Title: Fallen into despair (7/7)
Author: Michael Dunbar
Summary: Xander falls into something that changes him. BX romance.
Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy and so do mutant enemy, I only own the idea of the story.
Timeline: Post season 4. X/A split up earlier on in the year, Riley had left after the Adam fiasco leaving Buffy alone. B/X had gone out on a few dates. Angel will show up in this although it will be season 1 and when he gets first put in the pit.
Rating: R For Violence
Couple: B/X of course!!!!
Distribution: Ask and yee shall receive
Beta Read by: White werewolf
Dedicated to everyone I like, which is everyone:)
Feedback: If you like this, please tell me as I thrive on feedback
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"No… You're not real, you can't be real"
He feels fear as she moves forward, it's them trying to break him again, trying to take away everything he is so he'll lose and become another casualty of the pit, but he won't allow it. Xander recoils backwards and up one step, he hugs the banister tightly and looks away from her as she sits down on the step below him, tears stream down her face.
"No" he shouts as she reaches forward, she jumps and lets out a sob. She thought it was all over, that they could be together again, but from the look on his face the terror they had inflicted on him would take a lot longer to undo. She let's out one more sob and just sits there with him, she rests her head at the side on the step and just looks at the man before her, it's still him, the man she loves is in there somewhere. Somewhere below that defensive person is her Xander and she won't stop until she has him back.
Xander cringes, it can't be real. It can't be, nothing is real, only the fights are real, the pain and the blood are real, this isn't, it just can't be. He closes his eyes trying to will himself to wake from the dream, to wake in the pit and still be fighting in the world he knows, the world he hates, but he knows oh so well.
Xander drifts off slowly to slumber and the next time he wakes the room is completely dark. He lets his vision become accustomed and he sees her head resting on the bed at his side, he lets his hand out, lets his hope rise and when his hand brushes back her hair he allows his heart to beat once again, it's true, its all real, she is here. The small glimmer of hope dies, the small smile he had started had worn down again and he turns away from her, he doesn't have the right to look at her, not after what he's done, she deserves better, he deserves to die.
He feels the long facial hair under his chin; he pulls himself gently out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. Taking care of the hair problem he trims it and then shaves to a smooth clean face, a face he hadn't seen in ages. He looks at the mirror image of himself with contempt, he doesn't look like a killer, he has to admit but the truth is daunting, he remembers every slaughter his own hands inflicted, the different shades of blood that had laden them and the resounding echo of a thousand snapped bones. He looks at the scar running up his cheek, so right to have a marker for the people and demons he killed, so right that he should remember the event for his entire life. Xander hears a murmur in the other room and a tear rolls down his cheek, but she doesn't, she deserves someone who isn't him, who's better for her, who she can love without his past coming to haunt them. He washes and dresses, then writing on a note he leaves it by her head and with a tear leaves the room and her for parts unknown.
Buffy wakes and twists her neck to relieve a struggling muscle, her eyes open and she looks at the bed, he's not there, she feels a panic rise until she spots the note. As soon as she casts her eyes over it she notices it as a "Goodbye". A tear runs down her cheek but anger rises inside her, how dare he decide for her. She jumps to her feet and runs from the motel room, the same motel room they had shared in LA 15 months earlier, she had Angel bring him here, the surroundings might ease him, or so she thought.
Buffy makes her way towards the bus station; she wears her jogging bottoms and top and makes as quick time as she can. Turning a few corners she comes upon the station, a few old buses stand in it and wait for the passengers to climb aboard. She runs around looking for him, 2 out of 3 of the buses she checks until she spots him, sat on a bench a bag in his hand, he fingers a ticket. Buffy walks up casually and takes a seat beside him; she feels a few tears slide down her cheek,
"I was going to leave" He says out of the blue "Going to let you find someone better"
Buffy keeps herself in check at them words but a frown can be seen on her features, he looks at her and smiles.
"You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who you can love with no problems, I was right there ticket in hand, standing just short of the bus when it hit me."
He doesn't continue for a while, a tear runs down his cheek and falls to the floor below.
"If I got on that bus, if I left you" he speaks clearly with a deep sadness in his voice "If I even attempted to find a new life I'd die, I can't live without you now, not now that I've seen you again and touched your soft skin with my hand"
Buffy wipes her face and leans into him; he welcomes the head onto his shoulder and leans his onto hers.
"You know" Buffy says in reply "when we… When we couldn't find you I felt so helpless, you were out there hurting and it was my fault, you should hate me for not looking after you, I'm the slayer"
"Not just" he replies and kisses her on her hair "Your Buffy, with two arms and two legs, two eyes and two ears. You can only do so much"
"I knew that, somewhere inside me, I knew you didn't blame me, but I blamed me." She lets out a sob "I deserve someone like you because I love you"
Xander lets his arm encircle her and he pulls her into a gentle full hug before he kisses her on the forehead.
"Please…" She continues "Please don't leave me"
"You sure you want me, baggage and all?"
She smiles then leans up and presses her lips to his. Pulling back a larger smile in her face she answers "I wouldn't have you any other way"
Author: Michael Dunbar
Summary: Xander falls into something that changes him. BX romance.
Disclaimer: Joss owns Buffy and so do mutant enemy, I only own the idea of the story.
Timeline: Post season 4. X/A split up earlier on in the year, Riley had left after the Adam fiasco leaving Buffy alone. B/X had gone out on a few dates. Angel will show up in this although it will be season 1 and when he gets first put in the pit.
Rating: R For Violence
Couple: B/X of course!!!!
Distribution: Ask and yee shall receive
Beta Read by: White werewolf
Dedicated to everyone I like, which is everyone:)
Feedback: If you like this, please tell me as I thrive on feedback
-------------
"No… You're not real, you can't be real"
He feels fear as she moves forward, it's them trying to break him again, trying to take away everything he is so he'll lose and become another casualty of the pit, but he won't allow it. Xander recoils backwards and up one step, he hugs the banister tightly and looks away from her as she sits down on the step below him, tears stream down her face.
"No" he shouts as she reaches forward, she jumps and lets out a sob. She thought it was all over, that they could be together again, but from the look on his face the terror they had inflicted on him would take a lot longer to undo. She let's out one more sob and just sits there with him, she rests her head at the side on the step and just looks at the man before her, it's still him, the man she loves is in there somewhere. Somewhere below that defensive person is her Xander and she won't stop until she has him back.
Xander cringes, it can't be real. It can't be, nothing is real, only the fights are real, the pain and the blood are real, this isn't, it just can't be. He closes his eyes trying to will himself to wake from the dream, to wake in the pit and still be fighting in the world he knows, the world he hates, but he knows oh so well.
Xander drifts off slowly to slumber and the next time he wakes the room is completely dark. He lets his vision become accustomed and he sees her head resting on the bed at his side, he lets his hand out, lets his hope rise and when his hand brushes back her hair he allows his heart to beat once again, it's true, its all real, she is here. The small glimmer of hope dies, the small smile he had started had worn down again and he turns away from her, he doesn't have the right to look at her, not after what he's done, she deserves better, he deserves to die.
He feels the long facial hair under his chin; he pulls himself gently out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom. Taking care of the hair problem he trims it and then shaves to a smooth clean face, a face he hadn't seen in ages. He looks at the mirror image of himself with contempt, he doesn't look like a killer, he has to admit but the truth is daunting, he remembers every slaughter his own hands inflicted, the different shades of blood that had laden them and the resounding echo of a thousand snapped bones. He looks at the scar running up his cheek, so right to have a marker for the people and demons he killed, so right that he should remember the event for his entire life. Xander hears a murmur in the other room and a tear rolls down his cheek, but she doesn't, she deserves someone who isn't him, who's better for her, who she can love without his past coming to haunt them. He washes and dresses, then writing on a note he leaves it by her head and with a tear leaves the room and her for parts unknown.
Buffy wakes and twists her neck to relieve a struggling muscle, her eyes open and she looks at the bed, he's not there, she feels a panic rise until she spots the note. As soon as she casts her eyes over it she notices it as a "Goodbye". A tear runs down her cheek but anger rises inside her, how dare he decide for her. She jumps to her feet and runs from the motel room, the same motel room they had shared in LA 15 months earlier, she had Angel bring him here, the surroundings might ease him, or so she thought.
Buffy makes her way towards the bus station; she wears her jogging bottoms and top and makes as quick time as she can. Turning a few corners she comes upon the station, a few old buses stand in it and wait for the passengers to climb aboard. She runs around looking for him, 2 out of 3 of the buses she checks until she spots him, sat on a bench a bag in his hand, he fingers a ticket. Buffy walks up casually and takes a seat beside him; she feels a few tears slide down her cheek,
"I was going to leave" He says out of the blue "Going to let you find someone better"
Buffy keeps herself in check at them words but a frown can be seen on her features, he looks at her and smiles.
"You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who you can love with no problems, I was right there ticket in hand, standing just short of the bus when it hit me."
He doesn't continue for a while, a tear runs down his cheek and falls to the floor below.
"If I got on that bus, if I left you" he speaks clearly with a deep sadness in his voice "If I even attempted to find a new life I'd die, I can't live without you now, not now that I've seen you again and touched your soft skin with my hand"
Buffy wipes her face and leans into him; he welcomes the head onto his shoulder and leans his onto hers.
"You know" Buffy says in reply "when we… When we couldn't find you I felt so helpless, you were out there hurting and it was my fault, you should hate me for not looking after you, I'm the slayer"
"Not just" he replies and kisses her on her hair "Your Buffy, with two arms and two legs, two eyes and two ears. You can only do so much"
"I knew that, somewhere inside me, I knew you didn't blame me, but I blamed me." She lets out a sob "I deserve someone like you because I love you"
Xander lets his arm encircle her and he pulls her into a gentle full hug before he kisses her on the forehead.
"Please…" She continues "Please don't leave me"
"You sure you want me, baggage and all?"
She smiles then leans up and presses her lips to his. Pulling back a larger smile in her face she answers "I wouldn't have you any other way"