VI

Although Emyn Arnen had mercifully cooled in recent weeks, the heat of summer still lay heavy on the city of Minas Tirith. And as we went up the levels it was as if the heat oppressed the air between us also. For my husband had sat beside me throughout our journey in grave silence, and I was too tired to determine whether he was angry or simply too afraid to speak.

Once I had recovered from my initial sickness, and during the spring and early summer, I had been at ease with my condition, and even flourished; and, although I missed riding, I had walked much, and we had both been excited as we planned for the baby's arrival; my husband seemed sometimes to glow more than I did. In the April, my brother had come with his new wife Lothíriel, my husband's cousin from Dol Amroth, and these had been joyful weeks. They were very much in love, and both my husband and I were greatly amused to see how my brother softened around her and was completely at her command, when she had gone to such lengths to pursue him. She was a sweet girl, but sharp and capable, and gifted with great wit, and I loved to hear her speak cheerfully of her battles to tame Edoras and, when pressed, she proved to be a remarkable source of gossip about all at court, some of which I had not learned in all my years there. How I wished she and I had been there together, for I believe we would have reigned supreme! Still, it seemed she managed well enough on her own account. My brother had chosen a woman the match of anyone in Edoras, himself not least.

It was after they departed, and the weather became hotter, that I felt myself begin to fade. I longed for the weight to be removed from me, so that I could move again freely; and the days passed slowly, as I went from chamber to garden and back again, and nothing about me changed - or perhaps time itself slowed down, and me with it. My husband throughout was gentle and attentive, and he spent more time with me than I would have thought his duties could allow, but he seemed quite confident that Ithilien was in good hands. And we would sit together and talk, or he would read and I would drowse, and all of his actions were dedicated to my ease and comfort.

But still, when July came, I was so hot and so tired, and the birth took so long, that my only feeling was one of relief - and I found that I did not care much for the child, and this troubled me, for it seemed unnatural. I had thought that once I looked upon it I would be filled with love. But I was able to hide behind my husband's love, which did bring me pleasure, his happiness was so great. He would sit at length beside me on the bed, with his legs drawn up, and the child resting there, and marvel at its perfection; and he would say again and again how much it looked like me - which was untrue, for with its pale skin and dark hair and lashes it was a miniature version of him, save that its eyes were blue. I left him to name it, and he called it Elboron, in part in memory of his brother; and I took care to make sure he thought we had reached the decision together. I knew how much it meant to my husband that we were now a family, as he had longed for his whole life, for since Denethor had found sufficient object for his affection in his elder son, my husband had ever been unnecessary. While I too had lost mother and father very young, yet I had been secure in the love of my brother, and my cousin, and the king, at least as a child and before the court darkened. I wondered if this, in part, accounted for my coolness towards my own son, since I had not greatly desired him.

But I hoped that soon my son and I would, perhaps, form a stronger bond, for I believed, from all my husband had said, that there was going to be war; and my husband, as steward and as one of the ablest captains in the realm, would soon be called upon again to show his valour. While I knew, from how I felt each time he rode out to travel in Ithilien, that I would miss him badly, and that this absence would be of even longer duration, still I was proud of him and his courage, and I took consolation in the honour that I knew he would bring to our house.

Thus I was mystified to learn, after the King came to see him, that while there would indeed be war, my husband would not be riding out to it. And I was utterly bewildered when I perceived that he saw no disgrace in this and, indeed, seemed glad. The only explanation I could think of, although he denied it, was that he had in some way angered the King. But we did not speak about it, for in my dismay at learning that we must, as a result of his staying behind, go back to the city, I had lashed out at him, and he had withdrawn from me completely. Even as I lay in our chamber, waiting for him to come to me, and weeping a little both in remorse for my anger and misery at the thought of leaving Emyn Arnen, he had remained aloof in his study, with his books. And over the next few days he was still quiet, and I was so tired by the effort of the preparations for our move, and unhappy at the thought of our destination, and troubled at what the King's slight could mean that, in another flash of anger, I decided that if he was intent on being enigmatic, I had little energy or inclination to play at solving his riddles.

So we reached the uppermost level and arrived at the Steward's house, and my husband, with silent courtesy, helped me down from the carriage, and then spoke at last.

'Please forgive me that I do not come in with you, my lady. I must attend on the King directly.' And he gave me a slight, stiff bow, and left for the White Tower.

I entered the house with little enthusiasm. It was not so close here as further down the city and the rooms had been aired in the few days since we had sent word of our return, but still the building weighed down upon my mood. And in the days that followed I found myself left to contemplate the house much, for the council was in session daily in preparation for war, and my husband would go out early and return late. And I sat in the garden, or moved from room to room, and thought of the scented valleys around Emyn Arnen, and the green fields of Rohan.

And I fell also to thinking of Finduilas, who had been mistress here before me. Very soon after inheriting this house and all within, my husband had destroyed - burnt, indeed - many things that had been his father's; even books, which was hard to believe of him, but only those in which Denethor had written his name. Then he had brought out much that had been his mother's, and which had been put away on her death. And they were indeed lovely things, beautifully carved bookcases with her own books on once again, and intricately woven carpets and tapestries, and here and there glass and crystal ornaments. And so, since her memory was all around me, my mind was much upon her. I had heard a great deal about her for, while my husband recollected nothing more than a few dim images or of seeking something he had lost, the Prince of Dol Amroth fell easily to speaking about her if asked. And she had been gentle, and softly spoken, and loved books and music and her sons. After thirty years he still grieved much for the loss of his beloved sister. And I came to think of her as a white dove that had been blown off course by a pitiless wind, and had found itself trapped high on a cold and cruel rock where, trembling and alone, it had died. And I swore to myself that this would not be my fate also.

The day after our arrival, the Queen had visited me, and we had gone out and sat by the fountain beneath the White Tree, where it felt a little cooler with the water running by. We spoke a little of our children, for their daughter was now just a year old, and quite beautiful.

'I wonder,' I said, as I listened to her speak, 'if I might like to be the mother of a daughter better.' And as I said it, this seemed to me a strange thought, since I knew as much about mothers and daughters as I did about mothers and sons, and I had always preferred the company of men.

The Queen looked at me closely. 'And yet,' she murmured, 'you have such a fine son.' She smiled, and took my hand. 'Wait until he wants to learn to ride!' she said, and I too smiled at the thought.

Then we fell to talking about the imminent arrival of the Prince of Dol Amroth, the last of the lords of the council to come in preparation for riding east; and how the occasion would be marked most splendidly for, when he came, this would be the largest gathering of the lords and ladies of Gondor for some time - since our wedding, indeed. Privately, I was not looking forward to the event for the court bored me, but my appearance was expected and duty had to be done. And when she got up to leave, the Queen pressed my hand, and said, 'Do not sit alone all day, Éowyn. I would welcome your company.'

The weather was still warm when the court assembled, and I felt well enough, but prepared myself gloomily. I had chosen a dress entirely in white, even the embroidery and the beading and, as my only concession to colour, I had put on the swan pendant which Faramir had given me the morning of our wedding, which I loved, and I knew it would please him to see me wear it. And I saw now, for the first time, that the gem was the exact colour as my eyes, and those of our son. When he came in, I saw that my husband had dressed completely in black, but I also marked that even on an occasion such as this he did not bear the blade that I had given him. We both spoke at the same time.

'You are so lovely - ' he murmured.

'We are opposites!' I exclaimed, and regretted it straightaway, because his face fell and he lowered his head. I came to stand close before him. 'Or perhaps it is that we match,' I said, more gently, and took his hand.

He looked up and his face was rather sad. 'At least we do not clash,' he murmured, pressing my hand, and then reached forward hesitantly to kiss me on the cheek. And then we gave each other small smiles and, hand in hand, went down into the court of the fountain.

A great many people desired to speak to us, for we were not, by the will of us both, much seen at court. At length, I was able to take a moment for myself and, looking across the courtyard, I saw that my husband had been caught by three or four ladies of the realm who plainly admired him greatly and, this being my husband, he was of course utterly oblivious to their regard. I did not doubt that each of them had schemed to capture him, when he had been the Lord Faramir, second son of the Steward, and then as the Steward's heir, and then when he had at last become Steward himself. And I was filled suddenly with pride that this fine, gentle, brave man had chosen me above all the polished and sophisticated ladies of Gondor.

As I looked upon him, with great love in my heart, I became aware of someone standing by me, and turned to behold the King who, it seemed, was also seeking a moment's peace.

'How glad the Queen and I are to see you well again, my lady,' he said quietly. 'And even gladder to have you here in Minas Tirith.'

'It always brings me great joy to see you both,' I said warmly, and he smiled, then looked at my husband, who was now trying to remove himself from his circle of admirers.

'I believe he is truly unaware how many hearts he leaves in ruin in his wake,' the King said dryly.

I laughed; and then I summoned up all my courage and said what was most on my mind. 'And yet I fear he has somewhat lost your favour, lord,' I said.

He turned to look at me in complete surprise. 'What would cause you to think that, my lady?' he said.

'Why else would you instruct him to remain in the city rather than travel with you to the east as should be his place? Surely this is a great dishonour?'

He did not answer straightaway, and his face became very grave. 'My lady,' he said in time, 'Let me set your mind at rest. For of all the lords of this land, there are none I hold in such high esteem as the Steward of Gondor. My respect for him is of the highest order and my trust in him absolute.'

'Why, then, does he not go with you?'

'He does not desire it, lady,' he said softly. 'He wishes to remain with you, and your son.'

'I would not demand this sacrifice of him!' I exclaimed.

'My lady,' he said, and his voice was gentle, but the note of warning was clear, 'this is a matter for you and your husband.'

I sighed and lowered my head. He pressed my hand very gently, and I looked upon his face. 'The Queen and I are glad to have you here, my lady - to have you both here. There are few in the realm we hold so dear as the Lord and Lady of Emyn Arnen.' And he bowed, and so left me.

I stepped back into the court, and quickly found myself surrounded by several ladies, and tried my utmost to pay attention to their chatter, but my mind was elsewhere, and so it was a few minutes before I grasped that their topic of conversation was my husband and I; and it was even longer before I realized that these fine ladies, in the roundabout fashion that I despised most about the court, were asking me, to my face, why it was that, with so many ladies as noble and graceful as they to choose from, my husband had instead picked me. And when one remarked that for my husband's sake I should devote myself more to court even though I might well be more at home in the country, I saw red, and promptly pulled from her the goblet she was holding and threw its contents into her face. And I was delighted to see, before I stalked back to the Steward's house, that she had been drinking red wine, and that her pretty yellow gown was quite ruined.

But by the time I reached my chamber I was quite mortified, and my heart plummeted when I thought of what my husband would have to say. And I was sitting quite meekly at the end of the bed waiting for him, when the door clicked, and at last he came in. When he spoke his voice was very quiet.

'Although I am aware that she is perhaps the most infuriating woman in the whole kingdom of Gondor, I fear greatly to ask what it is in particular that the Lady Fíriel did to merit such a display of wrath on the part of the Lady of Emyn Arnen,' he said, and sat down slowly beside me at the end of the bed.

'She said that I was provincial,' I replied furiously and, as I said it, it sounded ridiculous.

He looked down, and I could see that although he was feigning serious consideration of what I had said, it was in fact to hide his smile. 'Well... we do live outside the city walls,' he mused. 'And, even worse, beyond the river. Perhaps we are indeed provincial.'

I looked at him gravely. 'You may be, sir,' I said, to the lord of one of the most noble lines of Gondor, 'but I am the sister of a king.' Then I groaned and put a hand to my face. 'Did the King say aught?'

'He laughed.'

'And the Queen?'

'Thought it was a waste of good wine!' And my husband laughed also. 'No-one judges you, Éowyn! You may conduct yourself as you please. But you may find as a consequence that not all at court hold you in such high esteem as do your King and Queen or, indeed, your husband.' And he stroked the hand I held at my face.

I pursed my lips. 'I believe that you are mocking me.'

'My lady,' he said with absolute seriousness, drawing my hand away and holding it to his chest, and gazing at me steadily with his fine grey eyes. 'I would never mock you.'

I smiled at him tenderly.

'Since I do not want you to throw wine into my face,' he added. And I smacked him lightly on the chest, and he folded me in an embrace and we fell back laughing onto the bed, and for a little while I could believe we were at home in Emyn Arnen. 

***

A/N: OK, this thank you should have come ages ago, but massive thanks to Isabeau, who has been full of brilliant ideas throughout the writing of this, and whose characterization of Lothíriel I have shamelessly swiped!

Also, thanks to Episcopal Witch, who suggested I give you Éowyn's POV of the eight months which I missed out between chapters IV and V, thereby supplying me with content for this chapter! All other requests will be gladly heard, since I need ideas!!

I was pretty knackered writing this chapter, and wrote most of it on a train, so I hope it reads OK.