Disclaimer: Tolkien and Baz Luhrmann's. So very not mine.
Author's Note: For anyone who decided that the "Moulin Rouge" parodies actually have any redeeming value, I heartily encourage you to check out "Arbre Rouge" and critique it. This is merely a toss-up idea for later chapters of "Arbre Rouge" – actually, I told a lie. It's just a random parody of "Like A Virgin" that will hopefully make it into "Arbre Rouge", but that's debatable at the moment. Have fun!
(Situations are tense in the Tower, seeing as Legolas has still not arrived and Aragorn has threatened to back out of investing should Legolas not show up. The time continues to tick on, and Aragorn makes a move to go. Celeborn, seeing his dreams flying out the window and going splat on the ground outside, shrieks.)
CELEBORN: He's… BATHING!
ARAGORN: (whirling around angrily) Bathing?! What sort of imbecile do you take me for, Celeborn?
CELEBORN: He had a sudden desire to go to a bathhouse and wash away his sins.
ARAGORN: What?
CELEBORN: He's like a blushing bride. He looked upon tonight as his wedding night.
ARAGORN: His wedding night?
CELEBORN: He says you make him feel like… (His voice drops down to a whisper) An archer.
ARAGORN: An archer?
CELEBORN: You know… killing for the very first time. He says you make him feel so good inside when you hold him, and you touch him…
ARAGORN: (looking off into the distance) Like an archer…
(The Dancing Elves begin to tidy up the Tower, moving into place. Celeborn takes Aragorn by the arm.)
CELEBORN: (sings) He's made it out of Mirkwood. He's made it through. He didn't know how lost he was until he found you. (The violins swell into a crescendo in the background.)
He was beat, incomplete.
He had been had, he was sad and blue, but you made him feel…
Yes you made him feel shiny and new! Ahhh!
(The Dancing Elves launch into their dance, twirling about the Tower in a frenzied flurry of grace.)
Like an archer!
Killing for the very first time!
Like an ar-ar-cher-er,
When your bows twang both in time.
(He falls into a chair as the Dancing Elves wrap a white sheet around his head, giving the brief illusion of a bride. He bats his eyes at Aragorn, who looks rather disgusted and horrified by this entire ordeal.)
Gonna give you all his love!
His grief is fading fast.
He's been saving it all for you – only love can last!
(Celeborn gets out of the chair, pulling Aragorn up in front of the line of can-canning Elves. The Elves then form to make a "bridge", which Celeborn pulls Aragorn through.)
He's so fine, and he's thine.
He'll be yours, until the end of time,
'Cause you made him feel, yes you made him feel he has nothing to hide! Like an archer! Killing for the very first time!
Like an archer, when your bows twang, both in time!
(They end up outside on the balcony. Celeborn manages to swoon into Aragorn's arms. The Man is frightened, even, and tries to run away.)
Like an archer! Feels so good inside!
When you hold him, and you touch him, and you hold him, and you touch him…
(Aragorn does run away this time, with the Dancing Elves and Celeborn in hot pursuit. Celeborn and Aragorn end up on the bed, with Celeborn making flirtatious faces at the King. The Dancing Elves cluster about closely. The scene abruptly switches to an image of Haldir peering out his window, waiting for Legolas to appear. Legolas, meanwhile, is stuck in his dressing room at the Arbre Rouge. The doctor is standing over him, shaking his head and murmuring to Galadriel. Legolas stirs, his blue eyes looking pained. The shot then switches back over to the scene at the Tower, where Aragorn is just getting into the swing of things.)
ARAGORN: (sings and getting up, the Dancing Elves putting on "bad boy" expressions and humming lowly in the background.) He's so fine, and he's mine. He makes me strong, yes he makes me bold, his love thawed out, yes his love thawed out what was scared and cold!
(Celeborn leads the solemn procession out to the main room of the Tower, then turns about and frolicks.)
CELEBORN: Like an archer!
ARAGORN: Touched for the very first time!
CELEBRON: Like an archer!
ARAGRON: When your bows twang both in time!
CELEBORN: Like an archer!
ARAGORN: Feels so good inside! When I hold him, and I touch him, and I hold him and I touch him…
(Aragorn, on a chair with a fake wind effect blowing back his hair, approaches a mock-cowering Celeborn on the table.)
BOTH: Ahhhh, ahhh, aahhh… Like an archer!
DANCING ELVES: Love, love, love, love, love!
(The dance concludes with a bottle of wine being opened, and Celeborn and Aragorn end in a rather charming pose with their cheeks pressed against one another.)
Author's Note: For anyone who decided that the "Moulin Rouge" parodies actually have any redeeming value, I heartily encourage you to check out "Arbre Rouge" and critique it. This is merely a toss-up idea for later chapters of "Arbre Rouge" – actually, I told a lie. It's just a random parody of "Like A Virgin" that will hopefully make it into "Arbre Rouge", but that's debatable at the moment. Have fun!
(Situations are tense in the Tower, seeing as Legolas has still not arrived and Aragorn has threatened to back out of investing should Legolas not show up. The time continues to tick on, and Aragorn makes a move to go. Celeborn, seeing his dreams flying out the window and going splat on the ground outside, shrieks.)
CELEBORN: He's… BATHING!
ARAGORN: (whirling around angrily) Bathing?! What sort of imbecile do you take me for, Celeborn?
CELEBORN: He had a sudden desire to go to a bathhouse and wash away his sins.
ARAGORN: What?
CELEBORN: He's like a blushing bride. He looked upon tonight as his wedding night.
ARAGORN: His wedding night?
CELEBORN: He says you make him feel like… (His voice drops down to a whisper) An archer.
ARAGORN: An archer?
CELEBORN: You know… killing for the very first time. He says you make him feel so good inside when you hold him, and you touch him…
ARAGORN: (looking off into the distance) Like an archer…
(The Dancing Elves begin to tidy up the Tower, moving into place. Celeborn takes Aragorn by the arm.)
CELEBORN: (sings) He's made it out of Mirkwood. He's made it through. He didn't know how lost he was until he found you. (The violins swell into a crescendo in the background.)
He was beat, incomplete.
He had been had, he was sad and blue, but you made him feel…
Yes you made him feel shiny and new! Ahhh!
(The Dancing Elves launch into their dance, twirling about the Tower in a frenzied flurry of grace.)
Like an archer!
Killing for the very first time!
Like an ar-ar-cher-er,
When your bows twang both in time.
(He falls into a chair as the Dancing Elves wrap a white sheet around his head, giving the brief illusion of a bride. He bats his eyes at Aragorn, who looks rather disgusted and horrified by this entire ordeal.)
Gonna give you all his love!
His grief is fading fast.
He's been saving it all for you – only love can last!
(Celeborn gets out of the chair, pulling Aragorn up in front of the line of can-canning Elves. The Elves then form to make a "bridge", which Celeborn pulls Aragorn through.)
He's so fine, and he's thine.
He'll be yours, until the end of time,
'Cause you made him feel, yes you made him feel he has nothing to hide! Like an archer! Killing for the very first time!
Like an archer, when your bows twang, both in time!
(They end up outside on the balcony. Celeborn manages to swoon into Aragorn's arms. The Man is frightened, even, and tries to run away.)
Like an archer! Feels so good inside!
When you hold him, and you touch him, and you hold him, and you touch him…
(Aragorn does run away this time, with the Dancing Elves and Celeborn in hot pursuit. Celeborn and Aragorn end up on the bed, with Celeborn making flirtatious faces at the King. The Dancing Elves cluster about closely. The scene abruptly switches to an image of Haldir peering out his window, waiting for Legolas to appear. Legolas, meanwhile, is stuck in his dressing room at the Arbre Rouge. The doctor is standing over him, shaking his head and murmuring to Galadriel. Legolas stirs, his blue eyes looking pained. The shot then switches back over to the scene at the Tower, where Aragorn is just getting into the swing of things.)
ARAGORN: (sings and getting up, the Dancing Elves putting on "bad boy" expressions and humming lowly in the background.) He's so fine, and he's mine. He makes me strong, yes he makes me bold, his love thawed out, yes his love thawed out what was scared and cold!
(Celeborn leads the solemn procession out to the main room of the Tower, then turns about and frolicks.)
CELEBORN: Like an archer!
ARAGORN: Touched for the very first time!
CELEBRON: Like an archer!
ARAGRON: When your bows twang both in time!
CELEBORN: Like an archer!
ARAGORN: Feels so good inside! When I hold him, and I touch him, and I hold him and I touch him…
(Aragorn, on a chair with a fake wind effect blowing back his hair, approaches a mock-cowering Celeborn on the table.)
BOTH: Ahhhh, ahhh, aahhh… Like an archer!
DANCING ELVES: Love, love, love, love, love!
(The dance concludes with a bottle of wine being opened, and Celeborn and Aragorn end in a rather charming pose with their cheeks pressed against one another.)