Chapter Twenty Three

"Kourin," he lifted his gaze and smiled helplessly at her. "Kourin." He couldn't manage anything else.

She smiled back, but her eyes were determined and her shoulders were set. There was light in them now. Hikou, I would have been yours, body and soul, if you had only asked. I thought you would leave me once you were gone from this place, but I feel you stronger than ever now. Stay with me, my love.

Her gaze trapped Houjun's intently. "You wanted him back," she reminded him softly. "Nothing should stop you now." Her hand rose and she gestured slightly in the direction of the dispersing crowd behind. "This…this has nothing to do with him, Houjun. Hikou didn't die because of him. Hikou died because—" she closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer above, "—because he had leukemia."

She opened her eyes. Her old friend stood there, staring at her, the traces of tears still glistening on his cheeks. But he was listening to her. She knew his grief, and hers perhaps cut deeper than his did, because she had never had a second chance. But she would make certain that he would. If only for you, Hikou. But it's not. This has to be for him.

"Go to him, Houjun. He needs you. And you need him. Now, more than ever."

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She watched as the car sped off into the dawning sunlight, and a slow smile spread across her face.

This is the way things should be.

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As he turned the car smoothly out the cemetery gates, he reached forward and pressed the radio switch. The noisy chatter of the deejays filled the morning as he wound the hood above down, reveling in the sudden lightness of his heart.

"I'm going to find you, now, Genrou," he murmured softly, slowing down at the intersection and signaling to turn. "If only because—"

You're alive. He's alive. And you love him. Hikou's words echoed in his head, a new mantra of strength lending him faith and hope.

You belong to me. And I belong to you.

This is not just love anymore.

He spun the steering wheel sharply, turning on the highway, one hand letting go of the wheel to push back his fringe.

All along, since that first day, you've had me. Just something about you, something that strikes me so deep in my heart that I feel sure I'd die without you. Knowing you, knowing your taste, knowing your touch…this is love and so much more, Genrou.

Glancing in his rearview mirror and noting that there were no cars behind, he slowed cautiously, and then shrugged out of the jacket, rolling up his sleeves and tossing the gray material into the backseat of the car. The low, husky voice of Barry Manilo flooded the car through the speakers.

You know I can't smile without you

I can't smile without you

I can't laugh and I can't sing

I'm findin' it hard to do anything

He undid the tie and threw it just as carelessly as the jacket to the back, not caring if it actually landed in the car or not.

You see I feel sad when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm goin' through

I just can't smile without you

He spotted the exit, and steered quickly into the farthermost lane.