Title: The Dance Is Over
Author: Lucy Mars
Disclaimer: Nah, they don't belong to me. I'm just playing.
Chapter #2:
"You look good."
"I feel good." Donna lied.
"Do you?" CJ asked taking a sip of her wine.
"Of course I do." Donna lied again, as she poured more wine for herself.
"I'm sorry I missed your graduation ceremony."
Blushing, Donna absently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "It's not a big deal, CJ. I finished up the last few credits I needed, and that was it."
"Yeah, but still,"
"You were busy last year." Donna laughed looking up at their dinner companions. "What took you so long?"
"Have you ever tried changing a diaper for a fussy baby?" Toby questioned rejoining the two women on the patio floor.
"No," Donna conceded sarcastically, "I never have. My apologies."
"Shut up." Toby said good naturedly, sitting down beside CJ and handing mommy her baby. "Lola smells nice and fresh now."
"Did daddy do a good job?" CJ cooed, inspecting Lola's diaper.
"CJ," Toby frowned, "I can change her diaper."
"That's what you said last time," CJ said smiling at Donna.
"What happened last time?" Donna asked, watching with amusement as Toby blushed.
"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" CJ asked handing Lola a toy, and tickling her playfully.
Watching his wife play with his daughter, Toby turned back to Donna. "It is possible that while in a rush I neglected to fasten Lola's diaper properly, resulting in a slight accident."
"The slight accident that Toby is referring to happened while we were at the park and Lola was chasing a few seagulls." CJ laughed, "Lola's diaper just came flying out under her skirt while she was stumbling along."
Her hand flying to her mouth, Donna couldn't help but shake her head in amusement. "You two never cease to amuse me."
"We try." Toby said dryly.
"Who would have thought that you two would end up here," Donna said, looking around the perfect little house in sunny suburbia, "With the perfect little baby, and the perfect little life." Donna added, running her fingers lovingly through Lola's mass of brown hair.
"It's anything but perfect." CJ scoffed helping Lola up when she stumbled in her new Nike sneakers in her haste to chase her yellow ball.
"Miss politics?" Donna asked grabbing Lola's run away ball and handing it back to her.
"Sometimes," Toby admitted as he watched Lola smile up at Donna, "but she's worth it."
"She is." CJ agreed, smiling at Toby and scooping up her baby girl so that she could give her a big kiss.
The sound of Lola's laughter echoing through the warm fall afternoon, Donna watched with amazement as Toby and CJ played with their daughter. It was like they were different people. It was if they were suddenly content, and comfortable with life. "It suits you guys."
"What does?" CJ asked holding Lola securely above her head with her long arms.
"Married life." Donna replied leaning back against the warm wood railing as she watched Lola giggle against her mothers shoulder.
Nudging CJ with his shoulder, Toby reached over to pull Lola's toy out of her mouth. "And you were afraid that we couldn't do it."
"Hey!" CJ protested, "I never said that."
"Please," Toby scoffed, "you had cold feet the entire time."
Rolling her eyes, CJ moved her glass so that Lola wouldn't knock it over. "Yes, because the four days that it took between you asking and us going to city hall was a long time."
Laughing, Donna sipped her wine. "I've missed you guys."
"We've been right here the entire time." CJ pointed out gently. "You could have come and visit us."
"I've been busy." Donna shrugged, uncomfortable with the sudden shift in attention.
"You sure have," Toby grinned, "How's working for Senator Durbin?"
"It's not the White House," Donna said giving the two a small smile, "but it's fun nonetheless."
"I heard that Conrad offered you a job."
"How did you hear that?" Donna asked surprised, "He only asked me two days ago."
"I may not work in D.C anymore," Toby grinned, "but I hear things."
Eyeing Toby suspiciously, Donna smiled when she got it. "Sam told you."
"Possibly." Toby smiled.
"Are you going to do it?" CJ asked handing Lola to daddy.
"I don't know." Donna said honestly.
"Okay," CJ said realizing that she shouldn't push it. At least not right now.
"Do you miss D.C?" Donna asked looking around their comfortable surroundings.
"Sometimes," CJ admitted, "but the private sector pays so much better."
Laughing, Donna nodded in agreement. "It sure looks like it."
"I like it here," CJ smiled, "and Toby loves it because he can drive in to watch the Yankees play if he wants too."
"Lola happens to enjoy it too." Toby pointed out, rocking a yawning Lola in his arms.
"She's not even two!" Donna laughed, "I don't think that she understands baseball yet."
"No, but she understands the cotton candy that Toby buys her." CJ grinned.
Rolling his eyes, Toby rocked Lola slowly. "I'm going to tuck her in." Toby said in a hushed voice.
"Okay," CJ whispered quickly kissing Lola's forehead, "Sweet dreams baby." Watching Toby disappear into the house, CJ turned around to find Donna watching her fondly. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
"I'm a politician, what do you want from me?" Donna teased.
"The truth." CJ said seriously.
"The truth?" Donna asked, pretending to be confused, "About what?"
"About you."
"What about me?"
"How are you? Really?" CJ asked.
"I'm fine," Donna lied. "I've got a job that I like, I work with people who are nice enough, my townhouse is comfortable, though I don't see it much, and I even have someone who brings me coffee. Life couldn't be better."
"Are you done?" CJ asked, raising an annoyed eyebrow at Donna.
"Yes."
"Now tell me how you've really been for the past two years." CJ demanded
"It hasn't been two years yet."
"What?"
"It hasn't been two years yet." Donna mumbled, "It's been 22 and a half months."
"Fine," CJ said exasperated, "What have you been doing all this time? I mean, you disappear and all I get is an e-mail a week later telling me that you're fine and that you're going back to school. I tried your apartment, your parents..."
"I did a quick road trip." Donna said cutting CJ off.
"A road trip?" CJ asked with disbelief.
"Yeah, I got in my car and just drove."
"Why?"
"Because I needed to decide what I was going to do with my life."
"Fine," CJ sighed, realizing that she wasn't going to get much out of Donna by being hostile, "so what's been going on in your life?"
Gulping her wine, Donna looked down into her empty glass. "I finished school and I got a job. End of story."
"Why the disappearing act?" CJ questioned. "You didn't say goodbye."
"Because it was time to go."
"Donna," CJ said leaning forward and taking the empty glass from her, "what happened between you and Josh?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Donna said automatically.
"Don't lie to me," CJ frowned, "I'm your friend Donna and I'm worried. I let it slide before because I thought that you two were going to work it out, but whatever happened between you two is still hanging in the air."
"Don't worry about it." Donna said pulling herself to her feet and grabbing the wine glasses and now empty wine bottle.
"Well, too late," CJ said jumping to her feet and following Donna into her home, "I've been worried for a long time."
Setting the empty glasses in the sink, Donna turned around and faced CJ. "It's been a long time, CJ."
"It doesn't matter, because you're still carrying it around with you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Listen to me," CJ said seriously, "Josh looks as bad, if not worse than you do. I saw him a couple of months ago, and he still had that look on his face. The one that he had when I found him on the last day. He looked like he lost something. Whatever happened between the two of you needs to be resolved."
"It's already been resolved." Donna snapped trying to sidestep CJ. Not an easy task considering CJ was pretty damn agile when she wanted to be.
"Is that why you don't come to parties or reunions because you're afraid of seeing Josh? Is that why Josh doesn't come either? Is that why you've been working yourself to death in D.C? Is that why you don't smile anymore?"
"I smile." Donna rebutted, "I've been smiling and laughing all damn night."
"No," CJ corrected, "you haven't. You've been forcing yourself to act happy all night."
"No I haven't."
"Yeah, you have."
"CJ," Donna sighed running her sweaty hands over her pants, "I've got to go."
"No, you don't." CJ said catching Donna's arm. "I don't want you to go just because you don't want to talk about Josh."
"I've got work to do..."
"It's Sunday afternoon in New York. You're miles from the Hill and D.C. What work could you possibly have to do?"
"I...there's...I...a bill..." Donna stammered trying to think of a good reason so that she could leave. So that she could go back to an empty apartment, Sam who didn't ask too many questions, and Leo who always subtly told her how Josh was doing.
"Uh huh," CJ said leading Donna into the living room, "you're not going anywhere."
"CJ," Donna sighed reluctantly following her, "I really don't want to do this."
"Do what? Finally talk about whatever happened with Josh?"
Groaning, Donna sat down and put her head in her hands. "CJ, really..."
"Fine," CJ said settling beside Donna, "if you don't want to talk about it, fine."
"Really?" Donna asked, her voice laced with disbelief.
"Really." CJ said carelessly tossing one of Lola's toys onto the floor, "Don't talk about it. Let it fester inside of you and eat away. See if I care. You can let it all erupt when you see Josh in January."
"What are you talking about?" Donna asked confused.
"You are going to Zoey and Charlie's wedding, right?"
"Yeah, I am. I see Zoey once and awhile in D.C." Donna said looking up at CJ, "Leo told me Josh wasn't coming. Leo assured me that Josh wasn't coming. Zoey even told me that Josh wasn't coming."
"He wasn't going too."
"Wasn't?" Donna asked feeling panic start to set in.
"As in he was not going too, but is going to now."
"CJ!" Donna yelped, "Leo told me that he was in England."
"He is...for now." CJ shrugged nonchalantly.
"For now?" Donna whimpered.
"Josh is coming back."
"When?" Donna asked softly.
"Soon." CJ said vaguely.
"Soon?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because President Bartlet's baby girl is getting married and he wanted everyone to be there." CJ said watching the color in Donna's face drain away.
"You've got to be joking me." Donna choked out.
"Nope." CJ said leaning back against the fluffy cushions, "So you can either talk to me about what happened now, or just wait for it all to blow up when you see him."
"What makes you think that it's all going to blow up?" Donna asked suspiciously.
"It's possible that you may blow up when you see him."
"Why?"
"Because..."
"CJ," Donna prompted.
"It is entirely possible that a wedding may be in the future for Josh." CJ confessed.
"What?" Donna asked, looking at CJ with disbelief.
"There have been rumors." CJ explained.
"Rumors?" Donna demanded, "I work on the beltway. I didn't hear any rumors."
"Donna, listen to me, they're just rumors. It's probably nothing." CJ said trying to calm her friend, "I just didn't want you to be hit blind by it."
"Who?"
"Who what?" CJ asked confused by Donna's suddenly calm demeanor.
"Who is she?"
"Kathleen Piper."
"Kathleen Piper," Donna repeated calmly, "I know her."
"I know you know her."
"She used to work in D.C."
"Yeah," CJ said watching as Donna slipped on her carefully constructed mask. The one that Sam was always talking about.
"She left a couple months ago."
"Yeah,"
"Are they working together?"
"Yeah,"
"Consulting?"
"For Mercer," CJ confirmed, "Who would have thought that Josh would have left D.C to work in the private sector. He wears a suit, goes to meetings and everything now."
"Life is funny that way," Donna said flatly.
"It is," CJ agreed.
"Who would have thought that out of all of us, I would be the only one to stay in politics?" Donna continued wringing her hands till they were red, "Who would have thought that you and Toby would become the domestic ones, as I climbed the ladder in D.C. Who would have thought that Sam and Ainsley would actually open their own quirky little law firm in D.C, and become the very modicum of success, despite their political differences. Who would have thought that Leo would actually retire? Technically speaking anyway. Who would have thought that Josh would leave D.C and consult for the big companies that he fought against? Who would have thought...that...that..."
"What?" CJ asked watching Donna's mask crumble.
"Who would have thought that I'd been so unhappy." Donna whispered.
Wrapping her arms around Donna, CJ held her as she held Lola when she was upset. The mother in her took over. "It's going to be okay."
"No, it isn't." Donna frowned pulling away from CJ and getting up. Pacing the spacious room, Donna felt her anger and frustration threaten to drown her. "It's been 22 and a half months since I've seen Josh, and I still think of the jackass everyday. I still think about him...about us, the lack thereof us. The dance that we did. After what he said...the way he just let me walk out of there...the way he didn't try to stop me...I still wonder if he eats right. I still worry about him and his heart. I wonder if he's talked to Stanley, if he remembered to call his mother on her birthday, if someone reminds him that he needs to sleep more than 4 hours a night. I worry about the jackass while he's probably forgotten about me. Every May I want to call him and ask him if he's okay..."
"He hasn't forgotten about you."
"Well he should." Donna declared.
"Why?" CJ asked concerned.
"Because this is it." Donna said stopping in the middle of CJ's living room and pulling the mask over her face again, "This is it."
"What do you mean?"
"At this very moment, I'm going to stop caring." Donna announced, "At this very moment I'm going to forget about Josh. He can get married. He can have 2.5 children and a white picket fence for all I fucking care. He can work and eat himself into an early grave, it's not my problem or my concern. He can live happily or unhappily ever after with Kathleen Piper. At this moment, I'm going to stop loving the jackass."
Sighing, CJ watched at Donna ranted in the middle of her living room. "You can't do that."
"Why not?" Donna demanded.
"Because you can't force yourself to stop loving someone."
"Well I can sure as hell try,"
"It won't work. Talk to him..."
"No," Donna said shaking her head, "no. I'm not talking to him."
"You're a bridesmaid Donna, you're gonna see him."
"There are going to be more than enough guests to keep me occupied," Donna said confidently.
"This isn't the way to solve your problem."
"But it's the way I'm doing it."
"Donna," CJ said softly, "it won't work."
"You'll see. In January, I am going to see Josh Lyman and his bride to be and be just fine. I'm not going to fall apart. I'm not going to beg him to reconsider. He had his chance and he didn't want it. I'm done loving him."
`~`~`~`~`
Author: Lucy Mars
Disclaimer: Nah, they don't belong to me. I'm just playing.
Chapter #2:
"You look good."
"I feel good." Donna lied.
"Do you?" CJ asked taking a sip of her wine.
"Of course I do." Donna lied again, as she poured more wine for herself.
"I'm sorry I missed your graduation ceremony."
Blushing, Donna absently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "It's not a big deal, CJ. I finished up the last few credits I needed, and that was it."
"Yeah, but still,"
"You were busy last year." Donna laughed looking up at their dinner companions. "What took you so long?"
"Have you ever tried changing a diaper for a fussy baby?" Toby questioned rejoining the two women on the patio floor.
"No," Donna conceded sarcastically, "I never have. My apologies."
"Shut up." Toby said good naturedly, sitting down beside CJ and handing mommy her baby. "Lola smells nice and fresh now."
"Did daddy do a good job?" CJ cooed, inspecting Lola's diaper.
"CJ," Toby frowned, "I can change her diaper."
"That's what you said last time," CJ said smiling at Donna.
"What happened last time?" Donna asked, watching with amusement as Toby blushed.
"Do you want to tell her, or should I?" CJ asked handing Lola a toy, and tickling her playfully.
Watching his wife play with his daughter, Toby turned back to Donna. "It is possible that while in a rush I neglected to fasten Lola's diaper properly, resulting in a slight accident."
"The slight accident that Toby is referring to happened while we were at the park and Lola was chasing a few seagulls." CJ laughed, "Lola's diaper just came flying out under her skirt while she was stumbling along."
Her hand flying to her mouth, Donna couldn't help but shake her head in amusement. "You two never cease to amuse me."
"We try." Toby said dryly.
"Who would have thought that you two would end up here," Donna said, looking around the perfect little house in sunny suburbia, "With the perfect little baby, and the perfect little life." Donna added, running her fingers lovingly through Lola's mass of brown hair.
"It's anything but perfect." CJ scoffed helping Lola up when she stumbled in her new Nike sneakers in her haste to chase her yellow ball.
"Miss politics?" Donna asked grabbing Lola's run away ball and handing it back to her.
"Sometimes," Toby admitted as he watched Lola smile up at Donna, "but she's worth it."
"She is." CJ agreed, smiling at Toby and scooping up her baby girl so that she could give her a big kiss.
The sound of Lola's laughter echoing through the warm fall afternoon, Donna watched with amazement as Toby and CJ played with their daughter. It was like they were different people. It was if they were suddenly content, and comfortable with life. "It suits you guys."
"What does?" CJ asked holding Lola securely above her head with her long arms.
"Married life." Donna replied leaning back against the warm wood railing as she watched Lola giggle against her mothers shoulder.
Nudging CJ with his shoulder, Toby reached over to pull Lola's toy out of her mouth. "And you were afraid that we couldn't do it."
"Hey!" CJ protested, "I never said that."
"Please," Toby scoffed, "you had cold feet the entire time."
Rolling her eyes, CJ moved her glass so that Lola wouldn't knock it over. "Yes, because the four days that it took between you asking and us going to city hall was a long time."
Laughing, Donna sipped her wine. "I've missed you guys."
"We've been right here the entire time." CJ pointed out gently. "You could have come and visit us."
"I've been busy." Donna shrugged, uncomfortable with the sudden shift in attention.
"You sure have," Toby grinned, "How's working for Senator Durbin?"
"It's not the White House," Donna said giving the two a small smile, "but it's fun nonetheless."
"I heard that Conrad offered you a job."
"How did you hear that?" Donna asked surprised, "He only asked me two days ago."
"I may not work in D.C anymore," Toby grinned, "but I hear things."
Eyeing Toby suspiciously, Donna smiled when she got it. "Sam told you."
"Possibly." Toby smiled.
"Are you going to do it?" CJ asked handing Lola to daddy.
"I don't know." Donna said honestly.
"Okay," CJ said realizing that she shouldn't push it. At least not right now.
"Do you miss D.C?" Donna asked looking around their comfortable surroundings.
"Sometimes," CJ admitted, "but the private sector pays so much better."
Laughing, Donna nodded in agreement. "It sure looks like it."
"I like it here," CJ smiled, "and Toby loves it because he can drive in to watch the Yankees play if he wants too."
"Lola happens to enjoy it too." Toby pointed out, rocking a yawning Lola in his arms.
"She's not even two!" Donna laughed, "I don't think that she understands baseball yet."
"No, but she understands the cotton candy that Toby buys her." CJ grinned.
Rolling his eyes, Toby rocked Lola slowly. "I'm going to tuck her in." Toby said in a hushed voice.
"Okay," CJ whispered quickly kissing Lola's forehead, "Sweet dreams baby." Watching Toby disappear into the house, CJ turned around to find Donna watching her fondly. "What?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
"I'm a politician, what do you want from me?" Donna teased.
"The truth." CJ said seriously.
"The truth?" Donna asked, pretending to be confused, "About what?"
"About you."
"What about me?"
"How are you? Really?" CJ asked.
"I'm fine," Donna lied. "I've got a job that I like, I work with people who are nice enough, my townhouse is comfortable, though I don't see it much, and I even have someone who brings me coffee. Life couldn't be better."
"Are you done?" CJ asked, raising an annoyed eyebrow at Donna.
"Yes."
"Now tell me how you've really been for the past two years." CJ demanded
"It hasn't been two years yet."
"What?"
"It hasn't been two years yet." Donna mumbled, "It's been 22 and a half months."
"Fine," CJ said exasperated, "What have you been doing all this time? I mean, you disappear and all I get is an e-mail a week later telling me that you're fine and that you're going back to school. I tried your apartment, your parents..."
"I did a quick road trip." Donna said cutting CJ off.
"A road trip?" CJ asked with disbelief.
"Yeah, I got in my car and just drove."
"Why?"
"Because I needed to decide what I was going to do with my life."
"Fine," CJ sighed, realizing that she wasn't going to get much out of Donna by being hostile, "so what's been going on in your life?"
Gulping her wine, Donna looked down into her empty glass. "I finished school and I got a job. End of story."
"Why the disappearing act?" CJ questioned. "You didn't say goodbye."
"Because it was time to go."
"Donna," CJ said leaning forward and taking the empty glass from her, "what happened between you and Josh?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Donna said automatically.
"Don't lie to me," CJ frowned, "I'm your friend Donna and I'm worried. I let it slide before because I thought that you two were going to work it out, but whatever happened between you two is still hanging in the air."
"Don't worry about it." Donna said pulling herself to her feet and grabbing the wine glasses and now empty wine bottle.
"Well, too late," CJ said jumping to her feet and following Donna into her home, "I've been worried for a long time."
Setting the empty glasses in the sink, Donna turned around and faced CJ. "It's been a long time, CJ."
"It doesn't matter, because you're still carrying it around with you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Listen to me," CJ said seriously, "Josh looks as bad, if not worse than you do. I saw him a couple of months ago, and he still had that look on his face. The one that he had when I found him on the last day. He looked like he lost something. Whatever happened between the two of you needs to be resolved."
"It's already been resolved." Donna snapped trying to sidestep CJ. Not an easy task considering CJ was pretty damn agile when she wanted to be.
"Is that why you don't come to parties or reunions because you're afraid of seeing Josh? Is that why Josh doesn't come either? Is that why you've been working yourself to death in D.C? Is that why you don't smile anymore?"
"I smile." Donna rebutted, "I've been smiling and laughing all damn night."
"No," CJ corrected, "you haven't. You've been forcing yourself to act happy all night."
"No I haven't."
"Yeah, you have."
"CJ," Donna sighed running her sweaty hands over her pants, "I've got to go."
"No, you don't." CJ said catching Donna's arm. "I don't want you to go just because you don't want to talk about Josh."
"I've got work to do..."
"It's Sunday afternoon in New York. You're miles from the Hill and D.C. What work could you possibly have to do?"
"I...there's...I...a bill..." Donna stammered trying to think of a good reason so that she could leave. So that she could go back to an empty apartment, Sam who didn't ask too many questions, and Leo who always subtly told her how Josh was doing.
"Uh huh," CJ said leading Donna into the living room, "you're not going anywhere."
"CJ," Donna sighed reluctantly following her, "I really don't want to do this."
"Do what? Finally talk about whatever happened with Josh?"
Groaning, Donna sat down and put her head in her hands. "CJ, really..."
"Fine," CJ said settling beside Donna, "if you don't want to talk about it, fine."
"Really?" Donna asked, her voice laced with disbelief.
"Really." CJ said carelessly tossing one of Lola's toys onto the floor, "Don't talk about it. Let it fester inside of you and eat away. See if I care. You can let it all erupt when you see Josh in January."
"What are you talking about?" Donna asked confused.
"You are going to Zoey and Charlie's wedding, right?"
"Yeah, I am. I see Zoey once and awhile in D.C." Donna said looking up at CJ, "Leo told me Josh wasn't coming. Leo assured me that Josh wasn't coming. Zoey even told me that Josh wasn't coming."
"He wasn't going too."
"Wasn't?" Donna asked feeling panic start to set in.
"As in he was not going too, but is going to now."
"CJ!" Donna yelped, "Leo told me that he was in England."
"He is...for now." CJ shrugged nonchalantly.
"For now?" Donna whimpered.
"Josh is coming back."
"When?" Donna asked softly.
"Soon." CJ said vaguely.
"Soon?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because President Bartlet's baby girl is getting married and he wanted everyone to be there." CJ said watching the color in Donna's face drain away.
"You've got to be joking me." Donna choked out.
"Nope." CJ said leaning back against the fluffy cushions, "So you can either talk to me about what happened now, or just wait for it all to blow up when you see him."
"What makes you think that it's all going to blow up?" Donna asked suspiciously.
"It's possible that you may blow up when you see him."
"Why?"
"Because..."
"CJ," Donna prompted.
"It is entirely possible that a wedding may be in the future for Josh." CJ confessed.
"What?" Donna asked, looking at CJ with disbelief.
"There have been rumors." CJ explained.
"Rumors?" Donna demanded, "I work on the beltway. I didn't hear any rumors."
"Donna, listen to me, they're just rumors. It's probably nothing." CJ said trying to calm her friend, "I just didn't want you to be hit blind by it."
"Who?"
"Who what?" CJ asked confused by Donna's suddenly calm demeanor.
"Who is she?"
"Kathleen Piper."
"Kathleen Piper," Donna repeated calmly, "I know her."
"I know you know her."
"She used to work in D.C."
"Yeah," CJ said watching as Donna slipped on her carefully constructed mask. The one that Sam was always talking about.
"She left a couple months ago."
"Yeah,"
"Are they working together?"
"Yeah,"
"Consulting?"
"For Mercer," CJ confirmed, "Who would have thought that Josh would have left D.C to work in the private sector. He wears a suit, goes to meetings and everything now."
"Life is funny that way," Donna said flatly.
"It is," CJ agreed.
"Who would have thought that out of all of us, I would be the only one to stay in politics?" Donna continued wringing her hands till they were red, "Who would have thought that you and Toby would become the domestic ones, as I climbed the ladder in D.C. Who would have thought that Sam and Ainsley would actually open their own quirky little law firm in D.C, and become the very modicum of success, despite their political differences. Who would have thought that Leo would actually retire? Technically speaking anyway. Who would have thought that Josh would leave D.C and consult for the big companies that he fought against? Who would have thought...that...that..."
"What?" CJ asked watching Donna's mask crumble.
"Who would have thought that I'd been so unhappy." Donna whispered.
Wrapping her arms around Donna, CJ held her as she held Lola when she was upset. The mother in her took over. "It's going to be okay."
"No, it isn't." Donna frowned pulling away from CJ and getting up. Pacing the spacious room, Donna felt her anger and frustration threaten to drown her. "It's been 22 and a half months since I've seen Josh, and I still think of the jackass everyday. I still think about him...about us, the lack thereof us. The dance that we did. After what he said...the way he just let me walk out of there...the way he didn't try to stop me...I still wonder if he eats right. I still worry about him and his heart. I wonder if he's talked to Stanley, if he remembered to call his mother on her birthday, if someone reminds him that he needs to sleep more than 4 hours a night. I worry about the jackass while he's probably forgotten about me. Every May I want to call him and ask him if he's okay..."
"He hasn't forgotten about you."
"Well he should." Donna declared.
"Why?" CJ asked concerned.
"Because this is it." Donna said stopping in the middle of CJ's living room and pulling the mask over her face again, "This is it."
"What do you mean?"
"At this very moment, I'm going to stop caring." Donna announced, "At this very moment I'm going to forget about Josh. He can get married. He can have 2.5 children and a white picket fence for all I fucking care. He can work and eat himself into an early grave, it's not my problem or my concern. He can live happily or unhappily ever after with Kathleen Piper. At this moment, I'm going to stop loving the jackass."
Sighing, CJ watched at Donna ranted in the middle of her living room. "You can't do that."
"Why not?" Donna demanded.
"Because you can't force yourself to stop loving someone."
"Well I can sure as hell try,"
"It won't work. Talk to him..."
"No," Donna said shaking her head, "no. I'm not talking to him."
"You're a bridesmaid Donna, you're gonna see him."
"There are going to be more than enough guests to keep me occupied," Donna said confidently.
"This isn't the way to solve your problem."
"But it's the way I'm doing it."
"Donna," CJ said softly, "it won't work."
"You'll see. In January, I am going to see Josh Lyman and his bride to be and be just fine. I'm not going to fall apart. I'm not going to beg him to reconsider. He had his chance and he didn't want it. I'm done loving him."
`~`~`~`~`