9. Smoking Gun
LEX
I am standing here, while my friend pulls an unmarked hand out from four inches of steel.
Those same hands pulled the roof off my car.
Part of me wants to swing the K-frame Smith up at his face, because I am very scared right now. My friend has the capacity to bend metal and I don't know who I'm looking at. Given the propensity of every other meteor-affected individual to go some variation of insane, I feel I have a right to be very concerned.
But this is -Clark-. So I stand there and look at him.
"Lex, I swear, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I never told anybody before, and I didn't know how."
"I asked you." I hear my voice rasp. "And you lied."
"No!" He shakes his head. "Something...happened for a while. And when you asked me, I wasn't...wasn't..."
"Indestructible. What -ARE- you, Clark?"
"I don't -know-!" And he's still fifteen, dammit, because his voice is cracking.
My hands are shaking, so I put the gun down.
I still don't know exactly what I did under Rickman's influence, but I could smell cordite on my hands. The gun won't have an effect.
"Why show me now?" But I know.
"You and Chloe - putting the pieces together. I wanted to tell you before you found out, and I ended up on the Wall. Or in a lab."
That hurts. It's true; if I had found this out when I first came out of the river, I would have wanted to, God, experiment. But this is my friend Clark. Trusting me not to. Please, trusting me. Because it's the middle of the night and we are a long way underground, and he got down here without setting off the alarms, and he isn't affected by bullets, and I really didn't know what I was doing when I came back to this cow-town that wrecked my life, and he saved my -life-. I outgrew my asthma years ago, but my chest is tight.
Clark takes in the range, the gun.
"Lex, is this...because of -Me-?" Raw and desperate. I shake my head, suck in air that doesn't want to come.
"I think my father might be following my findings. You might be invulnerable, but - Chloe isn't."
"Oh shit. Shit." He looks sick, then angry. "Dammit, Lex!"
"I'm not responsible for my fucking father!" I'm angry and scared and tired. "He -owns- United Metropolis Charities, Clark. He put cameras in my fucking bedroom. He wouldn't hesitate to do -anything- ."
"Does Chloe know?"
"No." Can I keep this from her? No. "Clark, I can't lie to her. I don't lie to her."
"Tell one, tell both, huh?" He's wavering on the verge of hysteria. Strangely, that steadies me.
"Calm down, Clark. It's not like we haven't dealt with weird before now, is it? Now, let's get out of here, because it's cold down here, and that hole in the wall is freaking me out."
I don't do personal contact, but he's starting to shake, and so am I, so I grab his shoulder.
"You're still my friend, -whatever-."
His eyes squeeze shut for a moment, and that painfully transparent face struggles, then he draws a breath, and we're going to be okay. And I wonder, how can someone whose emotions show so clearly hide something like this?
It's warmer up in my study, but I still feel cold, need a scotch. I make Clark take one, too. I really don't think the law applies to him. Then I sit and stare at him. Hard.
He stares back.
"You better get Chloe." he says.
He's still sitting there, looking crumpled, when I bring my sleepy girl downstairs. We sit on the sofa.
And Clark tells us where he came from.
CLARK
Once I start to tell them, I can't stop. It's such a relief to finally say this out loud. Chloe, all eyes, curled up in the shelter of Lex's arm. Lex, retreating behind that stony face of his. My friends. At one point, Lex runs his hand back over his scalp, and I falter. But he doesn't say anything. I tell them all of it. The meteors, the ship, Lana's parents. How I've always known that I was different, finding out why after a maniac ploughed me off a bridge with his car. Lying to people. Watching the mess my life has made of other people's. The responsibility of trying not to hurt anyone, the worry of not being fast enough or strong enough all the time for everyone. What I am, what I might become. Whether I'll grow up, grow old, grow into something else. What I can't say to my parents. And when I run out of words, I cry.
LEX
Chloe does what I cannot. She puts her arms round him, looks at me over his bent head. And I put my head in my hands. Where do we go from here?
LEX
I am standing here, while my friend pulls an unmarked hand out from four inches of steel.
Those same hands pulled the roof off my car.
Part of me wants to swing the K-frame Smith up at his face, because I am very scared right now. My friend has the capacity to bend metal and I don't know who I'm looking at. Given the propensity of every other meteor-affected individual to go some variation of insane, I feel I have a right to be very concerned.
But this is -Clark-. So I stand there and look at him.
"Lex, I swear, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I never told anybody before, and I didn't know how."
"I asked you." I hear my voice rasp. "And you lied."
"No!" He shakes his head. "Something...happened for a while. And when you asked me, I wasn't...wasn't..."
"Indestructible. What -ARE- you, Clark?"
"I don't -know-!" And he's still fifteen, dammit, because his voice is cracking.
My hands are shaking, so I put the gun down.
I still don't know exactly what I did under Rickman's influence, but I could smell cordite on my hands. The gun won't have an effect.
"Why show me now?" But I know.
"You and Chloe - putting the pieces together. I wanted to tell you before you found out, and I ended up on the Wall. Or in a lab."
That hurts. It's true; if I had found this out when I first came out of the river, I would have wanted to, God, experiment. But this is my friend Clark. Trusting me not to. Please, trusting me. Because it's the middle of the night and we are a long way underground, and he got down here without setting off the alarms, and he isn't affected by bullets, and I really didn't know what I was doing when I came back to this cow-town that wrecked my life, and he saved my -life-. I outgrew my asthma years ago, but my chest is tight.
Clark takes in the range, the gun.
"Lex, is this...because of -Me-?" Raw and desperate. I shake my head, suck in air that doesn't want to come.
"I think my father might be following my findings. You might be invulnerable, but - Chloe isn't."
"Oh shit. Shit." He looks sick, then angry. "Dammit, Lex!"
"I'm not responsible for my fucking father!" I'm angry and scared and tired. "He -owns- United Metropolis Charities, Clark. He put cameras in my fucking bedroom. He wouldn't hesitate to do -anything- ."
"Does Chloe know?"
"No." Can I keep this from her? No. "Clark, I can't lie to her. I don't lie to her."
"Tell one, tell both, huh?" He's wavering on the verge of hysteria. Strangely, that steadies me.
"Calm down, Clark. It's not like we haven't dealt with weird before now, is it? Now, let's get out of here, because it's cold down here, and that hole in the wall is freaking me out."
I don't do personal contact, but he's starting to shake, and so am I, so I grab his shoulder.
"You're still my friend, -whatever-."
His eyes squeeze shut for a moment, and that painfully transparent face struggles, then he draws a breath, and we're going to be okay. And I wonder, how can someone whose emotions show so clearly hide something like this?
It's warmer up in my study, but I still feel cold, need a scotch. I make Clark take one, too. I really don't think the law applies to him. Then I sit and stare at him. Hard.
He stares back.
"You better get Chloe." he says.
He's still sitting there, looking crumpled, when I bring my sleepy girl downstairs. We sit on the sofa.
And Clark tells us where he came from.
CLARK
Once I start to tell them, I can't stop. It's such a relief to finally say this out loud. Chloe, all eyes, curled up in the shelter of Lex's arm. Lex, retreating behind that stony face of his. My friends. At one point, Lex runs his hand back over his scalp, and I falter. But he doesn't say anything. I tell them all of it. The meteors, the ship, Lana's parents. How I've always known that I was different, finding out why after a maniac ploughed me off a bridge with his car. Lying to people. Watching the mess my life has made of other people's. The responsibility of trying not to hurt anyone, the worry of not being fast enough or strong enough all the time for everyone. What I am, what I might become. Whether I'll grow up, grow old, grow into something else. What I can't say to my parents. And when I run out of words, I cry.
LEX
Chloe does what I cannot. She puts her arms round him, looks at me over his bent head. And I put my head in my hands. Where do we go from here?