If you like Jonathan, read this chapter. If you don't like Jonathan, read this chapter. Because this chapter is all about Jonathan or also known in this story as Jon. I have a whole chapter dedicated to him and it is this one. I just had to show you how goofy he really is, as if you never knew. So it is Jon revealed, in this chapter! Are you ready to read? Well then . . . READ! And review. But do that after you read.
Chapter 19: This chapter is about Jon!
As Rick popped through the hole and Are and Jon had entered after them they noticed they had entered a big dark room.
"Where are we?" Rick as licking off the last of the butter Jon had rubbed on him.
"I can't see." Jon stated uselessly.
"Look over here!" Are yelled and Rick and Jon ran over to see what he was talking about. Are was pointing to a tiny golden switch on the wall. It was facing down with the writing "off" underneath it. And the word "on" above it. In English, mind you. Don't ask me how it got there! Hamanatra is a strange place. Like I really need to tell you!
"Do you think we should switch it on?" Are asked hesitantly. And Rick reached toward the switch without hesitating and pulled it up. When Are and Jon realized what he was doing they tried to stop him but it was too late. The switch now faced the word "on" and light filled the really dark room making it a really light room because it was no longer dark . . .
"Must have been a light switch." Jon said. Don't ask me how he made that conclusion. Did light switches even exist back then?
Jon didn't have time to wonder about the golden switch because when he turned around to look at the now light room. He saw the most wonderful thing:
Piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and more piles and piles of gold lay in the well-lighted room. Big piles, little piles, medium piles, HUGE piles, blue piles and red piles, neat piles, scattered piles, old piles, new piles, ALL the piles filled the room of gold. His eyes poofed into money signs and he started chanting "I'm rich! I'm rich!" running about the room jumping for joy like a deranged, deranged person.
Rick found a golden club and bonked Jon on the head to get him out of his "trance." Like a robot shutting down he slowly stopped saying "I'm rich!" while his voice got slower, lower and deeper in tone till her finally stopped saying it all together. And he was ordinary Jon again, as ordinary as he gets.
"You English and their gold!" Are muttered.
"What!" Jon said defensively. "Seeing all this gold doesn't make you crazy!"
"No." Are said simply. "I am a desert person. I value water."
"Plenty of that back home . . ." Jon muttered.
Suddenly Jon realized Rick had bonked his head five minutes ago as the pain just now started to throb his head.
"Ow!" He yelled.
"Why'd you have to hit me with a golden club!" Jon yelled.
"It was the only way to stop you from running around like a crazy person." Rick said.
"But you didn't have to hit me with a golden club!" Jon said staring angrily at the golden club. Then his eyes widened. "Golden club!" He said drool coming out of his mouth as money signs started to appear in his eyes.
"We'd better get out of here!" Are said.
"Your right!" Rick said and so they picked up Jon and carried him out as he continued yelling "Golden club! I want the golden club. Give me the golden club!"
Finally after walking into the heart of Hamanatra Jon had finally calmed down.
Are said "Now where did Evelyn say the book was?"
"What book?" Rick asked.
"The Guide on how to kill Mummies and stop the Apocalypse, volume 109." Are said.
"Huh?" Rick said confused.
"The book used to kill the mummy!" Are said aggravated.
"How can a book kill the mummy?"
"Arg!" Are yelled like a pirate angrily.
"By reading from it!" He said.
"How?" Rick asked confused.
"If reading from a book can reanimate a mummy than I bet reading from another book can unanimate it!" Are said.
Jon just looked on amused at Are's anger.
"But the suspicious guy told us not to read from the book." Rick said.
"Oh for goodness sake!" Jon yelled. "Forget the suspicious guy. Look what happened to him! He became the mummy's dessert because of his superstitious nonsense. Now let's just find the book. It's under some statue with a horse head."
"Horus." Are said.
"What did you say?!" Jon yelled angrily for some reason.
"Did you say Hoars R us?! I don't know about you, but my sexuality is none of your business . . ."
Are looked at him annoyed and said between gritted teeth. "I said 'Horus'. The statue of the guy with a horses head is modeled after the ancient Egyptian god Horus."
"Oh." Jon said a little embarrassed. "Was he a hoar?" Jon asked after a second. They just ignored him and walked opposite the way they came looking for the statue.
As they were walking Jon was blabbering on again. "You know. I was just kidding about wanting to be rich. Money doesn't really mean that much to me. I was just worried about my sister's financial future. Yeah that's it. I'm the only man in her life right now. I have to make sure she is safe and taken care of."
"Right." Are said sarcastically.
"The only thing I like more than gold is . . ." Jon was saying.
They started walking past the Magic Graveyard Hamanatra Bar as Jon's eyes grew big.
" . . .BEER!" He yelled finishing his sentence and also asking for some from the mummified bar tender. Rick and Are didn't even see him get to the bar. He ran so fast it looked as if he had disappeared and reappeared in front of the bar tender who was busy wiping a stain on the table that never came off with rag.
"Come on Jon!" Rick yelled. "We don't have time for this!"
"Just one drink!" Jon pleaded. "I haven't had one all day."
"Yes you did." Are argued.
"Well it feels like I haven't had one all day!" Jon said and Rick and Are sighed and tried to pull him off of the bar stool but it was as if he had suddenly gained a ton and they could not make him budge.
Just then a gang of mummies walked in and formed a group at the edge of the bar.
"I don't trust those gang of mummies." Are stated and Rick looked at them nervously.
"If only I had my fifty guns." He muttered.
Perhaps not as funny as the other chapters and still missing the action. But the next chapter is pretty funny. Read "Mummies love their beer" in the next chapter.
Chapter 19: This chapter is about Jon!
As Rick popped through the hole and Are and Jon had entered after them they noticed they had entered a big dark room.
"Where are we?" Rick as licking off the last of the butter Jon had rubbed on him.
"I can't see." Jon stated uselessly.
"Look over here!" Are yelled and Rick and Jon ran over to see what he was talking about. Are was pointing to a tiny golden switch on the wall. It was facing down with the writing "off" underneath it. And the word "on" above it. In English, mind you. Don't ask me how it got there! Hamanatra is a strange place. Like I really need to tell you!
"Do you think we should switch it on?" Are asked hesitantly. And Rick reached toward the switch without hesitating and pulled it up. When Are and Jon realized what he was doing they tried to stop him but it was too late. The switch now faced the word "on" and light filled the really dark room making it a really light room because it was no longer dark . . .
"Must have been a light switch." Jon said. Don't ask me how he made that conclusion. Did light switches even exist back then?
Jon didn't have time to wonder about the golden switch because when he turned around to look at the now light room. He saw the most wonderful thing:
Piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and piles and more piles and piles of gold lay in the well-lighted room. Big piles, little piles, medium piles, HUGE piles, blue piles and red piles, neat piles, scattered piles, old piles, new piles, ALL the piles filled the room of gold. His eyes poofed into money signs and he started chanting "I'm rich! I'm rich!" running about the room jumping for joy like a deranged, deranged person.
Rick found a golden club and bonked Jon on the head to get him out of his "trance." Like a robot shutting down he slowly stopped saying "I'm rich!" while his voice got slower, lower and deeper in tone till her finally stopped saying it all together. And he was ordinary Jon again, as ordinary as he gets.
"You English and their gold!" Are muttered.
"What!" Jon said defensively. "Seeing all this gold doesn't make you crazy!"
"No." Are said simply. "I am a desert person. I value water."
"Plenty of that back home . . ." Jon muttered.
Suddenly Jon realized Rick had bonked his head five minutes ago as the pain just now started to throb his head.
"Ow!" He yelled.
"Why'd you have to hit me with a golden club!" Jon yelled.
"It was the only way to stop you from running around like a crazy person." Rick said.
"But you didn't have to hit me with a golden club!" Jon said staring angrily at the golden club. Then his eyes widened. "Golden club!" He said drool coming out of his mouth as money signs started to appear in his eyes.
"We'd better get out of here!" Are said.
"Your right!" Rick said and so they picked up Jon and carried him out as he continued yelling "Golden club! I want the golden club. Give me the golden club!"
Finally after walking into the heart of Hamanatra Jon had finally calmed down.
Are said "Now where did Evelyn say the book was?"
"What book?" Rick asked.
"The Guide on how to kill Mummies and stop the Apocalypse, volume 109." Are said.
"Huh?" Rick said confused.
"The book used to kill the mummy!" Are said aggravated.
"How can a book kill the mummy?"
"Arg!" Are yelled like a pirate angrily.
"By reading from it!" He said.
"How?" Rick asked confused.
"If reading from a book can reanimate a mummy than I bet reading from another book can unanimate it!" Are said.
Jon just looked on amused at Are's anger.
"But the suspicious guy told us not to read from the book." Rick said.
"Oh for goodness sake!" Jon yelled. "Forget the suspicious guy. Look what happened to him! He became the mummy's dessert because of his superstitious nonsense. Now let's just find the book. It's under some statue with a horse head."
"Horus." Are said.
"What did you say?!" Jon yelled angrily for some reason.
"Did you say Hoars R us?! I don't know about you, but my sexuality is none of your business . . ."
Are looked at him annoyed and said between gritted teeth. "I said 'Horus'. The statue of the guy with a horses head is modeled after the ancient Egyptian god Horus."
"Oh." Jon said a little embarrassed. "Was he a hoar?" Jon asked after a second. They just ignored him and walked opposite the way they came looking for the statue.
As they were walking Jon was blabbering on again. "You know. I was just kidding about wanting to be rich. Money doesn't really mean that much to me. I was just worried about my sister's financial future. Yeah that's it. I'm the only man in her life right now. I have to make sure she is safe and taken care of."
"Right." Are said sarcastically.
"The only thing I like more than gold is . . ." Jon was saying.
They started walking past the Magic Graveyard Hamanatra Bar as Jon's eyes grew big.
" . . .BEER!" He yelled finishing his sentence and also asking for some from the mummified bar tender. Rick and Are didn't even see him get to the bar. He ran so fast it looked as if he had disappeared and reappeared in front of the bar tender who was busy wiping a stain on the table that never came off with rag.
"Come on Jon!" Rick yelled. "We don't have time for this!"
"Just one drink!" Jon pleaded. "I haven't had one all day."
"Yes you did." Are argued.
"Well it feels like I haven't had one all day!" Jon said and Rick and Are sighed and tried to pull him off of the bar stool but it was as if he had suddenly gained a ton and they could not make him budge.
Just then a gang of mummies walked in and formed a group at the edge of the bar.
"I don't trust those gang of mummies." Are stated and Rick looked at them nervously.
"If only I had my fifty guns." He muttered.
Perhaps not as funny as the other chapters and still missing the action. But the next chapter is pretty funny. Read "Mummies love their beer" in the next chapter.