I don't think I have to do a disclaimer- the Greek gods belong to anyone? If any of the named deities feel hard done by with my descriptions of their behaviour then if they e-mail me I will be happy to set the record straight ;)
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Dear Diary
Born today, thankfully. There is only so long you can stay cooped up in one place without getting bored out of your mind- or out of Zeus' mind, in this case! And let me tell you, the casing of dear Daddy might be nice, but the inside is the most sordid thing you have ever come across! When you are party to all his thoughts, and he happens to think about sex an awful lot, well....I have decided my New Life's Resolution is to be one of those virgin Goddess' I have heard so much about. All that messing about with sunbeams and swans, just think of the time and expense I will save!
When I came out there was a bit of a gathering- no one had any idea that I was about to be born, they just thought that father dear had a bit of a headache, and even then they thought it might be attention seeking. There was one reporter there though, luckily, so my birth was witnessed and recorded for posterity. The bloke did a small carving of it, I suppose that not many people will be very interested as, looking at the other gods around me, I must only have some small role to take, the good ones must all have gone to the other people who got here first. Maybe some selected assassination will be in order...
Anyway, life on Olympus is much better from the inside than the out. I think the other gods were a bit disturbed at my birth. Well, it is hardly my fault if they have never seen a fully grown and armed goddess pop out of her father's head, is it? My sister Aphrodite [also my cousin and sister-in-law, it is quite convenient] came to give me the, as she put it, low down on life as a goddess. From what I could make out from her endless stories of lovers, it seem as to come down to laying down a few rules, smiting the people who break them, and the rest you can do whatever you feel like with. Most of them seem to choose sex. I told Aphrodite of my plan to be a virgin goddess, you sort of shrugged but I suppose she put it down to childishness- after all, I am only a few hours old! I suppose though, either you'd have to go for a brother-and-cousin or a mortal, neither of which sounds that good to me. Aphrodite dragged me off to some party organised by Hestia for me- what a sad life that goddess must lead. Even I, the goddess of a few hours, does not have time to organise a huge party within the space of a few hours. Later on, I caught sight of Aphrodite pulling down our brother Ares behind the snack table, so I suppose I know where she stands on the virgin-goddess thing. Or, at that precise moment, lay down flat on her back at the whole issue.
By half-past eleven there was incest going on left right and centre, along with some crimes against nature- the human body should not be able to assume those positions! Bored, I went to have a little chat with Artemis. Big mistake. She is one of the most boring people I have ever spoken to- and I spent nine months inside a god's head talking to the earwigs! Artemis says that she is dedicated to being a virgin goddess, when it is painfully obvious that she is totally in love with Apollo- but it seems that even gods draw the line at marrying your twin brother. Whipped out my 'guide to goddessing for the modern woman' [written, or soon will be, by me] and wrote down my first rule
#1 always be hypocritical of other god's behaviour when it imitates your own, especially if their eternal happiness is involved
I think I will be needing that one a lot!
Well, that was my first night as a goddess- or even as an alive creature. I suppose tomorrow I will find out what my job is going to be- but do I want to know? Night!
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Is this just me being weird, or does anyone want me to continue it? I won't add another chapter until I have, erm, 5 positive reviews. So please review it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Diary
Born today, thankfully. There is only so long you can stay cooped up in one place without getting bored out of your mind- or out of Zeus' mind, in this case! And let me tell you, the casing of dear Daddy might be nice, but the inside is the most sordid thing you have ever come across! When you are party to all his thoughts, and he happens to think about sex an awful lot, well....I have decided my New Life's Resolution is to be one of those virgin Goddess' I have heard so much about. All that messing about with sunbeams and swans, just think of the time and expense I will save!
When I came out there was a bit of a gathering- no one had any idea that I was about to be born, they just thought that father dear had a bit of a headache, and even then they thought it might be attention seeking. There was one reporter there though, luckily, so my birth was witnessed and recorded for posterity. The bloke did a small carving of it, I suppose that not many people will be very interested as, looking at the other gods around me, I must only have some small role to take, the good ones must all have gone to the other people who got here first. Maybe some selected assassination will be in order...
Anyway, life on Olympus is much better from the inside than the out. I think the other gods were a bit disturbed at my birth. Well, it is hardly my fault if they have never seen a fully grown and armed goddess pop out of her father's head, is it? My sister Aphrodite [also my cousin and sister-in-law, it is quite convenient] came to give me the, as she put it, low down on life as a goddess. From what I could make out from her endless stories of lovers, it seem as to come down to laying down a few rules, smiting the people who break them, and the rest you can do whatever you feel like with. Most of them seem to choose sex. I told Aphrodite of my plan to be a virgin goddess, you sort of shrugged but I suppose she put it down to childishness- after all, I am only a few hours old! I suppose though, either you'd have to go for a brother-and-cousin or a mortal, neither of which sounds that good to me. Aphrodite dragged me off to some party organised by Hestia for me- what a sad life that goddess must lead. Even I, the goddess of a few hours, does not have time to organise a huge party within the space of a few hours. Later on, I caught sight of Aphrodite pulling down our brother Ares behind the snack table, so I suppose I know where she stands on the virgin-goddess thing. Or, at that precise moment, lay down flat on her back at the whole issue.
By half-past eleven there was incest going on left right and centre, along with some crimes against nature- the human body should not be able to assume those positions! Bored, I went to have a little chat with Artemis. Big mistake. She is one of the most boring people I have ever spoken to- and I spent nine months inside a god's head talking to the earwigs! Artemis says that she is dedicated to being a virgin goddess, when it is painfully obvious that she is totally in love with Apollo- but it seems that even gods draw the line at marrying your twin brother. Whipped out my 'guide to goddessing for the modern woman' [written, or soon will be, by me] and wrote down my first rule
#1 always be hypocritical of other god's behaviour when it imitates your own, especially if their eternal happiness is involved
I think I will be needing that one a lot!
Well, that was my first night as a goddess- or even as an alive creature. I suppose tomorrow I will find out what my job is going to be- but do I want to know? Night!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is this just me being weird, or does anyone want me to continue it? I won't add another chapter until I have, erm, 5 positive reviews. So please review it!