Setting: I still have problems with Talyn firing on the hospital ship in IYYY. This scene takes place shortly after The Choice, offering one possible explanation.
Note: As always, a big thank you to SciFiChick66 and DJ3cats for the beta!
Disclaimer: Farscape belongs to the Jim Henson Company, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia and the Sci-fi Channel.
Your comments are welcomed and appreciated.
Whispers
It had been a mistake to say it, even think it. One of many he had made this past cycle.
Then he had brushed aside Talyn's questions, focusing on anything, everything, but what had happened on Valldon. Shame was not another feeling the young Leviathan needed to experience. And Bialar Crais was filled with it.
Although he had known it for some time, Talyn should not have learned of his decision in this way. Not without reassurance, comfort...words and feelings that were as foreign to the former Peacekeeper as the grief he now experienced over the human's death.
Why had he not see then, what was so clear now? Talyn was a child. Crais still remembered his own childhood, separated from his parents...frightened, impulsive, and yes, willful. And yet, behold his creation, this child whom he had armed with a sonic ascendancy cannon, this child with the power to destroy worlds. *His* child.
The inevitability of their separation had hung over his head like the death sentence issued by High Command. Telling Rygel was merely the execution. "As soon as our ships are reunited and Talyn can find someone other than me to pilot him, I shall leave."
As he walked slowly toward his quarters, Crais prepared himself to explain to Talyn. This time there was no one to blame but himself, without even the comfort of madness to distract him. Once again, he had failed, and the only relief to be found lay in acceptance.
He sensed Talyn following his every move, surprisingly patient, waiting. Two monens ago the Leviathan might have reacted quite differently, inflicting pain until Crais yielded to his demand for answers. Yet, while the intentional cybernetic bleed back had temporarily ceased, there was still something there, something which concerned him even more.
Inside his quarters, Crais undressed and let his clothing lie where it fell. He loosened his hair and dropped back onto the bed, trying for a moment to relax before attaching the transponder. The microt it was in place Talyn's thoughts flooded his consciousness.
"I have stopped the pain. I obeyed at Dam-Ba-Da. Why do you want to leave?"
Crais answered aloud, mostly for his own benefit. "I do not *want* to leave you; however, I have decided that it is best for you that I go."
"Best for *you*."
"No, Talyn. I promise I will explain, but you must listen."
"You are not truthful."
"Why would you think that?" Crais asked.
"Aeryn's mother was not dead. Stark knew."
"Is that why you allowed Stark to threaten me with a gun and force me to go with him to Valldon?"
Talyn failed to answer. Crais sensed the hybrid's frustration.
"It does not matter now. Once we locate-"
"You want to leave because I did not stop Stark?" Talyn questioned.
Crais steadied himself with a deep breath as he felt his muscles tense. He knew he must not react. "No, that is not the reason. I want you to-"
"Aeryn's mother is dead now?"
"Yes, Talyn. Please, allow me to explain. I thought Xhalax was threatening Aeryn. I did not-"
"Does Aeryn blame me?"
"Talyn, you listen to me," Crais' voice grew louder as his words took on a sharp edge. He stopped, summoning a deep breath to force the irritation aside. "Aeryn does not blame you for anything. She cares a great deal for you."
"Will Aeryn become my new captain?"
"That is a decision she will have to make," Crais answered carefully. "However, now is not the right time to ask. We must allow her time to accept her loss. I think it would unwise for her to become your captain now."
"Not your choice."
"No, but for the same reasons that I should leave, forcing Aeryn to become your captain too soon would be a mistake."
"Are you afraid now that the human is gone, she will accept?"
Crais shook his head. "That has no bearing on my decision."
"Then why?"
"I will try to explain it so that you can understand. It is...complicated."
"I have learned to do many complicated procedures."
"Yes, Talyn. You have learned a great deal. Please, let me explain." Crais sat upright, sliding back to support himself against the dividing wall. He could make Talyn understand how to execute a defense strategy or an offensive maneuver, but this was entirely different. He would have to proceed cautiously. "Remember in the past when we talked about being unique."
"Yes. I am unique."
"Yes, you are. Every species is different, their appearances, attitudes, and actions formed by circumstances that set them apart from one another. If I have misjudged, or perhaps erred in your training, it is because I have realized, too late, that I was wrong to try to teach you as only Peacekeeper or Leviathan. You are neither."
Talyn's pulse quickened. "What am I?"
"A child," Crais answered softly. "A child who should not have suffered the pain of the retrieval squad's dampening net or of having his higher functions severed at Xhalax's hands; an innocent who should not have been given the burden of such devastating weapons at so young an age."
"The weapons made me strong."
"At times you behaved inappropriately, but that was not entirely your fault." Crais struggled to choose his words. "The degree to which you bonded with your pilot was unexpected. You have accessed thoughts and emotions that were meant to remain private. These feelings have confused you."
"I have stopped taking what is not mine."
"I know you have, Talyn. Yet, what you have already taken remains with you. You were never meant to share these feelings, or have to deal with them, especially as a child." He rubbed his face and smoothed his hair back with both hands. "I did not foresee this and I was powerless to stop it. In addition to my thoughts, you accessed Aeryn's, and unfortunately, Stark's as well. My remorse and anger, Aeryn's regret and passion, Stark's pain and paranoia; they all reside within you, surfacing within your own thoughts. They confuse you, cause you to act on illusions...whispers, feelings that are not your own." Crais placed a hand on the bulkhead and rubbed it lightly. "Do you understand?"
"How will your leaving change what already is?"
Crais nodded his understanding. "I know in time you will learn to identify and control these invasive thoughts; until that happens, your captain should be someone with a calmer, less hostile past than mine. What little joy I have experienced in my life is not enough to offset the darkness within me that you now experience."
"But you love me," Talyn replied.
Crais pursed his lips, attempting to quell the feelings this stirred within him. "That will not change. I do not regret our time together. In fact, I cherish it."
"I will behave...appropriately."
A smile tugged at Crais' lips. Despite the young Leviathan's problems, he was proud of him. He had always been proud. Before Xhalax's retrieval squad hit them with the dampening net, they had experienced several good monens of life together. For the first time, he had truly known freedom and friendship. Faced now with losing it all, Crais finally understood the loss his father must have felt when he and Tauvo were conscripted by the Peacekeepers.
"We still have time together. I will remain with you until we find Moya and you have taken on a new captain, a captain who will be a calming influence on you."
"I will change. I will not do wrong again."
"I know you will try, but I wish to make it easier for you. I will no longer allow my faults and shortcomings to cause you misfortune."
"I *will* change."
"As will I," Crais said thoughtfully. "However, I cannot take away the past. And as that past continues to hunt me, it will also hunt you. The Peacekeepers may stop pursuing you once I am gone."
"Where will you go?"
"I do not know yet. I will ask you for the use of a transport pod when the time comes."
"And if I chose not to give you one?"
Crais smiled at the feeble attempt to hold him hostage. "I will still leave, Talyn."
He felt anxiety coursing through the hybrid, a vibration so insignificant that of all those aboard only he would detect the tiny tremors. Crais cupped his face with his hands and concentrated. To hold a Leviathan in one's mind, cradle it in thought...this experience alone made up for the losses he had suffered in his life. As he often did when they were alone, he began to hum, changing pitch to match Talyn's timbre.
# # #
Talyn continued the song after Crais finally slid beneath the bedcover and dropped off to sleep. He knew he should have done something, Ten thousand souls scream in my brain stopped Stark and Rygel. Now Crais was angry with him and threatened to leave. Crais came back from Valldon very upset, Get off my ship that had to be the reason.
He did not understand why Crais felt bad about Crichton's death. I will personally enjoy pulling you apart to see what you're made of Maybe it was because Aeryn had cared for the human. Crais had certainly not cared in the past. Now, everyone aboard seemed sad, You will die in my hands except him. Better gone, he thought. He could take care of them all; The chair, the chair, remember the chair he and Crais together.
The corridors were empty; Based on my actions back then, I deserve to die all were sleeping except for Aeryn. He watched her, sang to her, but she took no notice. It was too soon, It's what Aeryn wants us to do, Pilot. Destroy the entire building Crais had told him. Wait. Perhaps if Aeryn became his captain, Crais would stay too. He liked the idea of the three of them together, You cannot take a child from its mother like it was before. This time there would be no human to cause problems.
Stark had gone. He should have killed the Banik. I cannot help but absorb a tiny speck of their existence...an endless parade of death Crais doubted his loyalty because he failed to act. If Stark ever returned, he would punish him for the attack, I've accumulated a vast reservoir of evil Rygel too.
Yes, he was young, but he would learn. The next time, the next threat, he would act.
Fire!
1
Note: As always, a big thank you to SciFiChick66 and DJ3cats for the beta!
Disclaimer: Farscape belongs to the Jim Henson Company, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia and the Sci-fi Channel.
Your comments are welcomed and appreciated.
Whispers
It had been a mistake to say it, even think it. One of many he had made this past cycle.
Then he had brushed aside Talyn's questions, focusing on anything, everything, but what had happened on Valldon. Shame was not another feeling the young Leviathan needed to experience. And Bialar Crais was filled with it.
Although he had known it for some time, Talyn should not have learned of his decision in this way. Not without reassurance, comfort...words and feelings that were as foreign to the former Peacekeeper as the grief he now experienced over the human's death.
Why had he not see then, what was so clear now? Talyn was a child. Crais still remembered his own childhood, separated from his parents...frightened, impulsive, and yes, willful. And yet, behold his creation, this child whom he had armed with a sonic ascendancy cannon, this child with the power to destroy worlds. *His* child.
The inevitability of their separation had hung over his head like the death sentence issued by High Command. Telling Rygel was merely the execution. "As soon as our ships are reunited and Talyn can find someone other than me to pilot him, I shall leave."
As he walked slowly toward his quarters, Crais prepared himself to explain to Talyn. This time there was no one to blame but himself, without even the comfort of madness to distract him. Once again, he had failed, and the only relief to be found lay in acceptance.
He sensed Talyn following his every move, surprisingly patient, waiting. Two monens ago the Leviathan might have reacted quite differently, inflicting pain until Crais yielded to his demand for answers. Yet, while the intentional cybernetic bleed back had temporarily ceased, there was still something there, something which concerned him even more.
Inside his quarters, Crais undressed and let his clothing lie where it fell. He loosened his hair and dropped back onto the bed, trying for a moment to relax before attaching the transponder. The microt it was in place Talyn's thoughts flooded his consciousness.
"I have stopped the pain. I obeyed at Dam-Ba-Da. Why do you want to leave?"
Crais answered aloud, mostly for his own benefit. "I do not *want* to leave you; however, I have decided that it is best for you that I go."
"Best for *you*."
"No, Talyn. I promise I will explain, but you must listen."
"You are not truthful."
"Why would you think that?" Crais asked.
"Aeryn's mother was not dead. Stark knew."
"Is that why you allowed Stark to threaten me with a gun and force me to go with him to Valldon?"
Talyn failed to answer. Crais sensed the hybrid's frustration.
"It does not matter now. Once we locate-"
"You want to leave because I did not stop Stark?" Talyn questioned.
Crais steadied himself with a deep breath as he felt his muscles tense. He knew he must not react. "No, that is not the reason. I want you to-"
"Aeryn's mother is dead now?"
"Yes, Talyn. Please, allow me to explain. I thought Xhalax was threatening Aeryn. I did not-"
"Does Aeryn blame me?"
"Talyn, you listen to me," Crais' voice grew louder as his words took on a sharp edge. He stopped, summoning a deep breath to force the irritation aside. "Aeryn does not blame you for anything. She cares a great deal for you."
"Will Aeryn become my new captain?"
"That is a decision she will have to make," Crais answered carefully. "However, now is not the right time to ask. We must allow her time to accept her loss. I think it would unwise for her to become your captain now."
"Not your choice."
"No, but for the same reasons that I should leave, forcing Aeryn to become your captain too soon would be a mistake."
"Are you afraid now that the human is gone, she will accept?"
Crais shook his head. "That has no bearing on my decision."
"Then why?"
"I will try to explain it so that you can understand. It is...complicated."
"I have learned to do many complicated procedures."
"Yes, Talyn. You have learned a great deal. Please, let me explain." Crais sat upright, sliding back to support himself against the dividing wall. He could make Talyn understand how to execute a defense strategy or an offensive maneuver, but this was entirely different. He would have to proceed cautiously. "Remember in the past when we talked about being unique."
"Yes. I am unique."
"Yes, you are. Every species is different, their appearances, attitudes, and actions formed by circumstances that set them apart from one another. If I have misjudged, or perhaps erred in your training, it is because I have realized, too late, that I was wrong to try to teach you as only Peacekeeper or Leviathan. You are neither."
Talyn's pulse quickened. "What am I?"
"A child," Crais answered softly. "A child who should not have suffered the pain of the retrieval squad's dampening net or of having his higher functions severed at Xhalax's hands; an innocent who should not have been given the burden of such devastating weapons at so young an age."
"The weapons made me strong."
"At times you behaved inappropriately, but that was not entirely your fault." Crais struggled to choose his words. "The degree to which you bonded with your pilot was unexpected. You have accessed thoughts and emotions that were meant to remain private. These feelings have confused you."
"I have stopped taking what is not mine."
"I know you have, Talyn. Yet, what you have already taken remains with you. You were never meant to share these feelings, or have to deal with them, especially as a child." He rubbed his face and smoothed his hair back with both hands. "I did not foresee this and I was powerless to stop it. In addition to my thoughts, you accessed Aeryn's, and unfortunately, Stark's as well. My remorse and anger, Aeryn's regret and passion, Stark's pain and paranoia; they all reside within you, surfacing within your own thoughts. They confuse you, cause you to act on illusions...whispers, feelings that are not your own." Crais placed a hand on the bulkhead and rubbed it lightly. "Do you understand?"
"How will your leaving change what already is?"
Crais nodded his understanding. "I know in time you will learn to identify and control these invasive thoughts; until that happens, your captain should be someone with a calmer, less hostile past than mine. What little joy I have experienced in my life is not enough to offset the darkness within me that you now experience."
"But you love me," Talyn replied.
Crais pursed his lips, attempting to quell the feelings this stirred within him. "That will not change. I do not regret our time together. In fact, I cherish it."
"I will behave...appropriately."
A smile tugged at Crais' lips. Despite the young Leviathan's problems, he was proud of him. He had always been proud. Before Xhalax's retrieval squad hit them with the dampening net, they had experienced several good monens of life together. For the first time, he had truly known freedom and friendship. Faced now with losing it all, Crais finally understood the loss his father must have felt when he and Tauvo were conscripted by the Peacekeepers.
"We still have time together. I will remain with you until we find Moya and you have taken on a new captain, a captain who will be a calming influence on you."
"I will change. I will not do wrong again."
"I know you will try, but I wish to make it easier for you. I will no longer allow my faults and shortcomings to cause you misfortune."
"I *will* change."
"As will I," Crais said thoughtfully. "However, I cannot take away the past. And as that past continues to hunt me, it will also hunt you. The Peacekeepers may stop pursuing you once I am gone."
"Where will you go?"
"I do not know yet. I will ask you for the use of a transport pod when the time comes."
"And if I chose not to give you one?"
Crais smiled at the feeble attempt to hold him hostage. "I will still leave, Talyn."
He felt anxiety coursing through the hybrid, a vibration so insignificant that of all those aboard only he would detect the tiny tremors. Crais cupped his face with his hands and concentrated. To hold a Leviathan in one's mind, cradle it in thought...this experience alone made up for the losses he had suffered in his life. As he often did when they were alone, he began to hum, changing pitch to match Talyn's timbre.
# # #
Talyn continued the song after Crais finally slid beneath the bedcover and dropped off to sleep. He knew he should have done something, Ten thousand souls scream in my brain stopped Stark and Rygel. Now Crais was angry with him and threatened to leave. Crais came back from Valldon very upset, Get off my ship that had to be the reason.
He did not understand why Crais felt bad about Crichton's death. I will personally enjoy pulling you apart to see what you're made of Maybe it was because Aeryn had cared for the human. Crais had certainly not cared in the past. Now, everyone aboard seemed sad, You will die in my hands except him. Better gone, he thought. He could take care of them all; The chair, the chair, remember the chair he and Crais together.
The corridors were empty; Based on my actions back then, I deserve to die all were sleeping except for Aeryn. He watched her, sang to her, but she took no notice. It was too soon, It's what Aeryn wants us to do, Pilot. Destroy the entire building Crais had told him. Wait. Perhaps if Aeryn became his captain, Crais would stay too. He liked the idea of the three of them together, You cannot take a child from its mother like it was before. This time there would be no human to cause problems.
Stark had gone. He should have killed the Banik. I cannot help but absorb a tiny speck of their existence...an endless parade of death Crais doubted his loyalty because he failed to act. If Stark ever returned, he would punish him for the attack, I've accumulated a vast reservoir of evil Rygel too.
Yes, he was young, but he would learn. The next time, the next threat, he would act.
Fire!
1