The TempestXtreme Talk Show!

Quick! Somebody call security! BANG!! Oh, never mind! ^_^

By TempestXtreme

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this show except my own characters. Lashana and Telca belong to Lashana and Telca and Robert belongs to Robert.

BANG!!

"Arigato!"

"Robert!!"

"He was sneaking up on you!!"

Eve sighed. Men. So overprotective. "Fine, fine, fine…" she said. "Just don't blow up the studio. I doubt that the shields could cope with your Ki attacks."

Robert grinned. Eve sighed again and was about to leave, except that Robert glomped her. "Uh, I have to start the show…"

She turned to look at him. "I love you, you know that, right?" he asked.

Eve nodded. "Of course I do!" she said. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I can be an idiot at times."

"You're male. It comes with the territory."

"Oh gee, thanks."

Eve smirked. "No problem. Now let go, I need to start the show."

Robert let her go and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading for the stage. "And don't get into a fight with Lashana or Telca! I want to marry a person, not a pile of ash!"

Robert smirked. "I can take care of myself!"

Eve chuckled. "Sure, big guy, I know. But Lashana and Telca can outmatch my dad!"

Robert blinked, and then: "WHAT?!"

*-*-*-*-*-*

"Hello and welcome to the TempestXtreme Talk Show! Here's your host, Tempest!"

The sounds of a baby crying could be heard backstage, and then Tempest came out on stage and waved. "Hello and welcome to my show! Today, we're…"

"TEMPEST GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE AND SHUT THIS BABY UP!!" the screaming voice belonged to Telca – only she could reach that volume without the need of a megaphone.

Eve looked at her father in shock. "YOU LEFT MY BABY BROTHER WITH THOSE PSYCHOS?!"

With that, she vanished backstage and the crying noises stopped. Tempest turned back to the audience and smiled weakly. "Uh, it's my turn to look after my son, Samuel," he said. "Well, anyway, today we're interviewing people from random dimensions!"

"WHAT?!" came Lashana's scream. "ARE YOU NUTS?!"

Tempest chuckled. "In a word: YES!"

He chuckled again when he heard a few 'dirty' words coming from backstage. "HEY! KIDS MIGHT BE WATCHING THIS SHOW!"

Eve stuck her head out from backstage. "Actually, we did a survey about that. Most of the kids are so afraid of your insanity that they'd rather watch Xellos belly dance than watch this show."

Tempest grumbled. "They have no taste."

He sighed and signalled for Frank to cut to a commercial.

*-*-*-*-*-*

During the commercial, Tempest opened a portal and grinned when Jean-Luc Picard fell out of it. "Where the devil am I?"

"Trivadia."

He jumped up and turned to look at Tempest. "Who the blazes are you?!"

"Tempest, and you're on Trivadia!"

"Trivadia? Wait a minute, you're HUMAN!"

"Uh, yeah," Tempest said. "What? You were expecting a Klingon or something?"

"Well, I…" Picard said. "Well, yes!"

"Well, you're wrong! And we've had a run in with that Q character, too. Annoying prick. I tried to feed him to a dragon; he gave the poor thing indigestion!"

"DRAGONS?!"

"Yeah. And Elves, and Dwarves…and Orcs, too."

Picard blinked. "Just how did I get here?"

"Trans-dimensional portal. You're in a whole other dimension."

"What? A different DIMENSION?? And what's a trans-dimensional portal?"

"Uh-huh. A trans-dimensional portal is a magical portal that leads into sub-space and allows people to travel ANYWHERE in a matter of seconds."

"There's no such thing as magic."

Tempest held up a fireball. "What do you call this?"

He fainted.

"Oops."

*-*-*-*-*

"He awake yet?"

"He's waking up! Lashana, don't shock him. He doesn't believe in magic or Elves either. Uh oh, I know that look…"

"YO PICARD! WAKE THE HELL UP!!!"

Picard bolted awake and belatedly wondered when the ringing in his ears would stop.

"Telca…" Tempest said. The sorceress smiled innocently.

"What? He's awake isn't he?!"

"And probably deaf." Eve sighed and turned to him. "Don't mind them. They're insane. Hi, I'm Eve."

Picard stood up. "I'm…" he began.

"Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship U.S.S Enterprise. We know." Eve smiled. "In this dimension, and most others, you and your crew are characters in a T.V show and numerous books that have thousands of fans."

"A T.V SHOW?!"

"Yes."

He fainted again, and Tempest brought his hand up to his forehead in an exasperated smack. "Oh gods…Somebody get the smelling salts! Even better! YO ROBERT!"

"WHAT?!"

"Come here and breathe on Picard! Your garlic breath should wake him up!"

"OH SHUT UP!!"

Tempest chuckled, stopping when Eve glared at him. "What? I was kidding!"

"He does NOT have garlic breath!"

"How would you know?" Telca asked. Eve looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Right."

Tempest resorted to the oldest method of waking somebody up. "Aqua Create!"

"What??" Picard sputtered, as he was drenched in ice-cold water.

"Hi!" Tempest said. "You ready to be interviewed now?"

"Interviewed? What do you mean  'interviewed'?"

"Hello! Talk Show, you're the guest, I'm the host. I ask you questions…get it?"

"Oh, fine."

"Great! Just one thing."

"What?"

Tempest chuckled as he created a wind around Picard and dried him off. "There! All dry!"

*-*-*-*-*-*

"Welcome back! Here's our one and only guest for today: Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise!"

Picard walked on stage, smiled and sat down. "I'm happy to be here."

"It's better than being on that flying saucer of yours," Tempest said, grinning. "Anyway, first question: Why are you so…proper? It's not natural!"

"I am an officer and a gentleman!" Picard said.

"Nooo, you're an old man with no sense of humour."

Picard glared at him, and Tempest shrugged and opened a portal underneath him and sent him right back to his ship. "Old grump."

*-*-*-*-*-*

"Sir! Where have you been?" Riker asked as Picard landed right in the middle of the bridge.

"You don't want to know. Warp 9, Mr. Crusher. Get us away from here."

"Yes sir."

The End!!!