Title: Somewhat Damaged

Author: Raven (spirit_raven_willow@hotmail.com)
Contents: Yaoi!!! Semi-AU (set after endless waltz), slightly OOC, future lemons

Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 6x5
Notes: I have no real idea where this is gonna go so C&C VERY welcome. Duo, Heero and Wufei work for the Preventers, Trowa is a Journalist, Quatre works for Winner Inc and Zechs owns a gay/Bi bar (this may or may not have *any* significance to the plot I haven't decided) anyway it's after endless waltz and everyone it trying to have normal lives and forget the war but old scars don't always fade.

Italics denote flashbacks
Archive: Anywhere but ask please

Fanfiction.net: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=444812

A little piece of Gundam Wing:

http://raygunworks.net/singles2/somewhat/somewhat.html

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue… All you'll get is a purple bunny named Duo and coursework.

Chapter 6 – Pain realised. Pain resolved.

I stared for bit longer in amazement that Heero had admitted that he was worried about me. While comforting, it was also rather confusing. When had Heero cared whether I didn't come home at night unless we had a mission the next day?

I stared for a bit longer drinking in the sight of him. He stood there, hair mussed like he had just got laid. He was wearing a baggy pair of grey pants with cuffs that were a bit worn from being walked on and rode low on his hips exposing a tantalising band of flesh below a light grey long sleeved shirt that had a black tee over it emblazoned with the word 'Save water shower with a friend', which I was fairly certain that was once mine. He looked absolutely gorgeous and also like the 19 year old he was, we were. Sometimes I forgot how young we really were, how we shouldn't have had to fight a war. How our innocence should have been protected rather than us protecting the innocent.

"Hi Heero, I'll be out in a bit. Come in," I finally said moving to get my coat fervently wishing I had worn a long sleeved top so my bandages didn't show. I knew he knew that I'd tried to kill myself again. His perfect soldier mask had cracked and I could read his eyes like an open book, I wondered why he hadn't said anything but thought I'd better not question it, as it wasn't something I really wanted to discuss.

*Heero P.O.V.*

His appearance shocked me. I hadn't previously noticed as I'd been… sidetracked but his ribs shew clearly through the semi transparent top and the bandages on his wrists were red where the blood had soaked through. Looking at his face, I noticed his once round and puffy cheeks had become narrower and higher (part of this was due to him maturing over the last few years but still…) also there were dark circles under his eyes that I was sure hadn't been there when I'd last seen him; then it occurred to me that he probably used concealer. Duo had never been one to turn down something that may improve his appearance and make him look healthier. He always wanted to give of the 'I'm fine. Ignore me' image to everyone around him. He just wanted to have the 'normal' life that had previously been denied him previously.

He came back into the lounge now covered in a heavy yet fitted black overcoat that was buttoned up covering him plus bandages and gave him a healthier build.

"Ready?" he said grinning at me like nothing happened. I smiled back, nothing else seemed appropriate.

"Yeah, I'll get us a cab."

***

We got home and Duo announced that he was going to change,

"Duo?" I said before he disappeared. He stopped and turned to look at me. "I'm not going to ask as it's not my place but I've got to change your bandages, I don't want them infected. You don't need more scars, ne?" He looked a little uncertain and my heart clenched painfully in my chest, I didn't want him to feel worse than he obviously did.

"Ok, sure buddy." The joker's mask came back again. It made me feel very uncertain. I tried to not give it any thought, as I gathered bandages and saline solution; it worried me slightly that we had bandages and saline solution among others that would rival a doctor's office but then considering our line of work it wasn't that surprising.

He wandered back into our lounge, head lowered, now dressed in a pair of pyjama pants with little coffee cups on them and a blue towelling dressing gown. He sat next to me on the couch nervously tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. He looked so vulnerable across from me, the soft golden light filtering through the thin curtain highlighting his ethereal beauty. He finally tilted his head upwards, looking at me oddly with a small sad smile on his face and said, "Hey Heero, you gonna fix me or what?" I shook myself out of my thoughts and focused on the task at hand.

I rolled up the sleeves of the robe and unwound the white bandages and carefully lifted the pads away from the skin. I winced at the amount of blood that coated the dressings: obviously they had opened again several times in the night. I looked up at Duo and he had his head tilted away from his arms and me as if he couldn't bear to look at them. The cuts were awful, long lines of scarlet diagonally across his wrists standing out against his snowy white flesh. I soaked a cotton ball in saline solution and gently wiped away the blood from him without reopening the wounds. After I finished I covered them in a light coating of antiseptic cream and bandaged them again with fresh dressings. I lightly kissed his wrists trying to 'kiss it and make it better' like some of the nicer lab assistants had done to me after I'd hurt myself in 'training'. He didn't notice.

"All done." I announced unsure of what else to say.

"Thanks for once again cleaning up my messes…"

"Duo…"

"No, don't start Heero. I'm not in the mood. Just don't tell Wu. I *don't* need a lecture about being weak right now."

"I don't think you're weak." Why the hell did I just say that? I know stuff like that pisses him off.

"Sure Heero. Sure." He said moving off into the kitchen.

*Duo P.O.V.*

Did I dream the warm kiss on my inner wrist? I must have, Heero finds me disgusting and weak despite what he says: I can see it in his eyes.

I busied myself making coffee and didn't notice the presence behind me till finger tickled my ribs and I screeched in a very undignified and girlish manner. Whipping round, expecting to see Zechs or Quatre, I was nose to nose with Heero. I think I had a minor heart attack from the shock.

He smiled. And it was genuine as it lit up his eyes,

"You're pretty when you smile." Huh? Me. Smiling. When? Where? Huh? I was confused then I realised that for the first time in a while I *was* smiling, really smiling. My brain that was running at a snails pace, finally caught up from the fright and the realisation that Heero thought I was pretty hit me like a freight train. He leaned closer so our breaths mingled. My heart pounded in my chest and my breath quickened.

He's gonna kiss me. He's gonna kiss me. Oh God. I've wanted this for so long but I can't, I can't deal with this.

*Heero P.O.V.*

Oh shimatta! He pulled away. I scared him. I know he's Bi, I mean we all know more or less the details his various affairs and I thought he was into me but… SHIMATTA! He's going to hate me; no I can't do this I can't loose him. He means too much to me. I have to go after him.

I followed him through to his bedroom, I almost didn't go in but I couldn't leave him like that. I can't just let him go like I did the night before. I wished he'd come to me with his problems… I wish he told me what his problems were.

I softly knocked of his door before opening it. I saw him sitting on the floor of his room bandages spilled over him like wisps of white mist, razor poised over his wrist to cut again.

"No, Duo please," I cried out. He looked at me and put the razor down. I walked towards him slowly and sat next to him on the thick cream carpet. I reached over and linked my fingers with his, the same hand that had held the razor. I looked into his wide beautiful eyes as I brought his hand to my lips gently kissing it.

"I love you so much Heero," he said his voice betraying no emotion, "But you can't love me. I'm all broken and disgusting." He ripped his hand away from mine and made for the razor again.

"No Duo!" I grabbed his hand re-linking our fingers. "Duo, look at me. Look in my eyes" he raised his gaze to mine. "I don't touch disgusting people." I squeezed his hand, "and I'm touching *you*."

"Heero…" but I stopped him; I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb.

"I want to touch you. If you'll let me." He looked indecisive, then reached behind him with his spare hand. I was confused for a second then realise what he was doing. He was giving me his braid; he was giving me his soul. I wrapped the rope of hair around my hand, as I slowly leaned down…

*Duo P.O.V.*

The moment lasted for an eternity like time had somehow transformed into jell-o. It's never easy to pick up the pieces of your shatter soul but I fit them together like jigsaw fragments of my mind, my family tree is twisted in the winds of time. I am death but as he placed his soft lips on mine, I felt a little piece of me had become whole again.

I wept.

Tbc…