Part 37
Liz pressed her lips lightly against Max's neck, sighing happily. He had gently helped her to her feet, but was still holding her tightly against him, apparently as unwilling to let go of her as she was to be let go [i] of[/i]. She allowed herself to keep her eyes closed for a moment longer, to gather strength from the force of his love. It was almost as if she could feel the connection between them regenerating, filling her with peace and energy at the same time.
But it was all an illusion - this sense that all was finally right with their world. She knew that it was headed that way, that happiness was within their grasp, but they still had a lot to deal with before they could even begin to rebuild a life together.
The longer they put if off, the longer it would be until they could put it all behind them. She became aware of their surroundings, understood that they were standing near Isabel and Jesse's Volvo in the middle of the night, at the side of 285 North. The world apart from Max was slowly returning. She could hear Maria nearby, speaking quietly to a baby, obviously Lexi, who was fussing slightly.
"Ben?" Liz whispered, her first concern, as always, for him - for the little boy who had stolen her heart even more quickly than his adoptive father had when they were teenagers
"He's fine," Max replied. "Still sound asleep."
"He was so brave Max. How can a little boy be that strong?" Liz felt her heart expanding at the thought of Ben. It was still a little surprising to her that she had known him for less than a week. He had so quickly become such an important part of her life, she couldn't quite remember what it had been like not to love him, not to worry about him, not to be [i] proud[/i] of him. She knew that most of it stemmed from the fact that he was Alex's son, but it was more than that too. Ben was just as equally Tess's child and that did nothing to taint him in her estimation.
Ben was Ben and she loved him for his own sake.
"He's amazing," Max agreed, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. "But he's finally safe now. Or at least he will be as soon as we take care of Nicholas once and for all."
"Nicholas?" Liz started, the name of Khivar's right-hand man being the last she had expected to hear. Max's voice had lowered in anger as he had said the last and she felt the tremor that ran through him as he tried to control it. "Max, he's dead! Khivar told me!"
"Apparently not." Max sighed heavily. "Khivar wasn't the only one with the ability to essence-hop. He survived Khivar's take-over of his body."
Liz pulled back slightly, her strength slowly returning. "Survived? How?"
"In my body." It was Michael, coming up behind them. Liz turned her head, stared at Max's best friend. Michael rolled his eyes. "Please don't even ask. I may be sick just thinking about it." He reached out and gently tugged on a lock of Liz's hair. "I'm glad you're okay Liz." He grimaced apologetically. "I'm sorry to interrupt here, but Maxwell we need to do this now. I don't think I can stand him in here much longer. I feel polluted."
Liz's eyes widened in horror as she began to understand what Michael was talking about. "He's in [i] you?[/i] Right now?" At Michael's grim nod, Liz closed her eyes. "Oh Michael."
"Not for long." Max's voice was hard, sent a shiver down Liz's spine. "Is the body ready?" At Michael's nod, a satisfied expression crossed his face. "Is Isabel okay?"
"She's still totally out of it," Michael replied. "I've been trying to snap her out of it for the last five minutes, but nothing."
Liz felt Max sigh. "Well, we'll just have to do it without her then." She glanced up at him. He was staring at Michael, concern evident on his face. "Are [i] you[/i] ready?"
Michael set his jaw. "I'll do anything to get him out of here - even let him take over again if I have to. I'll let him emerge so that he can do whatever it is he has to do." He paused, his eyes flashing. "And then I'll kill him. Slowly."
"No," Max replied quietly. "It's up to Izzy what happens to him."
Liz's head was spinning as she began to understand the seriousness of what was going on. Nicholas was still alive and lurking in Michael's body. Isabel was catatonic with shock. And Max was going to put himself and Ben back in danger by allowing Nicholas to return to Jesse's body.
Maria had moved closer. Her blue eyes met Liz's. "I'm glad you're okay chica," she said quietly, still holding Lexi, who had fallen asleep against her shoulder. But Liz could see the terror in Maria's eyes - the fear that she was trying desperately to hide from both Michael and Max.
Liz understood completely. Maria had finally made a commitment to Michael and now she was in serious danger of losing him. It wasn't fair. Liz felt anger run through her veins at the injustice.
"Are you okay?" She realized that Max was speaking to her quietly again. "Do you need to sit? You're really pale Liz."
"No, I'm fine." Liz squeezed his hand. Her eyes raised, met his. "Get this over with Max."
He nodded, followed Michael around the car where apparently Jesse's body, now devoid of Khivar's essence, was lying. For an instant Liz felt an urge to go look, to see what she had done when she had killed him, but, in the end, she knew that she couldn't. Killing Khivar in a connection with Max had been powerful, difficult and, yes, life-altering. She [i] understood[/i] that she had taken a life, even if it was an evil one, and it would have to be dealt with psychologically. But, for now, she could not face the physical evidence of it. It was just too much.
He had deserved it more than anyone had ever deserved to be destroyed. And, for now, it was enough. Any examination of her feelings on the matter, apart from the genuine joy she had experienced in the connection with Max, would force her to also begin to deal with the fact that one of the reasons she had hated him was because of what he had done to Dan.
For now, she could not accept Dan's death and her part in it. The problem of Nicholas was too immediate, needed their focus.
And so, Liz and Maria stayed where they were, Liz bringing her arm up around her best friend in support.
Michael and Max were speaking quietly, Michael's back to them. Michael knelt abruptly, disappearing behind the car.
The bright burst of light forced Liz to turn her face away, her heart beating so quickly, she felt momentarily light-headed, as though she might pass out. She reached up, felt for Lexi's eyes, made sure that they were still closed, placed her hand firmly against the baby's face to assure that they stayed that way.
She turned back when the light disappeared. Max already had the revived Jesse pinned face down on the hood of the Volvo, but Isabel's husband was not fighting him. Liz shivered at the resigned expression on his face. Here was a man who knew that he was not long for this world.
Michael appeared at bit disoriented, but was obviously in complete control of his own body as he bent down and picked up a length of rope that he had obviously had ready and handed it to Max, who quickly secured his brother- in-law's hands behind his back, none too gently Liz noticed, causing her to frown slightly.
She understood though. This man had tried to kill Ben. And Liz still really didn't understand why. She remembered what Khivar had told her about Lexi being Max's heir, since technically Ben was not his son. Liz could believe that Nicholas would stoop as low as to murder a child to place his own daughter on the throne of Antar, but something in that explanation did not ring true.
There had to have been another reason.
But, whatever the reason, he had done it. He was their enemy.
"What are we going to do with him?" Michael was saying to Max. Jesse was standing up now, staring in the passenger side of the Volvo, no expression on his face. Liz realized that he was looking at Isabel, who still sat unmoving in the back seat, apparently refusing to return to them even now.
Max's sister was going to need serious, professional help when all of this was over.
Max's expression was hard as he straightened, glanced at Liz. She met his gaze steadily, told him without words that she would support him, whatever had to be done. She finally understood what Max had meant about awful acts being necessary to protect the innocent, the guilt he must have felt over having to commit them in order to bring Ben safely back to Earth. He had tried to shield them all from the darkness of it, but it had been beyond him to do so.
They were all bound by their love for each other and the lengths they would go to in order to protect each other. All of them.
Guilt was an emotion that she was just going to have to get used to. Because she was not strong enough to sacrifice Ben's safety with mercy. And she knew Max felt the same.
And, so, she was surprised when all Max said was, "I'm going to call Kyle. He can throw him in jail for a while."
"Maxwell, he'll just break out," Michael protested as he none too gently pushed Jesse in the direction of the Cherokee, which was still parked directly behind the Volvo.
"I won't." His voice was grainy, slightly rusty, as though the body he was in was becoming used to animation again. "I will do anything to make you trust me."
"It'll be a cold day in hell before any of us trust you," Michael flared hotly, shoving him into the back seat, a little more roughly than was really necessary.
The four of them stood staring at each other in silence after Nicholas was contained. Liz could feel the tension like a living force.
Finally, Liz gently took Lexi from Maria, sure that her best friend would want to at least touch Michael, to assure herself that he was really all right. But Maria did not move, stood frozen.
Liz's eyes met Max's again. And, suddenly, she understood. He lowered his eyes, brought a weary hand to his temple. "We can't do it." He swallowed, looked at Michael. "Even if Isabel agrees, we can't do it. It's not what we're about. We can't just kill him in cold blood. It will destroy us."
Liz let her breath go in a rush. She had not even realized that she'd been holding it. Some invisible barrier had apparently come down between them all, because the instant Max stopped speaking, Liz felt herself pulled irrevocably to his side. He put his arm around her, careful of the sleeping baby. Maria was in Michael's arms now too. Liz could see the relief on her best friend's face, knew that it matched her own. Even Michael appeared to accept Max's words, his face having relaxed.
"I've done it," Max continued quietly. "I have killed, but only when there was no choice." Liz knew that he was speaking of Tess and Larek and Hanar and Sero and especially Khivar. "I will carry that with me for the rest of my life. This would be different you guys. He is my enemy, our lives are potentially in jeopardy if he stays alive, but I cannot do it." He was saying this, not because he didn't think his friends agreed with him, but because he needed to get this out, needed to let Michael and Maria know some of what he had done on Antar.
He was ready to exorcise the guilt. Liz wondered if she would ever be able to do the same.
Dan's face flashed through her mind. "We know Max. We've been responsible for so many deaths against our will, in the past, but recently too." She lowered her head in grief for her fiancé - the man she would not have married in the end, but a wonderful, brilliant person who had not deserved to die. "We can't add one on purpose. We can't be like [i] them[/i]. I could not bear it."
"Liz, you're not feeling guilty about Khivar, are you?" Max asked quietly. "You had no choice. It was in self-defense. You were protecting the kids and Isabel."
"No," Liz shook her head, her eyes still closed. "I will never regret that. I'm talking about Dan."
She felt Max start against her. "Dan's not dead."
Her eyes snapped open. "What?" She exclaimed in disbelief, clutching at Lexi so abruptly that the sleeping baby murmured against her in protest. "Khivar said he was! That he had died when he had left his body!" She looked up at Max, her hope that he was right bringing her heart to her throat.
"His heart did stop Liz, but I revived him," Max informed her. "Just like I did that time with Larek. He doesn't remember anything from the last week."
"Oh, thank God." She collapsed against him, happiness and relief making her weak.
She felt him tense slightly against her. Looking at him in surprise, Liz frowned. "What's wrong Max?"
"Nothing," he replied quietly, taking Lexi gently from her arms and moving away slightly. "I'm just sorry that I didn't tell you that right away." He looked away. "I never want you to grieve Liz, or feel guilty. I've put you through enough of that for one lifetime. There was no way that I would let you lose Dan."
Liz stared after him in confusion. There was something else wrong. She could just tell. She glanced at Michael and Maria, neither of whom appeared to think there was anything amiss. In fact, Michael stepped forward, Maria's hand in his and said, "So, Maria and I will drive the car with the troll in the back Max?"
Max turned, his hand gently stroking his niece's dark curls, apparently comforting her, but Liz frowned, getting the distinct impression that he was taking more strength from the baby than she needed from her uncle. "No. I think Liz and Maria should drive together in the Volvo with Izzy and the kids. I don't want them anywhere near Nicholas. We might not be able to kill him in cold blood, but if he tries anything, it'll be an entirely different story."
"And you don't quite believe that he won't," Maria guessed.
"He's evil," Max replied shortly. But Liz was not listening to any of this. She did not understand what was going on here. She could see the distance that had appeared abruptly on Max's face. He was drifting away from her as she watched.
Maria was glancing up affectionately at Michael, oblivious to the tension that was again in the air, but this time for a different reason. "I guess we can stand to be separated for a few hours Spaceboy." Michael gave her a quick squeeze, but Liz could see the beginning of suspicion appearing on his face as he continued to watch Max.
"Well, let's go then." Maria moved forward, took Lexi from Max and grabbed Liz's arm, hauling her after her towards the Volvo. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we'll get there."
Liz considered wrenching away from Maria, forcing Max to tell her what was wrong. She was furious that he would dare do this to her - shut her out [i] again[/i] - after everything that had happened between them over the past twenty-four hours.
She knew that now was not the time though. They needed to get Ben and Lexi to safety and had to get some help for Isabel. Nicholas needed to be dealt with more completely too.
But the instant she got him alone, he was going to tell her everything. She would not have it any other way. He was going to have to accept that if they were going to take another chance on each other, there could be no more secrets.
She knew that he was hiding [i] something[/i], but it was only a matter of time until she found out what.
She would not lose him again - not after only just finding him. And that was all there was to it.
********************************************************
"…glad you found them." Max said into his cell phone. "Can you get them all back to Roswell? We'll meet you there in a few hours."
"Sure Evans, but I don't know quite how I'm going to explain all of this to Sarah and Vick. Vick is like a dog with a bone." Kyle sighed heavily. Max had dialed up his friend the minute he had settled into the passenger seat of the Cherokee. Michael was driving, following the Volvo closely, obviously still a little paranoid for the safety of the women and children, although the only threat against them was currently sitting quietly in the back seat behind him, staring out the window at the slowly rising sun.
The first thing Kyle had informed him of was that he had run into his wife and her sister, Victoria the reporter, at the same 24-hour rest-stop where Dan had held Michael, Isabel and Maria captive two nights before, it being where Dan had told Vick he'd meet her. It was what they were presently discussing, Kyle in his truck making ready to continue the trip to Roswell. It was hard for Max to believe that he and the others were only about three hours behind them, but it was true. Everything that had happened - the death of Khivar and the transfer of Nicholas's essence back into Jesse's body - had taken that little time.
"Dan told her when he invited her after us that he had something substantial to tell her and now she won't leave him alone." Kyle continued. "Since he has absolutely no idea what the hell happened to him, or any memory of the truth about you, she's driving him absolutely crazy." He paused. "But there's something a little strange going on between those two anyway." Kyle confided.
"What do you mean?" Max asked, frowning.
"I don't know. It's weird. Vick keeps berating him about how awful he is that he did this to Liz, that he's been missing for three days, that he's so inconsiderate…I had no idea that she and Dan were so close that she feels she can act like his mother. But he was the one who told them what happened to him." Kyle sounded exasperated. "Or what he [i] thinks[/i] happened to him anyway."
"Are Victoria and Sarah aware that Liz has been gone for the whole week too?" Max asked, confused, but a slight twinge of unease making him feel uncomfortable.
"Yeah, but they think she's still in Albuquerque with Isabel, although I'm not sure why, since you'd think she'd be in Roswell, since she's supposed to get married in about six hours." The lunacy of this entire situation was apparently not lost on Kyle Valenti. Max grinned despite himself.
"Okay, well thanks Kyle. We'll meet you at the station in Roswell so that you can lock Jesse up." Max had decided that he would refer to his brother- in-law by the name he had used for the last few years. It was just easier because of the fact that it was the name by which everyone else knew him and Max didn't want to accidentally call him Nicholas in front of someone.
"I still don't know what charges I'm going to trump up," Kyle grumbled.
"I know it's a pain, but we don't know what else to do with him. Until we figure it out, it's the only solution," Max told him.
"I guess kidnapping would work," Kyle was obviously thinking aloud. "You said he'd cooperate?"
Max glanced over his shoulder at Isabel's husband. "I think so. He doesn't seem to have much fight left in him."
"Okay then." There was a pause. "I'm glad everyone's okay Evans. Give my love to Liz. I'll see you in a few hours." He hung up before Max had a chance to reply.
Liz. The mention of her name sent guilt running through him. He knew that he had hurt her with his behavior before they had split up for the drive back to Roswell, but he had not known what else to do. The grief he had witnessed from her when she had confessed that she thought Dan was dead had shaken him.
Because he had finally truly understood that she did love Dan. That if they were going to be together, she was going to have to hurt someone that she cared about. He knew Liz. It was going to break her heart to hurt Dan.
In a split second decision he had decided that it was best that he distance himself from her until she had figured out exactly what she wanted to do. But it had obviously been a mistake. He had hurt her [i] again[/i], but he couldn't exactly talk to her about the situation in front of Michael and Maria and there had been no time for a private conversation.
He wondered if she thought that he was avoiding her by wanting to drive with Michael. He wasn't, truly believed that this was safer, his mistrust of Nicholas/Jesse still strong and necessary. But it might have been the final straw for Liz, might have shattered the fragile relationship that they had started to rebuild through the final comprehension of the bond between them and the rebirth of the connection.
But, he had to admit to himself, that he was still not completely at ease. Liz had told him that she would never leave him, but her grief for Dan had shown him once and for all that she did love the other man. Maybe once she was back with him she would remember it, decide that life would be easier with him, less intense, safer.
He did not deserve her, and because of it, he was desperately afraid that she would realize it too and would leave him. He knew that he could survive without her - raising Ben would give his life purpose and maybe even joy - but he didn't want to. He wanted her so badly, in every way, it burned within him.
But he wanted her happy above all. If she decided that she would be better off without him, he would let her go. It would be the hardest thing he would ever do, but he would do it.
Max sighed heavily, leaned his head back against the seat.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" Michael demanded. "You're acting weird Maxwell. I don't like it, what with all the essence-hopping going on around here." He glared quickly over his shoulder at Jesse, who had turned his head at the sound of Michael's voice.
"I'm fine," Max snapped. "Just drive."
"He's going over in his head how many different ways he's unworthy of the woman he loves." It was Jesse who spoke, causing Max to whip his head around and scowl at him.
"You don't know the first thing about me," he told him, annoyed. "Don't try and psycho-analyze me."
Jesse shrugged, turned his head to look out the window again. "I just call them as I see them," he replied quietly. "I heard you talking to her. Just because I was tied up, doesn't mean I was deaf. I recognized the tone of your voice. You were trying to hide your jealousy and fear. Plain and simple. You don't think you're worthy of her and you're afraid that she's going to pick [i] him[/i]."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Max growled.
"I've lived the exact same feelings everyday for the last eight years," Jesse sighed, leaning his head against the window. "Don't you think I worried about how Isabel would react if she knew the truth? That she would remember how she felt about Khivar when she was Vilandra, that she would hate me?"
Max stared at him. He glanced in disbelief at Michael. "Are you trying to get us to feel sorry for you? Don't you understand that my sister is [i] nothing[/i] like Vilandra, that Vilandra was seduced anyway? She never loved Khivar."
"Isabel could never love [i] evil[/i]. He was evil. [i] You're[/i] evil," Michael snapped in agreement. "Your weeping and wailing isn't going to change our minds about that. Your days as her husband are numbered."
"You're probably right," Jesse shrugged. "But it doesn't mean I don't understand."
Max continued to stare at him, still disgusted, but curiosity to finally understand this psycho beginning to strengthen. "How could you have tortured my sister and yet, you say you love her?" He asked despite himself.
"I was only obeying my master," Jesse replied. "Khivar was the be all and end all to me. Like an older brother. I hated you all. You were a threat to his throne." He looked back at Max, the weak light of the rising sun, causing shadows to hide his eyes. "I was always attracted to Vilandra…" Max felt his lip curl. The thought of this monster touching his sister was making him sick to his stomach. "But she betrayed Khivar in the end. I hated her."
"Why did you marry her then?" This was from Michael. Max glanced at his best friend, saw that his hands were clenched tightly on the steering wheel, as though it was all he could do not to pull over and pound the life out of the man in the back seat.
"To stay close to her, to prepare this body for when Khivar might need it. He still wanted her. I wanted my king to have whatever he wanted, even if I thought he was crazy." Max frowned at the expression he saw on the other man's face. It was guilt - and it actually looked real.
"You fell in love with her," he finished for Jesse quietly. "Living with her as Jesse, without the fear and suspicion between you, you saw who she really was."
"Yes." Jesse turned away again. "But I loved her long before that. I only accepted it after we were married. I loved her the first time I met her again in this life. In Copper Summit. She was so kind to me before she knew who I really was, when she thought I was just a grieving little brother."
Max almost felt sorry for him. He couldn't believe it. This man had tried to kill his son, had lied to his sister for years, had idolized a monster. "Whether you love her or not, it doesn't matter. You tried to kill my son. There will never be an explanation for that."
Max turned around, faced the front, still angry. Silence fell over the vehicle.
"I know you won't believe it," Jesse finally said into the quiet. "But that was Khivar. He was in control then."
"Khivar [i] loved[/i] Ben," Max snapped. "I know he did. He would not have hurt him. He tried to [i] kill[/i] you, his most loyal lieutenant, because you hurt him."
There was another pause, then Jesse sighed. "You really don't get it Zan, do you? Even after everything that's happened."
"Get what?" Max demanded.
"Khivar cared about Ben, sure. But he hated you more. Anything he could have done to hurt you, he would have. Including kill his own son."
Liz pressed her lips lightly against Max's neck, sighing happily. He had gently helped her to her feet, but was still holding her tightly against him, apparently as unwilling to let go of her as she was to be let go [i] of[/i]. She allowed herself to keep her eyes closed for a moment longer, to gather strength from the force of his love. It was almost as if she could feel the connection between them regenerating, filling her with peace and energy at the same time.
But it was all an illusion - this sense that all was finally right with their world. She knew that it was headed that way, that happiness was within their grasp, but they still had a lot to deal with before they could even begin to rebuild a life together.
The longer they put if off, the longer it would be until they could put it all behind them. She became aware of their surroundings, understood that they were standing near Isabel and Jesse's Volvo in the middle of the night, at the side of 285 North. The world apart from Max was slowly returning. She could hear Maria nearby, speaking quietly to a baby, obviously Lexi, who was fussing slightly.
"Ben?" Liz whispered, her first concern, as always, for him - for the little boy who had stolen her heart even more quickly than his adoptive father had when they were teenagers
"He's fine," Max replied. "Still sound asleep."
"He was so brave Max. How can a little boy be that strong?" Liz felt her heart expanding at the thought of Ben. It was still a little surprising to her that she had known him for less than a week. He had so quickly become such an important part of her life, she couldn't quite remember what it had been like not to love him, not to worry about him, not to be [i] proud[/i] of him. She knew that most of it stemmed from the fact that he was Alex's son, but it was more than that too. Ben was just as equally Tess's child and that did nothing to taint him in her estimation.
Ben was Ben and she loved him for his own sake.
"He's amazing," Max agreed, his voice cracking slightly with emotion. "But he's finally safe now. Or at least he will be as soon as we take care of Nicholas once and for all."
"Nicholas?" Liz started, the name of Khivar's right-hand man being the last she had expected to hear. Max's voice had lowered in anger as he had said the last and she felt the tremor that ran through him as he tried to control it. "Max, he's dead! Khivar told me!"
"Apparently not." Max sighed heavily. "Khivar wasn't the only one with the ability to essence-hop. He survived Khivar's take-over of his body."
Liz pulled back slightly, her strength slowly returning. "Survived? How?"
"In my body." It was Michael, coming up behind them. Liz turned her head, stared at Max's best friend. Michael rolled his eyes. "Please don't even ask. I may be sick just thinking about it." He reached out and gently tugged on a lock of Liz's hair. "I'm glad you're okay Liz." He grimaced apologetically. "I'm sorry to interrupt here, but Maxwell we need to do this now. I don't think I can stand him in here much longer. I feel polluted."
Liz's eyes widened in horror as she began to understand what Michael was talking about. "He's in [i] you?[/i] Right now?" At Michael's grim nod, Liz closed her eyes. "Oh Michael."
"Not for long." Max's voice was hard, sent a shiver down Liz's spine. "Is the body ready?" At Michael's nod, a satisfied expression crossed his face. "Is Isabel okay?"
"She's still totally out of it," Michael replied. "I've been trying to snap her out of it for the last five minutes, but nothing."
Liz felt Max sigh. "Well, we'll just have to do it without her then." She glanced up at him. He was staring at Michael, concern evident on his face. "Are [i] you[/i] ready?"
Michael set his jaw. "I'll do anything to get him out of here - even let him take over again if I have to. I'll let him emerge so that he can do whatever it is he has to do." He paused, his eyes flashing. "And then I'll kill him. Slowly."
"No," Max replied quietly. "It's up to Izzy what happens to him."
Liz's head was spinning as she began to understand the seriousness of what was going on. Nicholas was still alive and lurking in Michael's body. Isabel was catatonic with shock. And Max was going to put himself and Ben back in danger by allowing Nicholas to return to Jesse's body.
Maria had moved closer. Her blue eyes met Liz's. "I'm glad you're okay chica," she said quietly, still holding Lexi, who had fallen asleep against her shoulder. But Liz could see the terror in Maria's eyes - the fear that she was trying desperately to hide from both Michael and Max.
Liz understood completely. Maria had finally made a commitment to Michael and now she was in serious danger of losing him. It wasn't fair. Liz felt anger run through her veins at the injustice.
"Are you okay?" She realized that Max was speaking to her quietly again. "Do you need to sit? You're really pale Liz."
"No, I'm fine." Liz squeezed his hand. Her eyes raised, met his. "Get this over with Max."
He nodded, followed Michael around the car where apparently Jesse's body, now devoid of Khivar's essence, was lying. For an instant Liz felt an urge to go look, to see what she had done when she had killed him, but, in the end, she knew that she couldn't. Killing Khivar in a connection with Max had been powerful, difficult and, yes, life-altering. She [i] understood[/i] that she had taken a life, even if it was an evil one, and it would have to be dealt with psychologically. But, for now, she could not face the physical evidence of it. It was just too much.
He had deserved it more than anyone had ever deserved to be destroyed. And, for now, it was enough. Any examination of her feelings on the matter, apart from the genuine joy she had experienced in the connection with Max, would force her to also begin to deal with the fact that one of the reasons she had hated him was because of what he had done to Dan.
For now, she could not accept Dan's death and her part in it. The problem of Nicholas was too immediate, needed their focus.
And so, Liz and Maria stayed where they were, Liz bringing her arm up around her best friend in support.
Michael and Max were speaking quietly, Michael's back to them. Michael knelt abruptly, disappearing behind the car.
The bright burst of light forced Liz to turn her face away, her heart beating so quickly, she felt momentarily light-headed, as though she might pass out. She reached up, felt for Lexi's eyes, made sure that they were still closed, placed her hand firmly against the baby's face to assure that they stayed that way.
She turned back when the light disappeared. Max already had the revived Jesse pinned face down on the hood of the Volvo, but Isabel's husband was not fighting him. Liz shivered at the resigned expression on his face. Here was a man who knew that he was not long for this world.
Michael appeared at bit disoriented, but was obviously in complete control of his own body as he bent down and picked up a length of rope that he had obviously had ready and handed it to Max, who quickly secured his brother- in-law's hands behind his back, none too gently Liz noticed, causing her to frown slightly.
She understood though. This man had tried to kill Ben. And Liz still really didn't understand why. She remembered what Khivar had told her about Lexi being Max's heir, since technically Ben was not his son. Liz could believe that Nicholas would stoop as low as to murder a child to place his own daughter on the throne of Antar, but something in that explanation did not ring true.
There had to have been another reason.
But, whatever the reason, he had done it. He was their enemy.
"What are we going to do with him?" Michael was saying to Max. Jesse was standing up now, staring in the passenger side of the Volvo, no expression on his face. Liz realized that he was looking at Isabel, who still sat unmoving in the back seat, apparently refusing to return to them even now.
Max's sister was going to need serious, professional help when all of this was over.
Max's expression was hard as he straightened, glanced at Liz. She met his gaze steadily, told him without words that she would support him, whatever had to be done. She finally understood what Max had meant about awful acts being necessary to protect the innocent, the guilt he must have felt over having to commit them in order to bring Ben safely back to Earth. He had tried to shield them all from the darkness of it, but it had been beyond him to do so.
They were all bound by their love for each other and the lengths they would go to in order to protect each other. All of them.
Guilt was an emotion that she was just going to have to get used to. Because she was not strong enough to sacrifice Ben's safety with mercy. And she knew Max felt the same.
And, so, she was surprised when all Max said was, "I'm going to call Kyle. He can throw him in jail for a while."
"Maxwell, he'll just break out," Michael protested as he none too gently pushed Jesse in the direction of the Cherokee, which was still parked directly behind the Volvo.
"I won't." His voice was grainy, slightly rusty, as though the body he was in was becoming used to animation again. "I will do anything to make you trust me."
"It'll be a cold day in hell before any of us trust you," Michael flared hotly, shoving him into the back seat, a little more roughly than was really necessary.
The four of them stood staring at each other in silence after Nicholas was contained. Liz could feel the tension like a living force.
Finally, Liz gently took Lexi from Maria, sure that her best friend would want to at least touch Michael, to assure herself that he was really all right. But Maria did not move, stood frozen.
Liz's eyes met Max's again. And, suddenly, she understood. He lowered his eyes, brought a weary hand to his temple. "We can't do it." He swallowed, looked at Michael. "Even if Isabel agrees, we can't do it. It's not what we're about. We can't just kill him in cold blood. It will destroy us."
Liz let her breath go in a rush. She had not even realized that she'd been holding it. Some invisible barrier had apparently come down between them all, because the instant Max stopped speaking, Liz felt herself pulled irrevocably to his side. He put his arm around her, careful of the sleeping baby. Maria was in Michael's arms now too. Liz could see the relief on her best friend's face, knew that it matched her own. Even Michael appeared to accept Max's words, his face having relaxed.
"I've done it," Max continued quietly. "I have killed, but only when there was no choice." Liz knew that he was speaking of Tess and Larek and Hanar and Sero and especially Khivar. "I will carry that with me for the rest of my life. This would be different you guys. He is my enemy, our lives are potentially in jeopardy if he stays alive, but I cannot do it." He was saying this, not because he didn't think his friends agreed with him, but because he needed to get this out, needed to let Michael and Maria know some of what he had done on Antar.
He was ready to exorcise the guilt. Liz wondered if she would ever be able to do the same.
Dan's face flashed through her mind. "We know Max. We've been responsible for so many deaths against our will, in the past, but recently too." She lowered her head in grief for her fiancé - the man she would not have married in the end, but a wonderful, brilliant person who had not deserved to die. "We can't add one on purpose. We can't be like [i] them[/i]. I could not bear it."
"Liz, you're not feeling guilty about Khivar, are you?" Max asked quietly. "You had no choice. It was in self-defense. You were protecting the kids and Isabel."
"No," Liz shook her head, her eyes still closed. "I will never regret that. I'm talking about Dan."
She felt Max start against her. "Dan's not dead."
Her eyes snapped open. "What?" She exclaimed in disbelief, clutching at Lexi so abruptly that the sleeping baby murmured against her in protest. "Khivar said he was! That he had died when he had left his body!" She looked up at Max, her hope that he was right bringing her heart to her throat.
"His heart did stop Liz, but I revived him," Max informed her. "Just like I did that time with Larek. He doesn't remember anything from the last week."
"Oh, thank God." She collapsed against him, happiness and relief making her weak.
She felt him tense slightly against her. Looking at him in surprise, Liz frowned. "What's wrong Max?"
"Nothing," he replied quietly, taking Lexi gently from her arms and moving away slightly. "I'm just sorry that I didn't tell you that right away." He looked away. "I never want you to grieve Liz, or feel guilty. I've put you through enough of that for one lifetime. There was no way that I would let you lose Dan."
Liz stared after him in confusion. There was something else wrong. She could just tell. She glanced at Michael and Maria, neither of whom appeared to think there was anything amiss. In fact, Michael stepped forward, Maria's hand in his and said, "So, Maria and I will drive the car with the troll in the back Max?"
Max turned, his hand gently stroking his niece's dark curls, apparently comforting her, but Liz frowned, getting the distinct impression that he was taking more strength from the baby than she needed from her uncle. "No. I think Liz and Maria should drive together in the Volvo with Izzy and the kids. I don't want them anywhere near Nicholas. We might not be able to kill him in cold blood, but if he tries anything, it'll be an entirely different story."
"And you don't quite believe that he won't," Maria guessed.
"He's evil," Max replied shortly. But Liz was not listening to any of this. She did not understand what was going on here. She could see the distance that had appeared abruptly on Max's face. He was drifting away from her as she watched.
Maria was glancing up affectionately at Michael, oblivious to the tension that was again in the air, but this time for a different reason. "I guess we can stand to be separated for a few hours Spaceboy." Michael gave her a quick squeeze, but Liz could see the beginning of suspicion appearing on his face as he continued to watch Max.
"Well, let's go then." Maria moved forward, took Lexi from Max and grabbed Liz's arm, hauling her after her towards the Volvo. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we'll get there."
Liz considered wrenching away from Maria, forcing Max to tell her what was wrong. She was furious that he would dare do this to her - shut her out [i] again[/i] - after everything that had happened between them over the past twenty-four hours.
She knew that now was not the time though. They needed to get Ben and Lexi to safety and had to get some help for Isabel. Nicholas needed to be dealt with more completely too.
But the instant she got him alone, he was going to tell her everything. She would not have it any other way. He was going to have to accept that if they were going to take another chance on each other, there could be no more secrets.
She knew that he was hiding [i] something[/i], but it was only a matter of time until she found out what.
She would not lose him again - not after only just finding him. And that was all there was to it.
********************************************************
"…glad you found them." Max said into his cell phone. "Can you get them all back to Roswell? We'll meet you there in a few hours."
"Sure Evans, but I don't know quite how I'm going to explain all of this to Sarah and Vick. Vick is like a dog with a bone." Kyle sighed heavily. Max had dialed up his friend the minute he had settled into the passenger seat of the Cherokee. Michael was driving, following the Volvo closely, obviously still a little paranoid for the safety of the women and children, although the only threat against them was currently sitting quietly in the back seat behind him, staring out the window at the slowly rising sun.
The first thing Kyle had informed him of was that he had run into his wife and her sister, Victoria the reporter, at the same 24-hour rest-stop where Dan had held Michael, Isabel and Maria captive two nights before, it being where Dan had told Vick he'd meet her. It was what they were presently discussing, Kyle in his truck making ready to continue the trip to Roswell. It was hard for Max to believe that he and the others were only about three hours behind them, but it was true. Everything that had happened - the death of Khivar and the transfer of Nicholas's essence back into Jesse's body - had taken that little time.
"Dan told her when he invited her after us that he had something substantial to tell her and now she won't leave him alone." Kyle continued. "Since he has absolutely no idea what the hell happened to him, or any memory of the truth about you, she's driving him absolutely crazy." He paused. "But there's something a little strange going on between those two anyway." Kyle confided.
"What do you mean?" Max asked, frowning.
"I don't know. It's weird. Vick keeps berating him about how awful he is that he did this to Liz, that he's been missing for three days, that he's so inconsiderate…I had no idea that she and Dan were so close that she feels she can act like his mother. But he was the one who told them what happened to him." Kyle sounded exasperated. "Or what he [i] thinks[/i] happened to him anyway."
"Are Victoria and Sarah aware that Liz has been gone for the whole week too?" Max asked, confused, but a slight twinge of unease making him feel uncomfortable.
"Yeah, but they think she's still in Albuquerque with Isabel, although I'm not sure why, since you'd think she'd be in Roswell, since she's supposed to get married in about six hours." The lunacy of this entire situation was apparently not lost on Kyle Valenti. Max grinned despite himself.
"Okay, well thanks Kyle. We'll meet you at the station in Roswell so that you can lock Jesse up." Max had decided that he would refer to his brother- in-law by the name he had used for the last few years. It was just easier because of the fact that it was the name by which everyone else knew him and Max didn't want to accidentally call him Nicholas in front of someone.
"I still don't know what charges I'm going to trump up," Kyle grumbled.
"I know it's a pain, but we don't know what else to do with him. Until we figure it out, it's the only solution," Max told him.
"I guess kidnapping would work," Kyle was obviously thinking aloud. "You said he'd cooperate?"
Max glanced over his shoulder at Isabel's husband. "I think so. He doesn't seem to have much fight left in him."
"Okay then." There was a pause. "I'm glad everyone's okay Evans. Give my love to Liz. I'll see you in a few hours." He hung up before Max had a chance to reply.
Liz. The mention of her name sent guilt running through him. He knew that he had hurt her with his behavior before they had split up for the drive back to Roswell, but he had not known what else to do. The grief he had witnessed from her when she had confessed that she thought Dan was dead had shaken him.
Because he had finally truly understood that she did love Dan. That if they were going to be together, she was going to have to hurt someone that she cared about. He knew Liz. It was going to break her heart to hurt Dan.
In a split second decision he had decided that it was best that he distance himself from her until she had figured out exactly what she wanted to do. But it had obviously been a mistake. He had hurt her [i] again[/i], but he couldn't exactly talk to her about the situation in front of Michael and Maria and there had been no time for a private conversation.
He wondered if she thought that he was avoiding her by wanting to drive with Michael. He wasn't, truly believed that this was safer, his mistrust of Nicholas/Jesse still strong and necessary. But it might have been the final straw for Liz, might have shattered the fragile relationship that they had started to rebuild through the final comprehension of the bond between them and the rebirth of the connection.
But, he had to admit to himself, that he was still not completely at ease. Liz had told him that she would never leave him, but her grief for Dan had shown him once and for all that she did love the other man. Maybe once she was back with him she would remember it, decide that life would be easier with him, less intense, safer.
He did not deserve her, and because of it, he was desperately afraid that she would realize it too and would leave him. He knew that he could survive without her - raising Ben would give his life purpose and maybe even joy - but he didn't want to. He wanted her so badly, in every way, it burned within him.
But he wanted her happy above all. If she decided that she would be better off without him, he would let her go. It would be the hardest thing he would ever do, but he would do it.
Max sighed heavily, leaned his head back against the seat.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" Michael demanded. "You're acting weird Maxwell. I don't like it, what with all the essence-hopping going on around here." He glared quickly over his shoulder at Jesse, who had turned his head at the sound of Michael's voice.
"I'm fine," Max snapped. "Just drive."
"He's going over in his head how many different ways he's unworthy of the woman he loves." It was Jesse who spoke, causing Max to whip his head around and scowl at him.
"You don't know the first thing about me," he told him, annoyed. "Don't try and psycho-analyze me."
Jesse shrugged, turned his head to look out the window again. "I just call them as I see them," he replied quietly. "I heard you talking to her. Just because I was tied up, doesn't mean I was deaf. I recognized the tone of your voice. You were trying to hide your jealousy and fear. Plain and simple. You don't think you're worthy of her and you're afraid that she's going to pick [i] him[/i]."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Max growled.
"I've lived the exact same feelings everyday for the last eight years," Jesse sighed, leaning his head against the window. "Don't you think I worried about how Isabel would react if she knew the truth? That she would remember how she felt about Khivar when she was Vilandra, that she would hate me?"
Max stared at him. He glanced in disbelief at Michael. "Are you trying to get us to feel sorry for you? Don't you understand that my sister is [i] nothing[/i] like Vilandra, that Vilandra was seduced anyway? She never loved Khivar."
"Isabel could never love [i] evil[/i]. He was evil. [i] You're[/i] evil," Michael snapped in agreement. "Your weeping and wailing isn't going to change our minds about that. Your days as her husband are numbered."
"You're probably right," Jesse shrugged. "But it doesn't mean I don't understand."
Max continued to stare at him, still disgusted, but curiosity to finally understand this psycho beginning to strengthen. "How could you have tortured my sister and yet, you say you love her?" He asked despite himself.
"I was only obeying my master," Jesse replied. "Khivar was the be all and end all to me. Like an older brother. I hated you all. You were a threat to his throne." He looked back at Max, the weak light of the rising sun, causing shadows to hide his eyes. "I was always attracted to Vilandra…" Max felt his lip curl. The thought of this monster touching his sister was making him sick to his stomach. "But she betrayed Khivar in the end. I hated her."
"Why did you marry her then?" This was from Michael. Max glanced at his best friend, saw that his hands were clenched tightly on the steering wheel, as though it was all he could do not to pull over and pound the life out of the man in the back seat.
"To stay close to her, to prepare this body for when Khivar might need it. He still wanted her. I wanted my king to have whatever he wanted, even if I thought he was crazy." Max frowned at the expression he saw on the other man's face. It was guilt - and it actually looked real.
"You fell in love with her," he finished for Jesse quietly. "Living with her as Jesse, without the fear and suspicion between you, you saw who she really was."
"Yes." Jesse turned away again. "But I loved her long before that. I only accepted it after we were married. I loved her the first time I met her again in this life. In Copper Summit. She was so kind to me before she knew who I really was, when she thought I was just a grieving little brother."
Max almost felt sorry for him. He couldn't believe it. This man had tried to kill his son, had lied to his sister for years, had idolized a monster. "Whether you love her or not, it doesn't matter. You tried to kill my son. There will never be an explanation for that."
Max turned around, faced the front, still angry. Silence fell over the vehicle.
"I know you won't believe it," Jesse finally said into the quiet. "But that was Khivar. He was in control then."
"Khivar [i] loved[/i] Ben," Max snapped. "I know he did. He would not have hurt him. He tried to [i] kill[/i] you, his most loyal lieutenant, because you hurt him."
There was another pause, then Jesse sighed. "You really don't get it Zan, do you? Even after everything that's happened."
"Get what?" Max demanded.
"Khivar cared about Ben, sure. But he hated you more. Anything he could have done to hurt you, he would have. Including kill his own son."