** To Love Is A Mistake **

The Continuation

Chapter Six

Author's Note: Here comes chapter six! I hope you enjoy it, well, this is the chapter where things get serious *wink wink* well, keep those reviews coming! They help me improve.

Disclaimer: The usual, blah blah blah, all Harry Potter characters ever mentioned before in J.K Rowling's works are hers, definitely not mine, I only own Dawn and the Slytherin girls and my plot, so please do NOT sue me. Oh yeah, the song used below is a copyright of the people who worked on the soundtrack of Moulin Rouge, I did NOT write it, so it isn't mine. I have NOTHING to do with it. ^_^

Lily stared at Dawn for a moment. Then she broke out laughing.

"Not written by Severus! What kind of trick are you trying to pull on me here!" she laughed. "Sorry, Dawn, but you have to try harder. Your sense of humour is slipping!"

Dawn didn't laugh. In fact she just stood there with a disbelieving look on her face, watching Lily laugh.

When Lily realized she was the only one laughing, she regained her composure and sank down on a chair. "You mean...you're serious?"

"Dead serious," Dawn said solemnly.

"B-Buh-" Lily sputtered. "B-But...! How...ridiculous! If they weren't written by Severus, who would be so...so foolish to bother to write me such stuff!"

"Someone who really loves you, of course," Dawn said simply.

"I mean, why would they do it? Why would they...deceive me?" Lily cried, placing a hand on her throbbing forehead.

"They wanted you to be happy. They wanted you to believe it was from the man you loved. They didn't want to see you upset. Logical enough," Dawn explained.

Lily's head was spinning.

Severus never loved me...

He must have really tried to kill me.

How...how silly I've been.

Suddenly Lily felt very ashamed of herself. She didn't know why, she just did.

"How...wondrous of this...admirer," Lily said weakly.

"Lily...oh Lily! Are you okay?" Dawn said as Lily slid to the floor.

"Severus didn't love me, did he?" Lily croaked, her eyes wide with sadness.

Dawn hesitated for a moment, then she shook her head and said, "No, he didn't, I'm afraid. Sorry, I hate to say I told you so, but then again I told you so."

"Why was I so stubborn? Why did I want to deny it?!" Lily said, angry with herself.

"Look, Lily, it's not your fault. Severus was a jerk. There are other guys out there in the world waiting for you. Give him up," Dawn said wisely.

"The only guy I ever wanted...Severus...now he's gone," Lily whispered brokenly. But she had no more tears to shed for the heartless man.

"Shhh, Lily," Dawn comforted, as Lily began to cry openly.

"I thought we were meant to be..." Lily said.

"Well, you aren't. But there is a perfect partner out there, waiting for you to give him a chance to enter your heart," Dawn said.

"Yeah right, who?" Lily choked out through sobs.

"I'm talking about James Potter, of course," Dawn said casually.

Amidst the tears, Lily managed to laugh. "Him? He's so out of my league, I'm surprised if he can ever catch up with me."

"Don't you dare make fun of him, Lily Evans!" snapped Dawn. "Don't you know how concerned he is over you?"

"All the other guys I ever dated said that. 'I'm so concerned about you, Lily' or 'I really love you, Lily' but they didn't work out, did they? How do you know James Potter is the right one for me?" snorted Lily.

"Give him a chance, will you?!" Dawn said angrily. "He's done so many things for you. He was there to help you back to life where Severus first broke up with you, he rescued you from that crazy idiot and he kissed you so that you could be brought back to consciousness and he was the one who wrote you those damned cards that he penned under the name 'Severus Snape'! He only ever wanted you to be happy, Lily. So much so he didn't mind if his own arch-enemy was going out with the girl of his dreams!"

Dawn's chest was heaving heavily as she spoke all these words out.

Lily was properly stunned. So stunned that she stopped crying. "He...he kissed me?"

Dawn looked embarrassed. "Uh, well yeah, you weren't supposed to know about that but uh, I guess it sorta came out and...yeah, he kissed you, but you were half-dead that time. That's why you wouldn't know."

No wonder I've been getting these strange feelings...

"He must have put a spell on me when he kissed me!" said Lily angrily.

"Will you shut up and stop harping on the love spell thing? He didn't put anything on you, you fell for him! Don't you get it, Lily?" Dawn said exasperatedly.

"Oh," Lily's voice became very small.

James Potter is in love with me, was all she could think about.

"He...he actually wrote those cards? For me?" Lily asked.

"Yes...imagine how much hurt he must have been in, writing to the girl he loved but under a different name!" spat Dawn.

It was James Potter, thought Lily.

"Oh...what am I going to do!" shrieked Lily, terrified.

"For the love of God! Why are you so terrified?" Dawn asked incredulously. "It's supposed to be a happy ending. You finally found your true love, and he finally finds his. Why are you screaming?"

"Are you forgetting something?" Lily asked desperately.

"What?" replied Dawn, getting edgy herself.

"I...I can't fall in love with him," Lily said.

"Why?" Dawn asked.

"I can love anybody else - a Slytherin, a Ravenclaw, a Hufflepuff - but not him," Lily said.

Dawn still looked clueless.

"Don't you get it? He's a Gryffindor. And I'm a Slytherin," Lily said.

"So?" Dawn asked.

"Remember? I told you this before," Lily said sullenly. "The worst rivalries of this school are between Gryffindors and Slytherins. So Gryffindors and Slytherins don't hang out, much less to say fall in love. Plus, he's a pure-blood and I'm a...Muggle-born witch. People will start talking. Our lives won't be the same again."

"Oh dear," Dawn said. "But do you love him?"

"I...I don't know! I really don't know," said Lily sadly. "Part of me wants to be with him, and part of me wants to be with Severus."

I'll see how it goes tomorrow.

*

My god, I love Severus, don't I?

Lily tried to sleep, but these thoughts kept floating to the surface of her mind persistently, like an inflated lifebuoy that could never sink, no matter how hard you tried to push it down.

So why do I have two people on my mind now?

Lily turned so that her back was facing the ceiling and her face was buried in the pillow.

Severus Potter. I mean...Severus Snape. Snape, Snape. SNAPE. Yes, that's it.

Lily gave a muffled cry to vent her frustration, and she flipped back onto her back again, staring at the white ceiling.

Lily, don't believe Dawn. You love James - I mean, you love Severus.

...Yeah, right. So why do I feel nothing fluttering in my heart anymore?

Lily closed her eyes, hoping to close the minds in her thoughts as well.

Shut up. Just SHUT UP, Lily thought desperately.

Why are you afraid? the debating voice had finally resettled down in her brain, countering her every thought. It was as if this voice was on James' Potter side, and she was left fending for Severus.

Get OUT of my head, Lily moaned mentally.

Dawn's voice was now replaying in her head.

"He's done so many things for you. He was there to help you back to life where Severus first broke up with you, he rescued you from that crazy idiot and he kissed you so that you could be brought back to consciousness and he was the one who wrote you those damned cards that he penned under the name 'Severus Snape'! He only ever wanted you to be happy, Lily. So much so he didn't mind if his own arch-enemy was going out with the girl of his dreams!"

Lily was left to her thoughts once more.

James wrote me those cards.

James was there for me to catch me when I fell apart.

And...

James kissed me, thought Lily simply, but a pleasant feeling had made its way to her heart and made her smile and her head go dizzy.

Shit. I'm not supposed to like that. Severus will be extremely mad if he finds out. And don't I love Severus?

YOU DO NOT, screamed the other voice in her brain. Severus could have kissed you a million times and all you would think about was that kiss James planted on you.

I thought I told you to shut up and go away. You're forever debating what I think, thought Lily.

"He only ever wanted you to be happy, Lily," repeated Dawn stubbornly in her thoughts.

James only ever wanted me to be happy...

And Severus only ever wanted himself to be happy...

Lily knew she was touched. But she tried not to believe it.

"...girl of his dreams," Dawn said again.

It even sounded nice. James' girl of his dreams - Lily Evans.

Lily was fighting a losing battle. Lily knew her mind was made up, and the debating voice had won; it had taken control of her heart and her head.

She turned off to sleep, with blissful thoughts of her love in her head. But then a lone tear had leaked out of Lily's eye.

For she had remembered her own words:

Gryffindors and Slytherins don't hang out, much less to say fall in love. Plus, he's a pure-blood and I'm a Muggle-born witch.

She could only look at him from afar.

*

Now that Lily had her thoughts straightened out, she had half-wanted to go and apologize to James Potter for her crummy behaviour in the past week, but her courage failed her. Plus, she had a reputation, and she couldn't risk that.

However, at least James had started to notice she was still existing in the world, and as he passed by her as she headed for Potions class, he slipped a small piece of parchment into her hand. The contact was amazing. Lily swore she felt electricity. She hadn't even been expecting it.

As the boring old Professor droned on and on, Lily looked at the note which she hid under the table, out of the teacher's sight.

It was addressed to her, simply as 'Lily'. She was crushed that there wasn't any sort of 'Dear' or 'Beloved' or 'Loved one' or any sort like that. Anyway, it was the message that was important.

Lily:

I feel we have much to talk about. I want to know if I've done anything wrong, I mean, you've been very cold towards me. Sorry if you're offended. Please meet me at the usual place, underneath the stars, at ten tonight. It's up to you if you turn up or not. If you don't, I won't bother you anymore.

Yours sincerely,

James Potter.

Lily's hand was shaking. Up until now, she hadn't known how much she had loved James Potter. 'Offended'? How could she be offended with the man she loved? And how could James Potter think he had done anything wrong? The only wrong he had ever did to her was making her fall helplessly in love with him. Of course she would remember to meet him, anything he said was immediately locked away, safe, in a secret spot in her heart. Plus, this meeting determined the way their relationship would go. It was a major step. But if she dared to love him, would her life still be the same?

"Oh, James, James," Lily whispered. "Come what may, I will love you until my dying day," she said, remembering the song she had heard when James had rescued her.

*

Lily sat in the common room, looked restlessly at her watch, which only showed nine-thirty. She kept looking at it, wishing for a million, billion times for ten to arrive. She didn't even know if she wanted to go in the first place.

The other Slytherin girls were making each other over and over, giggling at every mistake they made. Lily looked at them wistfully. Would they still be giggling if she went out with James?

"Hey Lily," Dawn chirped.

"Hey," Lily replied, motioning for Dawn to sit next to her.

"What's wrong, Lily? You've been very quiet. If you don't speak up soon, everyone will wonder what happened to that rude, obnoxious, flirtatious Lily Evans," Dawn joked.

"I do not flirt!" Lily said hotly, causing the Slytherin girls to turn and look at her. "There is only one guy in my life whom I love and that is -" she stopped abruptly. How could have she been so stupid and careless? She had almost blurted out her secret.

"Ooh Lily, tell us who it is!" one of the Slytherin girls shrieked.

"Who's your latest fling?" her friend cried.

Dawn looked at Lily with a look that meant she knew who it was.

Lily flushed guiltily. She had made a complete fool out of herself. She had better go back to her cool queen style, or else her popularity was going down the drain.

Lily recovered from her mistake quickly. She yawned and began drawling in a bored tone, "Oh, that's for you to guess, isn't it?"

It almost hurt Lily to do the same routine over and over again. She was so used to it, it had become part of her lifestyle. James was right - she was tired of it all.

But her reputation was the only thing that kept her feeling good in this school, so she had to do it.

"Aaaaaah! Lily Evans has a new boyfriend!" the Slytherin girl shrieked.

Dawn looked at her with a funny look.

"What, Dawn?" Lily asked indignantly.

"Let's talk in our dorm. It's too noisy here," Dawn mouthed.

Lily followed willingly, glad to get away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dawn said, beaming.

"About what?" Lily asked, although she knew perfectly what.

"That you...that you have feelings for James Potter," Dawn giggled.

"You idiot!" Lily cried, blushing, but she couldn't deny it. "What if someone hears us?"

Dawn smiled. "So do you have any plans or what?"

Lily sighed. "You know I can't, Dawn."

"Why?" Dawn replied indignantly.

"I already told you why," Lily said glumly. "And he's meeting me at ten tonight, but I don't think I'm going."

"Are you crazy?" Dawn yelled.

"I cannot get something started with him, Dawn," Lily said patiently. "It will be that way, and will always be. Forever," she emphasized.

Dawn threw up her arms in dismay. "You give up the love of your life just for a lousy reputation?"

"It is not a lousy reputation. It is worth everything to me. And James might not be the love of my life. Someone else - a Slytherin - will always come along."

"What the CRAP are you talking about?" Dawn screamed.

"Shut up, Dawn! Everyone will hear you!" Lily shouted back.

"Lily, you live in a shell! Open your eyes! See the world around you! Not every human is as mean as you think they are. Perhaps human nature is like this, the more popular you get, the better, but it isn't necessarily true! And James can take you there," Dawn said softly.

"I...I don't know, Dawn," Lily said, getting confused all over again.

"Well, you better be sure, because it's already ten!" Dawn screamed.

"Oh no! He won't wait for me!" Lily shrieked and flounced out of the room without thinking.

*

Lily raced up the Astronomy Tower.

There he is, black hair and glasses that make him look more unique in every aspect. She hadn't expected him to wait for her (as it was already five minutes past ten).

"A voice in my head told me you would come and persisted me to stay," James said softly.

Lily longed to run to him, hug him, and pour her entire heart out to this serene person, ever as calm, but she knew she couldn't. Trying to ignore her racing pulse rate, she said shakily, "Was it you who wrote me those cards?"

James wavered for a moment, as if afraid what he would say would hurt her and get her angry. Finally, he decided on the truth. "Yes, I did. And you can hit me, slap me, say I was a foolish person if you want."

To James' obvious surprise, she didn't throw a tantrum. "Why did you do it?" Lily asked daringly, challenging him.

Because he loves you, silly, the debating voice said in her brain.

I know, Lily replied mentally, but I want to hear it straight from his lips.

James, like her, obviously had as much pride, because he did not reply for a long time. "Why do you want to know the answer? Does it make a difference?" His back, which had been facing her for a long time, finally faced the other side as he turned around to look at her with his meltingly brown eyes and tousled black hair blowing in the night breeze. The eyes were the window to a person's soul, and his eyes said that he was curious to know her answer.

Everything about him is so handsome it hurts, Lily thought devastatingly, turning her gaze away so she didn't face him. If she didn't face him, it would be much easier to turn him away.

"No...no, of course it doesn't," Lily replied bravely, even though her heart was screaming that it did, indeed, make a difference.

"Really." James' tone sounded amused. Lily could hear him walk further away from her.

Further...and further away from me... thought Lily sadly. But that was how it had to be.

"I guess," said Lily, which was half the truth. She just wanted him to go away so she wouldn't have to suffer with her feelings anymore.

Dawn was right again, as usual. I'm scared to love him because my reputation will be at stake. But I wish the world didn't have to be this way! thought Lily.

James, who had been silent for some time now, came walking back to her. "Why is it always so hard to talk to you, Lily? I just want to enter your world," he asked.

"It's not hard. You just don't ask the right questions," she countered.

"Is that the only reason?" James asked.

"I -" Lily stopped, thinking quickly for an answer that could drive him away. "Of course not."

"I noticed you don't always talk to me, but you talk to Sirius and the others," James said simply.

"So?" Lily replied, equally as simply. But in truth, Lily was melting away. Her heart was melting for him. She truly loved him. But she couldn't be with him.

"Are you scared of me? Well then I'm sorry," James said.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Lily sputtered. In actual fact she was already half in love with him. "I'm not scared of you!"

"Then why don't you look at me when you speak?" James said, sounding hurt.

"I -" Lily was stumped.

"Please look at me when you talk to me, Lily," James said quietly.

"I - I can't," Lily said.

James didn't answer.

Lily's head turned to look at him, but only for a split second. Even so, what she saw made her heart break. She knew James was hurting inside. His eyes showed raw pain and devastation, like someone who had just been rejected.

"Lily," James said, and did a very brave thing by taking Lily's hand. Immediately she felt an electric current again, and she yanked her hand away. "Don't - touch - me -" Lily said, dangerously close to crying.

"Why do you hate me so much?" James said exasperatedly.

That did it. Her heart shattered for James and her floodgates opened.

No, no! That's not the truth...please...tell James I love him...

"I don't hate you!" Lily sobbed. "I...I just can't look at you because...it'll hurt too much!" Suddenly the song she knew and loved so well started playing again in her head, as it did whenever James was close to her. Only this time it continued where it left off the other time.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

"What are you saying, Lily?" James had taken both her hands now and tilted her head so she was looking directly into those painstakingly beautiful eyes.

And there's no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out our song and I'll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather and storms may collide

"I...can't look at you because..." Lily gulped, there was no turning back now, "I'll fall in love with you if I do so!"

James looked stunned for a moment, then he pulled Lily closer to him, into his arms.

I can't escape now...James knows, thought Lily.

Then James pulled Lily away from him. He didn't need to ask why she wasn't allowed to love him. He understood.

But I love you

(I love you)

Until the end (until the end) of time

Gently, James started kissing away Lily's tears, a gesture so tender Lily's heart melted all over again.

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day