CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Blur
The rest of the night and the morning were a blur. This time it was William who took charge. He had had to take care of his mother at various points. So, he wasn't a stranger to being a caretaker under difficult circumstances.
Willow was in deep shock. William wrapped a blanket around her and made her some sweet tea. Then he stationed Buffy by her friend's side to make sure she drank it. He then got some tea for Dawn as well and handed it off to Zachary to administer.
After a few minutes, William said, "Buffy, I think you should notify your friends Xander and Anya. I can see to it if you like." The telephone was one of those "American inventions" that his subconscious didn't seem interested in questioning.
"I should do it," Buffy said. "You stay with Willow."
William took his place at Willow's side again while Buffy made the call. Xander was the one who answered, sounding very sleepy. "Xander?"
"Buffy?" he yawned. "What's up?"
"I've got some bad news." Buffy sniffed a bit through the tale, but she was able to keep under control. Xander was absolutely speechless. "Are you still there?" she finally asked.
"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking. "It's just . . . there's been so much death this last year. How is Willow taking it?"
"She's not. I'd better go back to her."
"Do you need me to come over?"
"No. But thank you."
As she hung up, Zachary came into the room.
"Miss Summers," the young man began. "I hope you didn't mind me staying with Dawn. I didn't think she should be alone."
Buffy patted his arm. "No. I'm glad you were here."
"I'll stay as long as you need me. I phoned my mom and let her know what happened."
"Fine." Vaguely, Buffy realized that she should call Zachary's mom and thank her for her understanding. But she didn't know when she could face it. Talking to Xander had been hard enough.
After the sun rose, William forced them all to eat eggs, with yet more sweet tea. Buffy supposed that tea was the British version of chicken soup. No one said anything. They were all too lost in their own thoughts. It seemed like such a cheap death, to be murdered for a few dollars. How much could Tara really have been carrying? Had she survived a hell god, only to die like this?
When the time came to go to the morgue, Buffy and Xander accompanied Willow. Anya felt she couldn't face it. Dawn couldn't either. William wanted to go, but the daylight would have made it difficult. So, Buffy asked him to stay and keep an eye on Dawn.
At the morgue, a technician and a policeman escorted them. Both men were very serious and silent as they led the way down a series of corridors. Xander and Buffy walked on either side of Willow, their arms looped through hers to give her courage. As the technician opened the metal drawer that contained Tara's remains, the policeman said sternly, "Now, don't touch anything. Her body is evidence."
Evidence. Willow let the words sink into her. Then she looked at the policeman darkly for a moment. She considered throwing him aside with a magical wave of her hand. But she didn't. Instead she leaned over Tara's cold body and remembered what it had been like to hold her and kiss her. She wanted so much to touch her. But she knew that the body was not really Tara anymore. Tara was gone. The essence that had been her, was no longer in residence.
On the trip back to Buffy's, Willow was no longer able to hold back the hot tears that had been torturing her eyes. She seemed to be in a state of shock again by the time they got back. William met them at the door and immediately escorted Willow to her room to rest.
"I can't believe it," Xander said, when he and Buffy were alone. "I just can't."
"There are arrangements that need to be made . . ." Buffy began.
"Anya and I will take care of that. Anya actually. She's good at organizing and she says it's the least we can do."
"And with your wedding coming up . . ." Buffy said. She dragged herself into the livingroom and threw herself onto the couch. She felt more tired than she had ever been in her life.
"Anya and I have decided to postpone the wedding. We don't feel right doing it now because of Tara." He took a seat on the couch next to her and leaned forward over his clasped hands.
Buffy tried to find the right thing to say, but she came up empty. She didn't blame them. It wasn't the right time for a wedding.
"We'll just put it off for a little while. Course, we'll lose our deposit on the hall. But at least we'll be a few dollars ahead. So if we need cash for Tara's funeral, we'll have it."
Canceling a wedding to help pay for a funeral. What had their world come to, Buffy wondered.
"Well," Xander said, getting up. "Since you and William have things under control, I'll be going. Are you gonna head down to Lindemann Avenue tonight?"
"I suppose I should, though I really don't want to. You guys don't have to come if you don't want to. If that Ledic guy is right, there won't be an attack tonight. Tomorrow is when I'll need you."
"Tomorrow. I think that would be better for us. That is . . . if you're sure you'll be all right on your own."
"Yeah." At that point she already felt pretty much alone. What were a few demons added into the mix?
"You know one of us is going to have to call Giles," Xander said as he opened the door.
"I will," Buffy said. "I owe him a call anyway."
"If you need anything, you know where to find us."
"Yes," Buffy said. And closed the door after him.
It was afternoon by then in Sunnydale. Buffy didn't know what the time difference was between the U.K. and California. But she figured it might be early evening there. She was hoping that Giles would be home because she didn't know what kind of message to leave on his answering machine.
"Hello?" Giles said, snapping up the phone on the third ring.
Buffy felt her voice catch. "Giles?"
"Buffy?" Giles said. "What's wrong?"
"It's Tara," Buffy said. This time she wasn't able to hold back the tears as she told the story. Her sleeves became soaked as she wiped them across her face. "Willow's taking it bad. Dawn too. I'm not doing so well myself."
"So I hear."
"If it wasn't for William, I don't know what we'd all do."
There was a pause on the other side of the line. "William?"
In the midst of the terrible news, Buffy had forgotten the other news that she hadn't told him. She sighed reflexively before she took up the narrative again. After everything else that had happened, this part now seemed easy. "I haven't told you yet, but . . . Spike and I became . . . well, more than friends."
Another pause on Giles's side. "Anya did hint rather heavily about something like that. But I was hoping to hear it from you." He'd been planning on giving her a great warning speech when she finally told him. But right then with Tara dying, it didn't seem proper.
"Well, it's true. We started a sort of flirtation just before you left and after you were gone it got more serious. I didn't tell anyone till around New Year's. Then it sort of came out on its own."
"I see. So, Spike is the William you were referring to. Anya intimated that he'd moved in."
OK, Buffy thought, now how to explain the rest of the story? "Yeah, well. He did. But William isn't exactly Spike." She leaned her head against the wall as she told him the next part of the story.
"So . . . Spike's chip no longer functions," Giles said.
"No. But considering what a wuss William is, that doesn't seem to be a problem."
"A . . . wuss?" Giles said. He couldn't believe he'd heard right. He would have cleaned his glasses if he'd been able to balance the portable phone better. "William the Bloody . . . a wuss?"
"Well . . . actually William the human wasn't real bloody. He was a poet. A bad poet, from what I gather. And a bit of a momma's boy Willow thinks."
"A poet?"
"Yeah. You should hear Dawn's boyfriend and him quote the stuff to each other."
"Dawn has a boyfriend?"
"That's another piece of news I guess. Anyway. I wanted to ask . . . I mean, I know you wanted me to do all this growing up and all. And that's why you went away." Buffy tried to blink back a new round of tears. "But I could really use your support right now. Willow is just totaled and Spike's only half here . . . It's like having him, but not having him."
What an extraordinary statement, Giles thought. It sounded as if things between Buffy and Spike had moved quite a lot. She obviously considered him a major part of her support system now. And it started before he left? Why hadn't he noticed? She'd gone off patrolling a lot on her own after she'd been resurrected. Had she begun to see Spike then? Why hadn't he realized something was up? "Of course, Buffy," he said. "I'll be there as soon as I can. It may be a couple of days though."
"Just as long as you come," Buffy sniffed.
"Of course. And in the meantime, please give all my sympathies to Willow."
"I will."
Upstairs, William had Willow sitting on the bed in her room. He rocked her against his shoulder and smoothed her hair back as if she were a little child. He let her talk and cry as much as she needed to.
"She was so cold," Willow sniffed. "They wouldn't let me touch her. But I could see she wasn't there anyway. She was still so pretty. I wanted her so much. But she wasn't there. What am I going to do, William? What am I gonna to do without her?"
William wanted so much to give her a wise answer. But he knew there was none. All he could do was let her cry on.
- - - - - - - - - -
Buffy went on her own down to Lindemann Avenue that night, leaving William in charge of both Dawn and Willow. He walked her to the door, looking uncertain as she tucked the diamond away in her pocket and shouldered the ray gun.
"Do you . . . Do you want me to come with you?" he asked hesitantly.
Buffy saw that he was afraid. Yet he still made the offer. Had concern for her overridden his basic instincts? "No," she said. His lack of ability would get in her way. If only he were "her" Spike. Then she would have agreed. "You stay here and keep an eye on Willow and Dawn."
"I will," he said.
For a split second Buffy thought she saw an edge of determination in his blue eyes, like the year before when Spike had promised to protect Dawn till the end of the world. But the look disappeared quickly and only William remained. She took his hand and squeezed it, earning a look of confusion from him. Then she walked away to retrieve Spike's motorcycle.
Willow woke up sometime after Buffy left. Her sleeping mind had come up with a desperate plan. Most of her spell books had been turned over to Anya for safekeeping at the Magic Box. But there was still a secret cache of them in the basement under the stairs. These were the ones she'd used to help bring Buffy back. She'd kept them there so they would be hidden from Dawn. She'd meant to turn those over to Anya as well, she really had. But it hadn't really seemed like they would be much of a temptation.
Of course, she couldn't just go wandering into the basement. It might raise suspicions. She needed a cover story. Laundry seemed just the thing. She collected a load of dirty clothes from her hamper and trudged downstairs. William and Dawn were watching television. She tried to duck directly into the kitchen, but William was up and following her immediately.
"Can I get you something to eat?" he offered.
"No, I'm not hungry," Willow said, continuing resolutely to the basement.
But William was a man on a mission. He wouldn't leave her. "Some tea then?"
"No. I'm just going to do some laundry downstairs."
"Let me help you," he said, trying to take her burden from her.
It was obvious that William wasn't going to leave her alone, unless she gave him a purpose. "You know," she said coming to a stop. "I am kind of hungry. And I could use some tea."
"I'll make them for you at once."
"You do that. And in the meantime, I'll get my laundry started. Don't bother calling me. I'll come up once I have everything on the way. All right?"
"Right!" William said, obviously glad to have a job to do.
Willow put her laundry in the washing machine. Then she snuck under the stairs and pulled her books out. There had been water damage to most of the things in the box because of the flood in the basement the fall before. But the book she wanted was still readable, even though the pages were brittle and the cover warped.
The spell she was looking for wasn't a resurrection spell. Tara hadn't died from magic as Buffy had and if brought back would have been a zombie of questionable makeup. Willow wanted Tara . . . the real Tara. So, the best solution was to call her back as a spirit.
Tara could be brought back with freedom of choice and even a limited ability to hold corporeal form for perhaps hours at a time. Of course she would also have the ability of being visible and invisible. Willow didn't know if she would have any of her Wiccan powers anymore. But she would probably have other ghostly ones.
The raising of spirits was an ancient art, simpler generally than trying to raise a body with a specific spirit. It was easier to raise a body or a spirit. And it was Tara's spirit after all, that Willow was in love with. This spell would make her mostly a spirit, but at least they could also be together physically at least to some extent.
The only thing was that she needed a certain kind of a stone called jet. It was black and glasslike, very rare. In fact, jet isn't a stone at all, it's actually ancient petrified wood. In Wiccan magic it is said to be able to contain part of a soul or essence. Willow knew that most jet sold in trade is not really authentic. Anya didn't carry it because it was actually quite expensive and most of her customers didn't want to pay that much. She could have Anya order it, but Willow didn't want to wait weeks on this. The only place she knew to get this stone was in Rack's inner office. He'd had various stones and crystals on a small cabinet/bookshelf in the corner. She remembered seeing at least one small piece of jet there. So, she had to go to Rack's.
- - - - - - - - - -
As Ledic had predicted, the Fire demons did not attack that night. Buffy told Masichuvio of her meeting with Ledic and of his warning about the next evening.
"He sounds like an old Fire demon, devoted to the old ways," Masichuvio said.
"Yeah, well," Buffy said. "I don't know many Fire demons, so I couldn't tell you hold old he looked. But he said they would attack tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet him afterwards. I'll keep you informed of what he says."
When Buffy got home, she found the other three comfortably situated in the livingroom. Dawn had fallen asleep on Willow's shoulder. "How's it going?" she asked gently.
"Fine," William whispered. "Can I get you some tea or something?"
Buffy smiled. William's obsession with tea was sort of cute. "No. You've done enough. I'll help myself," she said moving off.
"Please," William said jumping to his feet and following her. "Let me help."
He put the kettle on while she got herself a snack. They were low on groceries again. Peanut butter was the best she could do. When she looked up, she found him studying her intently.
"How are you?" he asked, concern in his eyes.
"A little tired," she answered sitting down.
"And how was . . . tonight?"
"No big. The bad guys didn't show. That Ledic guy was right." Buffy swallowed hard, her sandwich seemed very dry. Maybe it was just that the bread was too old.
William stirred sugar into her tea and served it to her. She didn't like sugar in her tea, but she didn't have the heart to tell him that. He'd basically been holding the household together since they'd gotten the bad news.
He sat across from her. "You look tired."
"Haven't slept much." And she didn't much like sleeping alone either. She missed having his body next to her at night. She looked up and found him staring at her very hard. Immediately he looked down. How shy he seemed. Almost little boyish. There was some of that in Spike too, but in his case when it showed up it was refreshing. In William, it was getting tiresome. He was obviously starting to feel something toward her. The pull between them was getting stronger. But while Spike might act on such a thing, William never would. She had a sneaking suspicion that this man sitting across from her was, at least in his own mind, a virgin. If anyone was going to make a first move, it was going to have to be her.
Buffy reached across the counter island with her right hand and wrapped her fingers snuggly around William's left hand as it lay there on the cool white surface. "I want to thank you for everything you've done," she said. "We couldn't have gotten through any of this without you."
William looked first at their joined hands and then into her eyes. "Of course. I'd do anything for you. You know that."
He almost sounded like Spike, Buffy thought. She squeezed his hand and received a slight smile. Then she pushed her plate out of the way and took his other hand as well. They sat for a long time, hands and hearts joined shyly together.
- - - - - - - - - -
The next morning, Willow insisted that she was going to school as usual. "If I stay home, I'll go crazy," she explained.
Neither Buffy nor William was happy about it. But how could they possibly hold her back?
With a brave smile, Willow set off. But she didn't head for school. She headed for Rack's.
It had been some time since she'd been there but she was still able to sense where it was. This time she felt the pull in the direction of the Bronze. She got about halfway there when she ran into Amy, who in actuality had been following her.
"Willow," Amy exclaimed, grabbing her friend into a hug. "I'm so glad I ran into you. I've only just heard. It was on the news this morning. A mugging? Oh my God, poor Tara! I'm so sorry. I was going to come looking for you today to give you my sympathy. What are you doing in this part of town?"
"I'm going to see Rack."
"Rack?"
"I just feel like I need the company of other Wiccans right now. Besides, I need something for the pain I'm feeling."
"Oh, I don't blame you," Amy said. "You want to come with me? I was just going there."
"All right."
Amy hooked her arm through Willow's and led her along. "He still wants you in his coven, you know. I'm sure he'll ask you about it. Do you think you might join this time?"
"Oh, I think I might," Willow said.
Rack was thrilled to have his strawberry girl return. In welcoming, he promised both of the young witches an especially good high. "We'll bring Willow into our coven at once," he said. "But we'll make it official on Imbolc."
Willow gave him a tired smile and stood aside as he led Amy into a magic euphoria. With them so occupied, it was easy to slip the little piece of jet into her pocket.
Then it was her turn. And for a while, the world slipped blissfully away. She had forgotten how wonderful it was to escape into this magical never- never-world. All of her problems were gone. She could even convince herself for a while that Tara wasn't dead. She dreamed they were on a sunny picnic in the park, lying on the ground together lazily making love.
Blur
The rest of the night and the morning were a blur. This time it was William who took charge. He had had to take care of his mother at various points. So, he wasn't a stranger to being a caretaker under difficult circumstances.
Willow was in deep shock. William wrapped a blanket around her and made her some sweet tea. Then he stationed Buffy by her friend's side to make sure she drank it. He then got some tea for Dawn as well and handed it off to Zachary to administer.
After a few minutes, William said, "Buffy, I think you should notify your friends Xander and Anya. I can see to it if you like." The telephone was one of those "American inventions" that his subconscious didn't seem interested in questioning.
"I should do it," Buffy said. "You stay with Willow."
William took his place at Willow's side again while Buffy made the call. Xander was the one who answered, sounding very sleepy. "Xander?"
"Buffy?" he yawned. "What's up?"
"I've got some bad news." Buffy sniffed a bit through the tale, but she was able to keep under control. Xander was absolutely speechless. "Are you still there?" she finally asked.
"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking. "It's just . . . there's been so much death this last year. How is Willow taking it?"
"She's not. I'd better go back to her."
"Do you need me to come over?"
"No. But thank you."
As she hung up, Zachary came into the room.
"Miss Summers," the young man began. "I hope you didn't mind me staying with Dawn. I didn't think she should be alone."
Buffy patted his arm. "No. I'm glad you were here."
"I'll stay as long as you need me. I phoned my mom and let her know what happened."
"Fine." Vaguely, Buffy realized that she should call Zachary's mom and thank her for her understanding. But she didn't know when she could face it. Talking to Xander had been hard enough.
After the sun rose, William forced them all to eat eggs, with yet more sweet tea. Buffy supposed that tea was the British version of chicken soup. No one said anything. They were all too lost in their own thoughts. It seemed like such a cheap death, to be murdered for a few dollars. How much could Tara really have been carrying? Had she survived a hell god, only to die like this?
When the time came to go to the morgue, Buffy and Xander accompanied Willow. Anya felt she couldn't face it. Dawn couldn't either. William wanted to go, but the daylight would have made it difficult. So, Buffy asked him to stay and keep an eye on Dawn.
At the morgue, a technician and a policeman escorted them. Both men were very serious and silent as they led the way down a series of corridors. Xander and Buffy walked on either side of Willow, their arms looped through hers to give her courage. As the technician opened the metal drawer that contained Tara's remains, the policeman said sternly, "Now, don't touch anything. Her body is evidence."
Evidence. Willow let the words sink into her. Then she looked at the policeman darkly for a moment. She considered throwing him aside with a magical wave of her hand. But she didn't. Instead she leaned over Tara's cold body and remembered what it had been like to hold her and kiss her. She wanted so much to touch her. But she knew that the body was not really Tara anymore. Tara was gone. The essence that had been her, was no longer in residence.
On the trip back to Buffy's, Willow was no longer able to hold back the hot tears that had been torturing her eyes. She seemed to be in a state of shock again by the time they got back. William met them at the door and immediately escorted Willow to her room to rest.
"I can't believe it," Xander said, when he and Buffy were alone. "I just can't."
"There are arrangements that need to be made . . ." Buffy began.
"Anya and I will take care of that. Anya actually. She's good at organizing and she says it's the least we can do."
"And with your wedding coming up . . ." Buffy said. She dragged herself into the livingroom and threw herself onto the couch. She felt more tired than she had ever been in her life.
"Anya and I have decided to postpone the wedding. We don't feel right doing it now because of Tara." He took a seat on the couch next to her and leaned forward over his clasped hands.
Buffy tried to find the right thing to say, but she came up empty. She didn't blame them. It wasn't the right time for a wedding.
"We'll just put it off for a little while. Course, we'll lose our deposit on the hall. But at least we'll be a few dollars ahead. So if we need cash for Tara's funeral, we'll have it."
Canceling a wedding to help pay for a funeral. What had their world come to, Buffy wondered.
"Well," Xander said, getting up. "Since you and William have things under control, I'll be going. Are you gonna head down to Lindemann Avenue tonight?"
"I suppose I should, though I really don't want to. You guys don't have to come if you don't want to. If that Ledic guy is right, there won't be an attack tonight. Tomorrow is when I'll need you."
"Tomorrow. I think that would be better for us. That is . . . if you're sure you'll be all right on your own."
"Yeah." At that point she already felt pretty much alone. What were a few demons added into the mix?
"You know one of us is going to have to call Giles," Xander said as he opened the door.
"I will," Buffy said. "I owe him a call anyway."
"If you need anything, you know where to find us."
"Yes," Buffy said. And closed the door after him.
It was afternoon by then in Sunnydale. Buffy didn't know what the time difference was between the U.K. and California. But she figured it might be early evening there. She was hoping that Giles would be home because she didn't know what kind of message to leave on his answering machine.
"Hello?" Giles said, snapping up the phone on the third ring.
Buffy felt her voice catch. "Giles?"
"Buffy?" Giles said. "What's wrong?"
"It's Tara," Buffy said. This time she wasn't able to hold back the tears as she told the story. Her sleeves became soaked as she wiped them across her face. "Willow's taking it bad. Dawn too. I'm not doing so well myself."
"So I hear."
"If it wasn't for William, I don't know what we'd all do."
There was a pause on the other side of the line. "William?"
In the midst of the terrible news, Buffy had forgotten the other news that she hadn't told him. She sighed reflexively before she took up the narrative again. After everything else that had happened, this part now seemed easy. "I haven't told you yet, but . . . Spike and I became . . . well, more than friends."
Another pause on Giles's side. "Anya did hint rather heavily about something like that. But I was hoping to hear it from you." He'd been planning on giving her a great warning speech when she finally told him. But right then with Tara dying, it didn't seem proper.
"Well, it's true. We started a sort of flirtation just before you left and after you were gone it got more serious. I didn't tell anyone till around New Year's. Then it sort of came out on its own."
"I see. So, Spike is the William you were referring to. Anya intimated that he'd moved in."
OK, Buffy thought, now how to explain the rest of the story? "Yeah, well. He did. But William isn't exactly Spike." She leaned her head against the wall as she told him the next part of the story.
"So . . . Spike's chip no longer functions," Giles said.
"No. But considering what a wuss William is, that doesn't seem to be a problem."
"A . . . wuss?" Giles said. He couldn't believe he'd heard right. He would have cleaned his glasses if he'd been able to balance the portable phone better. "William the Bloody . . . a wuss?"
"Well . . . actually William the human wasn't real bloody. He was a poet. A bad poet, from what I gather. And a bit of a momma's boy Willow thinks."
"A poet?"
"Yeah. You should hear Dawn's boyfriend and him quote the stuff to each other."
"Dawn has a boyfriend?"
"That's another piece of news I guess. Anyway. I wanted to ask . . . I mean, I know you wanted me to do all this growing up and all. And that's why you went away." Buffy tried to blink back a new round of tears. "But I could really use your support right now. Willow is just totaled and Spike's only half here . . . It's like having him, but not having him."
What an extraordinary statement, Giles thought. It sounded as if things between Buffy and Spike had moved quite a lot. She obviously considered him a major part of her support system now. And it started before he left? Why hadn't he noticed? She'd gone off patrolling a lot on her own after she'd been resurrected. Had she begun to see Spike then? Why hadn't he realized something was up? "Of course, Buffy," he said. "I'll be there as soon as I can. It may be a couple of days though."
"Just as long as you come," Buffy sniffed.
"Of course. And in the meantime, please give all my sympathies to Willow."
"I will."
Upstairs, William had Willow sitting on the bed in her room. He rocked her against his shoulder and smoothed her hair back as if she were a little child. He let her talk and cry as much as she needed to.
"She was so cold," Willow sniffed. "They wouldn't let me touch her. But I could see she wasn't there anyway. She was still so pretty. I wanted her so much. But she wasn't there. What am I going to do, William? What am I gonna to do without her?"
William wanted so much to give her a wise answer. But he knew there was none. All he could do was let her cry on.
- - - - - - - - - -
Buffy went on her own down to Lindemann Avenue that night, leaving William in charge of both Dawn and Willow. He walked her to the door, looking uncertain as she tucked the diamond away in her pocket and shouldered the ray gun.
"Do you . . . Do you want me to come with you?" he asked hesitantly.
Buffy saw that he was afraid. Yet he still made the offer. Had concern for her overridden his basic instincts? "No," she said. His lack of ability would get in her way. If only he were "her" Spike. Then she would have agreed. "You stay here and keep an eye on Willow and Dawn."
"I will," he said.
For a split second Buffy thought she saw an edge of determination in his blue eyes, like the year before when Spike had promised to protect Dawn till the end of the world. But the look disappeared quickly and only William remained. She took his hand and squeezed it, earning a look of confusion from him. Then she walked away to retrieve Spike's motorcycle.
Willow woke up sometime after Buffy left. Her sleeping mind had come up with a desperate plan. Most of her spell books had been turned over to Anya for safekeeping at the Magic Box. But there was still a secret cache of them in the basement under the stairs. These were the ones she'd used to help bring Buffy back. She'd kept them there so they would be hidden from Dawn. She'd meant to turn those over to Anya as well, she really had. But it hadn't really seemed like they would be much of a temptation.
Of course, she couldn't just go wandering into the basement. It might raise suspicions. She needed a cover story. Laundry seemed just the thing. She collected a load of dirty clothes from her hamper and trudged downstairs. William and Dawn were watching television. She tried to duck directly into the kitchen, but William was up and following her immediately.
"Can I get you something to eat?" he offered.
"No, I'm not hungry," Willow said, continuing resolutely to the basement.
But William was a man on a mission. He wouldn't leave her. "Some tea then?"
"No. I'm just going to do some laundry downstairs."
"Let me help you," he said, trying to take her burden from her.
It was obvious that William wasn't going to leave her alone, unless she gave him a purpose. "You know," she said coming to a stop. "I am kind of hungry. And I could use some tea."
"I'll make them for you at once."
"You do that. And in the meantime, I'll get my laundry started. Don't bother calling me. I'll come up once I have everything on the way. All right?"
"Right!" William said, obviously glad to have a job to do.
Willow put her laundry in the washing machine. Then she snuck under the stairs and pulled her books out. There had been water damage to most of the things in the box because of the flood in the basement the fall before. But the book she wanted was still readable, even though the pages were brittle and the cover warped.
The spell she was looking for wasn't a resurrection spell. Tara hadn't died from magic as Buffy had and if brought back would have been a zombie of questionable makeup. Willow wanted Tara . . . the real Tara. So, the best solution was to call her back as a spirit.
Tara could be brought back with freedom of choice and even a limited ability to hold corporeal form for perhaps hours at a time. Of course she would also have the ability of being visible and invisible. Willow didn't know if she would have any of her Wiccan powers anymore. But she would probably have other ghostly ones.
The raising of spirits was an ancient art, simpler generally than trying to raise a body with a specific spirit. It was easier to raise a body or a spirit. And it was Tara's spirit after all, that Willow was in love with. This spell would make her mostly a spirit, but at least they could also be together physically at least to some extent.
The only thing was that she needed a certain kind of a stone called jet. It was black and glasslike, very rare. In fact, jet isn't a stone at all, it's actually ancient petrified wood. In Wiccan magic it is said to be able to contain part of a soul or essence. Willow knew that most jet sold in trade is not really authentic. Anya didn't carry it because it was actually quite expensive and most of her customers didn't want to pay that much. She could have Anya order it, but Willow didn't want to wait weeks on this. The only place she knew to get this stone was in Rack's inner office. He'd had various stones and crystals on a small cabinet/bookshelf in the corner. She remembered seeing at least one small piece of jet there. So, she had to go to Rack's.
- - - - - - - - - -
As Ledic had predicted, the Fire demons did not attack that night. Buffy told Masichuvio of her meeting with Ledic and of his warning about the next evening.
"He sounds like an old Fire demon, devoted to the old ways," Masichuvio said.
"Yeah, well," Buffy said. "I don't know many Fire demons, so I couldn't tell you hold old he looked. But he said they would attack tomorrow. I'm supposed to meet him afterwards. I'll keep you informed of what he says."
When Buffy got home, she found the other three comfortably situated in the livingroom. Dawn had fallen asleep on Willow's shoulder. "How's it going?" she asked gently.
"Fine," William whispered. "Can I get you some tea or something?"
Buffy smiled. William's obsession with tea was sort of cute. "No. You've done enough. I'll help myself," she said moving off.
"Please," William said jumping to his feet and following her. "Let me help."
He put the kettle on while she got herself a snack. They were low on groceries again. Peanut butter was the best she could do. When she looked up, she found him studying her intently.
"How are you?" he asked, concern in his eyes.
"A little tired," she answered sitting down.
"And how was . . . tonight?"
"No big. The bad guys didn't show. That Ledic guy was right." Buffy swallowed hard, her sandwich seemed very dry. Maybe it was just that the bread was too old.
William stirred sugar into her tea and served it to her. She didn't like sugar in her tea, but she didn't have the heart to tell him that. He'd basically been holding the household together since they'd gotten the bad news.
He sat across from her. "You look tired."
"Haven't slept much." And she didn't much like sleeping alone either. She missed having his body next to her at night. She looked up and found him staring at her very hard. Immediately he looked down. How shy he seemed. Almost little boyish. There was some of that in Spike too, but in his case when it showed up it was refreshing. In William, it was getting tiresome. He was obviously starting to feel something toward her. The pull between them was getting stronger. But while Spike might act on such a thing, William never would. She had a sneaking suspicion that this man sitting across from her was, at least in his own mind, a virgin. If anyone was going to make a first move, it was going to have to be her.
Buffy reached across the counter island with her right hand and wrapped her fingers snuggly around William's left hand as it lay there on the cool white surface. "I want to thank you for everything you've done," she said. "We couldn't have gotten through any of this without you."
William looked first at their joined hands and then into her eyes. "Of course. I'd do anything for you. You know that."
He almost sounded like Spike, Buffy thought. She squeezed his hand and received a slight smile. Then she pushed her plate out of the way and took his other hand as well. They sat for a long time, hands and hearts joined shyly together.
- - - - - - - - - -
The next morning, Willow insisted that she was going to school as usual. "If I stay home, I'll go crazy," she explained.
Neither Buffy nor William was happy about it. But how could they possibly hold her back?
With a brave smile, Willow set off. But she didn't head for school. She headed for Rack's.
It had been some time since she'd been there but she was still able to sense where it was. This time she felt the pull in the direction of the Bronze. She got about halfway there when she ran into Amy, who in actuality had been following her.
"Willow," Amy exclaimed, grabbing her friend into a hug. "I'm so glad I ran into you. I've only just heard. It was on the news this morning. A mugging? Oh my God, poor Tara! I'm so sorry. I was going to come looking for you today to give you my sympathy. What are you doing in this part of town?"
"I'm going to see Rack."
"Rack?"
"I just feel like I need the company of other Wiccans right now. Besides, I need something for the pain I'm feeling."
"Oh, I don't blame you," Amy said. "You want to come with me? I was just going there."
"All right."
Amy hooked her arm through Willow's and led her along. "He still wants you in his coven, you know. I'm sure he'll ask you about it. Do you think you might join this time?"
"Oh, I think I might," Willow said.
Rack was thrilled to have his strawberry girl return. In welcoming, he promised both of the young witches an especially good high. "We'll bring Willow into our coven at once," he said. "But we'll make it official on Imbolc."
Willow gave him a tired smile and stood aside as he led Amy into a magic euphoria. With them so occupied, it was easy to slip the little piece of jet into her pocket.
Then it was her turn. And for a while, the world slipped blissfully away. She had forgotten how wonderful it was to escape into this magical never- never-world. All of her problems were gone. She could even convince herself for a while that Tara wasn't dead. She dreamed they were on a sunny picnic in the park, lying on the ground together lazily making love.