How could my heart betray me into falling in love with the enemy? Though
it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. Though it hurts
too much. What would my sisters say if they found out I put Cole first
instead of them?
Every time he held me, told me that he loved me, was it an act? I felt so alive, and want those times back. Why do I have to be a witch? Why does he have to be a demon? At first I thought he just used me, because I felt for him. He could've killed me so many times, but didn't.
I knew he was resistant in his feelings for me. I just assumed that in his past he had a hard time. I assumed he didn't want to get close to anyone because he was afraid of getting hurt. I assumed wrong, big time. How could not piece it together? Prue guessed fairly quickly, she had never trusted him. Prue's intuition was hardly ever wrong.
If I could turn back time would I not have anything to do with him? Though turning back time and having a choice of not being with him would mean I must have memories of what's happened. Memories of love. Hurt too. That can never be erased. And if those memories were erased then I probably would do the same things, and feel the same hurt. Destiny and time travel is so hard to get your head around.
Who would ever think that this irresponsible teenager who just saw men as a fling, as fun, would turn into what I am now? Someone who loved with all her heart and then lost it all. Everyone I have even came close to loving has left. Cole, Dad, Mom.. Though I guess I can't count her seeing as I never knew her. My sisters are the only ones that are still with me. I wont ever survive if I lose one of them.
I owe so much too my sisters. Then why am I lying to them? The probably look at me and think *Poor little Phoebe was fooled by a cold-hearted demon*. Are they right? They might be.. I mean maybe I still am fooled when I tell myself that he loves me. After all, do mental people know that they're stuck in a rubber room? Maybe he just seduced me. His soft touch flowing into me.. His lips making me full of desire.
I remember soon after we first kissed he told me that we shouldn't see each other. I guess proof that he did, or does, love me was Prue. Prue told me he felt for me when she was an empath. Maybe he didn't want to, so that's why he backed out and told me we couldn't see each other. Didn't want anything to go any further, so we wouldn't be hurt as we are. Though I'm glad I went over there and… is it a sin to like what happened? Between a witch and a demon?
Is it a sin to hurt over a demon? Well if it is I have sinned really badly. Indescribably. I mean he's a killer. In the book, and the book never lies, it says he's killed countless witches and innocents. Witches like me perhaps? Why am I any different? I'm glad I'm different that I got to experience those feelings. And I don't have a hope in hell of experiencing them again. But why not? I hate whoever made up these rules.
I want to be with him. Why can't I?
Every time he held me, told me that he loved me, was it an act? I felt so alive, and want those times back. Why do I have to be a witch? Why does he have to be a demon? At first I thought he just used me, because I felt for him. He could've killed me so many times, but didn't.
I knew he was resistant in his feelings for me. I just assumed that in his past he had a hard time. I assumed he didn't want to get close to anyone because he was afraid of getting hurt. I assumed wrong, big time. How could not piece it together? Prue guessed fairly quickly, she had never trusted him. Prue's intuition was hardly ever wrong.
If I could turn back time would I not have anything to do with him? Though turning back time and having a choice of not being with him would mean I must have memories of what's happened. Memories of love. Hurt too. That can never be erased. And if those memories were erased then I probably would do the same things, and feel the same hurt. Destiny and time travel is so hard to get your head around.
Who would ever think that this irresponsible teenager who just saw men as a fling, as fun, would turn into what I am now? Someone who loved with all her heart and then lost it all. Everyone I have even came close to loving has left. Cole, Dad, Mom.. Though I guess I can't count her seeing as I never knew her. My sisters are the only ones that are still with me. I wont ever survive if I lose one of them.
I owe so much too my sisters. Then why am I lying to them? The probably look at me and think *Poor little Phoebe was fooled by a cold-hearted demon*. Are they right? They might be.. I mean maybe I still am fooled when I tell myself that he loves me. After all, do mental people know that they're stuck in a rubber room? Maybe he just seduced me. His soft touch flowing into me.. His lips making me full of desire.
I remember soon after we first kissed he told me that we shouldn't see each other. I guess proof that he did, or does, love me was Prue. Prue told me he felt for me when she was an empath. Maybe he didn't want to, so that's why he backed out and told me we couldn't see each other. Didn't want anything to go any further, so we wouldn't be hurt as we are. Though I'm glad I went over there and… is it a sin to like what happened? Between a witch and a demon?
Is it a sin to hurt over a demon? Well if it is I have sinned really badly. Indescribably. I mean he's a killer. In the book, and the book never lies, it says he's killed countless witches and innocents. Witches like me perhaps? Why am I any different? I'm glad I'm different that I got to experience those feelings. And I don't have a hope in hell of experiencing them again. But why not? I hate whoever made up these rules.
I want to be with him. Why can't I?