Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 3: I'll Be Waiting (Clark).
I feel bad about being here considering I didn't really know the man we're burying, but my friend needs me. It's weird to think of Whitney that way, as a friend. He's never been my number one fan; just as I've never been his, but I think that whole thing a few weeks ago brought us closer together. We'll never be best friends, but I'm here for him as much, if not more, than for Lana.
The only reason we've ever had to fight is starting to bring us together. I've stopped actively chasing Lana, and he's allowed her to go somewhat. We've finally stood back and let her make her own decision. From the way she looks at me I can see what it is, I wonder if he can too? I know now it can happen, but I don't know if it will, facing facts she won't leave Whitney for a while after this. He might let her go, but I doubt it, now is the time when he needs her most, if he dumps her they won't share the same relationship, even if they stay friends.
I feel bad about making eyes at her here, but I can't help it. Her good heart is one of her best features, and seeing her here doing the right thing makes me love her more. I'm sure Chloe would comment on the cliché of pining for someone in the rain at a funeral, but it doesn't make this any less difficult. I've watched her for years and she's never noticed, now she has and it's no better than before. Chloe would be an easy option, she'd give me time and care for me, but she wouldn't be Lana. I've started to see Chloe differently, but she's the girl you're friends with in high school because you don't see the true nature of her until later. Lex told me that love is about risks; well I'm willing to risk my friendship with Lana. It sounds dumb, I know, but I care about Chloe too much to have a relationship with her.
Lana is whom I should be with now, but if I screwed things up I could cope. Also, Lana has a lot less curiosity than Chloe, but then the proverbial cat probably had less than Chloe. My life is complicated enough with all these crazy people appearing all the time, Lana would provide respite, Chloe wouldn't.
I don't like funerals, I always feel like every time I go to one it's because I've failed someone. I wasn't quick enough, or strong enough, or good enough. For once, I know I've done my best, Mr. Fordman saw his son play with the Sharks, and I helped him as best I could. That's what scares me most, not what I didn't save people from, but what I couldn't.