Harry gazed across the dungeon at Hermione and felt his stomach twist
itself into its familiar knot. He'd been staring at her more than ever
over the past three days, except it wasn't with the usual dreamy
adoration, but increasingly sick apprehension. Three days had gone by
since their argument in the common room and they hadn't spoken to each
other since - or rather, Harry hadn't spoken to her. It was quite clear
from the way Hermione kept trying to catch his eye that she had a lot
to say to him, but he was far too scared of what she had to say to give
her a chance to say it to him. He avoided her during breaktimes by
taking refuge in the Owlery pretending to visit Hedwig and, being
unable to eat anyway due to the sick burning feeling lodged in his
stomach since their row, spent mealtimes in the common room and
evenings in his dormitory. Whatever it was Hermione wanted to tell him
could well be the end of their friendship, although, on the other hand,
Harry reasoned miserably, if he kept avoiding her like this their
friendship was quite likely to die out anyway...
"Harry!" Ron hissed, nudging him in the ribs and indicating the teacher's desk.
Harry jumped and turned his gaze to the front of the classroom, where he found Snape's fathomless icy black eyes boring into his.
Harry swallowed nervously as Snape narrowed his eyes and sneered. with some kind of evil satisfaction.
"Detention, Potter!" he barked. "I've had enough of you dreaming your way through my lessons! You will scrub every inch of the dungeons tonight until I am satisfied with them! That might teach you to pay attention in my classes from now on!"
Hermione threw a very quick sideways glance at Harry before standing up and yelling, "well, you can't exactly blame him for not listening when all you ever do is humiliate him! Perhaps if you showed a little more decency towards your pupils they might take your classes a bit more seriously! Don't you think Harry's got..."
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!" Snape spat. "You've spoken out of turn one time too many! I warned you not to critisise my teaching methods! Fifty points from Gryffindor and you will serve detention with Potter tonight!"
Hermione lowered herself back into her seat, glaring at Snape with narrow-eyed hatred, though Harry could have sworn there was a gleam of satisfaction in her eyes.
At nine thirty that evening, Harry made his way gloomily towards the dungeons. He'd spent the whole afternoon since double Potions worrying over this detention, not because of the task he'd been set - he was used to Snape's extreme punishments after suffering five years of his taunts and provocations. No, it was the fact that he was now about to face Hermione for the first time since he'd so foolishly spilled his innermost secret to her during their row. There was no way he could avoid her this time...perhaps he could pretend to have lost his hearing over the afternoon, so he wouldn't have to talk to her...maybe he could ask Ron to attack him or something, so he'd have to go up to the hospital wing...he was just being stupid - this is your best friend you're talking about! he reminded himself. She'll forgive and forget, she's that kind of person. you should know, you love her for that...besides, what's the worst thing she can say....?
"Hi Harry!"
Harry jumped. He'd been so engrossed in his thoughts, he'd hardly paid attention
to where his feet were carrying him and was surprised to find he'd reached the Potions corridor already. And there she was, leaning against the wall, waiting for him with the astonishing smile that had captured his heart – Hermione Granger, the girl he loved so much yet suddenly feared so much as well…
"Um, hi Hermione," he replied awkwardly.
"Snape's already left," she explained, holding the heavy dungeon door open for him, "he said something about a staff meeting or something, but he made it very clear what we're supposed to be doing. We've got to clean every stain in every dungeon on this floor."
"Um, right," said Harry, opening the cleaning cupboard at the back of the classroom.
A rather awkward silence followed, in which Harry picked up a mop and began working on a puddle of armadillo bile.
"You know," said Hermione after a moment, taking another stab at making conversation. " Ron and Padma must be getting serious, because I've never seen him so happy. I think he really deserves…"
"Hermione…" Harry burst out, unable to take how calm she was being about all of this, acting as though nothing had happened, "about our row, look, I'm really really sorry and what I said about you was completely…"
"Harry, calm down!" said Hermione quickly, alarmed by the panicked look on his face. "It's okay. Look, we've had our arguments in the past, this is just another one. We've always come through…I'm certainly not going to hold this one against you."
Harry's alarmed expression slowly melted into one of relief.
"…although I am pretty curious as why you said some of those things," Hermione admitted.
Harry fidgeted with the mop handle, praying "those things" referred to the main part of their row about schoolwork as opposed to his confession that ended it.
"Well, I told you," he said, forcing himself to look into her eyes, "I worry about you working yourself too hard. I'm really sorry, I never should have said those things."
"But that's what you were thinking, wasn't it?"
Harry lowered his eyes to the mop again and didn't reply.
Hermione sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry you think I'm a workaholic," she began, but Harry cut her across.
"I never should have said that!"
"No, I'm glad you did," said Hermione, " because, I…I've got a confession to make."
She took a deep breath, apparently deciding how to phrase it, then said, "The truth is I really couldn't care less about these exams. I never really cared that much about doing well…schoolwork never really meant much to me. All the books, extra subjects and hours in the library you and Ron know me by…it's not me. I just hide behind books to…to hide my pain."
"Pain?" said Harry bemused.
Hermione took another deep breath and Harry was shocked to see a glow of terrible sadness in her beautiful eyes. When she spoke, her voice quivered and her eyes were glazed over with tears she was obviously fighting back.
"I've had a very rough childhood, Harry. I know it's nothing next to what you've been through with the Dursleys, but...well, I'm an only child, I've always had the whole family permanently breathing down my neck to make sure I make the family proud and don't make any mistakes…I've always felt so alone…I never had a friend in the world before you and Ron, I never fitted in anywhere…"
She swallowed a lump that had been forming in her throat before continuing. "And then I got my letter from Hogwarts and I decided this would be a fresh start for me. I was determined to do well at school for once and spent the summer going over my schoolbooks…I was sure Hogwarts would be different. But it wasn't. Apart from you and Ron, I've got no one…everyone makes fun me, I'm Muggle-born so I get bullied by the Slytherins…no one believed I could get a date for the Yule Ball last year – and look who I ended up going with – grumpy old Krum! And no, he didn't break my heart over the summer, that was just another one of Rita Skeeter's lies because I never felt a thing for him…so anyway, every time I get hurt, every time you or Ron fall out with me, every time someone teases me, every time I feel alone again, I hide in the library or behind a pile of books, where no one can see me cry…"
At this point, her battle with her tear-ducts had ended with her defeat and tears of bitter sadness began leaking down her cheeks. Harry had an extreme powerful urge to put his arm around her as he thought of her words…it was true that every time he or Ron had fallen out with her she increased her studying, but he'd always thought it was just because, without him or Ron, she had nothing else to do…how could he have been so blind to his best friend's pain?
"…So when you said I was obsessed with working, that really really hurt," Hermione continued through a knot in her throat, "because I don't work overtime out of choice…it's because…"
The knot in her throat tightened and she was unable to say any more.
"Hermione, I'm sorry," said Harry quietly, "I never knew…"
"It's okay, Harry, really," she said quickly, drying her eyes on the back of her hand, " you weren't supposed to know, that was the idea…"
Harry placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Well, if it's any consolation, Hermione, that's not why I like you."
Hermione managed a small smile. "I know. Thanks, Harry."
Something in her eyes told Harry she was keen to get off the subject, so, after searching his mind for an alternative one for a moment, he said, "So…what made you stand up to Snape today?"
Hermione snorted.
"About time someone did. It's disgusting the way he's always bullying the Gryffindors, you especially…"
Harry raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"Okay, and I wanted to get detention with you so we could talk," Hermione admitted, her old smile back in place.
"What about?"
It was Hermione's turn to raise her eyebrows at Harry this time. "I think you know. You've been avoiding me, haven't you?"
Harry sighed. "Yeah, well, you can say what you like, Hermione, but that row we had on Tuesday night wasn't like any other we've had in the past, and you know it. I said some things that night that….well, I've never said before…"
Hermione's eyes sparkled and she looked into Harry's.
"I know that, silly! I'd like to know why you said them," she smiled.
Harry stared at her. Was she trying to be funny? Why does anyone say…what he'd said?
"Why?!" he repeated.
"What I mean is, were you just getting carried away again or did you actually mean them?" Hermione asked.
"Well, of course I meant them," said Harry, unsure whether he should be saying this or not, but then got the feeling of 'there's no turning back now' a nervous bungee jumper might get after throwing himself off a cliff and kept going. "I wouldn't say I…I loved you if I didn't mean it!"
Hermione's twinkling eyes glowed even more warmly as her smile broadened. "Oh, is that how you meant it?"
"What d'you mean?" Harry asked blankly, completely stumped as to what she was playing at.
Hermione shrugged cheerfully. "Well, there are a lot of qualities I love about Ron, but…" she hesitated, "but not in the same way I love those qualities about you." Then just to make her point absolutely clear she added, "I love you."
(A/N – sorry about this: I'm not sure I can really describe what Harry might be feeling at the moment, because I've no idea myself. No girl has ever said that to me and the way things are looking at the moment, no girl ever will, so I'll just have to guess, based on my dreams…sorry about that)
Harry's jaw dropped. One side of him wanted to scream with joy, while another, more practical side suggested he didn't get too worked up before he made absolutely sure he'd heard what he thought (and desperately hoped) he'd heard and not what he wanted to hear.
"You…love me?" he stammered. "You mean you actually……me? As in me, Harry Potter?"
Hermione simply smiled. "Yes, I love you. You, as in Harry Potter, the boy who lived – pages 236 to 258 in The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts…I mean that you."
Harry now convinced himself his ears wouldn't have failed him twice and was dying to burst out that he shared this love, that his love for her couldn't be deeper…but his tongue seemed to have different ideas to those of his heart, because all that came tumbling out of his mouth was, "Since when?"
"Since you first grabbed that old school Shooting Star and chased after Malfoy to get Neville's Rememberall back in our first year," Hermione explained. "That was when I realised you weren't just a hero from ten years ago, that was when I fell for your bravery, kindness, caring for others…willing even to risk your neck on the a broomstick for the first time and getting expelled for Hogwarts to help someone else. An you hated Malfoy, which was another bonus," she smiled. "I've loved you ever since, Harry. I can't believe you never got any of my hints over five years…I was sure the Broomstick Servicing Kit would get the message across, even if nothing else did."
"I didn't want to get my hopes up, I suppose," Harry muttered, feeling stupid.
"I'll never forgive you, you know," Hermione beamed, putting her arms around his neck and gazing into his eyes. "keeping me waiting like that for four and a half years."
Harry grinned. "You've got the same to answer for, so why don't we just…?"
"Kiss and make up?" Hermione suggested, then without waiting for an answer, pulled a disbelieving Harry into their first kiss. If this wasn't heaven, Harry didn't know what was…this had to be the most wonderful experience he'd ever had…sharing his first ever kiss, his virgin lips pressed against those of the girl he loved more than anyone in the world, the girl, moreover, who shared the same deep love for him…her warm, soft lips playing with his own…her arms tightened around his neck, as he tightened his grip on her back, pulling her closer…
When they broke apart, they just gazed dreamily into each other's eyes for a moment, then Harry said, "Um, Hermione? Will you go out with me?"
Hermione's eyes gleamed joyfully. "I'd love to. When?"
Harry shrugged. "I dunno…tomorrow night? We won't get these dungeons cleaned much before about one in the morning."
Hermione grinned mischievously. "You've forgotten who you've got with you."
She pulled out her wand and with one sweep of it every stain and smudge in the room vanished, leaving the dungeon was immaculate.
"You were saying?" Hermione asked.
Harry kissed her in reply.
A/N Sorry that took so long. Chapter three….I'm not sure if I'll do one or not, it all depends on feedback – that's where you come in, dear reader! So pleeeeease review and there's a very good chance I'll continue…if you liked it, that is..
"Harry!" Ron hissed, nudging him in the ribs and indicating the teacher's desk.
Harry jumped and turned his gaze to the front of the classroom, where he found Snape's fathomless icy black eyes boring into his.
Harry swallowed nervously as Snape narrowed his eyes and sneered. with some kind of evil satisfaction.
"Detention, Potter!" he barked. "I've had enough of you dreaming your way through my lessons! You will scrub every inch of the dungeons tonight until I am satisfied with them! That might teach you to pay attention in my classes from now on!"
Hermione threw a very quick sideways glance at Harry before standing up and yelling, "well, you can't exactly blame him for not listening when all you ever do is humiliate him! Perhaps if you showed a little more decency towards your pupils they might take your classes a bit more seriously! Don't you think Harry's got..."
"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!" Snape spat. "You've spoken out of turn one time too many! I warned you not to critisise my teaching methods! Fifty points from Gryffindor and you will serve detention with Potter tonight!"
Hermione lowered herself back into her seat, glaring at Snape with narrow-eyed hatred, though Harry could have sworn there was a gleam of satisfaction in her eyes.
At nine thirty that evening, Harry made his way gloomily towards the dungeons. He'd spent the whole afternoon since double Potions worrying over this detention, not because of the task he'd been set - he was used to Snape's extreme punishments after suffering five years of his taunts and provocations. No, it was the fact that he was now about to face Hermione for the first time since he'd so foolishly spilled his innermost secret to her during their row. There was no way he could avoid her this time...perhaps he could pretend to have lost his hearing over the afternoon, so he wouldn't have to talk to her...maybe he could ask Ron to attack him or something, so he'd have to go up to the hospital wing...he was just being stupid - this is your best friend you're talking about! he reminded himself. She'll forgive and forget, she's that kind of person. you should know, you love her for that...besides, what's the worst thing she can say....?
"Hi Harry!"
Harry jumped. He'd been so engrossed in his thoughts, he'd hardly paid attention
to where his feet were carrying him and was surprised to find he'd reached the Potions corridor already. And there she was, leaning against the wall, waiting for him with the astonishing smile that had captured his heart – Hermione Granger, the girl he loved so much yet suddenly feared so much as well…
"Um, hi Hermione," he replied awkwardly.
"Snape's already left," she explained, holding the heavy dungeon door open for him, "he said something about a staff meeting or something, but he made it very clear what we're supposed to be doing. We've got to clean every stain in every dungeon on this floor."
"Um, right," said Harry, opening the cleaning cupboard at the back of the classroom.
A rather awkward silence followed, in which Harry picked up a mop and began working on a puddle of armadillo bile.
"You know," said Hermione after a moment, taking another stab at making conversation. " Ron and Padma must be getting serious, because I've never seen him so happy. I think he really deserves…"
"Hermione…" Harry burst out, unable to take how calm she was being about all of this, acting as though nothing had happened, "about our row, look, I'm really really sorry and what I said about you was completely…"
"Harry, calm down!" said Hermione quickly, alarmed by the panicked look on his face. "It's okay. Look, we've had our arguments in the past, this is just another one. We've always come through…I'm certainly not going to hold this one against you."
Harry's alarmed expression slowly melted into one of relief.
"…although I am pretty curious as why you said some of those things," Hermione admitted.
Harry fidgeted with the mop handle, praying "those things" referred to the main part of their row about schoolwork as opposed to his confession that ended it.
"Well, I told you," he said, forcing himself to look into her eyes, "I worry about you working yourself too hard. I'm really sorry, I never should have said those things."
"But that's what you were thinking, wasn't it?"
Harry lowered his eyes to the mop again and didn't reply.
Hermione sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry you think I'm a workaholic," she began, but Harry cut her across.
"I never should have said that!"
"No, I'm glad you did," said Hermione, " because, I…I've got a confession to make."
She took a deep breath, apparently deciding how to phrase it, then said, "The truth is I really couldn't care less about these exams. I never really cared that much about doing well…schoolwork never really meant much to me. All the books, extra subjects and hours in the library you and Ron know me by…it's not me. I just hide behind books to…to hide my pain."
"Pain?" said Harry bemused.
Hermione took another deep breath and Harry was shocked to see a glow of terrible sadness in her beautiful eyes. When she spoke, her voice quivered and her eyes were glazed over with tears she was obviously fighting back.
"I've had a very rough childhood, Harry. I know it's nothing next to what you've been through with the Dursleys, but...well, I'm an only child, I've always had the whole family permanently breathing down my neck to make sure I make the family proud and don't make any mistakes…I've always felt so alone…I never had a friend in the world before you and Ron, I never fitted in anywhere…"
She swallowed a lump that had been forming in her throat before continuing. "And then I got my letter from Hogwarts and I decided this would be a fresh start for me. I was determined to do well at school for once and spent the summer going over my schoolbooks…I was sure Hogwarts would be different. But it wasn't. Apart from you and Ron, I've got no one…everyone makes fun me, I'm Muggle-born so I get bullied by the Slytherins…no one believed I could get a date for the Yule Ball last year – and look who I ended up going with – grumpy old Krum! And no, he didn't break my heart over the summer, that was just another one of Rita Skeeter's lies because I never felt a thing for him…so anyway, every time I get hurt, every time you or Ron fall out with me, every time someone teases me, every time I feel alone again, I hide in the library or behind a pile of books, where no one can see me cry…"
At this point, her battle with her tear-ducts had ended with her defeat and tears of bitter sadness began leaking down her cheeks. Harry had an extreme powerful urge to put his arm around her as he thought of her words…it was true that every time he or Ron had fallen out with her she increased her studying, but he'd always thought it was just because, without him or Ron, she had nothing else to do…how could he have been so blind to his best friend's pain?
"…So when you said I was obsessed with working, that really really hurt," Hermione continued through a knot in her throat, "because I don't work overtime out of choice…it's because…"
The knot in her throat tightened and she was unable to say any more.
"Hermione, I'm sorry," said Harry quietly, "I never knew…"
"It's okay, Harry, really," she said quickly, drying her eyes on the back of her hand, " you weren't supposed to know, that was the idea…"
Harry placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Well, if it's any consolation, Hermione, that's not why I like you."
Hermione managed a small smile. "I know. Thanks, Harry."
Something in her eyes told Harry she was keen to get off the subject, so, after searching his mind for an alternative one for a moment, he said, "So…what made you stand up to Snape today?"
Hermione snorted.
"About time someone did. It's disgusting the way he's always bullying the Gryffindors, you especially…"
Harry raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"Okay, and I wanted to get detention with you so we could talk," Hermione admitted, her old smile back in place.
"What about?"
It was Hermione's turn to raise her eyebrows at Harry this time. "I think you know. You've been avoiding me, haven't you?"
Harry sighed. "Yeah, well, you can say what you like, Hermione, but that row we had on Tuesday night wasn't like any other we've had in the past, and you know it. I said some things that night that….well, I've never said before…"
Hermione's eyes sparkled and she looked into Harry's.
"I know that, silly! I'd like to know why you said them," she smiled.
Harry stared at her. Was she trying to be funny? Why does anyone say…what he'd said?
"Why?!" he repeated.
"What I mean is, were you just getting carried away again or did you actually mean them?" Hermione asked.
"Well, of course I meant them," said Harry, unsure whether he should be saying this or not, but then got the feeling of 'there's no turning back now' a nervous bungee jumper might get after throwing himself off a cliff and kept going. "I wouldn't say I…I loved you if I didn't mean it!"
Hermione's twinkling eyes glowed even more warmly as her smile broadened. "Oh, is that how you meant it?"
"What d'you mean?" Harry asked blankly, completely stumped as to what she was playing at.
Hermione shrugged cheerfully. "Well, there are a lot of qualities I love about Ron, but…" she hesitated, "but not in the same way I love those qualities about you." Then just to make her point absolutely clear she added, "I love you."
(A/N – sorry about this: I'm not sure I can really describe what Harry might be feeling at the moment, because I've no idea myself. No girl has ever said that to me and the way things are looking at the moment, no girl ever will, so I'll just have to guess, based on my dreams…sorry about that)
Harry's jaw dropped. One side of him wanted to scream with joy, while another, more practical side suggested he didn't get too worked up before he made absolutely sure he'd heard what he thought (and desperately hoped) he'd heard and not what he wanted to hear.
"You…love me?" he stammered. "You mean you actually……me? As in me, Harry Potter?"
Hermione simply smiled. "Yes, I love you. You, as in Harry Potter, the boy who lived – pages 236 to 258 in The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts…I mean that you."
Harry now convinced himself his ears wouldn't have failed him twice and was dying to burst out that he shared this love, that his love for her couldn't be deeper…but his tongue seemed to have different ideas to those of his heart, because all that came tumbling out of his mouth was, "Since when?"
"Since you first grabbed that old school Shooting Star and chased after Malfoy to get Neville's Rememberall back in our first year," Hermione explained. "That was when I realised you weren't just a hero from ten years ago, that was when I fell for your bravery, kindness, caring for others…willing even to risk your neck on the a broomstick for the first time and getting expelled for Hogwarts to help someone else. An you hated Malfoy, which was another bonus," she smiled. "I've loved you ever since, Harry. I can't believe you never got any of my hints over five years…I was sure the Broomstick Servicing Kit would get the message across, even if nothing else did."
"I didn't want to get my hopes up, I suppose," Harry muttered, feeling stupid.
"I'll never forgive you, you know," Hermione beamed, putting her arms around his neck and gazing into his eyes. "keeping me waiting like that for four and a half years."
Harry grinned. "You've got the same to answer for, so why don't we just…?"
"Kiss and make up?" Hermione suggested, then without waiting for an answer, pulled a disbelieving Harry into their first kiss. If this wasn't heaven, Harry didn't know what was…this had to be the most wonderful experience he'd ever had…sharing his first ever kiss, his virgin lips pressed against those of the girl he loved more than anyone in the world, the girl, moreover, who shared the same deep love for him…her warm, soft lips playing with his own…her arms tightened around his neck, as he tightened his grip on her back, pulling her closer…
When they broke apart, they just gazed dreamily into each other's eyes for a moment, then Harry said, "Um, Hermione? Will you go out with me?"
Hermione's eyes gleamed joyfully. "I'd love to. When?"
Harry shrugged. "I dunno…tomorrow night? We won't get these dungeons cleaned much before about one in the morning."
Hermione grinned mischievously. "You've forgotten who you've got with you."
She pulled out her wand and with one sweep of it every stain and smudge in the room vanished, leaving the dungeon was immaculate.
"You were saying?" Hermione asked.
Harry kissed her in reply.
A/N Sorry that took so long. Chapter three….I'm not sure if I'll do one or not, it all depends on feedback – that's where you come in, dear reader! So pleeeeease review and there's a very good chance I'll continue…if you liked it, that is..