Disclaimer: It isn't mine, funny that.
Chapter 2: I Will Catch You (Lana).
I'm a bad person. Like truly evil. I'm at my boyfriend's father's funeral and all I can think of is how Clark kisses. I shouldn't think these things, I don't want to. Maybe, I never should have apologised for what I said under the Nicodemus. If we'd broken up then, maybe it would have been better.
Whitney has supported me for so long, I should be there for him. Sometimes I've caught him; watching me watching Clark. It's made me wonder if he knows it's coming. Other times I've wished I had the strength to just let him go, this can't be healthy for either of us. Now I have the strength, but I have to loan it to him to help him through these times.
I know what he's going through, my parents died, but I often wonder if he sees it the same way. Maybe, he thinks he has more to mourn, but he has years I never did. But, maybe that's it, he misses what was and I what might have been. If that's the case, I have more to mourn; my relationship with Whitney is not what it should be. We've never really bonded. I mean spiritually, of course, but even the sex was strangely out of place. For starters, we've only done it three times. It wasn't bad, and I wanted it, but each time it was like an actual accident.
The first time we did it was right after Clark told me about Whitney's problems in his barn. One minute we were talking, and the next we were making out, and somehow when things went further it we both felt it was right, we just didn't want to make a habit of it. The second time was after Whitney lost his scholarship and got involved with that weird gang. The third time was last night, I couldn't do anything for him, and so I slept with him. I don't suppose they're the most sensible reasons to sleep with someone, but I don't see myself regretting it. I wouldn't ever broadcast it, but I couldn't regret it. For a period of time, we were normal kids doing what they do. At first I was worried Whitney would tell, but he promised no one would ever know if I didn't want them to. The rest of the team tease him about being a virgin, he's probably the only one who isn't.
I'll stand by Whitney; look after him. Maybe I'll love him, if I just try hard enough. Maybe I'll care' if I just pretend enough. Maybe I won't want Clark, if I just stay away enough. Maybe Whitney will dump me, if I'm just lucky enough.