As a matter of fact, Discord was. She had been searching for Xan's
mysterious friend for well over a week now with no luck. The Tantras
Mountains had quite a history behind them – one Discord would have rather
forgotten – and being here for such a contracted time brought all the
memories rushing back.
Popular belief held that the final battle between Good and Evil (or Trias and Xan…close enough) had been held here one thousand years ago. At that time no mountains had existed; instead, rolling plains had stretched on for as far as the eye could see. Hundreds of small farming communities had dotted the pastoral landscape. Trias and Xan, however, had changed all that. Their battle had flung up great gouts of earth and rock, forming the majestic peaks and scenic valleys that now occupied the land. Or so popular belief held. Fingering her scar, Discord knew it to be more than a mere legend.
Regardless, the Tantras Mountains were no place for the faint of heart. Shortly after their creation, the villagers – those who had survived, at any rate – began to explore and colonize the peaks. Not only did it possess natural springs and plants and animals aplenty, but it also contained an intricate maze of interconnected caverns. It was the ultimate bastion, a completely impregnable fortress.
Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones who had come to that conclusion. Shortly after they had settled down, the villagers were…evicted…by a band or orcs, who promptly moved in. They in turn were slaughtered by a tribe of ogres, who fell to the combined might of a family of wyverns. And so the cycle went, until the Tantras Moutains came to house the fiercest, darkest creatures in the land. The Church of Light had, of course, sent a squad of paladins to deal with the threat; the monsters in turn sent a thank you note for the wonderful meal, and could they please send toothpicks next time? The Church tried several more times before finally giving it up as hopeless. They passed the monster infestation off on the 'sin' of their followers, and immediately upped their taxes (the Church has always been adept at turning something negative into something positive).
Under normal circumstances Discord would have found the death and decay about her delightful, but this was hardly normal circumstances. For one thing, rare was the day that she actually received work. And Discord had better things to do. Like her hair. Not to mention the inordinate amount of time she had invested in this already. In her time up on the mountain, she had run into everything from trolls to pixies – perverted pixies. Not that she found that disturbing - far from it – but when the species in question was pixies, she'd rather see them mounted on spears of Unholy Flame for all eternity. Just too damn cute. And to top it all off, it was misty. Not only had she fallen off the mountain more times than she cared to remember, it wreaked complete havoc with delicate complexion to boot. If she hadn't been petrified of Xan's response, she would have flounced back to him in a second.
"Dammit!" she fumed, kicking a pebble off the mountain face and into the mists below. "Maybe that bastard could've been a little more specific when he said 'cave'. Maybe living in one for the past thousand years has given him some kind of – kind of…" she searched her rather limited vocabulary for the word, "cave-identifying sixth-sense radar, but the rest of can't classify holes by sight! And now my hair is frizzy and my clothes are wet and I'm freezing my ass off, dammit!" She continued her tirade against Xan, Trias, and the world in general – all of which were actively seeking her destruction out of sheer jealousy. She kicked another pebble into the fog ahead of her.
With a small crack, the rock hit a solid surface and rebounded back. Discord, completely engaged in her own inner monologue, paid it no notice. Until she hit that same wall. Then she gave it plenty of attention. And more than a few choice words as well.
When she had suitably composed herself, she stepped back to examine her surroundings. Quite by accident, she had wandered onto a plateau of sorts – the first she had come across in her search. Very little was discernable through the heavy mist, but she could vaguely make out the outline of a large cavern on the mountain face, several meters to the left of where she had collided. The interior was far darker than it should have been. She stepped closer to examine it.
The mist had warped its appearance – it was far larger than it seemed from afar. It had to have been at least fifty feet tall, and at least that in width. The mist was especially heavy in front of the entrance, most likely due to the unusual heat emanating from within. This last finally registered in Discord's brain. Cold outside. Warm inside. Even she could make the connection. Forgetting all her reservations, Discord quickly stepped into the cavern. She had never been one to argue with candy from strangers – or jewels, or money…whatever they happened to have on their person.
Once inside, she took a moment to warm herself before again surveying her surroundings. Her eyes widened. Just a short distance away lay all the riches she could have ever wanted. Piles of gold, mountains of jewels, all floated…floated? She squinted and looked closer. Indeed, the piles of riches seemed to float high above the ground. Of course, that could be due to the inky blackness in front of it – that same blackness that had barred sight from afar. And now that she was listening, there was that odd whistling sound…
Large piles of jewels. Giant shadow. Snoring. All equals Discord runs like the Legions of Light were behind her while she can. Smarts she may have lacked, but animal cunning she had in droves. And no sane animal ever stays in a shadow dragon's cave if they can help it.
Once safely outside – and several hundred feet away – she stopped to catch her breath. And then she finally began to understand Xan's cryptic message.
"That bastard!" she shrieked, her voice echoing off the mountain heights. Her eyes widened when she realized the possible repercussions; checking frantically about her, she finally assured herself that the dragon had not heard her. There were some things even a Minion of Darkness would hesitate to tackle, and an adult shadow dragon was certainly one of them. Especially considering Discord's combat skills – or lack thereof. If she couldn't seduce it, she ran as fast and as far as her high-heels would let her.
"He knew this would happen," she continued in a subdued tone. "An 'old friend', he says. 'Sleeping', he says. I bet he's laughing right now! Well, I'll show him! I can do anything I put my mind to! Just look at how hot and bothered I can make him," she added with a wicked smile.
"Now," she resumed thoughtfully, beginning to pace, "Xan wants me to wake him up and recruit him. …Xan wants me to wake a shadow dragon up from its pleasant dreams into a misty nightmare of split ends. I hate to think of what this means about my relative importance…" she mused, paling slightly. "So I'd better get on Xan's good side from now on…if he has one, anyway. But, um…" she paused, having lost her train of thought. "Oh yes. The dragon. The big, scary shadow dragon. Who probably thinks I'm more scrumptious than seductive. I need to wake him up without losing my head…
"What I need is a realistic assessment of my strengths…" she looked herself over, then brightened. "Well, what do you know! I have two great ones right here! More than enough for any man! Now how to apply that to this?" She bit her lip in concentration. "Aha!" She slapped a fist into her palm – something she assumed victorious people did, as Xan had often done it…but then again, it probably meant something more along the lines of 'Oh damn, lost again, time to hit something'. "How could I forget? I'm gorgeous! Gorgeous people glide through life! I'll just get someone else to do it for me!" Her eyes brightened even more. "The pixies! I knew the little perverts would be useful for something! Time to fetch the bait…" she set off down the mountain, trailing laughter in her wake.
The pixies lived in a small village near the base of one of the mountains – they had a tendency to get lightheaded rather easily. Not surprisingly, these pixies were all male – which certainly accounted for their raucous behavior. Any proper female pixie (ie. prude) would have smacked them on the head and made them sleep with the dog – or butterfly, as the case may be. It should be noted that pixies were normally a very quiet, very subdued people. Apparently these adolescents had had their fill of that, and had decided to leave to form their own fun-filled colony. In the middle of the woods. …Pixies are still pixies, after all (ie. pansies).
In short order Discord had located the pixie village. It was so small she had nearly missed it. The entire village was located in the branches of several large overhanging tree branches. She was still dozens of yards away, yet the pixies could still be heard singing dwarven drinking songs. She steeled herself to deal with the disgusting creatures, putting on her most sultry face and slinking forward.
The pixies caught sight of her well before she did them. Within seconds they had her surrounded, weaving in unsteady circles – more like oblongs – around her. These pixies could have taught Trias a thing or two about midday drinking.
"Well, how're you boys doing?" she asked upon reaching the village center – a ramshackle affair consisting of used ale kegs roped together in some semblance of a platform.
The pixies took a moment to confer. They pushed forward their elected representative, a prime specimen of gangly pixie adolescence. He cleared his throat and leaned forward solemnly.
"We'sh…good." He did his best not to leer. (See how well men can behave when they want something?)
"Oh, well, that's a pity…" Discord pouted, turning to leave.
"NO!" the pixies screamed as one, dropping their liquor in their haste to head off the pretty woman. "We'sh awful," the spokesman amended, clutching his head dramatically.
"Oh, okay then." Discord turned back around. "So…what are you fine young gentlemen doing?"
"Drinking!" was the enthusiastic response.
"That sounds boring –" Discord began.
"NO!" came the vehement denial.
"What I meant was…I can think of a few more interesting things to do…" she trailed off suggestively.
The pixies took a moment to digest this. Like a donkey tied to a waterwheel, their thoughts kept returning to the same thing – pretty girl. Here. And for once, they weren't the ones hitting on her.
"So, are we on? I know a nice little place where we can all be…alone…" The pixies began to drool. "So are we on?" Discord arched a perfectly formed eyebrow.
"Ash long ash we'sh on you!" one anonymous pixie in the back called out lewdly. That opened the floodgates. By the time they had reached the shadow dragon's cave once more, the pixies were all singing songs to make a sailor blush.
"This is it, boys! Go on in, I'll just need a moment to get myself prettied up…" she gestured them into the cave. The pixies didn't need a second invitation. When they had all disappeared within, Discord jumped behind a protruding rock and waited.
She didn't have to wait long.
"P-A-R-T-Y! Party Hearty, let's all get high! And when we party, we party hearty!" the pixies chanted rhythmically, growing louder with each passing second. One of them finally had the presence of mind to note that something was amiss.
"Lookie, lookie! My shadow's bigger 'an yours!" the observant(?) little fellow called out.
"No, ish my shadow! See, I moved my hand! And it moved too!"
"No! Mine! It hash indigeshun like me! Ish making noi-"
A huge stream of shadowy tendrils shot out of the cavern opening, silencing the pixies once and for all. An even darker shadow soon followed it out. It was immense – far larger than it had appeared in the cavern. From snout to tailtip he was at least a hundred feet long. He didn't look to be scaled so much as covered in a shifting, ethereal mass of shadows. His claws and fangs, however, looked real enough. His maw was large enough to swallow a man whole – or woman, to Discord's immense dread. It stretched its wings and looked about it.
"Well, that was certainly peculiar," the dragon hissed to himself, its voice the sound of sliding silk. "But just as well. I have slumbered for far too long…I don't recall there ever being a mountain here…" he peered quizzically into the concealing mist.
Discord took this as her cue. She leapt out from behind the rock – and leapt right back when the dragon directed his breath at her.
"Wait!" she yelled, huddling behind the slim protection her rock offered her. "My Master sent me here to find you!" she peeked out hopefully.
The dragon didn't seem to be particularly moved by this earth-shattering revelation. He sneered, revealing row upon row of razor-sharp teeth. "I am not interested in embracing the glory of your Church or your puny god. Nor am I afraid of the 'righteous fury of your Lance of Rabbit-Slaying, or whatever you call your favorite bashing stick. I am much more interested in whether humans still taste like chicken after all these years." He inhaled again.
"You have it all wrong!" Discord hastily corrected him from behind her shelter. "I serve Xan, the Unholy Blight! He said you two were 'old friends'!" She braced herself for the inevitable impact.
When no such impact was forthcoming, she gathered her courage to peek at the dragon. He was regarding her as a mouse would regard a cat – the mouse knows itself to be the superior of the two…but the bloody cat has a master with ratpoison, for the gods' sakes.
The dragon sighed and deflated. "Ahh, I was merely fooling myself to think that this day would never come. Suffice it to say, I owe this Master of yours several favors," he elaborated for Discord's benefit, "and he is most unforgiving when it comes to the repayment of those debts."
"Sure, at least you don't have to live with him…" Discord muttered, stepping out from behind the boulder.
"But before we 'hammer out the details', as they say, I would know certain things. What has transpired during the past thousand or so years of my sleep?"
Discord thought for a second. "Well, let me see…lots of people died, some people got born again, The Church did stuff…um, things went boom…" she trailed off, biting her lip nervously. "You know, I really haven't kept track of anything past that whole climactic Final Battle of Good and Evil…"
The dragon checked his ire. "What Final Battle do you speak of?" he asked mildly, restraining the impulse to gut her and make her a finger puppet.
Discord explained the entire incident, with more than a few prods from the dragon. When she had finished, he sat back and considered his new circumstances.
"What that means is that that buffoon Trias has gained the upper hand. That does not bode well for me…not well at all…"
"So then this wouldn't really be repaying any favor, since you're getting as much out of this as Xan is…" she pointed out shrewdly.
"I am far larger and stronger than you. I suggest you stop there."
Discord took the hint.
After some time spent in meditative silence, the dragon spoke once more. "Well then, I am amenable to your proposition. What exactly shall this entail?" he asked.
Discord fidgeted a bit. "Um..well, you see, I don't exactly…know." She flinched as the dragon lowered his head down to her eye level. "But Xan did say that it would involve getting back Trias for everything he's done to us!" Her fist clenched at her side. "But any more than that, Master Dragon, I can't really say…" She chuckled nervously.
"Master Dragon…?" he asked curiously. "Ahh, I see. You require my name. My people call me Llanthrixilasthra'ak."
Discord blinked.
Llanthrixila…er, the dragon…directed a longing gaze towards his cavern. So much simpler to just avoid all these nuisances and return to his rest…
"Llaen, I suppose, shall have to do," the dragon finally replied. "I recall a particular human who went by that name. As I recall, he lasted nearly an entire minute. Then I awoke and had to kill him."
"Alright then, Llaen it is," Discord readily agreed. As if she would argue with a dragon. "But, um, that does leave us with one more problem…"she trailed off under Llaen's arch stare.
"And what would that be, puny one?" he asked contemptuously.
"Well, a shadow dragon is likely to attract attention in any sort of situation…"
'So?" Llaen snorted. "I shall rend all who stand in my way into so many tattered shreds of bloody worm-flesh."
Discord gulped. And stepped out of his way. "Well, I'm sure you could, but, uhh, I think Xan is aiming for a more undercover sort of operation…"
"I suppose you do have a point there…" Llaen conceded grudgingly. He muttered a few liquid phrases, and was enveloped by a blazing light. When the light had dissipated, an altogether unremarkable man stood in the dragon's place. He was of average height and build, with dark eyes and black shoulder-length hair. His clothes were strictly utilitarian.
"Well, is this any better?" he asked archly, indicating his new form.
"I guess," Discord replied, shrugging a shoulder. It was hardly up to her demanding standards. They never were. "Now all that's left is for you to contact Xan yourself and find out the details. Um…you can contact him, right?"
Llaen gave her a condescending look. "Of course I can. Now, we both have tasks to accomplish…" he looked pointedly at Discord, who was busy filing her nails. "I mean that you should leave. Now." He shot a parting stream of shadows at her from his palm before turning and stalking back into his lair.
Discord didn't have to be told twice. She headed back to Xan's cavern as fast as her heels could take her. Work was definitely overrated. When she got back she'd have to convince Xan of that. Entropy was ugly enough to haul both their loads anyway.
* * * *
"Here's to our success!" Xan said merrily, raising his wine glass. Entropy and Discord followed suit. The two had returned several hours previous, and Xan, in as bright a mood as they had ever seen him, had insisted they celebrate.
"To our success." The glasses clinked together.
"But, Xan," Discord asked, "what makes you sure we'll win this time? I mean, we never won before…"
"Oh yesss, the whore quessstionss the Massster once more," Entropy hissed mockingly. The two didn't have the best of relationships.
"Shut up, you stupid snake!" Discord shrieked back, dropping into her mercenary captain voice. "At least I have hair! And it's beautiful too!" She flipped it over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the simmering Entropy.
"Now, now, let's not fight," Xan admonished. For once, his eye didn't begin to twitch. He was in high spirits indeed.
"And to answer Discord's question, there's no way I can lose this contest. Evil will win because Good is fat and stupid with one too many drinks under the lid." He poured himself another drink.
"No argument there," Discord agreed. She relaxed once more.
"And yet," Entropy began hesistantly, "Fat and ssstupid Triass may be, but hisss championsss may yet prove to be an obssssstacle." He looked worried – and with good reason. He'd been on the receiving end of many a hero's sword.
"Well, if it would stop all your complaining, I suppose we can cheat a tad…"
The two Minions nodded vigorously. Cheating was the Evil Way, after all.
…That and murder, lying, theft, arson…
"Very well." Xan reflected for a moment. "Well, I suppose we can just send them off now to wreak their havoc. We'll just tell Trias that we're giving him the head start."
"Alright! That's great!" Discord exclaimed delightedly, clapping her hands.
"You sssstill underesstimate thessse heroessss…" Entropy replied, not completely reassured.
Xan airily waved a hand. "Ha! I know my brother. If anything, he'll just get roaring drunk and choose some harlots plying their trade outside one of his temples!"
Popular belief held that the final battle between Good and Evil (or Trias and Xan…close enough) had been held here one thousand years ago. At that time no mountains had existed; instead, rolling plains had stretched on for as far as the eye could see. Hundreds of small farming communities had dotted the pastoral landscape. Trias and Xan, however, had changed all that. Their battle had flung up great gouts of earth and rock, forming the majestic peaks and scenic valleys that now occupied the land. Or so popular belief held. Fingering her scar, Discord knew it to be more than a mere legend.
Regardless, the Tantras Mountains were no place for the faint of heart. Shortly after their creation, the villagers – those who had survived, at any rate – began to explore and colonize the peaks. Not only did it possess natural springs and plants and animals aplenty, but it also contained an intricate maze of interconnected caverns. It was the ultimate bastion, a completely impregnable fortress.
Unfortunately, they weren't the only ones who had come to that conclusion. Shortly after they had settled down, the villagers were…evicted…by a band or orcs, who promptly moved in. They in turn were slaughtered by a tribe of ogres, who fell to the combined might of a family of wyverns. And so the cycle went, until the Tantras Moutains came to house the fiercest, darkest creatures in the land. The Church of Light had, of course, sent a squad of paladins to deal with the threat; the monsters in turn sent a thank you note for the wonderful meal, and could they please send toothpicks next time? The Church tried several more times before finally giving it up as hopeless. They passed the monster infestation off on the 'sin' of their followers, and immediately upped their taxes (the Church has always been adept at turning something negative into something positive).
Under normal circumstances Discord would have found the death and decay about her delightful, but this was hardly normal circumstances. For one thing, rare was the day that she actually received work. And Discord had better things to do. Like her hair. Not to mention the inordinate amount of time she had invested in this already. In her time up on the mountain, she had run into everything from trolls to pixies – perverted pixies. Not that she found that disturbing - far from it – but when the species in question was pixies, she'd rather see them mounted on spears of Unholy Flame for all eternity. Just too damn cute. And to top it all off, it was misty. Not only had she fallen off the mountain more times than she cared to remember, it wreaked complete havoc with delicate complexion to boot. If she hadn't been petrified of Xan's response, she would have flounced back to him in a second.
"Dammit!" she fumed, kicking a pebble off the mountain face and into the mists below. "Maybe that bastard could've been a little more specific when he said 'cave'. Maybe living in one for the past thousand years has given him some kind of – kind of…" she searched her rather limited vocabulary for the word, "cave-identifying sixth-sense radar, but the rest of can't classify holes by sight! And now my hair is frizzy and my clothes are wet and I'm freezing my ass off, dammit!" She continued her tirade against Xan, Trias, and the world in general – all of which were actively seeking her destruction out of sheer jealousy. She kicked another pebble into the fog ahead of her.
With a small crack, the rock hit a solid surface and rebounded back. Discord, completely engaged in her own inner monologue, paid it no notice. Until she hit that same wall. Then she gave it plenty of attention. And more than a few choice words as well.
When she had suitably composed herself, she stepped back to examine her surroundings. Quite by accident, she had wandered onto a plateau of sorts – the first she had come across in her search. Very little was discernable through the heavy mist, but she could vaguely make out the outline of a large cavern on the mountain face, several meters to the left of where she had collided. The interior was far darker than it should have been. She stepped closer to examine it.
The mist had warped its appearance – it was far larger than it seemed from afar. It had to have been at least fifty feet tall, and at least that in width. The mist was especially heavy in front of the entrance, most likely due to the unusual heat emanating from within. This last finally registered in Discord's brain. Cold outside. Warm inside. Even she could make the connection. Forgetting all her reservations, Discord quickly stepped into the cavern. She had never been one to argue with candy from strangers – or jewels, or money…whatever they happened to have on their person.
Once inside, she took a moment to warm herself before again surveying her surroundings. Her eyes widened. Just a short distance away lay all the riches she could have ever wanted. Piles of gold, mountains of jewels, all floated…floated? She squinted and looked closer. Indeed, the piles of riches seemed to float high above the ground. Of course, that could be due to the inky blackness in front of it – that same blackness that had barred sight from afar. And now that she was listening, there was that odd whistling sound…
Large piles of jewels. Giant shadow. Snoring. All equals Discord runs like the Legions of Light were behind her while she can. Smarts she may have lacked, but animal cunning she had in droves. And no sane animal ever stays in a shadow dragon's cave if they can help it.
Once safely outside – and several hundred feet away – she stopped to catch her breath. And then she finally began to understand Xan's cryptic message.
"That bastard!" she shrieked, her voice echoing off the mountain heights. Her eyes widened when she realized the possible repercussions; checking frantically about her, she finally assured herself that the dragon had not heard her. There were some things even a Minion of Darkness would hesitate to tackle, and an adult shadow dragon was certainly one of them. Especially considering Discord's combat skills – or lack thereof. If she couldn't seduce it, she ran as fast and as far as her high-heels would let her.
"He knew this would happen," she continued in a subdued tone. "An 'old friend', he says. 'Sleeping', he says. I bet he's laughing right now! Well, I'll show him! I can do anything I put my mind to! Just look at how hot and bothered I can make him," she added with a wicked smile.
"Now," she resumed thoughtfully, beginning to pace, "Xan wants me to wake him up and recruit him. …Xan wants me to wake a shadow dragon up from its pleasant dreams into a misty nightmare of split ends. I hate to think of what this means about my relative importance…" she mused, paling slightly. "So I'd better get on Xan's good side from now on…if he has one, anyway. But, um…" she paused, having lost her train of thought. "Oh yes. The dragon. The big, scary shadow dragon. Who probably thinks I'm more scrumptious than seductive. I need to wake him up without losing my head…
"What I need is a realistic assessment of my strengths…" she looked herself over, then brightened. "Well, what do you know! I have two great ones right here! More than enough for any man! Now how to apply that to this?" She bit her lip in concentration. "Aha!" She slapped a fist into her palm – something she assumed victorious people did, as Xan had often done it…but then again, it probably meant something more along the lines of 'Oh damn, lost again, time to hit something'. "How could I forget? I'm gorgeous! Gorgeous people glide through life! I'll just get someone else to do it for me!" Her eyes brightened even more. "The pixies! I knew the little perverts would be useful for something! Time to fetch the bait…" she set off down the mountain, trailing laughter in her wake.
The pixies lived in a small village near the base of one of the mountains – they had a tendency to get lightheaded rather easily. Not surprisingly, these pixies were all male – which certainly accounted for their raucous behavior. Any proper female pixie (ie. prude) would have smacked them on the head and made them sleep with the dog – or butterfly, as the case may be. It should be noted that pixies were normally a very quiet, very subdued people. Apparently these adolescents had had their fill of that, and had decided to leave to form their own fun-filled colony. In the middle of the woods. …Pixies are still pixies, after all (ie. pansies).
In short order Discord had located the pixie village. It was so small she had nearly missed it. The entire village was located in the branches of several large overhanging tree branches. She was still dozens of yards away, yet the pixies could still be heard singing dwarven drinking songs. She steeled herself to deal with the disgusting creatures, putting on her most sultry face and slinking forward.
The pixies caught sight of her well before she did them. Within seconds they had her surrounded, weaving in unsteady circles – more like oblongs – around her. These pixies could have taught Trias a thing or two about midday drinking.
"Well, how're you boys doing?" she asked upon reaching the village center – a ramshackle affair consisting of used ale kegs roped together in some semblance of a platform.
The pixies took a moment to confer. They pushed forward their elected representative, a prime specimen of gangly pixie adolescence. He cleared his throat and leaned forward solemnly.
"We'sh…good." He did his best not to leer. (See how well men can behave when they want something?)
"Oh, well, that's a pity…" Discord pouted, turning to leave.
"NO!" the pixies screamed as one, dropping their liquor in their haste to head off the pretty woman. "We'sh awful," the spokesman amended, clutching his head dramatically.
"Oh, okay then." Discord turned back around. "So…what are you fine young gentlemen doing?"
"Drinking!" was the enthusiastic response.
"That sounds boring –" Discord began.
"NO!" came the vehement denial.
"What I meant was…I can think of a few more interesting things to do…" she trailed off suggestively.
The pixies took a moment to digest this. Like a donkey tied to a waterwheel, their thoughts kept returning to the same thing – pretty girl. Here. And for once, they weren't the ones hitting on her.
"So, are we on? I know a nice little place where we can all be…alone…" The pixies began to drool. "So are we on?" Discord arched a perfectly formed eyebrow.
"Ash long ash we'sh on you!" one anonymous pixie in the back called out lewdly. That opened the floodgates. By the time they had reached the shadow dragon's cave once more, the pixies were all singing songs to make a sailor blush.
"This is it, boys! Go on in, I'll just need a moment to get myself prettied up…" she gestured them into the cave. The pixies didn't need a second invitation. When they had all disappeared within, Discord jumped behind a protruding rock and waited.
She didn't have to wait long.
"P-A-R-T-Y! Party Hearty, let's all get high! And when we party, we party hearty!" the pixies chanted rhythmically, growing louder with each passing second. One of them finally had the presence of mind to note that something was amiss.
"Lookie, lookie! My shadow's bigger 'an yours!" the observant(?) little fellow called out.
"No, ish my shadow! See, I moved my hand! And it moved too!"
"No! Mine! It hash indigeshun like me! Ish making noi-"
A huge stream of shadowy tendrils shot out of the cavern opening, silencing the pixies once and for all. An even darker shadow soon followed it out. It was immense – far larger than it had appeared in the cavern. From snout to tailtip he was at least a hundred feet long. He didn't look to be scaled so much as covered in a shifting, ethereal mass of shadows. His claws and fangs, however, looked real enough. His maw was large enough to swallow a man whole – or woman, to Discord's immense dread. It stretched its wings and looked about it.
"Well, that was certainly peculiar," the dragon hissed to himself, its voice the sound of sliding silk. "But just as well. I have slumbered for far too long…I don't recall there ever being a mountain here…" he peered quizzically into the concealing mist.
Discord took this as her cue. She leapt out from behind the rock – and leapt right back when the dragon directed his breath at her.
"Wait!" she yelled, huddling behind the slim protection her rock offered her. "My Master sent me here to find you!" she peeked out hopefully.
The dragon didn't seem to be particularly moved by this earth-shattering revelation. He sneered, revealing row upon row of razor-sharp teeth. "I am not interested in embracing the glory of your Church or your puny god. Nor am I afraid of the 'righteous fury of your Lance of Rabbit-Slaying, or whatever you call your favorite bashing stick. I am much more interested in whether humans still taste like chicken after all these years." He inhaled again.
"You have it all wrong!" Discord hastily corrected him from behind her shelter. "I serve Xan, the Unholy Blight! He said you two were 'old friends'!" She braced herself for the inevitable impact.
When no such impact was forthcoming, she gathered her courage to peek at the dragon. He was regarding her as a mouse would regard a cat – the mouse knows itself to be the superior of the two…but the bloody cat has a master with ratpoison, for the gods' sakes.
The dragon sighed and deflated. "Ahh, I was merely fooling myself to think that this day would never come. Suffice it to say, I owe this Master of yours several favors," he elaborated for Discord's benefit, "and he is most unforgiving when it comes to the repayment of those debts."
"Sure, at least you don't have to live with him…" Discord muttered, stepping out from behind the boulder.
"But before we 'hammer out the details', as they say, I would know certain things. What has transpired during the past thousand or so years of my sleep?"
Discord thought for a second. "Well, let me see…lots of people died, some people got born again, The Church did stuff…um, things went boom…" she trailed off, biting her lip nervously. "You know, I really haven't kept track of anything past that whole climactic Final Battle of Good and Evil…"
The dragon checked his ire. "What Final Battle do you speak of?" he asked mildly, restraining the impulse to gut her and make her a finger puppet.
Discord explained the entire incident, with more than a few prods from the dragon. When she had finished, he sat back and considered his new circumstances.
"What that means is that that buffoon Trias has gained the upper hand. That does not bode well for me…not well at all…"
"So then this wouldn't really be repaying any favor, since you're getting as much out of this as Xan is…" she pointed out shrewdly.
"I am far larger and stronger than you. I suggest you stop there."
Discord took the hint.
After some time spent in meditative silence, the dragon spoke once more. "Well then, I am amenable to your proposition. What exactly shall this entail?" he asked.
Discord fidgeted a bit. "Um..well, you see, I don't exactly…know." She flinched as the dragon lowered his head down to her eye level. "But Xan did say that it would involve getting back Trias for everything he's done to us!" Her fist clenched at her side. "But any more than that, Master Dragon, I can't really say…" She chuckled nervously.
"Master Dragon…?" he asked curiously. "Ahh, I see. You require my name. My people call me Llanthrixilasthra'ak."
Discord blinked.
Llanthrixila…er, the dragon…directed a longing gaze towards his cavern. So much simpler to just avoid all these nuisances and return to his rest…
"Llaen, I suppose, shall have to do," the dragon finally replied. "I recall a particular human who went by that name. As I recall, he lasted nearly an entire minute. Then I awoke and had to kill him."
"Alright then, Llaen it is," Discord readily agreed. As if she would argue with a dragon. "But, um, that does leave us with one more problem…"she trailed off under Llaen's arch stare.
"And what would that be, puny one?" he asked contemptuously.
"Well, a shadow dragon is likely to attract attention in any sort of situation…"
'So?" Llaen snorted. "I shall rend all who stand in my way into so many tattered shreds of bloody worm-flesh."
Discord gulped. And stepped out of his way. "Well, I'm sure you could, but, uhh, I think Xan is aiming for a more undercover sort of operation…"
"I suppose you do have a point there…" Llaen conceded grudgingly. He muttered a few liquid phrases, and was enveloped by a blazing light. When the light had dissipated, an altogether unremarkable man stood in the dragon's place. He was of average height and build, with dark eyes and black shoulder-length hair. His clothes were strictly utilitarian.
"Well, is this any better?" he asked archly, indicating his new form.
"I guess," Discord replied, shrugging a shoulder. It was hardly up to her demanding standards. They never were. "Now all that's left is for you to contact Xan yourself and find out the details. Um…you can contact him, right?"
Llaen gave her a condescending look. "Of course I can. Now, we both have tasks to accomplish…" he looked pointedly at Discord, who was busy filing her nails. "I mean that you should leave. Now." He shot a parting stream of shadows at her from his palm before turning and stalking back into his lair.
Discord didn't have to be told twice. She headed back to Xan's cavern as fast as her heels could take her. Work was definitely overrated. When she got back she'd have to convince Xan of that. Entropy was ugly enough to haul both their loads anyway.
* * * *
"Here's to our success!" Xan said merrily, raising his wine glass. Entropy and Discord followed suit. The two had returned several hours previous, and Xan, in as bright a mood as they had ever seen him, had insisted they celebrate.
"To our success." The glasses clinked together.
"But, Xan," Discord asked, "what makes you sure we'll win this time? I mean, we never won before…"
"Oh yesss, the whore quessstionss the Massster once more," Entropy hissed mockingly. The two didn't have the best of relationships.
"Shut up, you stupid snake!" Discord shrieked back, dropping into her mercenary captain voice. "At least I have hair! And it's beautiful too!" She flipped it over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out at the simmering Entropy.
"Now, now, let's not fight," Xan admonished. For once, his eye didn't begin to twitch. He was in high spirits indeed.
"And to answer Discord's question, there's no way I can lose this contest. Evil will win because Good is fat and stupid with one too many drinks under the lid." He poured himself another drink.
"No argument there," Discord agreed. She relaxed once more.
"And yet," Entropy began hesistantly, "Fat and ssstupid Triass may be, but hisss championsss may yet prove to be an obssssstacle." He looked worried – and with good reason. He'd been on the receiving end of many a hero's sword.
"Well, if it would stop all your complaining, I suppose we can cheat a tad…"
The two Minions nodded vigorously. Cheating was the Evil Way, after all.
…That and murder, lying, theft, arson…
"Very well." Xan reflected for a moment. "Well, I suppose we can just send them off now to wreak their havoc. We'll just tell Trias that we're giving him the head start."
"Alright! That's great!" Discord exclaimed delightedly, clapping her hands.
"You sssstill underesstimate thessse heroessss…" Entropy replied, not completely reassured.
Xan airily waved a hand. "Ha! I know my brother. If anything, he'll just get roaring drunk and choose some harlots plying their trade outside one of his temples!"