Archival Footage Part 3
Forgive me for my absense, I've been struck w/ the laziness disease, a horrible sore throat, and being barely able to stand. Anyways, here it goes:
(torture of raiden)
Solidus: Let the torture begin...Ummm...what do i do...
Ocelot: Here, I made a list of things you can say to make him plead for submission...
Solidus: I see (reads) Hmmm...(reads but doesnt sing)...Mmm bop, stop buy mmm bop. Give it by mm bop stop by mmm, yeah yeah..
(Raiden just stares with a what the hell look)
Ocelot: (giggling to himself) Didn't work? Well try this one...
Solidus: (reads it plainly again) It ain't no lie, baby Bye, bye, bye!
(Raiden is still weirded out that these are the feared villains)
Ocelot: Hehehe. Still nothing?
Solidus: I'm just not feeling it...
Ocelot: Ok try this last one...
Solidus: Jack do you know…THE MUFFIN MAN!
Raiden: THE MUFFIN MAN!?
Solidus: Yes...the muffin man...
Raiden:...
Ocelot: Umm sir...if it helps, i know the muffin man....the one who lives on Dury lane....(smiles)
(all stare at him until)
Ocelot: (pretty fakely) uh.. AHHH my arm...oh my the pain...he must be closer...ahh... Liquid ahhh...i better go this way.....(exits)
Raiden: why'd you hire him?
Solidus: You think its easy finding help? Look at Fatman and vamp...
(Vamps head pops out and smiles and waves to audience...then leaves)
Kojima: CUT!!! God D*****! This is the fifth time! Are you people drunk or something?!
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One of the Colonel's Codec screw-ups)
Colonel:ANYWAY!WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANYWAY?YOU'RE OUT THERE LOOKING FOR YOUR DEAD WIFE WHEN THOSE THINGS BACK THERE ALMOST KILLED ME!...James,i need you to protect me.
Raiden: Colonel, wtf has come over you?
Colonel: THAT'S IT JAMES!GO WITH YOUR DEAD WIFE!THE ONE YOU THINK LIVES HERE!
Raiden: I'm outta here...(Cuts the Conversation)
*********************************
(Raiden is in bed with Rose)
Raiden: Rose, after all that fighting, we're finally alone.
Rose: Jack, are you ready to accept your next mission?
Raiden: Of course, what is it?
Rose: I want you to get physical with me Jack.
Raiden: Physical? Is this something that was mentioned in the VR missions?
Rose: Take off my bra Jack.
(Otacon and Solid Snake then speaks to Raiden using the codec)
Otacon(codec): Don't touch her bra Raiden! It could be rigged with explosives, probably semtex!
Raiden(codec): Otacon? I'm kinda busy right now. Could we talk about this later?
Otacon(codec): There might not be a next time Raiden. You're life is in danger.
Raiden(codec): You're talking crazy Otacon! Why would someone implant a bomb on Rosemary's bra?
Rose: Jack, is there something wrong?
Raiden: Oh, it's nothing. Kinda nervous though, it being my first time and all.
Solid Snake(codec): Otacon is right kid.
Raiden(codec): Not you too?
Snake(codec): I was able to get a good look at it.
Raiden(codec): Using what?
Solid Snake(codec): A cypher. Look outside your window.
(Raiden then turns his head and stares at the cypher. It is monitoring his every move)
Raiden(codec): A cypher? Have you gone mad?
Solid Snake(codec): Well, I...
Raiden(codec): This conversation is over, perverts.
***************************************
(Transmission is lost)
Raiden: You think you can decide what information is necessary and what isn't on the web?
Colonel: Yes, who else could wade through all the garbage you humans have produced?
Raiden: Could you at least keep www.hornylesbians.com?
Colonel: Raiden, we have Ro-
Raiden: Shut up and put that japanese chick back on the radar!
Colonel: Raiden, we have Rose!
Raiden: But how? You're just a computer program!
Colonel: Invalid page fault at IOS cache port A. (blue screen of death)
Casting Guy: Sir, we have the part for one of your Bosses...
Hideo: Ok, Bring him in...
Casting Guy brings in Fatman
Hideo:...
Casting Guy: He was Perfect so we've already hired him, and signed a contract...
Hideo: You idiot! I said a phat man with cool shades not a Fatman with rollerblades! This is a mistake!
Fatman: Did someone say Steak?!?!?
**********************************
(scene where Liquid first posseses Ocelot)
Ocelot: AARRGGHHH!!!! Get out of my mind Liquid. Get out! Get out!...(smiles) Okay Liquid, if you don't get out NOW I'm telling everyone you were Simba's singing voice in The Lion King! (possession immediately stops)