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Mortimer Harren's Personal Log, stardate 56231.5
Do you remember Kes? If you're a male, it's unlikely, she was replaced with Little Miss Party Tits, and you've probably already forgotten about the nurse who broke 'fleet tradition and stayed clear of spandex. But I do have a vague recollection of her. Blonde hair that could only be described as tribble shaped. Favourite shirt looked like a blue accordion. All her other clothes had that scrounged from old potato sacks look, always accompanied by the Cyndi Lauper-esque polyester tights. I was always waiting for her to walk in with a pair of leg warmers on and a bad perm job to match. I mean, she wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but she was a pretty sweet girl, especially when you consider that she was dating Neelix. NEELIX. I can hardly look at him without getting nauseous. She either had a lot of pity or a serious self-esteem problem. Especially considering that Tom Paris was interested in her. Then again, Paris tended to chase any female this side of the quadrant. He even abducted the Captain and mated with her, and I was under the impression she was actually a cross-dressing male. I mean, listen to her voice! Anyhow, Paris used the excuse that he was a lizard and couldn't be held responsible for his actions, but come on...that's worse than "I was drunk," or "The way she dressed made me do it."
How many people actually saw her telekinetic powers in action? Nobody except the Doctor and Neelix, apparently. The Doctor's memories can be easily modified, and Neelix can be conned quite easily - remember Sister Dala and those orphans? Kes said she could hear species 8472 speaking telepathically, however, we discovered later that they weren't the lame Borg clones from another dimension that she had said before. The weak will perish? More like leave us alone so we can go home please. You know what I think? She wasn't that interesting and even Neelix didn't really pay attention to her, so she pretended to have the powers so she'd be 'special.' A cry for attention, which I could understand, considering the fact that she was a two year old, and Neelix was a middle aged feline junk dealer. Can we say pedophilia?
And what was with her, "The Doctor deserves rights too," thing? Kes. He looks like a person, but really, he's not, you'd say to her as she regenerated a cut (that was about the extent of her first aid knowledge - notice that she became a medic, but never even made it close to Doctor?). Then of course, she'd reply, "He looks like a person and acts like one," her small, elfin face contorting with confusion. Then you'd try to explain how a hologram worked. I'd rather talk to Paris on the virtues of celibacy. It would probably be easier to convince him of that than it was to explain to Kes what made the Doctor different from a person. You'd say "See? You say, Computer, activate EMH, and he appears. That doesn't happen with real people."
She would reply, "Yes it does, I've seen people appear like that before! It's called a transporter!"
It was like talking to a tree, for God's sake, put her out of her misery and leave her on plasma manifold cleaning duty, don't leave her responsible for the care of other human beings! I said that once to the Doctor, and he gave me a long lecture on the virtues of patience, and that inside every person there's a genius waiting to be release.
Needless to say, that's when I shut off his program.
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I know I'm eventually going to have to do Harry. Nooooo...I can't think of anything bad to say about him...he's so smart...sweet...and gorgeous...and personable... (sighs insipidly) anyone want to help me out? I might do Icheb or Naomi first...