clear water, I made a decision:
I was *way* too dirty to be modest. My hair had twigs, leaves, dirt and other gross stuff in it, and I didn't even wanna think about what I could possibly *smell* like. I couldn't have cared if half of Middle Earth was there; I tore off my clothes and dove into the spring, much like everyone else would do when they got there. To Hell with modesty.
A/N: LOL! I like hot springs…( I thought that was fun to write…leave a nice one and let me know what you thought!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I walked contentedly in between Frodo and Gimli (to make me feel tall), not even disappointed that Boromir had squelched my singing and Gandalf had deprived me(?) of a latte. I wondered, if I asked the ancient Maia very nicely, he would conjure me a latte. Somehow, I doubted it.
Jessica and I had long since given up on trying to describe modern Earth to Legolas and the others; it was getting too complicated. With any luck, they would come to *our* time next time (if there was a next time) and experience it for themselves.
"Can you ladies sing another song?" Frodo asked shyly.
"Aye, your voices are right pretty!" Sam put in.
I winced, weighing the consequences in my mind. This would bode no good for me and Jessica; I had read enough fanfics to know that our nice hair and strong voices made us sound a Hell of a lot like Mary-Sues. (Who came up with that term, anyway?)
Against our better judgment, we agreed, feeling that the Mary-Sue damage had been done. And if it wasn't, Gandalf would just shut us up, anyway.
"A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend!
A kiss, although grand, will not pay the rental on your humble flat or help to feed your pussycat!"
We sang together, semi-flirtatiously, pouting our lips in a mock-petulant fashion and throwing a wink at everyone, up to and including Gandalf and Gimli (who enjoyed our attention, I think.)
I half giggled, before continuing. This was too funny, especially the looks on the Hobbits' faces.
"Men grow cold, and girls grow old, and we all lose our charms in the end," I sang, mock-pouting and shimmying a little as I sang the word 'charms,' with a quick kiss blown in the direction of Merry, who grinned and blushed at the teasing.
"But square-cut or pear-shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape! Diamonds are a girl's best friend!"
On 'friend,' Jessie and I each threw our arms about Boromir's neck and kicked a foot out behind us. We were about to go to the next line when Gandalf thwopped each of us on the head with that Staff of Doom and told us to "stop that foolishness."
"Sorry…" Jessica said, with her patented "I-am-cute" look. "We were just having fun. We're excited to be here, that's all."
"If *I* were a young maiden of such tender age as your own appears to be," Aragorn interjected, rolling his blue-gray eyes, "I would not flirt so"---he shot a look at me---"nor would I be so excited to come along on this quest. It is a dangerous one, and it would be better for you to be afraid, or at least show caution."
"Hey! Are you going all chauve-y" ---read: chauvinistic---"on me?" I demanded, frowning. I cannot *stand* chauvinistic men.
"*No, *" he explained, looking a little testy. "You do not realize the danger of this quest. You could be hurt, perhaps killed!"
This thought had been preying in my mind for the past day, since our encounter with the Orcs, and I bit my lip, looking at Jessica. She shrugged.
"Well, if the Orcs or something don't kill us, our moms *will*." She reminded me.
I shuddered. "I'll take the Orcs…as long as they don't go after the fanfic type Orc, and, uh…take advantage of me, if you get my drift."
We both flinched. That was just nasty.
"I doubt," Gimli began, "that any Orc would be smart enough to figure out *how* to take advantage of a girl. You needn't worry."
Boromir looked at Jessica and I, shaking his head. "What strange, aye, almost foolish, girls are these."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So you *still* haven't found out where they are?" My mom asked Jessica's mom over the phone, twirling the cord anxiously.
"No. I'm even starting to miss the incessant tapping of the keyboard and singing of 'Les Miserables.'" Jessica's mom returned.
"Well, call me if you hear anything…it's been a day and a half…I'm starting to worry."
My mom hung up, sitting down at the table beside my sister.
"D'you think she ran away? She's threatened to do it before."
Julia shook her head, brown waves bouncing.
"Nah…I'm telling you, Orcs made lunch out of her. Pity they had to take Jess, though."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
THREE DAYS LATER…
We had *finally* ascended Caradhras. At first, Jessi and I had liked the snow, but now…it was just getting to be a pain in the butt. I was mentally making a list in my head of things that I missed from modern times:
"European shampoos, deep conditioning, lotion, razors, band- aids, CD players, coffees, sodas, fanfiction.net, Monty Python…"
"What *are* you doing?" Legolas asked me, as I repeated the words like a mantra.
"Thinking of stuff I have to live without. I don't really *care*, but after going funky for three days…some of that bath stuff from modern times would be nice. Other than that, I'm adapted." I didn't add that my feet were giving me *Hell*, and I didn't *dare* ask for a massage of any sort.
He shrugged, though still looking a bit perplexed. "If chanting 'deep conditioning, lotion, razors, et cetera' helps you any, I fail to see how."
I laughed, shaking my head. "It doesn't. I was acting so high- maintenance that it scared even me."
Pippin tore past me, pelting me with snow, running after Merry, with Sam and Frodo on his heels.
"Hurry up, lass!" he shouted, grabbing my hand excitedly.
"What did you find?" Aragorn asked urgently of the little Hobbit. This could mean nothing, or it could be crucial. With Pippin, you could never tell.
Jessica was bouncing excitedly. "We're on a mountain…I hope it's what I *think* it is…think Japan, think Japan…"
"A HOT SPRING!" Sam called back excitedly, still running off.
The rest of us shared a look, and then went darting off after the Hobbits.
"BATH!" Jessi and I yelled, sprinting ahead of even Legolas. (Well, OK…stumbling and tripping and falling and sliding, but that doesn't matter)
When we got up to that glorious site—an ellipsoidal, deep pool of steaming, clear water, I made a decision:
I was *way* too dirty to be modest. My hair had twigs, leaves, dirt and other gross stuff in it, and I didn't even wanna think about what I could possibly *smell* like. I couldn't have cared if half of Middle Earth was there; I tore off my clothes and dove into the spring, much like everyone else would do when they got there. To Hell with modesty.
A/N: LOL! I like hot springs…( I thought that was fun to write…leave a nice one and let me know what you thought!