Disclaimer: Not mine. Never mine. Not even the storylines.

A/N: Oh, my. I cannot be feeling quite well. Is this truly an update?

Oh, blah. To *BEEEP* with this language. I know I promised this chapter a long time ago, but I've been just plain lazy…

Oh, well. Here it comes.

From Fata Morgana and Marvel Comics:

THE SQUASHED UNCANNY X-MEN 394-305

Issue 394:

New, ridiculously powerful mutant.

New uniforms.

Marital problems which are denied.

Fight with new mutant.

Wolvie kisses Jean.

New mutant kills himself.

Was there anything more that happened?

POPTOPIA: ISSUES 395-398

Part 1:

Enter Sugar Kane, a popstar of the kind I detest. She flirts with Jono (and really, with him in that outfit, who can blame her?)

We get presentated to a lot of X-Men, all of whom we already know.

Nightcrawler (back, and now a priest!), Iceman (who knows where he's been? Looking really cool, BTW) and Archangel (ditto) find a mutant colony and help delivering a baby.

Get chased away. Honestly, Kurt, were you really surprised that they had killed people?

Sugar Kane starts flirting with Jono, Kurt calls Wolverine while doing yoga, they find Jono in the newspapers (printed on, that is), and the mutant colony gets slaughtered – kind of setting a standard for what is happening through the pages of Marvel these days. (And just what the hell were they thinking, calling that guy "Mister Clean", anyway?) What I am wondering is: Why does Chamber say "Gordon Bennett" all the time? Is this something us non-English-primary-speakers just can't get?

Part 2:

We get a look at Jono's new life as a celebrity's lover.

'Crawler, Popsicle and Blue'n Wingy find dead mutants in the sewers.

A closer look at Jono's new life. Sugar seems like some kind of sex-crazed bimbo. (No, I don't like her. How did you guess?)

Nightcrawler and Iceman show up to yell at Jono, and lowers my opinion of them several notches.

Three experienced mutants get their buttocks prodded by this bad excuse for a vacuum cleaner man.

We realise the extent of Wolverines schizophrenia. He can be at two places at once! (Here, and in "New" X-Men.)

Part 3:

Jono jetset life. Yep.

Big, bad boys talking

Jono and Sugar jetset life.

Runaway sewer mutants running away. Oh, stupid, stupid puns…

Wolvie talkin' t'Jono

Mister Clean gets to talk, and becomes even more pathetic

Stupid, stupid anti-mutant bigots.

Sugar is gonna be a mommy. Jono's gonna be a daddy. It's all in the paper.

Nightcrawler scares the hell outta the runaway mutants, and us as well…Those drawings were perfectly horrible.

Part 4:

Sugar can't take the lies. Poor baby. (Nope, no sympathy from me.)

Introducing the runaway mutants.

More poor (HAH!) Sugar.

Enter Mister Clean again. He fights Wolvie and looses. Big time. We are safe from Mister Clean ever again. Hurrah. Can we stop this farce now? Please get some decent drawers?

Oh, no. The baby has to be named Hope first.

And it turned out Sugar was just using Jono. As if we didn't see that coming.

Jono comes with the X-Dudes. And, HURRAH!!! HE. NEVER. LIKED. HER. MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#399:

"The X-Ranch" = Brother. Sorry. Brothel. They send in Iceman (Wonder why. (Because he's the only non-visible mutant.) Shut up, sense of reason), and he gets some action.

More action than he bargained for, when the Church of Humanity kills everybody 'cept the X-Men and Stacy X. (What a church. Suddenly, I'm glad I don't believe in any specific kind of God.)

#400:

A flurry of bad drawings, Church of Humanity, and Stacy making a fool of herself.

#401: 'Nuff said month

Enter Banshee…in an issue without words. Rrrrright. No wonder it was confusing.

#402:

We get to know a lot about the X-Corps. Lot of heroes and villains are in. Sean's got some monster in the basement. Warren talks to a lot of guys in black suits who think they're important. (And, sorry, but just what is the European Commission?)

#403:

More mess. Sean hasn't got as big control as he thinks, and Jono gets sucked into the mind of the monster in the basement. On the other hand, the drawings were very good.

#404:

More mess. Sean looses control. The monster in the basement is Martinique Jason, also known as Lady Mastermind – and last seen in X-Treme X-Men as Regan Wyngarde, blonde, and left braindead (kinda). I'll get to that later.

Sunpyre – whom I liked – gets killed. And the bad guys take over the X-Corps.

#405:

Mess, mess, mess. Radius gets killed (well, dropped down a chasm in the ground, actually), the good guys wage war on the bad guys, and Mystique (where the hell did she come from?) cuts Sean's throat.

And, I am sorry to say, I do not know yet what happened after that. I think I know what will happen, though: More mess, and the good guys defeat the bad guys. Perhaps they even kill some of them. Lately, so many good guys have died, I think we could get rid of some of the others as well. First and foremost Surge and Fever-Pitch. (Man, they're almost more annoying than Mister Clean!) Just so long as they don't kill Mystique...!

Next: The squashed X-Treme X-Men