Dear Diary,
Well, since leaving Circe Odysseus had managed to have some more fun and games for us to manage, which is really nice of him. I am getting a bit sick of this to be honest.
Odysseus claimed the honour of being the first man ever to hear the call of the Sirens and survive, down to a little clever idea inspired by yours truly. He filled the ears of his men with wax, then explained that he wanted to be tied to the mast tightly, so that he could not get away, and if he were to struggle they were to tie him more tightly. Then he realised that with ears full of wax the men didn't have a clue what he was saying, so they removed it was he explained the plan again. Amazingly it actually worked out that way, the odds would suggest he would find some way to mess it up, but no, not a single dead man on his crew- I think he was a bit disappointed really, it breaks somewhat with his tradition. I think that the crew were somewhat confused though, and with good reason- this was without precedent, and they must have wondered just what Odysseus was playing at, what he was going to do to them in order to make up for the lack of death on the journey. I was rather confused too, and I usually know about everything that is going on!
Of the way to go, well, there really isn't much between any of the ways to go, people are going to die whichever. Odysseus did decide, however, that to face certain death with Charybdis or the crashing rocks was probably worse than facing six of his men dying with Scylla, one for each of her tentacle-things. Nasty creature. But this best of a bad three, as it were. Sailed past her fine, well...she grabbed six men who screamed as they went to a horrible death of being eaten alive, but they were past and would have been ok. But no, Odysseys decides that he should not sail past Scylla without mounting some sort of manly challenge on her, so he made the rowers stop while he out on his armour. Scylla ate all six men then looked down in surprise at the ship that was still there. So she grabbed herself some more dinner and looked really quite pleased about it too! I-D-I-O-T Odysseus!
Finally escaping that with some men alive [is it just me or did he look a little annoyed at that?!] and they landed on Hyperion's island, the sun god. Circe had warned Odysseus and his men not to eat the cattle on there if they wanted to get home in one piece. Eventually though they got too hungry and it took over them so much that when Odysseus fell asleep, they slaughtered some of the poor 'ickle cows and ate them. Needless to say Hyperion was not happy, and when you've annoyed two very important gods...well, you're done for really, not much else to say. Not much even I can do to help you, and if the goddess of wisdom doesn't know what to do then you know that there really isn't anything to be done.
So, Odysseus still set off hoping that Hyperion would somehow not notice some of his pets were dead, or perhaps that he would be kind and understanding about it. Being a goddess myself, I can tell you that neither of those scenarios are ever really going to happen. We're vengeful nasty people when we want to be, and we often want to be as we find it funny. But enough of that.
Poseidon whipped up a deadly storm once the men set off- and believe me, if there is one thing that uncle can do it's storms, the sort that really leave you cowering under your bed and praying [to yourself, yes] that it will all go away. Or is that just me? Shhh, I never said those things, you can't prove it! All Odysseus' men were killed, and he was left floating in the ocean for ages more. Eventually, he landed upon the island of Ogygia [why it could not have a sensible name I do not know], home of the nymph Calypso, daughter of Atlas who holds up the world. Now, she fell instantly in love with my little baby, and decided to keep him on her island for as long as she could- and this was fine by Poseidon and Hyperion, as while he is there he won't be at home, will he? They might have been slightly more annoyed if they had found out that calypso was offering to make Odysseus immortal, so they would have had to out up with him forever. Cute as he is, I don't think even I would want there- there are only so many people in the world, and he seems to have an uncanny knack for killing lots of them even by accident! Calypso claimed to him that she had no way of helping him on to Ithaka [liar!] and kept him there as her, essentially, her sex-slave.
By day he would sit on the beach, crying and sighing for his home; by night he slept with a goddess. Hmm, it's not such a bad life, it seems. I didn't ever go and visit him of course- I do not want to be reminded of what I can never have. For seven years he remained on the island, without any of the other gods raising a voice to help him. After all these years though I realised that he really should be getting home now, to his wife Penelope and his son Telemachus, who was only a baby when he left but by now must be, hmm, early twenties I suppose. Poseidon went to Ethiopia to receive a sacrifice, and I made my move to Zeus, asking him to send Hermes to order Calypso to let Odysseus go. Zeus agreed, again seeing I think that we had to do something, and better to make sure that Poseidon isn't there when you do....So Hermes went, and ordered Calypso to do this, and she eventually agreed, though not without having a rant about not being allowed to keep him as her plaything. Nymphs, all the same. She gave him tools to build a boat, and clothes and food for the voyage back to Ithaka.
Well, now comes the hard part where I get back to business, and I think that it shall be left to another day, farewell!
Well, since leaving Circe Odysseus had managed to have some more fun and games for us to manage, which is really nice of him. I am getting a bit sick of this to be honest.
Odysseus claimed the honour of being the first man ever to hear the call of the Sirens and survive, down to a little clever idea inspired by yours truly. He filled the ears of his men with wax, then explained that he wanted to be tied to the mast tightly, so that he could not get away, and if he were to struggle they were to tie him more tightly. Then he realised that with ears full of wax the men didn't have a clue what he was saying, so they removed it was he explained the plan again. Amazingly it actually worked out that way, the odds would suggest he would find some way to mess it up, but no, not a single dead man on his crew- I think he was a bit disappointed really, it breaks somewhat with his tradition. I think that the crew were somewhat confused though, and with good reason- this was without precedent, and they must have wondered just what Odysseus was playing at, what he was going to do to them in order to make up for the lack of death on the journey. I was rather confused too, and I usually know about everything that is going on!
Of the way to go, well, there really isn't much between any of the ways to go, people are going to die whichever. Odysseus did decide, however, that to face certain death with Charybdis or the crashing rocks was probably worse than facing six of his men dying with Scylla, one for each of her tentacle-things. Nasty creature. But this best of a bad three, as it were. Sailed past her fine, well...she grabbed six men who screamed as they went to a horrible death of being eaten alive, but they were past and would have been ok. But no, Odysseys decides that he should not sail past Scylla without mounting some sort of manly challenge on her, so he made the rowers stop while he out on his armour. Scylla ate all six men then looked down in surprise at the ship that was still there. So she grabbed herself some more dinner and looked really quite pleased about it too! I-D-I-O-T Odysseus!
Finally escaping that with some men alive [is it just me or did he look a little annoyed at that?!] and they landed on Hyperion's island, the sun god. Circe had warned Odysseus and his men not to eat the cattle on there if they wanted to get home in one piece. Eventually though they got too hungry and it took over them so much that when Odysseus fell asleep, they slaughtered some of the poor 'ickle cows and ate them. Needless to say Hyperion was not happy, and when you've annoyed two very important gods...well, you're done for really, not much else to say. Not much even I can do to help you, and if the goddess of wisdom doesn't know what to do then you know that there really isn't anything to be done.
So, Odysseus still set off hoping that Hyperion would somehow not notice some of his pets were dead, or perhaps that he would be kind and understanding about it. Being a goddess myself, I can tell you that neither of those scenarios are ever really going to happen. We're vengeful nasty people when we want to be, and we often want to be as we find it funny. But enough of that.
Poseidon whipped up a deadly storm once the men set off- and believe me, if there is one thing that uncle can do it's storms, the sort that really leave you cowering under your bed and praying [to yourself, yes] that it will all go away. Or is that just me? Shhh, I never said those things, you can't prove it! All Odysseus' men were killed, and he was left floating in the ocean for ages more. Eventually, he landed upon the island of Ogygia [why it could not have a sensible name I do not know], home of the nymph Calypso, daughter of Atlas who holds up the world. Now, she fell instantly in love with my little baby, and decided to keep him on her island for as long as she could- and this was fine by Poseidon and Hyperion, as while he is there he won't be at home, will he? They might have been slightly more annoyed if they had found out that calypso was offering to make Odysseus immortal, so they would have had to out up with him forever. Cute as he is, I don't think even I would want there- there are only so many people in the world, and he seems to have an uncanny knack for killing lots of them even by accident! Calypso claimed to him that she had no way of helping him on to Ithaka [liar!] and kept him there as her, essentially, her sex-slave.
By day he would sit on the beach, crying and sighing for his home; by night he slept with a goddess. Hmm, it's not such a bad life, it seems. I didn't ever go and visit him of course- I do not want to be reminded of what I can never have. For seven years he remained on the island, without any of the other gods raising a voice to help him. After all these years though I realised that he really should be getting home now, to his wife Penelope and his son Telemachus, who was only a baby when he left but by now must be, hmm, early twenties I suppose. Poseidon went to Ethiopia to receive a sacrifice, and I made my move to Zeus, asking him to send Hermes to order Calypso to let Odysseus go. Zeus agreed, again seeing I think that we had to do something, and better to make sure that Poseidon isn't there when you do....So Hermes went, and ordered Calypso to do this, and she eventually agreed, though not without having a rant about not being allowed to keep him as her plaything. Nymphs, all the same. She gave him tools to build a boat, and clothes and food for the voyage back to Ithaka.
Well, now comes the hard part where I get back to business, and I think that it shall be left to another day, farewell!