Alone with Ghosts
Lizzie had changed a lot this year. She wasn't her normal preppy self. Her fashion was the complete opposite of what it used to be, she never smiled, never laughed, never looked happy. And I knew why. I was the reason for her drastic changes. I was the reason for her depression. Hell, I was probably the reason for Miranda's depression. Why can't I control my feelings? Last times I let my emotions overcome my body, I caused my friendship with Lizzie to end and for Miranda to kill herself.
It had been nearly a year since Miranda killed herself. Every night I relive that dreadful day in my dreams. I can see myself running as fast as I possibly can to Miranda's house trying to save her but no matter how far I run, I never get there. It's like, every time I have that dream, I get farther and farther away from Miranda.
It used to scare me but now when I have that dream, it just reminds me of how stupid I am. How stupid I really was.
If I had just been upfront with Miranda from the beginning, none of this would have happened. If I had told her that I was in love with Lizzie and that I only loved her as a friend, would she have gotten so depressed? Would she have hated me and herself so much after I finally broke up with her? Would Lizzie hate me as much as she does now?
Right now, I can't really tell. All I know is that my actions caused me to be alone in this world. Completely alone. No Miranda, No Lizzie, No Anybody.
Lizzie had changed a lot this year. She wasn't her normal preppy self. Her fashion was the complete opposite of what it used to be, she never smiled, never laughed, never looked happy. And I knew why. I was the reason for her drastic changes. I was the reason for her depression. Hell, I was probably the reason for Miranda's depression. Why can't I control my feelings? Last times I let my emotions overcome my body, I caused my friendship with Lizzie to end and for Miranda to kill herself.
It had been nearly a year since Miranda killed herself. Every night I relive that dreadful day in my dreams. I can see myself running as fast as I possibly can to Miranda's house trying to save her but no matter how far I run, I never get there. It's like, every time I have that dream, I get farther and farther away from Miranda.
It used to scare me but now when I have that dream, it just reminds me of how stupid I am. How stupid I really was.
If I had just been upfront with Miranda from the beginning, none of this would have happened. If I had told her that I was in love with Lizzie and that I only loved her as a friend, would she have gotten so depressed? Would she have hated me and herself so much after I finally broke up with her? Would Lizzie hate me as much as she does now?
Right now, I can't really tell. All I know is that my actions caused me to be alone in this world. Completely alone. No Miranda, No Lizzie, No Anybody.