It was late, I couldn't fall asleep…don't blame me for how this chapter came out…

Mark POV:

            I look around at the circle of faces around me, from Maureen and Joanne who are looking up at me anxiously, to Mimi who seems to be lost in her own world of thoughts, to Collins, who says nothing as he quietly stares down at the floor. Mimi speaks first.

            "Mark, did you call us here because of Roger again?"

            I nod and watch as everyone's faces fall. "He's like a stick again. He wears layers and layers of clothes and I can still see all of his bones."

            Maureen's eyes fill with tears. "I thought he was getting better though…he seemed almost normal when we left…"

            "He went right back to starving himself and throwing up when he wasn't being watched constantly. It's just not possible to watch him every single second of the day to make sure he eats unless all of us stay here to watch him and that's not possible either. This thing has gotten so out of control…I don't think we can handle it by ourselves anymore. I've run out of ideas and unless anyone else can think of something, I think it might be a good idea to bring it up to Paul at the Life Support meeting tonight."

            Collins and Mimi nod but Maureen looks confused. "Who's Paul?"

            "He's the group leader. I haven't really mention what's going on with Roger since my first meeting when he told me to focus on myself. But I think tonight we should all go together and tell him about this because I don't know what else to do, and I'm afraid if we wait any longer we're going to lose Roger."

            Mimi looks scared. "Has it really gotten that bad, Mark?"

            I nod as my eyes fill with tears. "Yeah. He's about half the size he was when you guys saw him that first time. And he's passed out twice during these past two weeks. He's in really bad shape…"

            I lose the battle with my tears as they spill over onto my cheeks and Collins puts an arm around me. "I think that would be the best thing to do, Mark. Paul could tell us where to go from here."

            Everyone nods and Maureen and Mimi cling to each other, both overcome by sobs.

Roger POV:

            From my room I can hear people crying in the living room and I crack my door open slightly to see what's going on. I see Mark, Maureen, and Mimi sitting together and sobbing, while Collins and Joanne hold hands, trying their hardest not to cry too. I wonder why everyone is so upset and I slide down to the floor and crack my door open a little more so I can hear what's going on.

            "…I don't know how much more of this I can take, I can't just stand by and watch him do this to himself anymore. Every time I look at him I want to cry because he's so fucking skinny…"

            I close my door, I don't want to hear anymore of this. God, I can't believe what I'm doing to Mark…I've taken over his whole life, making him miserable and depressed…Mark's words ring harshly in my ears and I think back to how this whole thing started. I started not eating to help Mark. I don't exactly remember my logic there but I know I did it to help him. And now all I've ended up doing is making him even more depressed than he was to begin with. Plus, now I'm stuck with this intense fear of food that's left me without a career and half dead from starvation. And still I can't seem to find the courage to just start eating again.

  So now I've not only ruined Mark's life, but now my own, and all the rest of my friend lives as well. I'm just a burden to all of them and I refuse to this to my friends anymore.

I open my bottom drawer where I put all the glass from my picture frames, including the shattered glass that started this whole mess. I pick out the sharpest piece I can find and place it on the floor next to me, then pull out a notepad and a pencil. I took Mark's life with that broken piece of glass and now it's time to take my own the same way…

Mark POV:

            "Gordan."

            "Hannah."

            "Liz."

            "Eric."

            "Tom. Collins."

            "Mark."

            "Mimi."

            "Maureen."

            "Joanne."

            "I'm Paul, let's begin." He looks around the group of faces and stops when he sees Maureen and Joanne. "I see we have a few newcomers tonight. Would you like to tell us a little about yourselves?"

            Maureen smiles nervously. "Oh, uh…we don't have AIDS." Joanne smacks her. "I mean, we're just here with them." She nods towards me, Collins, and Mimi.

            Joanne rolls her eyes. "We came with Mark, Mimi, and Collins because we're very concerned about our friend and we thought maybe you could help us." She looks at me.

            I nod. "Yeah…um, Roger's…I don't know, he's acting really weird and we don't know what to do."

            Paul nods, looking concerned. "I remember you mentioning that a few months ago. How is he acting weird?"

            "Well, it's long story. I told you about how he got really depressed after I got AIDS?" Paul nods. "Well ever since then he just…stopped eating. At first I didn't really think it was that big of a problem but then I caught him throwing up in the bathroom. We kind of had a fight after that but then we talked about it and he promised me he'd stop throwing up and start eating again. But he didn't. He pretty much stopped eating altogether after that, and the few times I was actually able to get him to eat, he…well, basically he had a panic attack. I don't know, it's like eating is torture for him. He looks absolutely terrified, he cries and begs me to stop making him eat, he starts shaking…But I don't think he's concerned about his weight. It's more like this huge phobia he has with food and eating.

            "And another thing is the way he keeps his room. Before everything happened with me getting HIV, his room was a wreck. Half the time you couldn't even see his floor. But now it's not only spotless, but every single thing in there is in some kind of order. His clothes are in color order, his books are alphabetized, his cd's are arranged by genre…and he also got rid of everything glass in his room. He took the glass out of his picture frames, he took out his mirror, and he always cleans and organizes things obsessively. Our refrigerator is now arranged by food category.

            "Anyway, the thing that's got me the most worried is his weight. He's completely emaciated, he looks like he's about to drop dead any second. I've tried everything to try to get him to eat and gain weight but nothing works and I don't know what to do anymore. I was hoping you could help us, because I've run out of ideas, and we're losing him."

I take a deep breath and look anxiously at Paul, who doesn't say anything for a moment as he takes this all in. "It sounds like he has a lot of very serious problems that he's going to need professional help to fix…"

            "Do you know what's wrong with him? I mean, I have no idea even what the problem is. I don't think he's anorexic because he's not concerned about his weight…"

            "Someone doesn't have to be obsessed over their weight to be considered anorexic. Basically, anorexia is just a symptom, a way for a person to not deal with their problems, so they deal with them by starving themselves. They turn all their problems into just one: 'I'm too fat.' Or in Roger's case, 'Food is too scary.' Then the one simple solution is to not eat. They think, since that's what they've turned all their problems into, that starving themselves will solve everything. So you see, it's just a way of covering up their problems so they don't have to deal with them."

            "Like heroine…"

            Paul nods. "I'm not qualified to diagnose him, but it sounds like Roger is anorexic and needs to be seen by a counselor, and probably by his regular physician too to see how much damage he's done to himself, who can diagnose him and get him the help he needs. And the sooner the better. It sounds like Roger's eating problems are stemming from his guilt about giving you HIV, so I would suggest that he not only go alone, but with you too every once in a while, so he can deal with that guilt instead of covering it up by not eating." He scribbles down the name and phone number of a therapist on a sheet of paper and hands it to me. "But Mark, he has to do this for himself. Don't make the call for him. It has to be his decision, he has to want to get help before he can get better. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try and convince him to get the help, but the initial decision has to come from him."

            I nod. "Yeah, but knowing Roger it's gonna take a hell of a lot of convincing to get him to agree to this," I motion to the paper in my hand.

            "You never know, he's a lot stronger than he seems. He may just surprise you."

            After discussing it for a few more minutes, the group splits up and me, Mimi, Collins, Maureen, and Joanne head home together, relieved if nothing else to finally know what's wrong with Roger and why he's doing this. We decide that it would be best if I talked to Roger alone, since anything else might seem like a confrontation, and I say goodbye to the gang and head upstairs to the loft, planning out in my head what to say to Roger.

            I walk in and sit on the couch for a few minutes before finally gathering up my courage and knocking on his door. He doesn't answer and I get worried that he might have passed out again, so I walk in anyway and nearly pass out myself to find Roger on the floor with a piece of glass, covered it blood.