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Mortimer Harren's Personal Log, stardate 52456.8
Apparently I shouldn't feel so cocky about good old Chak never getting any. Now Seven of Nine's decided he's hers. Can we say puke a thon? Even I thought this was disgusting. So here's her, who's essentially nine or ten in terms of emotional age, and he's dating her? Why not ask Naomi Wildman on a date too, you perverted old man! She probably finds his hair intellectually fascinating. I should tell her my theory - some hair goes white because they're under stress and too much excitement. His went black because he's so boring. She'd probably brush it off as illogical. Not that I'd much care. They're always talking about her "borg implants." Am I the only one who's totally cracked up every time I hear that? What about the most noticeable pair of implants? Why don't we ever hear of Seven's medical crises going something like this - "Captain, her body is rejecting the borg enhanced silicone!" Captain Janeway would probably say "GOOD!" I hear she's none too happy about old Chuckles and her surrogate daughter together. Here's a newsflash, Janey, ever thought you might have moulded her into a little version of you a little too well? Then slap her in those catsuits and a pair of three inch heels, yes, definitely chosen by her logical mind for their practicality, and you've got Janeway Plus.
C'mon, though, Chakotay? The ancient, useless first officer? I could see Seven with Tuvok. They have similar personalities. Maybe with Ensign Kim, he does have that pathetic crush on her (incidentally making him a rather amusing crewmember to watch while she's around). Neelix, even, since he was kind to her even after she threw him across the messhall (what I would have given to have seen that!). Or perhaps the Doctor, since he's only a few years old himself and is obviously her best friend. Hah, best friend is a hologram and lover is the most useless, boring man on the ship. She must be one of these women who sets her standards really low. Or maybe she just wanted to piss off Janeway. If it's the latter, I applaud her...but I still feel like shit that even Chak can get some on this ship and I can't!
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