VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: The scene of Lily's death was partially though
not wholly borrowed from the Anachronox cinematic which portrays Fatima's
death (the dialogue, mostly). I don't think a lot of you would understand
what I'm talking about but that's still important for me to disclaim. So
there.
By the way, ---------------------------- means a change of scene between James and Lily. As the chapter title suggests, they are in "parallel misery" which means that most of this is happening at the same time.
**A Letter from Lily** Chapter Three – Parallel Misery/Alone Alike in Heart and Mind
James sat curled up in a ball on top of the toilet. It stank in here but he felt safe and secure. Uncomfortable, but secure. Hidden from the world and his feelings.
After the fight with Lily, he had seriously considered suicide. Little did he know, so had she.
---------------------------------
'Come on Lilzy! Cheer up, you'll get over him.'
Susan looked gently down at the brooding girl. She rested a hand on her shoulder.
'Cheer up. Please! Just gimme a smile, honey!'
Lily smiled weakly, but it was gone in a flash. She looked pitifully up at her friend. 'I can't Susan, okay? Maybe I don't look like I'm trying but I am. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to get over him. For goodness' sake! I've loved him for like, a year!'
'She's right.' Robyn took Susan's arm and steered her away. 'Let's give her some time alone.'
'Thanks Rob,' Lily mumbled.
---------------------------------
On the back of the toilet door were scrawled a few love messages, and a little verse that read "Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer". James dropped his head onto his knees. Lily was his enemy now, wasn't she? That meant she should be closer to him than any friend. But as friends on speaking terms, they had been as close as two petals on a flower.
'Sirius?' he called. Sirius should have been in the next cubicle. There was no answer. He bashed his head against the wall and wept. It was strange for a guy like him to cry so much, but Lily had been so close to him that he couldn't help feeling sick about the split. And besides that, he was pining harder than ever for Joan.
How he longed for those days when they used to talk and laugh together! What stopped them from apologizing? Maybe they still had a chance. But something dark and impossible had come between them.
---------------------------------
Lily had been alone for some time. She wondered where James was and what he was feeling. Did he miss her? She missed him, both as a friend and as the one she loved.
'Robyn?' she called, finally unable to bear the loneliness. The little blond-haired girl came to sit beside her. 'Robyn, I… I think James and I might still have a chance. Maybe if we could just apologize to each other! And then maybe we could start over, but…'
Her friend was silent for a moment. 'I think… this is just what I think… maybe it's your pride that stops you guys from saying sorry.'
'You know what? I think you're right…'
Lily sat silently looking out the window. Her entire being ached and it felt as though every escape was cut off. The weekend perhaps was bearable, when she didn't have to look upon James and restrain herself from him, but come the next few hours, and she would have to sleep to greet a new school day…
She began to cry. In her head was the image of James holding Joan. Seeing that brought another fresh wave of pain and then she knew there was no turning back.
---------------------------------
James stared blankly at the wall. I want you Joan, oh God I want to hold you he thought, his eyes going weepy again. But I can't have you… why is life so ironic?
The screaming in his head was getting worse. Finally he kicked down the door and went off to find his mates. He couldn't bear the loneliness anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The sun was higher now, as James remembered his return to his friends. He had been unable to take it alone, just sitting there brooding about Lily and Joan. The others had taken him back quite readily, determined to cheer him up. And it had actually worked for a while. But four fateful days later, he had received an emotional letter from one of Lily's friends, Robyn, and inside that envelope was one from Lily herself…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily stood poised, high above the grounds, high above the world. The setting sun threw magnificent purples and pinks across the sky, highlighting orange streaks in her flaming red hair. A gentle breeze whipped her fringe across her face, locks of death brushing her cheeks.
She fingered the letter tucked neatly into her palm, her heart aching.
'I know you don't feel anything for me…' she whispered into sunset. Tears glistened in her eyes.
'The fact is, we both love people we can't have.'
She bowed her head, thinking of Joan but not in hate. There was no more room in her heart for hate.
'I just can't spend my life around you anymore.
'I guess now is as good a time as any to make my escape.'
The wind rustled her hair again, and fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Where was James? she wondered. It no longer mattered. She climbed up onto the balcony, and sat there astride for a few last moments.
Her heart whispered, now is the time. Say goodbye to the world. Embrace your death.
'Have a beautiful life, James…'
And with that she flung herself off, falling like a broken bird, soaring in her special way while the fading sunlight glistened with tears around her body.
She landed with a thud on cold hard concrete, enduring a long moment of pain before she smiled slowly and drifted off into blissful, black oblivion…
The letter remained clutched tightly in her lifeless hand.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He had been there for quite a while now. The sun was beginning to throw its setting shades on another day of his life. James reread the fresh ink on the letter in his hand, and knew what he had to do. There was a strange calm clarity in his heart.
He stood out on the balcony where, three or so years ago, Lily had fallen to her death. A tear slid down his cheek and he made no effort to wipe it away.
Lily's letter was in his pocket now, close to his heart. In his hand he held the reply. But it needed more than that; he owed a great deal to Lily's soul, to settle the chaos and turmoil that was their broken relationship, the pain in his heart over what had passed.
He still loved Joan, but she was out of the equation now. He owed this to Lily…
He climbed up onto the railing, looking out over the ground below. How Lily had dared fall this way, he did not know. The sunlight caught his glasses on a strange angle, beaming light into his eyes. The wind whipped his hair into his face. He posed there for a moment, might and strong, then let go…
He felt a sudden jolt and an intense pain in his head. A whiteness threatened to engulf him. There was a gentle warm touch caressing his cheek, the musical voice of an angel whispering in his ear…
'James, you came back…'
Through the pain he smiled, feeling eternity pass around him.
'I love you Lily…'
****************************
Dearest Lily,
This life we led was but a mere lie
In honest good heart I bid it goodbye
I realised all we'd thrown away once it was too late
So I come back to join you
in love and in fate
Love,
James
****************************
AN: Ahh, how's that for a fic/author ending! I couldn't think up a longer letter for Jamesie so I wrote that crap poem, maybe I write a better one when I have time. Please review for me guys!
cyaz l8r!
Smoky the suicidal freak
By the way, ---------------------------- means a change of scene between James and Lily. As the chapter title suggests, they are in "parallel misery" which means that most of this is happening at the same time.
**A Letter from Lily** Chapter Three – Parallel Misery/Alone Alike in Heart and Mind
James sat curled up in a ball on top of the toilet. It stank in here but he felt safe and secure. Uncomfortable, but secure. Hidden from the world and his feelings.
After the fight with Lily, he had seriously considered suicide. Little did he know, so had she.
---------------------------------
'Come on Lilzy! Cheer up, you'll get over him.'
Susan looked gently down at the brooding girl. She rested a hand on her shoulder.
'Cheer up. Please! Just gimme a smile, honey!'
Lily smiled weakly, but it was gone in a flash. She looked pitifully up at her friend. 'I can't Susan, okay? Maybe I don't look like I'm trying but I am. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to get over him. For goodness' sake! I've loved him for like, a year!'
'She's right.' Robyn took Susan's arm and steered her away. 'Let's give her some time alone.'
'Thanks Rob,' Lily mumbled.
---------------------------------
On the back of the toilet door were scrawled a few love messages, and a little verse that read "Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer". James dropped his head onto his knees. Lily was his enemy now, wasn't she? That meant she should be closer to him than any friend. But as friends on speaking terms, they had been as close as two petals on a flower.
'Sirius?' he called. Sirius should have been in the next cubicle. There was no answer. He bashed his head against the wall and wept. It was strange for a guy like him to cry so much, but Lily had been so close to him that he couldn't help feeling sick about the split. And besides that, he was pining harder than ever for Joan.
How he longed for those days when they used to talk and laugh together! What stopped them from apologizing? Maybe they still had a chance. But something dark and impossible had come between them.
---------------------------------
Lily had been alone for some time. She wondered where James was and what he was feeling. Did he miss her? She missed him, both as a friend and as the one she loved.
'Robyn?' she called, finally unable to bear the loneliness. The little blond-haired girl came to sit beside her. 'Robyn, I… I think James and I might still have a chance. Maybe if we could just apologize to each other! And then maybe we could start over, but…'
Her friend was silent for a moment. 'I think… this is just what I think… maybe it's your pride that stops you guys from saying sorry.'
'You know what? I think you're right…'
Lily sat silently looking out the window. Her entire being ached and it felt as though every escape was cut off. The weekend perhaps was bearable, when she didn't have to look upon James and restrain herself from him, but come the next few hours, and she would have to sleep to greet a new school day…
She began to cry. In her head was the image of James holding Joan. Seeing that brought another fresh wave of pain and then she knew there was no turning back.
---------------------------------
James stared blankly at the wall. I want you Joan, oh God I want to hold you he thought, his eyes going weepy again. But I can't have you… why is life so ironic?
The screaming in his head was getting worse. Finally he kicked down the door and went off to find his mates. He couldn't bear the loneliness anymore.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The sun was higher now, as James remembered his return to his friends. He had been unable to take it alone, just sitting there brooding about Lily and Joan. The others had taken him back quite readily, determined to cheer him up. And it had actually worked for a while. But four fateful days later, he had received an emotional letter from one of Lily's friends, Robyn, and inside that envelope was one from Lily herself…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily stood poised, high above the grounds, high above the world. The setting sun threw magnificent purples and pinks across the sky, highlighting orange streaks in her flaming red hair. A gentle breeze whipped her fringe across her face, locks of death brushing her cheeks.
She fingered the letter tucked neatly into her palm, her heart aching.
'I know you don't feel anything for me…' she whispered into sunset. Tears glistened in her eyes.
'The fact is, we both love people we can't have.'
She bowed her head, thinking of Joan but not in hate. There was no more room in her heart for hate.
'I just can't spend my life around you anymore.
'I guess now is as good a time as any to make my escape.'
The wind rustled her hair again, and fresh tears sprung to her eyes. Where was James? she wondered. It no longer mattered. She climbed up onto the balcony, and sat there astride for a few last moments.
Her heart whispered, now is the time. Say goodbye to the world. Embrace your death.
'Have a beautiful life, James…'
And with that she flung herself off, falling like a broken bird, soaring in her special way while the fading sunlight glistened with tears around her body.
She landed with a thud on cold hard concrete, enduring a long moment of pain before she smiled slowly and drifted off into blissful, black oblivion…
The letter remained clutched tightly in her lifeless hand.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He had been there for quite a while now. The sun was beginning to throw its setting shades on another day of his life. James reread the fresh ink on the letter in his hand, and knew what he had to do. There was a strange calm clarity in his heart.
He stood out on the balcony where, three or so years ago, Lily had fallen to her death. A tear slid down his cheek and he made no effort to wipe it away.
Lily's letter was in his pocket now, close to his heart. In his hand he held the reply. But it needed more than that; he owed a great deal to Lily's soul, to settle the chaos and turmoil that was their broken relationship, the pain in his heart over what had passed.
He still loved Joan, but she was out of the equation now. He owed this to Lily…
He climbed up onto the railing, looking out over the ground below. How Lily had dared fall this way, he did not know. The sunlight caught his glasses on a strange angle, beaming light into his eyes. The wind whipped his hair into his face. He posed there for a moment, might and strong, then let go…
He felt a sudden jolt and an intense pain in his head. A whiteness threatened to engulf him. There was a gentle warm touch caressing his cheek, the musical voice of an angel whispering in his ear…
'James, you came back…'
Through the pain he smiled, feeling eternity pass around him.
'I love you Lily…'
****************************
Dearest Lily,
This life we led was but a mere lie
In honest good heart I bid it goodbye
I realised all we'd thrown away once it was too late
So I come back to join you
in love and in fate
Love,
James
****************************
AN: Ahh, how's that for a fic/author ending! I couldn't think up a longer letter for Jamesie so I wrote that crap poem, maybe I write a better one when I have time. Please review for me guys!
cyaz l8r!
Smoky the suicidal freak