Dear Diary,
Well, I have finally managed to catch my breath, put my feet up and relax for the first time in a few years- although Hestia still complained that I don't put in enough hours at the office, weirdo. She's trying to convince Zeus to give out time cards where we have to punch in and out, abut as we're all actually really lazy none of us like this idea, so I got Hermes to fly them over the sea and drop them. Stupid idea. Even Zeus looked nervous, Hestia is the only one of us that ever does any real work, I think. Even my work is, at least at the moment, just a chance to go and have a look at little Odysseus.
Hmm, the dudes from Troy are having a bit of trouble getting home. A lot of it is their own fault...well, it's my fault directly, if you want to be petty, but it was their fault that I had to do it! It hurt me more than it hurt them...or possibly not, you never know. As they were going to leave Troy, Menelaus and Agamemnon got into an argument about whether they should make a sacrifice to me, to ensure good fortune and stuff. I think they should have done, as did Agamemnon, Menelaus didn't, with a confused expression pointing out that I really had nothing to do with the sea. Ok, so he is right but that is beside the point, I don't like people to talk like that, they might discover I am scared of uncle Poseidon and stuff...
Anyway, Menelaus and Helen decided to be really stupid and not make any sort of sacrifice to anyone upon leaving, which was just the stupidest thing ever, I hope that they knew that. They didn't seem to realise that this really was a bad thing, were all happy and talking about what they were going to when they got back to Sparta, and I thought that this was real cocky. They were saying they should take a holiday together where they could hang around and get to know each other again...in a great show of godlike temper at the pair of them, they got blown off course into Egypt. I reckon that seven years there should be a pretty good holiday, don't you? Helen actually looked quite pleased to be there, I suppose Sparta isn't the nicest of places, plus in Troy I think she got to hear about all the drugs that are available in Egypt...not that I have ever tried them [really, gods can't have stuff like that] but Menelaus looked fairly annoyed- I guess they guy spent ten years away getting his wife back, and then as soon as he does he can't get home! Not that I feel sorry for him or anything, I think...seven years there should teach him. or even if he learns after about two months, he can stay there for seven years as it will amuse me!
And poor Agamemnon, well, this one was nothing down to me, honest! There is only so much that a goddess can do, even if she rocks as much as I do. He got home to find that Clytemnestra has shacked up with a new bloke called Aegisthus. Now, not that this guy isn't nice or anything, but he is Agamemnon's cousin for a start! As soon as Agamemnon was away, Aegisthus moved in. Clytemnestra held out for a while, was the nice loyal chick she should be and everything, but then she got bored and lonely [I know how that feels at least!] so the dozy women went for Aegisthus, who is pretty much a catch, I have to admit. Certainly got more brains than Agamemnon, who upon arriving home after ten years assumed that nothing would have changed in the palace situation. Arrogance if you ask me, and you should as I am the goddess of wisdom and will know these things. And I know enough about men as well- I spent the first part of my life inside the head of one! Agamemnon called a big parade to welcome himself home, marched himself and his men into the palace without a second thought, not even 'why the hades is my cousin here, and what is Clytemnestra doing shoving that weapon down her dress?'. Although they were pretty bad about it, Clytemnestra and Aegisthus, they sat all the men down for a feast, and then to get them out of the way, simply attacked and massacred them all while the men were eating. Now, I'm the goddess of war, so I have seen a lot of dead men, killed for no reason and junk, but this sickened even me. Poor blokes. Clytemnestra didn't even have the respect to close Agamemnon's eyes or anything. Ok, he wasn't my favourite bloke, towards the end of Troy he and my Odysseus didn't really get along, but he really didn't deserve this. Zeus has ordered all the gods to tun their backs on Clytemnestra, and my little revenge is that by wisdom she will go down in history as the worst woman ever. She and Helen, what a pair- Ares was going past and called them the 'curse of the House of Atreus' and I think it might be the first thing he has ever said that made some sense, rather than making me want to hit him.
Odysseus had an even worse time getting home- well, he isn't even there yet! It's been three whole years since he left Troy, but now he's shacked up with some semi-goddess called Calypso..now, what does she have that I don't? Apart from actual availability, of course...for a diary you can be quite picky sometimes. Odysseus was allowed to leave Troy ok, but as soon as he nearly got home he got blown off course, which I don't think he was very happy about, to be honest. It has been a hard job keeping him alive for the past few years, I can tell you. In fact, so hard that I might take a little sleep now and tell you about the rest tomorrow. Promise.
~~~~~~
*winces* very bad I know....sorry, another more filler thing while I work on the next chapter more. Highly unrefined as it was written at some obscene hour in the morning during an insomnia attack.
Well, I have finally managed to catch my breath, put my feet up and relax for the first time in a few years- although Hestia still complained that I don't put in enough hours at the office, weirdo. She's trying to convince Zeus to give out time cards where we have to punch in and out, abut as we're all actually really lazy none of us like this idea, so I got Hermes to fly them over the sea and drop them. Stupid idea. Even Zeus looked nervous, Hestia is the only one of us that ever does any real work, I think. Even my work is, at least at the moment, just a chance to go and have a look at little Odysseus.
Hmm, the dudes from Troy are having a bit of trouble getting home. A lot of it is their own fault...well, it's my fault directly, if you want to be petty, but it was their fault that I had to do it! It hurt me more than it hurt them...or possibly not, you never know. As they were going to leave Troy, Menelaus and Agamemnon got into an argument about whether they should make a sacrifice to me, to ensure good fortune and stuff. I think they should have done, as did Agamemnon, Menelaus didn't, with a confused expression pointing out that I really had nothing to do with the sea. Ok, so he is right but that is beside the point, I don't like people to talk like that, they might discover I am scared of uncle Poseidon and stuff...
Anyway, Menelaus and Helen decided to be really stupid and not make any sort of sacrifice to anyone upon leaving, which was just the stupidest thing ever, I hope that they knew that. They didn't seem to realise that this really was a bad thing, were all happy and talking about what they were going to when they got back to Sparta, and I thought that this was real cocky. They were saying they should take a holiday together where they could hang around and get to know each other again...in a great show of godlike temper at the pair of them, they got blown off course into Egypt. I reckon that seven years there should be a pretty good holiday, don't you? Helen actually looked quite pleased to be there, I suppose Sparta isn't the nicest of places, plus in Troy I think she got to hear about all the drugs that are available in Egypt...not that I have ever tried them [really, gods can't have stuff like that] but Menelaus looked fairly annoyed- I guess they guy spent ten years away getting his wife back, and then as soon as he does he can't get home! Not that I feel sorry for him or anything, I think...seven years there should teach him. or even if he learns after about two months, he can stay there for seven years as it will amuse me!
And poor Agamemnon, well, this one was nothing down to me, honest! There is only so much that a goddess can do, even if she rocks as much as I do. He got home to find that Clytemnestra has shacked up with a new bloke called Aegisthus. Now, not that this guy isn't nice or anything, but he is Agamemnon's cousin for a start! As soon as Agamemnon was away, Aegisthus moved in. Clytemnestra held out for a while, was the nice loyal chick she should be and everything, but then she got bored and lonely [I know how that feels at least!] so the dozy women went for Aegisthus, who is pretty much a catch, I have to admit. Certainly got more brains than Agamemnon, who upon arriving home after ten years assumed that nothing would have changed in the palace situation. Arrogance if you ask me, and you should as I am the goddess of wisdom and will know these things. And I know enough about men as well- I spent the first part of my life inside the head of one! Agamemnon called a big parade to welcome himself home, marched himself and his men into the palace without a second thought, not even 'why the hades is my cousin here, and what is Clytemnestra doing shoving that weapon down her dress?'. Although they were pretty bad about it, Clytemnestra and Aegisthus, they sat all the men down for a feast, and then to get them out of the way, simply attacked and massacred them all while the men were eating. Now, I'm the goddess of war, so I have seen a lot of dead men, killed for no reason and junk, but this sickened even me. Poor blokes. Clytemnestra didn't even have the respect to close Agamemnon's eyes or anything. Ok, he wasn't my favourite bloke, towards the end of Troy he and my Odysseus didn't really get along, but he really didn't deserve this. Zeus has ordered all the gods to tun their backs on Clytemnestra, and my little revenge is that by wisdom she will go down in history as the worst woman ever. She and Helen, what a pair- Ares was going past and called them the 'curse of the House of Atreus' and I think it might be the first thing he has ever said that made some sense, rather than making me want to hit him.
Odysseus had an even worse time getting home- well, he isn't even there yet! It's been three whole years since he left Troy, but now he's shacked up with some semi-goddess called Calypso..now, what does she have that I don't? Apart from actual availability, of course...for a diary you can be quite picky sometimes. Odysseus was allowed to leave Troy ok, but as soon as he nearly got home he got blown off course, which I don't think he was very happy about, to be honest. It has been a hard job keeping him alive for the past few years, I can tell you. In fact, so hard that I might take a little sleep now and tell you about the rest tomorrow. Promise.
~~~~~~
*winces* very bad I know....sorry, another more filler thing while I work on the next chapter more. Highly unrefined as it was written at some obscene hour in the morning during an insomnia attack.