(Last time we followed Vash in his new Fan Fiction adventures he made a
narrow escape from "Boxing Gloves Jerome" with the help of Meryl Stryfe and
Milly Thompson. He agrees never to give them the slip again, but can even
Vash keep such a promise? HAH! Yet Vash's troubles only begin once the
Insurance girls are left behind, after all he is a wanted man with a Sixty
Billion Double Dollar Bounty on his head!)
(Fade into a scene of a town, super imposed upon the bottom of the screen is the name of town: RELINO. The camera pans through the town into the window of a hotel. Inside the hotel are the Bernardelli Corporation insurance girls Meryl and Milly. Meryl looks as if she could kill some one.)
MERYL: What an ass-hole! He even promised us that he would never cut and run on us again. I hate him. I really truly hate him. Ever since we've been assigned to watch him our lives have been nothing short of pure hell. (Gets evil grin on face and pulls out two pistols) NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'M KILLING HIM!
MILLY: Now Meryl, violence isn't the solution to everything. After all, isn't it Vash himself who always goes on and on about "LOVE & PEACE"?
MERYL: Milly, you just don't get it. Do you? (Sighs) Anyways, if the rumors are true, Vash is reportedly in Relino town. Here we are in Relino town, and we're not leaving until we have Vash bound and gagged.
(Fade to a scene of a western-ish looking tavern. Among it's many occupants is a man with yellow hair wearing a long red coat. In fact this is not just any normal man, this is the legendary 'Vash the Stampede'! Renowned Ace Gunman and world-class idiot!)
(Two tables to the right of the one Vash is sitting at are two people. These two people are the owners of the only car factory in town. Father and Son they are. They are discussing the current situation of the factory and the possibility that it might have to be shut down.)
SON: I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if we sell every car that we make, we'll still be losing more than we pull in! We can't keep the business running profitably and still be making every car by hand.
FATHER (Slamming fist on table): But a car made by one's hand is a car made with love, that's why our cars sell so well. They're not like those cookie cutter models most factories sell. Each and every one of our cars are unique!
SON: Dad, face it. We're just not making enough cars to pay the rent on the factory. We have to bring in assembly lines if we're to make enough cars to make enough profit to come out with cash still in our pockets after the bills. Either we bring in assembly lines, or we give up the business before the bill collectors take our house.
FATHER: Look, it's not like I could bring in assembly lines even if I wanted to, which I don't. We just don't have that kind of money. I want solutions to the problem at hand, not wishful thinking. There is no way we'd ever get enough Double Dollars to put in assembly lines.
SON (smiling): That's what you think! I've heard rumors that the legendary 'Vash the Stampede' is in our little town of Relino right now. There's a Sixty Billion Double Dollar bounty on his head, that's more than enough to cover the cost of putting in as many assembly lines as we could ever want. Why we'd still have money left over even!
FATHER (interested look on face): Sounds like a feasible plan, but you're forgetting one thing.
SON: That being?
FATHER: Towns have a way of getting destroyed whenever anyone tries to capture him. If the car factory were destroyed in the process, then it wouldn't matter if we caught him or not.
SON: Hey, with Sixty Billion Double Dollars we could build a new factory and still have money left over to buy assembly lines. Besides, didn't a great poet once say, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all'?
FATHER: Yeah, but we're talking about making war, not love. I fail to see how that phrase applies to the situation.
SON: It means that it's better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.
FATHER: Okay, but how are we going to find Vash. I've never met him, I don't know what he looks like.
SON (evil smile): I've got it all planned out. I hear there's these two insurance people in town who happen to be friends of his. Better yet, I have the number of their hotel room. All we have to do is abduct them and he'll come to us.
(At this point a slightly less sober Vash stands up from his table and walks towards the door. I'm sorry, I should've said stumbled towards the door. Only minutes after getting outside he throws up in the middle of the street, right in front of Meryl and Milly!)
MERYL: See Milly, I told you that he'd probably be drunk by the time we found him. Listen Vash, I'm not very happy with you at the moment. I'd tell you you're coming with us, but I don't want to be seen with you while you're busy throwing up. We're going to a restaurant right now, you're going to meet us at our hotel room later on.
VASH (throwing up again): How can you be sure I'll be there?
MERYL: There aren't any Sand Steamers leaving for a week, and the sand storms are far too dangerous at the moment to attempt walking out of town. So if you're not at our hotel room later tonight, I'll hunt you down in this town and kill you.
VASH: Oooh, touchy. So where is your hotel room?
MERYL: It the 32nd room on the second floor of the Shrompshrire hotel. Come Milly, the Pizza we ordered is gonna be cold if we don't hurry.
(As Meryl and Milly walk away, Vash throws up for a third time)
MILLY: Gee, don't you think you're being just a little hard on him Meryl?
MERYL: No, I think I'm being too soft on him.
(Fade to a scene of Meryl and Milly back in the hotel room eating Pizza.)
MERYL (staring a watch): If Vash isn't here in five minutes, I'm going to hunt him down. He has no right to make us constantly look for him.
(A crashing of glass can be heard as the hotel room's only window shatters. The cause of the shattering lands upon the floor. A sleeping bomb lands upon the floor along with the broken shards of glass. Before either can react, the gas bomb goes of causing them both to pass out. Both the father and son enter the room shortly thereafter wearing gas masks. As they carry the unconscious Meryl and Milly away they leave behind a note. A short period of time afterwards Vash enters the room.)
VASH: This place looks like a mess, I hope you two haven't been having a wild party without me. Hey, what's this? (Vash sees the note and begins to read it) Dear Vash, if you ever want to see your friends again, come to Car Factory. We shall discuss details there. (Stops reading note) I really don't want to go and save them. But they did save me from that boxing freak, I guess it's almost as if I owe it to them.
(Fade to a scene of the car factory. As Vash walks in he sees many cars lying around. All of them in different stages of completion. As he looks up he spots Meryl and Milly hanging on a crane like structure that is attached to the ceiling. Vash begins to run towards a staircase that leads up to the control room for the crane.)
VASH: I'm coming to save you Milly!
MERYL: Hey! What about me!
VASH (shouting): You can keep the bitchy one if you want to!
(Before Vash reaches the first step on the staircase, it is blown away by a shotgun blast. He looks upward to see the two people standing side by side on a balcony higher up. The younger of the two is holding a shotgun.)
SON: We're willing to let both of them go Vash after you're dead.
VASH: To be honest, I don't like that deal. Do you have any others?
SON: No, now die!
(The Son raises the shotgun to aim it at Vash, but as he does Vash pulls out his revolver. Vash fires off a single bullet that travels up the shotgun's barrel causing it to explode in the Son's hands. He falls backwards from the explosion. Vash starts to run up the stairs to the control room.)
SON (pulls out machine gun): So he thinks he's a wise guy eh? Eat lead Vash! Hey, where did he go?
FATHER (pointing to the control room): He's up there. (Vash who is now in the control room throws a switch that causes the crane to slowly lower Meryl and Milly to the ground. As Vash looks up he sees that the man who had been previously holding the shotgun now has a machine gun. Vash begins to run back down the stairs like crazy, all the while the Son continues to shoot at him.)
SON: You can run Vash, but you can't hide!
(Once upon the ground floor Vash begins to wildly run around as he dodges bullets. All the bullets miss Vash and instead hit the cars destroying them all. A look of terror appears upon the father's face as all his hand made cars get destroyed. At this point both Meryl and Milly are on the ground.)
FATHER (shouting): Stop it! You're destroying the merchandise!
SON: Oh I'm gonna stop him alright. (pulls out a rocket launcher) Hey Vash, nothing says "I Love You" better than an exploding rocket to the head. Am I right, or am I right?
(The son fires the rocket, unfortunately it goes wide and takes out a support beam. Without the support beam the building starts to collapse. Fade to a scene showing the outside of the factory. Vash is the first to be seen running out, coming out shortly after him is Meryl, Milly, and a black cat. After they're out, the factory completely collapses with the father and son still in it.)
MILLY: Thank you for saving us back there Mr. Vash.
MERYL: Shut up Milly, if it weren't for us knowing Vash we wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. We should be blaming him, not thanking him. (Turns around to Vash and points at him) It is our job to keep you under constant surveillance. If you ever ditch us again, not even god will be able to save you from my wrath.
VASH (sarcastic voice): I love you too Meryl.
(Fade to a scene of the collapsed factory at night. Some pieces of debri at the top of the rubble pile move away as the Son and Father climb out from under the wreckage. The father looks mad enough to kill his Son.)
SON: We're finally out of that pile. Oh well, even though we failed, at least we can say we tried.
FATHER (shouting): Just shut up, I'm disowning you.
THE END
(Fade into a scene of a town, super imposed upon the bottom of the screen is the name of town: RELINO. The camera pans through the town into the window of a hotel. Inside the hotel are the Bernardelli Corporation insurance girls Meryl and Milly. Meryl looks as if she could kill some one.)
MERYL: What an ass-hole! He even promised us that he would never cut and run on us again. I hate him. I really truly hate him. Ever since we've been assigned to watch him our lives have been nothing short of pure hell. (Gets evil grin on face and pulls out two pistols) NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'M KILLING HIM!
MILLY: Now Meryl, violence isn't the solution to everything. After all, isn't it Vash himself who always goes on and on about "LOVE & PEACE"?
MERYL: Milly, you just don't get it. Do you? (Sighs) Anyways, if the rumors are true, Vash is reportedly in Relino town. Here we are in Relino town, and we're not leaving until we have Vash bound and gagged.
(Fade to a scene of a western-ish looking tavern. Among it's many occupants is a man with yellow hair wearing a long red coat. In fact this is not just any normal man, this is the legendary 'Vash the Stampede'! Renowned Ace Gunman and world-class idiot!)
(Two tables to the right of the one Vash is sitting at are two people. These two people are the owners of the only car factory in town. Father and Son they are. They are discussing the current situation of the factory and the possibility that it might have to be shut down.)
SON: I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if we sell every car that we make, we'll still be losing more than we pull in! We can't keep the business running profitably and still be making every car by hand.
FATHER (Slamming fist on table): But a car made by one's hand is a car made with love, that's why our cars sell so well. They're not like those cookie cutter models most factories sell. Each and every one of our cars are unique!
SON: Dad, face it. We're just not making enough cars to pay the rent on the factory. We have to bring in assembly lines if we're to make enough cars to make enough profit to come out with cash still in our pockets after the bills. Either we bring in assembly lines, or we give up the business before the bill collectors take our house.
FATHER: Look, it's not like I could bring in assembly lines even if I wanted to, which I don't. We just don't have that kind of money. I want solutions to the problem at hand, not wishful thinking. There is no way we'd ever get enough Double Dollars to put in assembly lines.
SON (smiling): That's what you think! I've heard rumors that the legendary 'Vash the Stampede' is in our little town of Relino right now. There's a Sixty Billion Double Dollar bounty on his head, that's more than enough to cover the cost of putting in as many assembly lines as we could ever want. Why we'd still have money left over even!
FATHER (interested look on face): Sounds like a feasible plan, but you're forgetting one thing.
SON: That being?
FATHER: Towns have a way of getting destroyed whenever anyone tries to capture him. If the car factory were destroyed in the process, then it wouldn't matter if we caught him or not.
SON: Hey, with Sixty Billion Double Dollars we could build a new factory and still have money left over to buy assembly lines. Besides, didn't a great poet once say, 'Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all'?
FATHER: Yeah, but we're talking about making war, not love. I fail to see how that phrase applies to the situation.
SON: It means that it's better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.
FATHER: Okay, but how are we going to find Vash. I've never met him, I don't know what he looks like.
SON (evil smile): I've got it all planned out. I hear there's these two insurance people in town who happen to be friends of his. Better yet, I have the number of their hotel room. All we have to do is abduct them and he'll come to us.
(At this point a slightly less sober Vash stands up from his table and walks towards the door. I'm sorry, I should've said stumbled towards the door. Only minutes after getting outside he throws up in the middle of the street, right in front of Meryl and Milly!)
MERYL: See Milly, I told you that he'd probably be drunk by the time we found him. Listen Vash, I'm not very happy with you at the moment. I'd tell you you're coming with us, but I don't want to be seen with you while you're busy throwing up. We're going to a restaurant right now, you're going to meet us at our hotel room later on.
VASH (throwing up again): How can you be sure I'll be there?
MERYL: There aren't any Sand Steamers leaving for a week, and the sand storms are far too dangerous at the moment to attempt walking out of town. So if you're not at our hotel room later tonight, I'll hunt you down in this town and kill you.
VASH: Oooh, touchy. So where is your hotel room?
MERYL: It the 32nd room on the second floor of the Shrompshrire hotel. Come Milly, the Pizza we ordered is gonna be cold if we don't hurry.
(As Meryl and Milly walk away, Vash throws up for a third time)
MILLY: Gee, don't you think you're being just a little hard on him Meryl?
MERYL: No, I think I'm being too soft on him.
(Fade to a scene of Meryl and Milly back in the hotel room eating Pizza.)
MERYL (staring a watch): If Vash isn't here in five minutes, I'm going to hunt him down. He has no right to make us constantly look for him.
(A crashing of glass can be heard as the hotel room's only window shatters. The cause of the shattering lands upon the floor. A sleeping bomb lands upon the floor along with the broken shards of glass. Before either can react, the gas bomb goes of causing them both to pass out. Both the father and son enter the room shortly thereafter wearing gas masks. As they carry the unconscious Meryl and Milly away they leave behind a note. A short period of time afterwards Vash enters the room.)
VASH: This place looks like a mess, I hope you two haven't been having a wild party without me. Hey, what's this? (Vash sees the note and begins to read it) Dear Vash, if you ever want to see your friends again, come to Car Factory. We shall discuss details there. (Stops reading note) I really don't want to go and save them. But they did save me from that boxing freak, I guess it's almost as if I owe it to them.
(Fade to a scene of the car factory. As Vash walks in he sees many cars lying around. All of them in different stages of completion. As he looks up he spots Meryl and Milly hanging on a crane like structure that is attached to the ceiling. Vash begins to run towards a staircase that leads up to the control room for the crane.)
VASH: I'm coming to save you Milly!
MERYL: Hey! What about me!
VASH (shouting): You can keep the bitchy one if you want to!
(Before Vash reaches the first step on the staircase, it is blown away by a shotgun blast. He looks upward to see the two people standing side by side on a balcony higher up. The younger of the two is holding a shotgun.)
SON: We're willing to let both of them go Vash after you're dead.
VASH: To be honest, I don't like that deal. Do you have any others?
SON: No, now die!
(The Son raises the shotgun to aim it at Vash, but as he does Vash pulls out his revolver. Vash fires off a single bullet that travels up the shotgun's barrel causing it to explode in the Son's hands. He falls backwards from the explosion. Vash starts to run up the stairs to the control room.)
SON (pulls out machine gun): So he thinks he's a wise guy eh? Eat lead Vash! Hey, where did he go?
FATHER (pointing to the control room): He's up there. (Vash who is now in the control room throws a switch that causes the crane to slowly lower Meryl and Milly to the ground. As Vash looks up he sees that the man who had been previously holding the shotgun now has a machine gun. Vash begins to run back down the stairs like crazy, all the while the Son continues to shoot at him.)
SON: You can run Vash, but you can't hide!
(Once upon the ground floor Vash begins to wildly run around as he dodges bullets. All the bullets miss Vash and instead hit the cars destroying them all. A look of terror appears upon the father's face as all his hand made cars get destroyed. At this point both Meryl and Milly are on the ground.)
FATHER (shouting): Stop it! You're destroying the merchandise!
SON: Oh I'm gonna stop him alright. (pulls out a rocket launcher) Hey Vash, nothing says "I Love You" better than an exploding rocket to the head. Am I right, or am I right?
(The son fires the rocket, unfortunately it goes wide and takes out a support beam. Without the support beam the building starts to collapse. Fade to a scene showing the outside of the factory. Vash is the first to be seen running out, coming out shortly after him is Meryl, Milly, and a black cat. After they're out, the factory completely collapses with the father and son still in it.)
MILLY: Thank you for saving us back there Mr. Vash.
MERYL: Shut up Milly, if it weren't for us knowing Vash we wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. We should be blaming him, not thanking him. (Turns around to Vash and points at him) It is our job to keep you under constant surveillance. If you ever ditch us again, not even god will be able to save you from my wrath.
VASH (sarcastic voice): I love you too Meryl.
(Fade to a scene of the collapsed factory at night. Some pieces of debri at the top of the rubble pile move away as the Son and Father climb out from under the wreckage. The father looks mad enough to kill his Son.)
SON: We're finally out of that pile. Oh well, even though we failed, at least we can say we tried.
FATHER (shouting): Just shut up, I'm disowning you.
THE END