Chapter Eighteen

He groaned aloud and sank to the floor, burying his head in his hands. "What is wrong with you, Genrou," he asked himself sarcastically. "You push him away when you want him here."

Deep inside, the despair that he had been holding at bay threatened to spill over. It had been two days. Houjun hadn't found him. Which was close to impossible, considering that since Houjun knew he was here, all he had to do was stop at the information desk and page for him.

But he hasn't.

Maybe he just doesn't want to see me. Maybe all I'm doing is ruining his life.

@@@

The sun hung high in the sky, casting warm rays through the glass windows. Kourin pulled the curtains shut and sat down beside Hikou, who was still drowsing.

Houjun sat on the other end of the bed. He had been silent since he came, and Kourin was worried.

"Jun?"

He turned slightly and looked at her, but stayed silent. She hesitated, debated, and then decided to push ahead.

"Have you and Genrou gotten things back together?"

The look in his eyes almost made her back down, but the guilt of the knowledge that she had been the cause of their misunderstanding made her continue.

"I could speak to him, Houjun. He has to know it was all a mistake."

He turned away. The words were barely audible, and she strained to hear what he said.

"I can't find him."

She blinked. "What?"

"He arranged to be posted somewhere. They won't tell me where he's gone."

Rising, she went to him, careful not to jostle the bed as she left her seat and walked over. Bending down, she put her hands on top of his lightly, looking at him in the eye. Houjun shifted sharply, but she had already seen the moisture that traced the corners of his lidded eyes.

"Don't give up."

And then she hugged him, and he let her, his body shaking in the silent repression of emotion he had bottled up inside. This is all my fault, Houjun. I'm so sorry.

"What if he's gone forever?" the whisper was accompanied by a violent jerk of his body. "What if I never see him again?"

She patted his back, wishing desperately that she had never done what she had that night.

"Gods, Kourin, I miss Genrou. I miss him so much."

@@@

It was lunch break, but he wasn't hungry and his next appointment was scheduled for one-thirty. Genrou paced his office restlessly, his lab coat already discarded on the couch, and his files almost haphazard on the desk where he had carelessly set them down earlier.

Stop it! he admonished himself sternly.

I won't let my personal problems get in the way of my work.

With that thought, he rose and grabbed the coat, pulling it on. I'll just go look in on my patients.

He moved swiftly, smiling and nodding to the nurses and doctors he recognized after his short time there. Coming to the corner room, he paused and thought momentarily, before taking a sharp turn left. Walking to the last room, he quietly stepped in.

The curtains were drawn around the bed, and there were two silhouettes there, stark against the brightness of the sunlight that streamed into the room. He could dimly hear the a woman speaking, though the words weren't very clear. He stepped closer, and froze.

"I could speak to him, Houjun. He has to know it was all a mistake."