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Mortimer Harren's Personal Log, stardate 55212.7
Look at who got to be the lucky crewman today. Yes, that would be me. I was sent on an away mission with Lieutenant Tom Paris. Yes, you heard me right, he got his second pip back, though I can't see why he of all people deserved it. I mean, this guy does nothing except waste oxygen and make references to the 20th century. Harry Kim has been acting as the faithful ops officer and you don't see a promotion coming his way any time soon. Want to know what I think? Personally, my opinion's that our Captain still has fond memories of when Tom 'mated' with her as a lizard. It's not just his work ethic that got him up the Voyager ladder. So in his Delta Flyer (a particularly stupid name for a particularly stupid looking shuttle - it has a joystick in it, for God's sake!) we went to collect some galasite samples from a nearby asteroid, a by the book mission if I've ever been on one. Our dear Captain has gone a little strange since she lost the Bun of Steel, and has decided that Celes, Telfer and myself are prime candidates for away teams. I'm a thinking man, not a doing man!
Anyhow, Mr. Paris insisted on engaging me in idle conversation, mostly on his insipid holoprogram Captain Proton. I for one have never seen such a shallow and pointless program. Chaotica? Buster Kincaid? Demonica? Arachnia? Where the hell did he get these names from? It wasn't baby's first naming book. A collection of characters with the cruelest parents in the universe, it seems. Admittedly, I would have given my eye teeth to see Janeway in that Arachnia getup. I heard she looked like a cross between a borg drone and the holder of the sacred chalice of Rixx - what's her name - oh yeah, Lwaxana Troi. Then again, Tom Paris in civvies tends to look even more idiotic than Proton himself...even if the character is monochromatic. Have you ever seen a full grown man dressed in hot pink and fluorescent blue flowered shirts? I have, and it's not a pretty sight. Paris shows off about his masculinity all the time, what exactly is he trying to compensate for? Enough said, I think you get my drift.
"So, you tried my new program, Captain Proton and the slaves of Arachnia?"
"Alas, Ensign Paris, I have not," I replied, making sure to get the rank wrong.
"Didn't you hear, I'm back to Lieutenant!"
"Oh well, rank really doesn't mean much once you've made it to bridge crew," I replied, typing away on my console.
He didn't answer to that. Finally, I managed to shut Tom Paris up.
I think that's worth celebrating.
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All righty, time for feedback, suggestions, but not flames *cowers* please? Thank you so much for reading...