Dedication: To the victims of the September 11 attacks and their
families…you are in my prayers.
A/N—Reviews please! Come on guys, even if you hate it, or think my writing sucks, it would nice to get some reviews down. Plus I will love you forever!
A/N2—For the sake of non-confusion, I've put little stars by Roswell Max's name…but I'm not sure how well they'll come out, considering none of the stuff in italics or bold has come out.
Chapter 5: Normal Kind of Life
As I stand alone amongst the crowd of the huge San Francisco bus station, I suddenly feel like someone very familiar is watching me. There are only a few people who I know could watch me like that. 'Shit, it's Max*. I totally forgot about the dream-walk thing.' I don't know if he can even see me anymore, but he probably knows by now that I'm in California. There's no doubt in my mind that he'll come looking for me. It was stupid of me to linger here, but now's the time to leave.
Part of me wants me to stay here, to be found and taken care of. I want someone to tell me that it's okay, so that I can pretend that the world isn't after me and that I just have some weird paranoid-delusion thing. I want things to be about someone else's life for a change.
I guess that's one of the reasons I found hanging with the aliens so cool—besides the obvious about being in love with their leader—it always seemed to be about them. Sure, it wasn't safe for me, but it wasn't safe because this time I was the 'normal' person hanging around the people with the secrets. Isabel once told me that I didn't know what it was like to be hunted like some extinct animal, to have to carry around a secret that not only endangered my own life but the lives of all those who new about it. If only she knew.
Seattle—Max—Foggle Towers
"How many times has it been on the air?" I feel like I've watched his stupid Eyes Only broadcast a million times. I'm not being unappreciative or anything, I'm just really frustrated and I want to scream my lungs out. I'm starting to think they've already caught her, or worse, that she's dead. But I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe she doesn't want to be found, or she thinks this is some kind of trap. I know I would.
Logan looks almost as worried as I do. It's so sweet how he's getting all upset about not being able to find a girl that he doesn't even know. But that's what Logan does, he's always trying to help people. Sometimes I just want to go up to him and kiss him, and tell him that I love him. But the truth is I can't kiss him; I may never even be able to touch him again, and telling him I love him would only complicate things. Right now more than ever, I want a normal life.
Liz—bus ride to Seattle
I can feel it coming. Its subtle at first, the tip of my little finger starts to shake, but it stops just as quickly as it started. In five minutes, my whole had is shaking, and in ten, its spread to my entire left arm. I know that in half an hour my body will be seizing uncontrollably, and I'll be stuck here on this damn bus, without typhoprofin or even milk. I took my last pill yesterday when my foot started shaking out of the blue in the bus station. I've been having seizures a lot more lately, and they've progressively gotten worse and harder to stop. By this time my entire upper-body is shaking. The man sitting across from me is looking at me curiously, and I sink further down into my seat. I don't know how long this seizure will last, but considering that I don't have any medication, it won't be short.
Some little kid in a few rows back is crying and his mom is holding him and telling him that everything's going to be okay. I feel like running back there and yelling "What the hell do you have to cry about?!?" I know that's not fair. I mean, I actually had two really great adoptive parents for ten years. I mean, sure, I couldn't really tell them the truth about any part of my life, but the fact is that I loved them. I had a seriously overprotective father and a good mother who I loved, and still love, as a matter of fact. If I had been normal, it might have worked out…but I'm not.
Some guy has walked up to the front and is pointing me out for the bus driver to see. Great. Why can't I just have a normal life?
Max—Roswell
Their looking me like I'm insane. Maybe I am, but all I know is that the woman I love more than anything else in the world is out their, alone and helpless. I have to try to get her back.
"Wait, so let me get this straight, Maxwell. You want us to ditch everything here—drawing a whole lot of attention to us in the process—and drive to Seattle just because you 'have this feeling that Liz is there'? Are you crazy? Your suppose to be our fearless leader, the one who makes sure I don't go out and do anything completely reckless that might jeopardize our safety, and you want us to do this?"
"Look, Michael, I told you that I'd go alone. It's just something I have to do. I love her, and I can't just leave her alone out in the world like that. I have to make sure she's okay. I need to tell her that I love her."
Isabel gives me the ice-princess look and I know I'm not going to be happy with what she says. "Look, Max, I'm really worried about Liz too, but you have to understand that she's the one who left you—not the other-way around."
"Look, Is, I know Liz. She wouldn't just leave like this unless something really big or bad came up. I'm not asking you to go with me or anything, but I've made up my mind, and your not going to change it."
"Wait a second. You aren't going alone. I'm going with you. Liz is my best friend, and best-friends don't just let each other down. I want to go to Seattle with you." Figures Maria would want to go. From the look that Michael's giving her right now, I know that he's not going to be happy about her going, but I know how close Maria and Liz were—are, and I know that she'll go no matter what Michael says.
"Are you guys hearing yourselves? Obviously you didn't know Liz as well as you thought you knew her, Maxwell, because otherwise you would have known why she left. And Maria, I mean, Liz let you down first! You can't just go putting yourselves in danger 'cause Liz went AWOL on us." On the outside he looks all tough, but I can see just how worried about Maria he is, and how much he loves her.
"You guys, I'm coming too. Liz has been my friend for as long as I can remember, and I know she'd do the same for me." I figured Alex would want to come too.
"Well, I go where my brother goes. Lead the way, fearless leader." I can tell Izzy's really trying to be optamistic here, as if we're going on a pick-nick. But I can also see that she's also really worried about Liz, which sort of surprises me.
We all begin to stare at Michael. "Well, it's not as if I'm going to let all of you go off getting yourselves killed without me. I mean, contrary to popular belief, I do care about Liz, and I'm not going to just sit here twiddling my thumbs while you all go digging graves for yourselves. I'm in." I look at Tess, who just shakes her head 'no' and runs out of the room. About fifty percent of me knows this is crazy, and ninety nine percent of me is begging for that normal kind of life that none of us really got.
3 hours later
As I look at the five of us all piled up in my convertible, just passing the sine that says 'The Middle of Nowhere', I think about how bizarre this really is. I mean, three of us are aliens, one of us is an oil-sniffing singer, another is some computer whiz in a band, and we're all out on the road, driving to who knows were for a girl we all love in different ways, and I know it right know, we're a family. And as crazy as my non-normal life is, I can't imagine it any other way.
3 hours outside of Seattle—Liz
The bus stops and I know that I'm almost there—to Seattle, I mean. I turn to the person sitting across from me to ask what time it is, and it occurs to me that she looks really familiar. Like I know her from a lifetime ago, or something. She suddenly turns to me and says, "Don't you know your own sister, Nat?"
I look at her and know that she's Max. I start to call out to her, but suddenly she jumps out of the window of the bus to a guy in a wheel chair. I start to run after her, but just as I'm getting out of the bus, Max, as in alien Max, steps in.
"You thought you could run. Just left us like we were dirt. Is that all we really are to you, Liz? Is that all that you and I were?"
I immediately start stammering. "M-m-max? How did you find me?"
"If I was blind I could find you. Even if you kill me."
Suddenly, Pierce is on the bus, and, almost as in slow motion, I see him shooting Max. With lightning fast reflexes, I push him out of the way, and it's weird how I can barely feel the bullet that I know is going into my stomach. I look up at the man I love so much, and realize that he's not Max at all. I'm staring into the face of a stranger…or not.
Zack's cold eyes look into mine, and the word's he say to me sound like their miles and miles away, but never the less, they ring in my mind and I know I'll never forget the disappointment in his voice. "You failed little sister. You failed all of us."
I see the shot that is fired into his brain not by Pierce, but by his own hand.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaacccccccccck."
"Wake up dear. Dear, are you alright?"
I look up to see a lady of about 70 shaking my arm gently. I sit up suddenly.
"Where the hell am I? Where's Zack? And Max, and Pierce, and my sister? What have you done to me?"
She looks at me as if I'm speaking Latin—which I'm actually quite fluent in—and then begins to talk as if I'm mentally disturbed.
"It's very good to see that your awake, dear, but you really shouldn't sit up so quickly. Why, you passed out, and it looked as though you were having a seizure of sorts, and then you started mumbling all kinds of names. Zack and Max and whatnot. The bus driver was about to pull over, but you suddenly seemed to snap out of it. I must say that you've given us all quite a shock."
She looks sincere enough to convince me that I was just having a really weird dream. "Umm…yeah, I was just having a weird dream, and as for the seizure…I'm diabetic, and I haven't had anything to eat for a while. But I'm fine now, thank you."
"Well, if your certain. Now, I just asked the driver, and he says it's only a few more hours until we reach Seattle. Is their anything I can get you right now?"
"Well, the one thing that always helps is, I mean, if you have any, milk really helps with the seizures…from the diabetes, I mean." I give her my best good-girl Parker smile.
"Your in luck, dear, I happen to have bought a bottle at the last rest-stop that I never quite got around to drinking. I'll go get it for you."
I watch her walk down the narrow bus aisle, and think about the dream I just had. Who am I, really? Am I Nat, am I Liz, or am I just X5-391, a number on a page somewhere? My mind keeps replaying the image of Zack shooting himself, of Max, telling me that I'd forgotten her, and of the man I love—saying that if he was blind he would find me. I love all of these people more than I can say, and even though I'll never have my normal kind of life, I'll always have the memories of them. And sometimes, just the memories better than a million normal lives.
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: (Dodging flying tomatoes) Okay, I know this chapter pretty much sucks, but I'll try to get out a better one in a few days…Next chapter Liz is Seattle…FINALLY!
A/N—Reviews please! Come on guys, even if you hate it, or think my writing sucks, it would nice to get some reviews down. Plus I will love you forever!
A/N2—For the sake of non-confusion, I've put little stars by Roswell Max's name…but I'm not sure how well they'll come out, considering none of the stuff in italics or bold has come out.
Chapter 5: Normal Kind of Life
As I stand alone amongst the crowd of the huge San Francisco bus station, I suddenly feel like someone very familiar is watching me. There are only a few people who I know could watch me like that. 'Shit, it's Max*. I totally forgot about the dream-walk thing.' I don't know if he can even see me anymore, but he probably knows by now that I'm in California. There's no doubt in my mind that he'll come looking for me. It was stupid of me to linger here, but now's the time to leave.
Part of me wants me to stay here, to be found and taken care of. I want someone to tell me that it's okay, so that I can pretend that the world isn't after me and that I just have some weird paranoid-delusion thing. I want things to be about someone else's life for a change.
I guess that's one of the reasons I found hanging with the aliens so cool—besides the obvious about being in love with their leader—it always seemed to be about them. Sure, it wasn't safe for me, but it wasn't safe because this time I was the 'normal' person hanging around the people with the secrets. Isabel once told me that I didn't know what it was like to be hunted like some extinct animal, to have to carry around a secret that not only endangered my own life but the lives of all those who new about it. If only she knew.
Seattle—Max—Foggle Towers
"How many times has it been on the air?" I feel like I've watched his stupid Eyes Only broadcast a million times. I'm not being unappreciative or anything, I'm just really frustrated and I want to scream my lungs out. I'm starting to think they've already caught her, or worse, that she's dead. But I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe she doesn't want to be found, or she thinks this is some kind of trap. I know I would.
Logan looks almost as worried as I do. It's so sweet how he's getting all upset about not being able to find a girl that he doesn't even know. But that's what Logan does, he's always trying to help people. Sometimes I just want to go up to him and kiss him, and tell him that I love him. But the truth is I can't kiss him; I may never even be able to touch him again, and telling him I love him would only complicate things. Right now more than ever, I want a normal life.
Liz—bus ride to Seattle
I can feel it coming. Its subtle at first, the tip of my little finger starts to shake, but it stops just as quickly as it started. In five minutes, my whole had is shaking, and in ten, its spread to my entire left arm. I know that in half an hour my body will be seizing uncontrollably, and I'll be stuck here on this damn bus, without typhoprofin or even milk. I took my last pill yesterday when my foot started shaking out of the blue in the bus station. I've been having seizures a lot more lately, and they've progressively gotten worse and harder to stop. By this time my entire upper-body is shaking. The man sitting across from me is looking at me curiously, and I sink further down into my seat. I don't know how long this seizure will last, but considering that I don't have any medication, it won't be short.
Some little kid in a few rows back is crying and his mom is holding him and telling him that everything's going to be okay. I feel like running back there and yelling "What the hell do you have to cry about?!?" I know that's not fair. I mean, I actually had two really great adoptive parents for ten years. I mean, sure, I couldn't really tell them the truth about any part of my life, but the fact is that I loved them. I had a seriously overprotective father and a good mother who I loved, and still love, as a matter of fact. If I had been normal, it might have worked out…but I'm not.
Some guy has walked up to the front and is pointing me out for the bus driver to see. Great. Why can't I just have a normal life?
Max—Roswell
Their looking me like I'm insane. Maybe I am, but all I know is that the woman I love more than anything else in the world is out their, alone and helpless. I have to try to get her back.
"Wait, so let me get this straight, Maxwell. You want us to ditch everything here—drawing a whole lot of attention to us in the process—and drive to Seattle just because you 'have this feeling that Liz is there'? Are you crazy? Your suppose to be our fearless leader, the one who makes sure I don't go out and do anything completely reckless that might jeopardize our safety, and you want us to do this?"
"Look, Michael, I told you that I'd go alone. It's just something I have to do. I love her, and I can't just leave her alone out in the world like that. I have to make sure she's okay. I need to tell her that I love her."
Isabel gives me the ice-princess look and I know I'm not going to be happy with what she says. "Look, Max, I'm really worried about Liz too, but you have to understand that she's the one who left you—not the other-way around."
"Look, Is, I know Liz. She wouldn't just leave like this unless something really big or bad came up. I'm not asking you to go with me or anything, but I've made up my mind, and your not going to change it."
"Wait a second. You aren't going alone. I'm going with you. Liz is my best friend, and best-friends don't just let each other down. I want to go to Seattle with you." Figures Maria would want to go. From the look that Michael's giving her right now, I know that he's not going to be happy about her going, but I know how close Maria and Liz were—are, and I know that she'll go no matter what Michael says.
"Are you guys hearing yourselves? Obviously you didn't know Liz as well as you thought you knew her, Maxwell, because otherwise you would have known why she left. And Maria, I mean, Liz let you down first! You can't just go putting yourselves in danger 'cause Liz went AWOL on us." On the outside he looks all tough, but I can see just how worried about Maria he is, and how much he loves her.
"You guys, I'm coming too. Liz has been my friend for as long as I can remember, and I know she'd do the same for me." I figured Alex would want to come too.
"Well, I go where my brother goes. Lead the way, fearless leader." I can tell Izzy's really trying to be optamistic here, as if we're going on a pick-nick. But I can also see that she's also really worried about Liz, which sort of surprises me.
We all begin to stare at Michael. "Well, it's not as if I'm going to let all of you go off getting yourselves killed without me. I mean, contrary to popular belief, I do care about Liz, and I'm not going to just sit here twiddling my thumbs while you all go digging graves for yourselves. I'm in." I look at Tess, who just shakes her head 'no' and runs out of the room. About fifty percent of me knows this is crazy, and ninety nine percent of me is begging for that normal kind of life that none of us really got.
3 hours later
As I look at the five of us all piled up in my convertible, just passing the sine that says 'The Middle of Nowhere', I think about how bizarre this really is. I mean, three of us are aliens, one of us is an oil-sniffing singer, another is some computer whiz in a band, and we're all out on the road, driving to who knows were for a girl we all love in different ways, and I know it right know, we're a family. And as crazy as my non-normal life is, I can't imagine it any other way.
3 hours outside of Seattle—Liz
The bus stops and I know that I'm almost there—to Seattle, I mean. I turn to the person sitting across from me to ask what time it is, and it occurs to me that she looks really familiar. Like I know her from a lifetime ago, or something. She suddenly turns to me and says, "Don't you know your own sister, Nat?"
I look at her and know that she's Max. I start to call out to her, but suddenly she jumps out of the window of the bus to a guy in a wheel chair. I start to run after her, but just as I'm getting out of the bus, Max, as in alien Max, steps in.
"You thought you could run. Just left us like we were dirt. Is that all we really are to you, Liz? Is that all that you and I were?"
I immediately start stammering. "M-m-max? How did you find me?"
"If I was blind I could find you. Even if you kill me."
Suddenly, Pierce is on the bus, and, almost as in slow motion, I see him shooting Max. With lightning fast reflexes, I push him out of the way, and it's weird how I can barely feel the bullet that I know is going into my stomach. I look up at the man I love so much, and realize that he's not Max at all. I'm staring into the face of a stranger…or not.
Zack's cold eyes look into mine, and the word's he say to me sound like their miles and miles away, but never the less, they ring in my mind and I know I'll never forget the disappointment in his voice. "You failed little sister. You failed all of us."
I see the shot that is fired into his brain not by Pierce, but by his own hand.
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaacccccccccck."
"Wake up dear. Dear, are you alright?"
I look up to see a lady of about 70 shaking my arm gently. I sit up suddenly.
"Where the hell am I? Where's Zack? And Max, and Pierce, and my sister? What have you done to me?"
She looks at me as if I'm speaking Latin—which I'm actually quite fluent in—and then begins to talk as if I'm mentally disturbed.
"It's very good to see that your awake, dear, but you really shouldn't sit up so quickly. Why, you passed out, and it looked as though you were having a seizure of sorts, and then you started mumbling all kinds of names. Zack and Max and whatnot. The bus driver was about to pull over, but you suddenly seemed to snap out of it. I must say that you've given us all quite a shock."
She looks sincere enough to convince me that I was just having a really weird dream. "Umm…yeah, I was just having a weird dream, and as for the seizure…I'm diabetic, and I haven't had anything to eat for a while. But I'm fine now, thank you."
"Well, if your certain. Now, I just asked the driver, and he says it's only a few more hours until we reach Seattle. Is their anything I can get you right now?"
"Well, the one thing that always helps is, I mean, if you have any, milk really helps with the seizures…from the diabetes, I mean." I give her my best good-girl Parker smile.
"Your in luck, dear, I happen to have bought a bottle at the last rest-stop that I never quite got around to drinking. I'll go get it for you."
I watch her walk down the narrow bus aisle, and think about the dream I just had. Who am I, really? Am I Nat, am I Liz, or am I just X5-391, a number on a page somewhere? My mind keeps replaying the image of Zack shooting himself, of Max, telling me that I'd forgotten her, and of the man I love—saying that if he was blind he would find me. I love all of these people more than I can say, and even though I'll never have my normal kind of life, I'll always have the memories of them. And sometimes, just the memories better than a million normal lives.
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: (Dodging flying tomatoes) Okay, I know this chapter pretty much sucks, but I'll try to get out a better one in a few days…Next chapter Liz is Seattle…FINALLY!