Chapter 29: Curtain Call
And now for the curtain call. Imagine a curtain opening up and the entire cast of this story taking a bow. Or you can imagine the end of a movie and the actor's name flashing downwards on your TV. (Don't forget the cast party!)
Now introducing each wonderful, yet fictitious (Shh! Don't tell them.) characters. Each of them will lend their own special comments so just sit back, audience, and let the characters entertain you!
*First introducing our usual heroes of the story: Rick, Evelyn, Jon and Are.
Rick makes some sort of speech that nobody hears because the microphones are messed up. He ends it with "I miss my guns." And walks of the stage. Everyone claps. Yeah!
Evelyn with a lovey-dovey look on her face attempts to take a bow and plops onto her face tearing the curtain and causing a domino effect on the stage with microphones and stuff falling on the floor. "Whoops." She says and continues to have the lovey-dovey look and walks of stage. (Not before falling flat on her face again.)
Jon, as drunk as could be, raises a beer and says, "I'll toast to that!" Then the curtain falls on him.
Are bows without any misfortune and announces, "Because everyone gets confused anyway, I'm combining my first and middle name. I will no longer be known as Are, but as Ardeth like everybody calls me anyway." The audience claps and for some reason gives him this bird. He named it Horus because it was as big as the statue they had found in Hamanatra. Though Jon always thought he was saying Hoars-R-Us or (clears throat) Whores-R-Us. Either Ardeth's accent got in the way or Jon just had a strange mind, because to his ears he always heard that. "I'm the only smart one here!" Ardeth says smacking his forehead.
*Then our duo pair of villains walk on the stage with a bunch of booing following their entrance. Well there was one person in the audience cheering. Was it you?
Imhotep begins by saying, "I will arise again and perhaps I just might steal your eyeballs and bring about the real apocalypse!"
Anck (sweet girl she is), interrupts him, "What are you talking about? You know I'm the one who has to do everything! I'll be the one to raise YOU, since you still haven't learned how to do it!" (Never mind about the sweet girl thing, 5000 years must have made her bitter.)
Suddenly Imhotep felt a little pinprick as a tiny bullet was shot at him by Jon who had gotten a hold of Rick's only gun, the Pea-Shooter. Imhotep was about to choke him again but the omnipotent cat came and scared both the mummies away. But not before the mummies got to take their bows and shut themselves in coffins again. Or sarcophaguses, whereever mummies hang out these days besides the Hamanatra bar.
Then the cat played another song on the piano. This time I believe she played chopsticks along with flashing lights and her friends, The Dancing Cats. Even he rats that don't talk came out and did a jig or two. Look at that! Cats and Rats!
Next the Band-Aid club came out and started a band. They sang something about forever not being long enough, I think. Then they all took their bow. The poor guy who lost his glasses, eyes, tongue and ultimately his life on this adventure, bowed first.
Then the nice suspicious or superstitious guy, (My favorite character in this story by the way.) came on stage. He was decked out in rabbit feet and silly good luck charms. He took an elaborate bow and began to walk of the stage. Unfortunately he accidentally knocked down a mirror (Which just happened to be there) and broke it. It broke in 13 pieces. Believe me, he spent the time to count them. Then his salt shaker fell out of his pocket and he got so scared he fell off the stage. No one ever saw him again. Unfortunately (or fortunately for himself), he was dead. And he stayed dead too.
Then a guy came out holding a Bourbon. He distributed it out to all the audience along with a Bourbon Chaser and a shot of Bourbon with one of those little umbrella thingys. Jon almost lost his mind and was about to hug the guy who remembered the alcohol, but fell over drunk instead.
Finally the final guy who belongs to the Band-Aid club took his bow and everyone clapped but forgot about him the next second because he didn't have a name. In fact all the guys who stole Anck's Sacred Golden Band-Aids weren't important enough to have names. Because we all know they were only in this story to die. Back to the grave you go, tough guys!
Another person we must all hold in our memory is Jimbo Bob, the homeless guy. We will always remember the valiant guy who somehow learned to fly an airplane even though Rick found him on the streets. The following is a song written for him and all those who are in Homeless guy heaven,
"One evening when the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the tracks came a hobo hiking, and he said boys I'm not turning.
I'm headed to a land that's far away besides the crystal fountain.
So come with me, we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
There's a land that's far and bright
Where the jinn does grow on bushes.
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty,
And the sun shines everyday.
All the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees,
The lemonade springs and the Bluebirds sing
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain,
All the cops have wooden legs
And the Bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the Hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The Farmers trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain
You never change your socks
And little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The Brakemen have to tip their hats
And the Railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of Whiskey too
You can paddle all around them in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
The Jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out of them
As soon as you are in
There ain't no short handle shovels
Nor axes, saws, or picks
I'm going to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain!"
Perhaps we should also remember the Curator or the Librarian guy that also died, but he didn't even have a name and he didn't get to bow because I didn't want him too.
The pharaoh died too. There he is bowing for his dramatized death. There you are clapping for him. Done? Ok.
Beni got to come out and take a bow. He came out with all the bugs. The only word that came out of his mouth was, "Eeeeee." (If you consider that a word anyway.) Rick came up on stage to pat him on the back but he ran away screaming. The bugs crawled all over the stage but were careful not to eat anyone because someone told them not to. They even got to bow but no one knew they were bowing because they were bugs and one can never tell when it comes to bugs. Give it up for the bugs!
Also give it up to the 101 guards who Rick defeated single handedly. They didn't come out on stage because they are still out there guarding.
And last but no least the many variety of mummies used on the making of this story. There are the original Pharaoh guards, who became tired of guarding for 5000 years and became dentist instead. Hurry! They are giving out free toothbrushes. Get a free one today! They all came out on stage and gave a long lecture on how good it is to keep your teeth clean. They showed off their own rotting teeth as an example to unbelievers. Then they began to talk about how their breath stinks. But we won't get into that.
Imhotep's groupies who had hung out with Jon and lost to Are in the Arm Wrestling contest got a short time on stage. Let's see a short replay of that arm wrestling contest . . .
[The following is the broadcast of Are versus the mummies in the famous arm wrestling contest.]
. . .There' s Are (now known as Ardeth) wrestling one of the mummies. Are doesn't seem to be having much trouble. Yep. The mummies gonna lose! Whoops. His arm broke off. The mummy's arm, not Are's. Are wins! The mummy loses. The mummies got so mad that there heads popped off and they exploded into dust. Yeah! Go Ardeth!
Then all the mummies linked arms and did the can-can across the stage. Whoa! Look at them go . . .
"Dun Dun dundundundun, Dun Dun dundundundun, Dun Dun Dun, dadadada, DaDaDaDaDaDaDa."
They stood in the back while Anck and Imhotep came out arguing about how to raise themselves from the dead next time. Of course the heroes came after them riding camels. Don't ask me how they fit on stage. Jon had fed (or watered) his camel alcohol, which made it stumble too and fro. (Don't worry, no camels were hurt in the making of this.)
Then all the people who died got to come up on stage. (That includes everybody else, right?) Of course we can't forget the towns people who were under the influence of Imhotep's spiked beer. The whole story cast took a group bow and the party was over-much to Jon's disappointment.
Everyone was clapping as this group took the final bow. Then everyone on stage all started clapping for you . . . Go to the next chapter to get your little taste of fame.
______________________________________________________________________________
I think I did pretty good in this story according to my 121 (and rising) reviews. Hopefully I'll do just as well on the next story, "A Girl Named Evie." Look for it soon coming to a computer near you. But for now, let me thank those who have been faithful followers of this mummy parody and made this story possible. Without you this story would not have stayed alive.
~
Does the author get to bow? Well here I am bowing to you the reviewer. And go to the next chapter now to get your own bow in.
And now for the curtain call. Imagine a curtain opening up and the entire cast of this story taking a bow. Or you can imagine the end of a movie and the actor's name flashing downwards on your TV. (Don't forget the cast party!)
Now introducing each wonderful, yet fictitious (Shh! Don't tell them.) characters. Each of them will lend their own special comments so just sit back, audience, and let the characters entertain you!
*First introducing our usual heroes of the story: Rick, Evelyn, Jon and Are.
Rick makes some sort of speech that nobody hears because the microphones are messed up. He ends it with "I miss my guns." And walks of the stage. Everyone claps. Yeah!
Evelyn with a lovey-dovey look on her face attempts to take a bow and plops onto her face tearing the curtain and causing a domino effect on the stage with microphones and stuff falling on the floor. "Whoops." She says and continues to have the lovey-dovey look and walks of stage. (Not before falling flat on her face again.)
Jon, as drunk as could be, raises a beer and says, "I'll toast to that!" Then the curtain falls on him.
Are bows without any misfortune and announces, "Because everyone gets confused anyway, I'm combining my first and middle name. I will no longer be known as Are, but as Ardeth like everybody calls me anyway." The audience claps and for some reason gives him this bird. He named it Horus because it was as big as the statue they had found in Hamanatra. Though Jon always thought he was saying Hoars-R-Us or (clears throat) Whores-R-Us. Either Ardeth's accent got in the way or Jon just had a strange mind, because to his ears he always heard that. "I'm the only smart one here!" Ardeth says smacking his forehead.
*Then our duo pair of villains walk on the stage with a bunch of booing following their entrance. Well there was one person in the audience cheering. Was it you?
Imhotep begins by saying, "I will arise again and perhaps I just might steal your eyeballs and bring about the real apocalypse!"
Anck (sweet girl she is), interrupts him, "What are you talking about? You know I'm the one who has to do everything! I'll be the one to raise YOU, since you still haven't learned how to do it!" (Never mind about the sweet girl thing, 5000 years must have made her bitter.)
Suddenly Imhotep felt a little pinprick as a tiny bullet was shot at him by Jon who had gotten a hold of Rick's only gun, the Pea-Shooter. Imhotep was about to choke him again but the omnipotent cat came and scared both the mummies away. But not before the mummies got to take their bows and shut themselves in coffins again. Or sarcophaguses, whereever mummies hang out these days besides the Hamanatra bar.
Then the cat played another song on the piano. This time I believe she played chopsticks along with flashing lights and her friends, The Dancing Cats. Even he rats that don't talk came out and did a jig or two. Look at that! Cats and Rats!
Next the Band-Aid club came out and started a band. They sang something about forever not being long enough, I think. Then they all took their bow. The poor guy who lost his glasses, eyes, tongue and ultimately his life on this adventure, bowed first.
Then the nice suspicious or superstitious guy, (My favorite character in this story by the way.) came on stage. He was decked out in rabbit feet and silly good luck charms. He took an elaborate bow and began to walk of the stage. Unfortunately he accidentally knocked down a mirror (Which just happened to be there) and broke it. It broke in 13 pieces. Believe me, he spent the time to count them. Then his salt shaker fell out of his pocket and he got so scared he fell off the stage. No one ever saw him again. Unfortunately (or fortunately for himself), he was dead. And he stayed dead too.
Then a guy came out holding a Bourbon. He distributed it out to all the audience along with a Bourbon Chaser and a shot of Bourbon with one of those little umbrella thingys. Jon almost lost his mind and was about to hug the guy who remembered the alcohol, but fell over drunk instead.
Finally the final guy who belongs to the Band-Aid club took his bow and everyone clapped but forgot about him the next second because he didn't have a name. In fact all the guys who stole Anck's Sacred Golden Band-Aids weren't important enough to have names. Because we all know they were only in this story to die. Back to the grave you go, tough guys!
Another person we must all hold in our memory is Jimbo Bob, the homeless guy. We will always remember the valiant guy who somehow learned to fly an airplane even though Rick found him on the streets. The following is a song written for him and all those who are in Homeless guy heaven,
"One evening when the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the tracks came a hobo hiking, and he said boys I'm not turning.
I'm headed to a land that's far away besides the crystal fountain.
So come with me, we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
There's a land that's far and bright
Where the jinn does grow on bushes.
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty,
And the sun shines everyday.
All the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees,
The lemonade springs and the Bluebirds sing
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain,
All the cops have wooden legs
And the Bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the Hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The Farmers trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain
You never change your socks
And little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The Brakemen have to tip their hats
And the Railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of Whiskey too
You can paddle all around them in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
The Jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out of them
As soon as you are in
There ain't no short handle shovels
Nor axes, saws, or picks
I'm going to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountain!"
Perhaps we should also remember the Curator or the Librarian guy that also died, but he didn't even have a name and he didn't get to bow because I didn't want him too.
The pharaoh died too. There he is bowing for his dramatized death. There you are clapping for him. Done? Ok.
Beni got to come out and take a bow. He came out with all the bugs. The only word that came out of his mouth was, "Eeeeee." (If you consider that a word anyway.) Rick came up on stage to pat him on the back but he ran away screaming. The bugs crawled all over the stage but were careful not to eat anyone because someone told them not to. They even got to bow but no one knew they were bowing because they were bugs and one can never tell when it comes to bugs. Give it up for the bugs!
Also give it up to the 101 guards who Rick defeated single handedly. They didn't come out on stage because they are still out there guarding.
And last but no least the many variety of mummies used on the making of this story. There are the original Pharaoh guards, who became tired of guarding for 5000 years and became dentist instead. Hurry! They are giving out free toothbrushes. Get a free one today! They all came out on stage and gave a long lecture on how good it is to keep your teeth clean. They showed off their own rotting teeth as an example to unbelievers. Then they began to talk about how their breath stinks. But we won't get into that.
Imhotep's groupies who had hung out with Jon and lost to Are in the Arm Wrestling contest got a short time on stage. Let's see a short replay of that arm wrestling contest . . .
[The following is the broadcast of Are versus the mummies in the famous arm wrestling contest.]
. . .There' s Are (now known as Ardeth) wrestling one of the mummies. Are doesn't seem to be having much trouble. Yep. The mummies gonna lose! Whoops. His arm broke off. The mummy's arm, not Are's. Are wins! The mummy loses. The mummies got so mad that there heads popped off and they exploded into dust. Yeah! Go Ardeth!
Then all the mummies linked arms and did the can-can across the stage. Whoa! Look at them go . . .
"Dun Dun dundundundun, Dun Dun dundundundun, Dun Dun Dun, dadadada, DaDaDaDaDaDaDa."
They stood in the back while Anck and Imhotep came out arguing about how to raise themselves from the dead next time. Of course the heroes came after them riding camels. Don't ask me how they fit on stage. Jon had fed (or watered) his camel alcohol, which made it stumble too and fro. (Don't worry, no camels were hurt in the making of this.)
Then all the people who died got to come up on stage. (That includes everybody else, right?) Of course we can't forget the towns people who were under the influence of Imhotep's spiked beer. The whole story cast took a group bow and the party was over-much to Jon's disappointment.
Everyone was clapping as this group took the final bow. Then everyone on stage all started clapping for you . . . Go to the next chapter to get your little taste of fame.
______________________________________________________________________________
I think I did pretty good in this story according to my 121 (and rising) reviews. Hopefully I'll do just as well on the next story, "A Girl Named Evie." Look for it soon coming to a computer near you. But for now, let me thank those who have been faithful followers of this mummy parody and made this story possible. Without you this story would not have stayed alive.
~
Does the author get to bow? Well here I am bowing to you the reviewer. And go to the next chapter now to get your own bow in.