A/N: OK, you get some plot now. I merged the original chapters 1 and 2 into a single chapter, and posted a new chapter 2, so don't get confused there, and make sure you've not missed a part.

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III

Several months passed before I went out on patrol again with the Ithilien company. My duties as Steward meant my presence was now often required in Minas Tirith at sessions of the Council; and indeed we had much to concern us, for negotiations with the Haradrim were ever in a delicate state, and there was a growing threat from the East, where we watched with concern the alliances forming between the chieftains of those far realms. It would not be long, we believed, before their eye fell on the west, and Gondor, their enemy of old, still only beginning her restoration. But with Emyn Arnen so close, it was rare now that I remained in the city rather than ride back to my home and my wife. I had become well used to making the journey in darkness, as once I had ridden time and again between Minas Tirith and Osgiliath, but then there had been no treasure so dear awaiting me at either destination, nor such a sense of homecoming.

Ithilien was now Gondor's easternmost borderland and its defences my chief responsibility. North of the Crossroads and along the river as far as Cair Andros and many leagues south of Harlond I was most contented with our strength. Some hardy souls had even returned to rebuild their homes in the lands south of Henneth Annûn. But the Ithilien company had suffered great losses in the war and, south of Emyn Arnen, our defences were in a parlous state. With the threat from Mordor removed, I had sent much of the Osgiliath company down to Poros, where we deemed any blow from Harad would land first. With a small force patrolling the border north of Henneth Annûn, I now had most of the Ithilien company policing the land south of Emyn Arnen. It would be years before I could contemplate turning my attention to reclaiming Minas Ithil and Morgul Vale, and Ithilien still suffered from the presence of remnants of orc-bands and outlaws. If ever I wanted my princedom to be again the Garden of Gondor, home once more to all those who had been dispossessed, its lands would have to be made secure. In all these matters my lady took great interest; and her opinions proved to be well-founded, her analyses trenchant, her suggestions sound.

Yet I delayed returning myself to active service. I had now spent more than twenty years, the whole of my manhood, in the army, and under the shadow of increasing threat. This brief taste of peace, even in these still somewhat uncertain days, I found was much to my liking. What relief it was no longer at all times to bear a sword, or feel weighed down by mail, or sleep outdoors in fear for my life and the lives of the many under my protection. No desire had I ever to do any of these things again. Emyn Arnen was tranquil, my books and studies engrossing, my wife's company enchanting. I would happily have closed the doors on the rest of the world for good.

But I could not put off the day for ever and, with regret, I prepared myself for a tour to see first-hand Ithilien's defences from Henneth Annûn to the crossings of Poros. Éowyn, I believe, would willingly have accompanied me and, while I desired always to be near her, yet I could not quite picture her, in all her grace and loveliness, sleeping in a cave in north Ithilien, or camped in a ditch just off the Harad road. It was not quite where I wanted to picture myself. Vainly she protested her ride with the Rohirrim from Edoras to Mundburg, for I held firm on the matter. War had interfered too much in my life already; where my wife and my home were concerned I would brook no such intrusions. The peace we had at Emyn Arnen I held inviolable.

Great merriment there was among the men, upon my return, at my array of new titles. Many older members of the company recalled at great length how they had known the Prince of Ithilien when he had first joined the army, and I saw that this particular vein of humour would be mined for years. And there was much interest in the sword I now bore, and many wanted to look upon it to see a part of the weapon that had slain the Black Captain, whose servants had butchered so many of their friends. My choice of wife was judged by all the decision of a man of great wisdom and I was, naturally, most obliged to have the blessing of the Ithilien Rangers in this matter. I could see now that I had done my company an injustice delaying for so long my return, for I had forgotten too easily that these men were my comrades and my friends, and that I had entrusted them with my life again and again, and they had never failed me.

But one afternoon in late December, I was again wishing to be at home, for I was lying face down in freezing rain waiting to waylay a band of orcs that had been sighted thirty miles south-west of the southern foothills of Emyn Arnen. Water was pouring down my face and neck, and I thought longingly of my comfortable home, my lovely wife, my warm study, and my beautiful books. Mablung, stretched alongside me, was chuckling under his breath at my discomfort, for he knew that not only had I delayed the whole summer before embarking on this tour, but that I had only come out with this patrol having woken to see a pale but steady winter sun in the sky. Clearly he was of a mind that I deserved my drenching.

The band of orcs, when it came by, was wretchedly small and I knew we would dispatch them with ease, for we outnumbered them, and they appeared to be starving. The lands in Ithilien were now becoming too fair and too well defended to allow these beasts to sustain their miserable lives. I gave the order to attack gladly.

What overcame me then I have never suffered before and I pray to the Valar I never shall again. I took on the orc captain and, while I still remained in my right senses, I knew this would be an easy fight that would be over quickly. But then I was plunged into a state which was almost as to a nightmare. My vision seemed to narrow; and all colour leached from my surroundings, save black and red. The foul face before me seemed to flicker, as if lit by flames. And then the noise began; terrible and engulfing, filling my head fit to burst. Every sound around me gained in intensity - the yells of my foe, the shouts of my men and, worst of all, the pounding in my ears. And all this seemed to be taking place across an age - although it cannot have been as much as ten minutes - and I became aware of a rising panic in my breast that the fighting would never end, and that I would be forced to keep on until I dropped dead of exhaustion or despair.

All of a sudden through this roaring came Mablung's voice, calm but insistent.

'Captain.'

The noise seemed to abate somewhat.

'Captain, it's dead.'

I looked up at him, then down at the body at my feet, which was hacked and hewed by my own sword and fury. I licked my lips, which had become unaccountably dry. 'Let us get this filth cleared away,' I said; and then, with a sudden burst of rage the like of which I had never felt before, I took my sword in both hands and plunged it once more deep into the creature's heart, and drew it out savagely. 'Ithilien has been defiled for far too long.'

We dealt with the bodies and, if the others seemed somewhat subdued as we went about this task, I put it down to them feeling as tired as I did myself. We were not far, perhaps two miles, from one of our shelters, which lay very close to the river. And I, at least, was keen to wash the filth of the fight from me, for the rain did not seem to cleanse me enough. Again, we spoke little as we made our way across the green grass of south Ithilien. We reached the shelter in the late afternoon, and the others set to straightaway lighting a fire and preparing food. I went directly to the river, and my hands seemed to require much in the way of scrubbing before I was satisfied they were thoroughly clean.

When I returned there was a good fire blazing, and I ate a little, but did not feel much hungry. The talk around me was desultory and I was, in truth, somewhat distracted, for I thought I could hear faint echoes of the day's earlier skirmish ringing in my ears. I forced myself to concentrate on what the rest were saying; and it seemed they had fallen to talking about the retreat from the Causeway Forts. All of us there had fought our way back from Osgiliath, and they had all gone on to fight in the battle on the Pelennor - service given while I had been lying in a fever and subject to my father's unhealthy ministrations.

I realized I was being spoken to.

'What do you remember of it, captain?'

'What do I remember?' I paused, not entirely willing to sift through the memories I had of that day. 'The noise, chiefly.' I said at last. 'I remember the noise. People crying out as they were hurt, and the enemy jeering. Myself, shouting orders...'

There were a few small smiles here.

'And the shrieking from above...' I did not need to say more on this, I saw, as shadows passed over the faces of the others at just the thought of the winged terror. 'And then, the singing. People were singing. That was just before I was wounded.'

'Ah, captain,' said Mablung, with feeling, 'when you started on that song, I thought my heart would break. I thought we were finished, and then somehow you managed to start singing!'

I looked at him in wonder. 'When I started singing, you say?'

He looked back at me oddly. 'Aye, captain; it was you who started it.'

'Are you sure?' I glanced around. The others were nodding.

'Captain,' Mablung said, 'I've served beside you for nigh on fifteen years. I think I recognize your voice by now. Especially your singing voice,' he joked gently.

When I could speak again, my voice was thick. 'I didn't know... I didn't know that. I have no memory of that. No memory at all.' And then, all of a sudden, my head was in my hands, and I was weeping. 'I thought... At one point, I thought I had been struck dumb. I thought I would never speak again, that I would die without being able to speak again. And then the singing started and I found my voice had come back, and that I could join in with it. And now, it seems I wasn't dumb. I wasn't dumb at all.' And I covered my face with my hands for the tears kept on falling and would not stop.

When at length I had controlled myself, I looked around to see that only Mablung and I were still sitting there. He had, it seemed, sent the others away. I raised my head to look at him directly.

'You and I both have seen this from many men,' he said without preamble.

'But not, I think, from one who might soon find himself commanding an army,' I answered, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

'Aye, that's true enough.'

I shifted slightly where I was sitting. 'Still,' I said slowly, 'it is not uncommon to find oneself overwrought when recollecting a battle. And it is, after all, the first time we have spoken together of the retreat. Indeed, I think it is the first time I have spoken of it at length at all.'

'That's all very well, but it's not just that, is it, captain?'

I shot him a stern look. 'What do you mean by that?'

'Can I speak freely, sir?'

'By all means.'

'I saw how you were earlier today. That wasn't a small and hungry band of orcs you were fighting there.'

'Clearly it was - '

'No, captain. The amount of fury you put into it? I think you were fighting the retreat again. Whatever you were seeing - or hearing,' he said, and gave me a sharp look, 'it wasn't a wet afternoon in Ithilien with a bit of shouting and the river going by.'

And indeed it had not been.

'And if you want my advice, sir,' he continued, 'then - put your sword away soon. Because you and I have both seen what happens to men who don't take warnings like this seriously. And we know it's not pretty.'

'That, alas, is easier said than done.'

'You could command the Ithilien company from behind a desk in Minas Tirith! This is a good set of men; you should know, you trained them. Plenty of people here ready for more responsibility, even if we did lose so many in that cursed retreat.'

'It's not the Ithilien company that troubles me.'

'Well, sir,' he said, 'I don't spend a lot of time worrying about politics, so I don't know if there's going to be a war, or if Gondor can have some peace now - and the Valar know we deserve it - but I'd say that you need to think hard about whether you really can fight another campaign. It's not as if you have anything to prove. There's not that many people did as much as you did, and came through the war a hero, without getting themselves killed doing it.' He paused. 'Well, there's your wife, of course,' he said.

'My wife,' I murmured. We were but thirty miles from Emyn Arnen. There was a courier post a short walk up the river from where we now lay where I could get a horse. I could be back at home by this evening - but I was due to ride south the following morning.

'I think you should go home, sir,' Mablung said gently. 'Get a bit of rest. The Poros station can wait a couple of days, surely?'

It did not take much more to convince me of the wisdom of this, for I could still feel myself trembling. The rest of the patrol eyed me anxiously as I told them of my new intentions, but they would not allow me to ask their pardon for my behaviour that day. We had all, indeed, seen before someone to whom this had happened - but that was no comfort to me, since such loss of restraint on the part of one's captain was a serious matter, and I felt the failure keenly. The Valar be praised this had been such an easy fight. Under other circumstances, I could have cost them all their lives - and they were good and brave men, who deserved better.

I walked up river and, as I went along, I was overcome with shame. Always I had been compared unfavourably with my brother in matters of war, and my courage deemed less than his, and I had struggled hard to prove that, even if I could not be his match, I was at least my own man and capable of conducting myself well in battle. But now it seemed those assessments of my character had been quite correct. I could not conceive of Boromir weeping at the memory of a battle, or ever feeling the way I did now. For, as I walked along the river in the rain, I understood that the thought of combat no longer simply displeased me. It sickened me.