CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
Return
When Xander and Anya arrived that evening with Jonathan in tow, they announced that they'd arranged Tara's funeral for the next day.
"Where's Willow?" Xander asked.
"She's resting," Buffy said, handing out crossbows. "She went to school today, even though I asked her not to go. She came home pretty out of it. I'm afraid it was too much for her."
"Where's Dawn and William?"
"Dawn's upstairs in her room talking on the phone to Zachary, who's only been gone for about forty-five minutes. And William is in the kitchen doing the dinner dishes."
"Never realized he was such a homebody," Xander said. "Well, we may have lost our second best fighter, but you seem to have gained a maid."
Buffy hit him on the arm.
"Ow! Just joking here!"
"Well, it's not funny." Not at all. She needed Spike, all of him. The night before it had been sweet holding hands. But she was kind of past that. She wanted more, including the rough and tumble love making they sometimes took part in. She needed all of Spike. The human William had Spike's love and loyalty and tenderness. And the vamp had his passion and fearlessness and fighting experience. Each was important to her life and work. "Come on, let's go." She said, throwing the ray gun over her shoulder. "I'm really in the mood to kick some demon ass."
Up in her room, Willow was preparing the spell. She had created a magic circle on Joyce's bureau made of tiny candles. At the center was a crystal platform. The platform was surrounded by various magic herbs. The jet stone was lying on top of the platform, wrapped round and round with strands of Tara's hair rescued from an old hairbrush. Underneath these items were a short love note from Tara and a picture of her.
Willow began the ceremony by calling on the gods of the underworld. Then she lit the items on the crystal platform. Slowly they caught fire.
"Ionda cerema klephara se-tom," Willow chanted. "Hilara misara hineret tu- pom. Release her essence to our world. Give her free will so that she may decide when to come and go. Give her physical form, when she wants physical form. Allow her to be seen or unseen. Ionda cerema klephara se- tom. Hilara misara hineret tu-pom."
The chanting continued till every item on the platform had burned. Then Willow pounded the ashes with her hand and released them into the air. Tara's spirit was supposed to appear as they fell to the ground. But it didn't. Nothing at all seemed to happen.
Willow's mouth moved spasmodically for a moment. Then she threw herself onto the bed and began to cry anew.
Tara was gone. She was really gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
That night the Fire demons showed up for yet another battle. And yet again they were turned back by the Shadows. It seemed that with each battle the Shadows became stronger and more confident while the Fire demons became less resilient. At the end of the evening, both Buffy and Masichuvio wondered if they would be continuing this battle. Or if they would give it up.
Ledic as it turned out, had the answer. He came late to his meeting with Buffy. Xander, Anya, and Jonathan stayed at the mouth of the appointed alley, keeping watch while Buffy went in alone.
Ledic appeared from a corridor of debris at the back of the alley. "Doc was there tonight," he said gravely. "He was underground in the tunnels. He said he was working hard on the second stage of his plan and he didn't care anymore about that one building that still belonged to the Shadows. He wants all of the Fire demons in good shape for the Imbolc celebration. I think he intends to open that portal that you talked about. From now on, the warehouse is to be the center of his operations. And he wants the Fire demons there as well. I think his followers have put a magical field around it."
Buffy thanked him for the information and agreed to meet him again on Wednesday. By then she hoped Giles would be there and maybe she would have a working plan.
She went back to Masichuvio afterward and told him about the meeting. "I believe Ledic," she said.
"I will have my people keep an eye on the warehouse," Masichuvio said. "Whatever they are doing there cannot be good for my people or yours."
"Look," Buffy said, pulling the diamond of Gunab out of her pocket and snapping it into place on the gun. "Take this. If you're going to spy on the Fire demons you may need it. And tomorrow I've got to bury one of my friends. So I may not be able to get here. But I'll be back on Wednesday night."
Masichuvio nodded. "One of your warriors?"
"Yes."
"I understand. Thank you for the weapon. When you need it, we will return it."
Without knowing why, Buffy patted Masichuvio's arm. It was a simple yet intimate move between comrades-in-arms. The mouth of a Shadow is not made for smiling. So, Masichuvio could not reciprocate in that way. Instead he nodded again, a little deeper this time to show respect. Shadows did not readily trust others, but Masichuvio had come to accept the Slayer and her friends as part of their circle.
When Buffy got home, she was bone tired. Everyone was already in bed and asleep. Even William. He was doing one of his deep sleeps, except that as William he continued to breath even though he didn't have to. He didn't stir as she came in, so she stood at the entrance of the livingroom and watched him sleep. How much she wanted to curl up next to him. But she knew William would be horrified at her breaking such a convention. There was nothing to do but go to bed alone. She didn't even stop for a snack.
Buffy didn't realize it, but she had not been alone in the livingroom with William. An invisible spirit had been sitting next to him when she came in. It was Tara. Willow's spell had worked, but Tara had used her free will and had not appeared to her on command. She saw Buffy come in looking exhausted from her work and she saw the longing on her face as she stood watching her lover sleep.
Tara allowed herself to become corporeal as she pulled William's blanket up around him. Then she released herself once again to invisibility. She still had some of her Wiccan abilities and she used them to reach out to Spike's mind with her own. This action was actually easier in her present form. In seconds she found herself in the mists of his mind. And within a few steps she was once again at what appeared to be the door of Spike's crypt. But it was really a part of his mind that he had walled off.
There was silence this time. The cries of agony that had been caused by Warren's tortures were gone. The figure of William did not appear to bar her from the door. She tried to open it, but could not. Still she knew that Spike was on the other side and could hear her.
"Spike," Tara said, addressing his subconscious. "It's Tara. I know you're in there." She paused, but there was no answer from inside the crypt. "I died you know. You remember that guy Doc? Well, he killed me. I think he's trying to take over Willow. And unfortunately, she's already becoming attached to Rack again. She called me back in spirit form tonight, acting out of emotion just as she did when she wiped out my memory and led us all on that trip through amnesia. I realized that if I appeared to her on command, it would just send her further on this power trip that she's into. I wanted to be with her again. But if she starts to think that she has all this power over life and death, she might start getting into some kind of god complex. I was afraid for a while after she brought Buffy back that she might do that. But when she heard that she'd pulled Buffy out of heaven instead of hell . . . well it tempered her a bit. I think the best thing I can do now is try and divide her from Rack and his influence and destroy whatever Doc is up to. Willow's got to see what this kind of stuff leads to. And I'm going to need your help and Buffy's.
"Speaking of Buffy . . . she really misses you, you know. How much longer do you plan to hide away in there? William is nice and all. But he's not you . . . Are you afraid you'll hurt someone without the chip? I don't think you will. William is not really William anymore, you know. He's not human. He's you. And the reason he can control his urges is because you can. So, I don't think you need to hide away in there any longer. You should be able to come out anytime now."
Tara paused again to see if there would be a reaction. But there wasn't. "Well, anyway. At least I've got you to talk to. I heard you telling Dawn about my funeral tomorrow. So, I think I'll wait until afterward to tell anyone else that I'm back. We'll keep it as our secret for a bit, don't you think?"
Return
When Xander and Anya arrived that evening with Jonathan in tow, they announced that they'd arranged Tara's funeral for the next day.
"Where's Willow?" Xander asked.
"She's resting," Buffy said, handing out crossbows. "She went to school today, even though I asked her not to go. She came home pretty out of it. I'm afraid it was too much for her."
"Where's Dawn and William?"
"Dawn's upstairs in her room talking on the phone to Zachary, who's only been gone for about forty-five minutes. And William is in the kitchen doing the dinner dishes."
"Never realized he was such a homebody," Xander said. "Well, we may have lost our second best fighter, but you seem to have gained a maid."
Buffy hit him on the arm.
"Ow! Just joking here!"
"Well, it's not funny." Not at all. She needed Spike, all of him. The night before it had been sweet holding hands. But she was kind of past that. She wanted more, including the rough and tumble love making they sometimes took part in. She needed all of Spike. The human William had Spike's love and loyalty and tenderness. And the vamp had his passion and fearlessness and fighting experience. Each was important to her life and work. "Come on, let's go." She said, throwing the ray gun over her shoulder. "I'm really in the mood to kick some demon ass."
Up in her room, Willow was preparing the spell. She had created a magic circle on Joyce's bureau made of tiny candles. At the center was a crystal platform. The platform was surrounded by various magic herbs. The jet stone was lying on top of the platform, wrapped round and round with strands of Tara's hair rescued from an old hairbrush. Underneath these items were a short love note from Tara and a picture of her.
Willow began the ceremony by calling on the gods of the underworld. Then she lit the items on the crystal platform. Slowly they caught fire.
"Ionda cerema klephara se-tom," Willow chanted. "Hilara misara hineret tu- pom. Release her essence to our world. Give her free will so that she may decide when to come and go. Give her physical form, when she wants physical form. Allow her to be seen or unseen. Ionda cerema klephara se- tom. Hilara misara hineret tu-pom."
The chanting continued till every item on the platform had burned. Then Willow pounded the ashes with her hand and released them into the air. Tara's spirit was supposed to appear as they fell to the ground. But it didn't. Nothing at all seemed to happen.
Willow's mouth moved spasmodically for a moment. Then she threw herself onto the bed and began to cry anew.
Tara was gone. She was really gone.
- - - - - - - - - -
That night the Fire demons showed up for yet another battle. And yet again they were turned back by the Shadows. It seemed that with each battle the Shadows became stronger and more confident while the Fire demons became less resilient. At the end of the evening, both Buffy and Masichuvio wondered if they would be continuing this battle. Or if they would give it up.
Ledic as it turned out, had the answer. He came late to his meeting with Buffy. Xander, Anya, and Jonathan stayed at the mouth of the appointed alley, keeping watch while Buffy went in alone.
Ledic appeared from a corridor of debris at the back of the alley. "Doc was there tonight," he said gravely. "He was underground in the tunnels. He said he was working hard on the second stage of his plan and he didn't care anymore about that one building that still belonged to the Shadows. He wants all of the Fire demons in good shape for the Imbolc celebration. I think he intends to open that portal that you talked about. From now on, the warehouse is to be the center of his operations. And he wants the Fire demons there as well. I think his followers have put a magical field around it."
Buffy thanked him for the information and agreed to meet him again on Wednesday. By then she hoped Giles would be there and maybe she would have a working plan.
She went back to Masichuvio afterward and told him about the meeting. "I believe Ledic," she said.
"I will have my people keep an eye on the warehouse," Masichuvio said. "Whatever they are doing there cannot be good for my people or yours."
"Look," Buffy said, pulling the diamond of Gunab out of her pocket and snapping it into place on the gun. "Take this. If you're going to spy on the Fire demons you may need it. And tomorrow I've got to bury one of my friends. So I may not be able to get here. But I'll be back on Wednesday night."
Masichuvio nodded. "One of your warriors?"
"Yes."
"I understand. Thank you for the weapon. When you need it, we will return it."
Without knowing why, Buffy patted Masichuvio's arm. It was a simple yet intimate move between comrades-in-arms. The mouth of a Shadow is not made for smiling. So, Masichuvio could not reciprocate in that way. Instead he nodded again, a little deeper this time to show respect. Shadows did not readily trust others, but Masichuvio had come to accept the Slayer and her friends as part of their circle.
When Buffy got home, she was bone tired. Everyone was already in bed and asleep. Even William. He was doing one of his deep sleeps, except that as William he continued to breath even though he didn't have to. He didn't stir as she came in, so she stood at the entrance of the livingroom and watched him sleep. How much she wanted to curl up next to him. But she knew William would be horrified at her breaking such a convention. There was nothing to do but go to bed alone. She didn't even stop for a snack.
Buffy didn't realize it, but she had not been alone in the livingroom with William. An invisible spirit had been sitting next to him when she came in. It was Tara. Willow's spell had worked, but Tara had used her free will and had not appeared to her on command. She saw Buffy come in looking exhausted from her work and she saw the longing on her face as she stood watching her lover sleep.
Tara allowed herself to become corporeal as she pulled William's blanket up around him. Then she released herself once again to invisibility. She still had some of her Wiccan abilities and she used them to reach out to Spike's mind with her own. This action was actually easier in her present form. In seconds she found herself in the mists of his mind. And within a few steps she was once again at what appeared to be the door of Spike's crypt. But it was really a part of his mind that he had walled off.
There was silence this time. The cries of agony that had been caused by Warren's tortures were gone. The figure of William did not appear to bar her from the door. She tried to open it, but could not. Still she knew that Spike was on the other side and could hear her.
"Spike," Tara said, addressing his subconscious. "It's Tara. I know you're in there." She paused, but there was no answer from inside the crypt. "I died you know. You remember that guy Doc? Well, he killed me. I think he's trying to take over Willow. And unfortunately, she's already becoming attached to Rack again. She called me back in spirit form tonight, acting out of emotion just as she did when she wiped out my memory and led us all on that trip through amnesia. I realized that if I appeared to her on command, it would just send her further on this power trip that she's into. I wanted to be with her again. But if she starts to think that she has all this power over life and death, she might start getting into some kind of god complex. I was afraid for a while after she brought Buffy back that she might do that. But when she heard that she'd pulled Buffy out of heaven instead of hell . . . well it tempered her a bit. I think the best thing I can do now is try and divide her from Rack and his influence and destroy whatever Doc is up to. Willow's got to see what this kind of stuff leads to. And I'm going to need your help and Buffy's.
"Speaking of Buffy . . . she really misses you, you know. How much longer do you plan to hide away in there? William is nice and all. But he's not you . . . Are you afraid you'll hurt someone without the chip? I don't think you will. William is not really William anymore, you know. He's not human. He's you. And the reason he can control his urges is because you can. So, I don't think you need to hide away in there any longer. You should be able to come out anytime now."
Tara paused again to see if there would be a reaction. But there wasn't. "Well, anyway. At least I've got you to talk to. I heard you telling Dawn about my funeral tomorrow. So, I think I'll wait until afterward to tell anyone else that I'm back. We'll keep it as our secret for a bit, don't you think?"