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Mortimer Harren's Personal Log, stardate 58211.2
While working with Admiral Janeway on installing the new anti-Borg armour plating, I cut my hand. Not that I really get this armour anyhow. When the Borg engaged the Federation at Wolf 359 and nearly made it to Earth, everyone was terrified, even though in my own wisdom I believed it was just punishment for inflicting years of shallow boy band music on the universe. Back to my point, however...how the hell did one none-too-bright captain who seems more intent on her varied number of hairstyles manage to think up all these brilliant ways to repel the Borg. Okay, there are billions of people in the Alpha Quadrant who couldn't do it, but you could by turning the ship into what looks like a giant tuna fish can...sure...
So, I got sent to sickbay, where the Doctor treated me. He used to be efficient, but now...that dermal regenerator takes forever. Why? Because he stops every few seconds to tell you about how is golf game is going. I shot three under par. I don't know what a par is and I really don't care. Or how about his thrilling discourses on Italian opera. One, I speak no Italian. Two, I'm glad I don't, because what you're singing sounds like a cat being strangled. Three, you've mistaken me for someone who cares. When he didn't have these stupid subroutines he was efficient, sarcastic, and emotionless. Now he's a glorified toaster (as Bun O' Steel would say) who can sing opera and whack a ball with a stick. Talent.
Do you know how much ship's energy he expends - no, WASTES, on mooning over Seven Of Nine? Get over the Silicone Wonder, Toaster Man, and find yourself some non-existant woman made of light like yourself...maybe a blow up doll? I mean, Seven of Nine doesn't look much different, seeing as how she looks like her clothes are painted on. I'd suggest asking Chakotay about borrowing one of his. It's kind of a sick Pygmalion thing going on - he created the way Seven looks after he removed her implants (leaving the two most noticeable ones in, I state again), and then he falls for her? When you think about it, it makes the Doctor look like a chauvinistic pig. The only woman for him is the one he creates himself to be perfect? They're people, not dolls (again, ask Peppy about that one).
You know, I used to like the Doctor. He was a refreshing, acerbic change from the feel-good cheerleader perkiness 'Yay we're in the Alpha Quadrant together it's all for the Prime Directive' shit that Ensign Kim still spouts. Now look at him. They've 'fleeted him, made him into some bland, sexist idiot who thinks instead of trying to push more energy into the warp nacelles to speed our way home, we should spend it on escapist fiction like Photons Be Free. God, if all the EMH programs turn out to be like our follicly challenged doctor, we should wipe every trace of them from computers everywhere.
On top of that, I've used up all my replicator rations...dammit I hate this ship.
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Author's usual note - I can't believe *gasp* I said something awful about Ensign Kim...my favourite character...anyhow, hope you liked this one...