Title: Somewhat Damaged

Author: Raven (spirit_raven_willow@hotmail.com)
Contents: Yaoi!!! Semi-AU (set after endless waltz), slightly OOC, future lemons

Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 6x5 (6+2… sort of)
Notes: I have no real idea where this is gonna go so C&C VERY welcome. Duo, Heero and Wufei work for the Preventers, Trowa is a Journalist, Quatre works for Winner Inc and Zechs owns a gay/Bi bar (this may or may not have *any* significance to the plot I haven't decided) anyway it's after endless waltz and everyone it trying to have normal lives and forget the war but old scars don't always fade.

Italics denote flashbacks
Archive: Anywhere but ask please

Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=444812

A little piece of Gundam Wing:

http://raygunworks.net/singles2/somewhat/somewhat.html

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue… All you'll get is a purple bunny named Duo and coursework.

Chapter 1 - Introductions and revelations

Duo P.O.V

I sat staring out at the peaceful city: well that was a lie, from out apartment you could see all the lights glittering in the night like all the stars had fallen out of the sky and lain upon the ground like diamond dust on black velvet; the faint hum of cars could be heard in the distance like a pulse. The city never slept and no one could ever say it were peaceful, there was always something be it good or bad.

Rain streamed down the windows as I gazed out, wishing I were somewhere else.

The wars were over. Peace was restored to earth and we all have tried to have some semblance of a normal life, although the soldier always kept the war with him. If I closed my eyes I could still see the faces of every man I killed.

 I was sharing a flat with Heero looking over the park; Zechs and Wufei had the apartment opposite, still insisting that they weren't together or interested in being so, still mourning the death of Treize; and there was Trowa and Quatre who were sharing marital bliss in the block across the street. We had all decided to keep close together, we all felt happier with the closeness. We had grown apart after the first war and it had upset us all more than we had wanted to admit, so in the post-apocalyptic wake we had decided to find a corner of the earth to call our own and settle down, we were closer that brothers and to be apart felt wrong.

Heero, 'Fei and myself had joined the Preventers (a branch of the government that had never been made known to the general public). Trowa to everyone's surprise had not re-joined the circus and Catherine, saying he wanted to be with Q, became a journalist; it had helped Trowa a lot: during the wars the boy… man couldn't articulate his feelings unless he was with Quatre (who is still the president of Winner Inc.), and writing his column had helped him open up and become more vocal. As for Zechs, he owns a Bi bar in Soho and is making a fortune, though he really wanted to change it to an arty coffee house. We had all live in an almost dream like state since the last battle, everything had gone brilliantly for the last 2 years, we've found our peace at last… well almost.

Though Trowa and Quatre play at the perfect couple the rest of us have been through hell some more than others. Zechs and I had both got a string of past boyfriends and girlfriends, all with painful break ups, neither of us finding what we wanted in the relationships because we really wanted someone else: Something unattainable and perfect.

Rather than sitting here in my misery, I got up and fished a tub of New York Super Fudge Chunk out of the freezer and went over the hall to Zech's apartment secretly hoping 'Fei wasn't there. To my relief Zech opened the door dressed in a tank and pyjama pants, hair mussed vaguely pulled back in a ponytail.

"Duo what's wrong?" he could read me well by now; I said nothing and handed him a teaspoon.

"Oh," he said. He sat on the couch and I crawled into his lap, there was nothing sexual about it we were just very close. He wrapped his strong warm arms around my chest, under my arms and pulled the lid off the tub. I dug my spoon into the ice cream and shoved it into my mouth.

"What's wrong?" he repeated.

"I don't know," I said around the spoon. "It's just, I've been thinking…"

"Did you hurt yourself?" he said chuckling. I whapped him gently on the arm with the spoon in punishment.

"Not funny!" I pouted.

"Sorry Duo" he gave me a squeeze.

"Anyway, I've been thinking: I'm tired Zechs. I'm tired of just going out with an endless string of people, none of them meaning anything, none of the one I want. I'm tired of sleeping alone. I was looking out of the window at the city and how it moves and how beautiful it is and then I saw my reflection in the glass in some hideous contrast. I saw nothing." I suddenly felt wetness and I realised that fat tears were running down my cheeks. "I'm just in a big hole, I have a job I don't really like, just to be near him. And I see my eyes and they're dead. I wish I could just die but I'm too much of a coward to do it" I stroked my thumb unconsciously over the scars on my wrist.

I was off in my own little world when Zech's rich baritone spoke behind me, "Do you want to go to bed its late?" Zechs knew me too well, he knew that there was nothing he could have said that would have a) helped or b) not been clichéd. He scooped me up in his arms throwing the empty tub in the trash on the way. The tears fell faster now so my vision was blurred. I dimly felt my clothes being removed, being put in bed and Zechs slipping in beside me. The last thing I remember that night was being spooned to Zech's naked body, him placing a soft kiss on my braid and whispering "Everything will be better in the morning."

Tbc…