DISCLAIMER: (I'm a little happier right now so this chapter'll sound
weird…) The idea of the 'yes sir no sir' line comes from my friend Aurora!
And Ms. Johns is a real person. Well, a fictional person based on a real
person. Yes Aurora, this is one for you and Rhonda since Maissin's already
been taken!! :P
VERY IMPORTANT AN: This chapter discusses a little about one of the characters being gay. I don't mean this to be offensive or hurtful to anyone, and I'm not discriminating against gay people at all. Okay?
**A Letter from Lily** Chapter Two – The one you can't have
'James Potter, have you done your homework?'
'Yes sir no sir three bags full sir!'
It was coming up to the Easter holidays and there was a strong sense of rebellion amongst the students. Professor Chuckles' face went the colour of a tomato and it looked like he was going to hit James but then he clenched his fist into balls.
'That's it. If you say that line to me one more time you'll be sorry, Potter.'
'Yes sir no sir three bags full sir!'
The class giggled. Chuckles just stared at him, then gave up and let them play games. James sat at his desk bored. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were all in the hospital wing sick (he was suspicious and a little worried about the fact that they were all in at the same time), and Lily was alone at her desk brooding. Lately she looked exhausted and depressed and there were rumours that she'd been caught in the toilets hacking at her wrists.
James turned around in his seat and saw Joan Johns sitting behind him. She was a chubby short little girl with a mop of blond hair, but he thought she was quite cute. [AN: Johns? Cute?? Over my dead body!!! :P]
'Hey there hun, what's your name?'
'Joan.'
'What's your first name?'
'Joan.'
'Joan Joan. Uh-huh…'
'No you idiot!' said Joan with a big silly grin on her face. 'My name's Joan Johns. Stop teasing me!'
'Ah… you're quite a cutie, aren't you? Wanna meet up sometime in the hols?'
She looked taken aback by his directness.
'Oh… okay… but I—'
'GREAT!' The bell went and they shuffled out of class. James winked at Joan but had to be careful in case Lily saw him. She might have snubbed him but he still didn't want to hurt her feelings.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[AN: End of flashback]
The early rising sun threw a golden gleam into the pastel-coloured dawn sky. James felt teary and detached from the morning. He didn't want to have to face the rest of the day, having thought what he had already, reminiscing the death of possibly his best friend, and even worse remembering the chilling feeling that so much of it had been his fault.
Over the ensuing Easter holidays he had met up with Joan several times and each time he had felt himself taking a very strong liking to her. She'd seemed distant, but he had put this down to her being nervous and shy. In the end though it turned out that she'd only stuck with him to be nice. [AN: Johns? Nice?? That, too, over my dead body!!!! :P]
He closed his eyes again, determined to finish the dark story.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On the train back to school, James sat beside Joan in the carriage, holding her hand in his lap. He delicately stroked her soft fingers, slid his arm around her, felt her tense slightly before relaxing.
'Joan,' he said seriously. 'We've been… out a few times now and I was wondering if there was any chance of a…' He moved closer and brushed his cheek against hers. [AN: (shudder) this is getting more frightening by the moment] '…Any chance of a first kiss?'
'Oh!' cried Joan. She leapt away from him. 'I, I … nature's calling! I've gotta go… sweetie… seeya at Hogwarts okay?'
'Joan, wait—!'
She hurried out the door. 'Will talk about it at school, okay!?'
James stared bitterly after her.
'Stupid bitch!'
After the Welcoming Feast that evening, James met Joan in a deserted corridor on the way to the common room.
'Hey baby!'
'Oh, uh – James! Hi!'
He threw his arms around her and she flopped against him like a saggy doll.
'So what about that—' But he stopped as he saw Lily come around the corner and stare straight at them. Her jaw dropped open. Quickly he let go of Joan.
'Why, Lily! How… nice to see you.'
'JAMES! Oh James, you…!'
'Now look here Lily,' he said gently. 'When you said that I was supposed to leave you alone, I assumed that I'd be free to get on with my own life. You *know* I don't love you Lily… is it so wrong for me to love someone else?'
Lily opened and closed her mouth a few times. 'You're – you're so self- centred James Potter!' Her anger was weak, as though it lacked effort. She dropped her head and walked away.
'So, er, Joan…' James was quick in turning back. 'You said we'd discuss the kiss at school. So what about it?'
'Oh no no Jamesie, please, not now, I – I've got to brush my teeth! Yes, that's it.' She escaped before James could question her but he could not escape the feeling that she was deliberately avoiding him.
One sunny afternoon James was playing wizard chess with Sirius in the common room, but his heart wasn't in it. His mind kept wandering back to Joan. He hadn't met up with her for two weeks now and he missed her like hell.
He stood up. 'Sirius, get Remus to finish up for me, I've gotta do something, okay?' Off he went in search of little Ms. Johns.
He found her sitting under a tree by the lake reading a thick boring Muggle Science textbook. For a few moments he stood over her but she didn't notice him.
'Ahem.'
'Oh! Ah… hi James. I—'
'No, don't you go anywhere. This isn't fair. You've been avoiding me and I'm just trying to have a relationship with you!'
'Yeah right. Look James…'
'How do I know you're not seeing someone else?'
'Do I look like I've been humping lately?'
'… Er – no (not that I like to think about that but anyways), but you definitely haven't been in one place with me whenever I'm around. Tell me the truth! What's with you always hot-footing it!?'
Joan thought for a moment then pulled a stupid-looking angry face. 'The truth? You want the bloody truth? Okay, I'll tell it to you. The truth is gonna hurt you but you asked for it, Big Bird.'
'Yes, well…?'
'I'm gay. And I love your Lily friend.'
James stared at her in stunned silence.
'Joan… Oh Joan! I thought you loved me!!'
'Well that's too bad, sucker.' She walked away, leaving James sobbing under the tree.
He wondered if Lily knew about this. He cried and cried because he felt that his whole life had come undone over one single girl who in the end never loved him anyway, but more so because he finally felt guilty about abandoning Lily especially now that Joan had entered the equation…
'You – you ugly BEAST!' he yelled angrily after her. Suddenly this was all just too much to take.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For several days James was brooding. Sirius, Remus and Peter had taken to teasing him about Joan, and he grew incredibly snappish. How ironic, he thought, that his first love loved the one with whom he had split with over her. He was stumbling blindly down the corridor thinking these thoughts when suddenly he bumped into someone. It was Lily.
'James…'
'Oh Lily…'
'What's up with you? That *girlfriend* of yours dump you?'
'Shut up! It's not like that… it never was…'
Lily's face softened and she looked gently at him. 'So what's the matter?'
But at that moment all the rage, pain, hurt, love and confusion that James felt built up into a big ball in his chest and, longing to let it out, he directed it into a savage anger at Lily.
'It's none of your business! Go away Lily!'
'I'm just trying to help you! Jeez…'
'You shout at me twice for trying to help you. And then you wonder why *this* is happening. You're a stupid jerk, Lily Evans!'
'And you too, James Potter! I can't imagine how I put up with you for three whole damn years!'
'Why you—!' James lunged at Lily's throat. They screamed and clawed at each other.
'Take that, you son of a—'
'No way in hell, you f—'
'Uunnngghhh!!!' James slapped Lily across the cheek. Suddenly the portrait hole swung open and in clambered James' friends, followed by Susan Carey and Robyn Gesen, who were part of Lily's gang.
'ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!'
'Stop it you two! NOW!'
Susan and Robyn rushed over to drag Lily away while Sirius and Peter yanked on James' arm.
They fell apart, glaring daggers at each other and making rude gestures.
'I hate you Lily!'
'And I hate you James!'
Their friends noticed, however, that both of them were crying bitterly.
But from that day out, Lily and James had finally hit rock bottom and ignored each other completely.
****************************
AN: (shudders) "Yick", what a disgusting chapter. I've definitely got writer's block. But I've got the next chappie all planned out and I'll stick it up soon. In fact I think I'll do it now. So… please tell me what you guys thought of this! And flame if you're really sad enough to. I don't care.
Smoky
VERY IMPORTANT AN: This chapter discusses a little about one of the characters being gay. I don't mean this to be offensive or hurtful to anyone, and I'm not discriminating against gay people at all. Okay?
**A Letter from Lily** Chapter Two – The one you can't have
'James Potter, have you done your homework?'
'Yes sir no sir three bags full sir!'
It was coming up to the Easter holidays and there was a strong sense of rebellion amongst the students. Professor Chuckles' face went the colour of a tomato and it looked like he was going to hit James but then he clenched his fist into balls.
'That's it. If you say that line to me one more time you'll be sorry, Potter.'
'Yes sir no sir three bags full sir!'
The class giggled. Chuckles just stared at him, then gave up and let them play games. James sat at his desk bored. Remus, Peter, and Sirius were all in the hospital wing sick (he was suspicious and a little worried about the fact that they were all in at the same time), and Lily was alone at her desk brooding. Lately she looked exhausted and depressed and there were rumours that she'd been caught in the toilets hacking at her wrists.
James turned around in his seat and saw Joan Johns sitting behind him. She was a chubby short little girl with a mop of blond hair, but he thought she was quite cute. [AN: Johns? Cute?? Over my dead body!!! :P]
'Hey there hun, what's your name?'
'Joan.'
'What's your first name?'
'Joan.'
'Joan Joan. Uh-huh…'
'No you idiot!' said Joan with a big silly grin on her face. 'My name's Joan Johns. Stop teasing me!'
'Ah… you're quite a cutie, aren't you? Wanna meet up sometime in the hols?'
She looked taken aback by his directness.
'Oh… okay… but I—'
'GREAT!' The bell went and they shuffled out of class. James winked at Joan but had to be careful in case Lily saw him. She might have snubbed him but he still didn't want to hurt her feelings.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
[AN: End of flashback]
The early rising sun threw a golden gleam into the pastel-coloured dawn sky. James felt teary and detached from the morning. He didn't want to have to face the rest of the day, having thought what he had already, reminiscing the death of possibly his best friend, and even worse remembering the chilling feeling that so much of it had been his fault.
Over the ensuing Easter holidays he had met up with Joan several times and each time he had felt himself taking a very strong liking to her. She'd seemed distant, but he had put this down to her being nervous and shy. In the end though it turned out that she'd only stuck with him to be nice. [AN: Johns? Nice?? That, too, over my dead body!!!! :P]
He closed his eyes again, determined to finish the dark story.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
On the train back to school, James sat beside Joan in the carriage, holding her hand in his lap. He delicately stroked her soft fingers, slid his arm around her, felt her tense slightly before relaxing.
'Joan,' he said seriously. 'We've been… out a few times now and I was wondering if there was any chance of a…' He moved closer and brushed his cheek against hers. [AN: (shudder) this is getting more frightening by the moment] '…Any chance of a first kiss?'
'Oh!' cried Joan. She leapt away from him. 'I, I … nature's calling! I've gotta go… sweetie… seeya at Hogwarts okay?'
'Joan, wait—!'
She hurried out the door. 'Will talk about it at school, okay!?'
James stared bitterly after her.
'Stupid bitch!'
After the Welcoming Feast that evening, James met Joan in a deserted corridor on the way to the common room.
'Hey baby!'
'Oh, uh – James! Hi!'
He threw his arms around her and she flopped against him like a saggy doll.
'So what about that—' But he stopped as he saw Lily come around the corner and stare straight at them. Her jaw dropped open. Quickly he let go of Joan.
'Why, Lily! How… nice to see you.'
'JAMES! Oh James, you…!'
'Now look here Lily,' he said gently. 'When you said that I was supposed to leave you alone, I assumed that I'd be free to get on with my own life. You *know* I don't love you Lily… is it so wrong for me to love someone else?'
Lily opened and closed her mouth a few times. 'You're – you're so self- centred James Potter!' Her anger was weak, as though it lacked effort. She dropped her head and walked away.
'So, er, Joan…' James was quick in turning back. 'You said we'd discuss the kiss at school. So what about it?'
'Oh no no Jamesie, please, not now, I – I've got to brush my teeth! Yes, that's it.' She escaped before James could question her but he could not escape the feeling that she was deliberately avoiding him.
One sunny afternoon James was playing wizard chess with Sirius in the common room, but his heart wasn't in it. His mind kept wandering back to Joan. He hadn't met up with her for two weeks now and he missed her like hell.
He stood up. 'Sirius, get Remus to finish up for me, I've gotta do something, okay?' Off he went in search of little Ms. Johns.
He found her sitting under a tree by the lake reading a thick boring Muggle Science textbook. For a few moments he stood over her but she didn't notice him.
'Ahem.'
'Oh! Ah… hi James. I—'
'No, don't you go anywhere. This isn't fair. You've been avoiding me and I'm just trying to have a relationship with you!'
'Yeah right. Look James…'
'How do I know you're not seeing someone else?'
'Do I look like I've been humping lately?'
'… Er – no (not that I like to think about that but anyways), but you definitely haven't been in one place with me whenever I'm around. Tell me the truth! What's with you always hot-footing it!?'
Joan thought for a moment then pulled a stupid-looking angry face. 'The truth? You want the bloody truth? Okay, I'll tell it to you. The truth is gonna hurt you but you asked for it, Big Bird.'
'Yes, well…?'
'I'm gay. And I love your Lily friend.'
James stared at her in stunned silence.
'Joan… Oh Joan! I thought you loved me!!'
'Well that's too bad, sucker.' She walked away, leaving James sobbing under the tree.
He wondered if Lily knew about this. He cried and cried because he felt that his whole life had come undone over one single girl who in the end never loved him anyway, but more so because he finally felt guilty about abandoning Lily especially now that Joan had entered the equation…
'You – you ugly BEAST!' he yelled angrily after her. Suddenly this was all just too much to take.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For several days James was brooding. Sirius, Remus and Peter had taken to teasing him about Joan, and he grew incredibly snappish. How ironic, he thought, that his first love loved the one with whom he had split with over her. He was stumbling blindly down the corridor thinking these thoughts when suddenly he bumped into someone. It was Lily.
'James…'
'Oh Lily…'
'What's up with you? That *girlfriend* of yours dump you?'
'Shut up! It's not like that… it never was…'
Lily's face softened and she looked gently at him. 'So what's the matter?'
But at that moment all the rage, pain, hurt, love and confusion that James felt built up into a big ball in his chest and, longing to let it out, he directed it into a savage anger at Lily.
'It's none of your business! Go away Lily!'
'I'm just trying to help you! Jeez…'
'You shout at me twice for trying to help you. And then you wonder why *this* is happening. You're a stupid jerk, Lily Evans!'
'And you too, James Potter! I can't imagine how I put up with you for three whole damn years!'
'Why you—!' James lunged at Lily's throat. They screamed and clawed at each other.
'Take that, you son of a—'
'No way in hell, you f—'
'Uunnngghhh!!!' James slapped Lily across the cheek. Suddenly the portrait hole swung open and in clambered James' friends, followed by Susan Carey and Robyn Gesen, who were part of Lily's gang.
'ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!'
'Stop it you two! NOW!'
Susan and Robyn rushed over to drag Lily away while Sirius and Peter yanked on James' arm.
They fell apart, glaring daggers at each other and making rude gestures.
'I hate you Lily!'
'And I hate you James!'
Their friends noticed, however, that both of them were crying bitterly.
But from that day out, Lily and James had finally hit rock bottom and ignored each other completely.
****************************
AN: (shudders) "Yick", what a disgusting chapter. I've definitely got writer's block. But I've got the next chappie all planned out and I'll stick it up soon. In fact I think I'll do it now. So… please tell me what you guys thought of this! And flame if you're really sad enough to. I don't care.
Smoky