TITLE: Shadows Of The Past
AUTHOR: Annabelle
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. I just like to write. Don't sue, please!
SUMMARY: Wesley's life always seem to be coming undone
DISTRIBUTION: FanFiction.Net, Wishing Hearts, Hello World: Fan Fiction Is Fun, anyone else please ask first
RATING: PG
WARNING: Very sad, but not evil Fred or evil Wesley at all.
THANK YOUS: Many times over to MeriBeth for the title and for some beta stuff.  Candace for being my twin and beta.  Huge big thanks to Jacquin who took the file and cleaned the whole thing up, and she doesn't even really like Gunn!

FEEDBACK: Lots of it please! Send to Annabelle_felicity@hotmail.com

Shadows Of The Past – Chapter 2: Finding You

by Annabelle

Gunn could feel his heart race.  Carefully he picked Deirdre up and took her to the round couch.  "Deirdre," he slapped her face lightly.  "Come on baby.  Wake up."

"Gunn," Lorne questioned him.

He looked up at the demon and Fred standing there.  His nightmare was coming true.  Fred was going to find out about everything.  Right now he couldn't think about any of that, the only thing that mattered was that Deirdre was hurt and he had to help her.  "Go get some water."

"I thought you said there wasn't any," Fred said.  She didn't look at him, instead focused on the fallen sodas.

"Then get something else," he growled.  "Deirdre wake up," Gunn slapped a little harder this time.  He had managed to sit himself down on the round couch and prop her up against his body.

"Oh," Deirdre moaned.  "I feel awful."

"Well you hit the floor pretty hard," Gunn told her.

"Gunn," she looked up at him.  "Oh god.  Gunn."

"Shh," he whispered.  "Just relax."

"Oh my god," her eyes were full of confusion.  Then they rolled back again and her body once more went limp.

Gunn almost threw his arms up but realized he couldn't because he would drop her.  "This is ridiculous!  Deirdre, come on now girl."  He moved her so that she was sitting on the couch with her head between her knees.

"Here," Lorne handed him a soda.  "Only thing we got besides it is tap water."

"Give it here," Gunn popped the soda and waited for Deirdre to wake up again.  "Come on baby girl," he rubbed her back.  "Wake up."

Fred heard it again.  This time she was sure of it, not like the first.  Slowly she slipped out of the lobby and started to head for the back staircase.  Tears were slowly forming in her eyes.  She took another step back and felt someone behind her.

"Fred," Angel turned her so that she was looking at him.  "What's going on?"

Fred sniffled.  "He called her baby," she managed to stammer out.

"Who called who baby?" Angel shook his head.

Fred started to tremble.  "I can't," she tried to stop the sob.  "I have to go."  She turned and started to run up to her room.

"Fred, wait," Angel called after her.  He went further into the lobby and saw Gunn sitting next to a woman who was slouched over.  "What's with Fred?  And who is that?"

"Deirdre apparently," Lorne said for Gunn who was still busy trying to bring around the young woman.

"Hmm," Angel saw the scene before him and it started to add up.  "Old girlfriend?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Lorne shrugged.

Then Deirdre moaned again.  "My head," she tried to sit up but someone was keeping her down.

"If I let you up you have to promise not to faint again," Gunn spoke.

"Gunn," Deirdre's voice went weak again.

"Yes it's me," he told her softly.  "Now will you please stop fainting?"

She nodded her head and felt him loosen his grip on her head.  Slowly she pulled herself up and kept her eyes closed.  When she was up right she opened them and saw before her a pair of brown eyes that she never thought she would see again.  A little gasp escaped her throat and she put her hand to her mouth.  "They told me…" she choked out.  "You're alive," she cried and flung her arms around him.  "Oh god you are alive.  How is this?  Everyone thinks…"

"What?" Gunn was in total shock.  Not only from finding out that Deirdre thought he was dead but also from the fact that she was holding him again.  Her scent filled his senses and he held her tighter to him.

Before she knew what she was doing Deirdre sprang away from him.  She took a good look at him and then at where she was.  "You," she stammered.  "You're a Vampire.  They turned you.  Oh god.  Oh god!"

"Deirdre," Gunn stood up and he started toward her but she backed away from him.  "Hold up a second."

"No, stay away from me," she screamed.  "I can't believe it.  Why didn't they tell me that you were turned?  Rondell said…"

"Rondell said what?" Gunn's eyes got dark.

"He said," she kept looking around, her eyes darting around the room.  "You went in before the others got there.  They found you and they didn't know, couldn't tell, so they had to, and when I got there it was too late, there were only ashes.  Why didn't they tell me?"

"Deirdre," Gunn held up his hands.  "I am not a Vampire and I am not dead."

She wanted so badly to believe him.  Every fiber in her body was telling her just to run to him.  "How can I believe you?" she looked at him with sad eyes.  "You are working for a vampire.  There is a demon here for crying out loud Gunn!"

"I'll prove it," he said, not really sure how.

"My bag," she pointed to it.  "There is a cross in there."

"You brought a cross," he looked at her.

"Well they told me there was a Vampire here," she shrugged.  "They just didn't tell me it was you."

"He's not a Vampire lady," Angel hissed at her.

Deirdre snorted, "You expect me to believe you?"

"If you didn't believe me," Gunn said the word me rather pointedly.  "You would have already been gone by now."  He turned and held the cross up and showed her.

A tear started to roll down her cheek.  Deirdre almost refused to believe it, but he was there standing in front of her and he was fine.  She took a step closer and looked at him.  "It's really you." her voice was so soft he could barely hear her.

"Yes," he smiled at her.  "It's really me."

"I thought you were dead," she sobbed a little.  "We all did."

"I'm not."

Deirdre took another step.  "You are here.  With me."

"Yes," Gunn could feel himself being pulled to her.  Her pain was his but also her joy.  All of the emotions that she was feeling, he could feel.

"Oh god," she ran to him to him and held him tight to her.

"You aren't gonna faint again," he chuckled.

Deirdre laughed through her tears and looked up at him.  "Oh yeah," her mouth inched closer to his.  "You're fine."

Before it happened he knew it was going to and he leaned into her voluntarily.  Her lips meet with his and for the first time in a long time he felt whole.  Gunn didn't notice the small figure watching him from the Mezzanine.  He didn't see her crumple to the floor or hear he painful sob, and neither did anyone for that matter.  They were all too busy gawking at the scene before them to notice a broken Fred crawl back to her room in tears, choking for air.

Slowly Fred pulled herself across the floor to her room and crawled into bed.  Her whole body ached all over.  The pain she had felt the other day when Charles had dumped her was nothing compared to this.  Fred wanted to run, she wanted to get away from all of this but she didn't have anywhere to go.  So instead she just lay there in bed letting her soul get torn away at and she did nothing to try to stop it.

***

After a few more moments Gunn realized what he was doing.  "Stop," he pushed Deirdre away.  "Stop."

"What?" Deirdre looked at him.  "Oh you are right."  She backed away and then her green eyes became dark.  "I forgot something."  She pulled back her hand and slapped him hard.

"Ow!" Gunn put his hand to his face.  "What did you do that for?!"

"Why did you let us all think you were dead?" she screamed at him.  "We mourned for you.  We had a funeral!  And you have been here this whole time, not once thinking that it would be a good idea to tell your own crew, family, that you were alive?"

"What are you talking about?" Gunn yelled back.  "Junior just called me two days ago.  Said he was going to New Mexico cause some rich chic was paying them to take out a Vamp nest."  Then he looked at her.  "Wait a minute.  That rich chic is you."

"Well," Deirdre crossed her arms in front of her.  "Yeah.  Someone has to provide for them."

"I wouldn't think you owed them or anyone anything after taking off and marrying the rich bastard you married," he hissed.

"Rich bastard," she totally taken aback.  "What rich bastard?  Cause if I am married to him, no one ever told me."

Gunn was about to go at her again but Lorne stopped him.  "Okay kids," he stood between them.  "There is obviously some major misunderstanding here.  So why don't we all just take a deep breath and try to figure it out."

"Deep breath?" Deirdre cried.  "I oughta kill him where he stands.  Leaving poor Alonna like that!  Do you know how much time I spent with her, how many hours we cried for you?  When you were here all the time!"

"What are you talking about?" Gunn growled back.  "I was the one crying on Alonna's shoulder over you."  He saw the shocked looks from Lorne and Angel.  "What?  She was the love of my life."

"Who obviously didn't mean that much to you since you didn't see fit to tell her that you were still alive!" Deirdre made a charge for him but Lorne held her back.

"Didn't mean that much?" Gunn scoffed.  "Didn't mean that much to me?  You were everything to me!  I even-"

"Okay," Angel held up his hands.  "Enough."

"What?" Gunn looked at him.

"Stay out of this," Deirdre hissed.

Angel approached her with a very serious look.  "Well now you see I would.  But Gunn is my friend and I would like for him to make it through the day in one piece."

"If I have my way you won't make it through the day in one piece," Deirdre spat.

"Real nice girl you got here Gunn," Angel glared at her.  "Real nice."

Gunn was torn but finally decided on something.  "Unless you got something to say Angel," he warned the Vampire not to pick on Deirdre.

"Well it's nothing really," Angel shrugged.  "Just that you are both telling the truth."

"What?"  Gunn looked from Angel then to Deirdre.  He couldn't believe it.

Deirdre shook her head.  "I am suppose to believe a Vampire?" she struggled a little against Lorne and he let her go.  "Yeah right.  Maybe in my next life time."

"No wait," Gunn stopped her.  "Deirdre who told you seven years ago that I was dead?"

"Rondell," She answered.  "But the whole crew knew about it.  They all helped me out, even Alonna."

He nodded at her.  "Rondell told me that you had left me.  He said that you went off to marry some rich guy cause you were scared about what your dad would do to me."  Then he added, "And the whole crew and Alonna helped me through it."

"But why would they?" Deirdre shook her head.  "No I don't believe it.  They are like my family.  They wouldn't do something like this to me.  You're lying."

"You don't believe me," Gunn threw up his hands.  "Fine.  Call Junior.  No wait.  Better yet.  I'll call Junior.  On the speakerphone, that way you can hear me talk to him and hear him talk to me like I am not dead."

"Okay," she nodded.  "Fine.  Do you need his cell phone number?"

"No," Gunn gritted his teeth.  "I know his cell phone number.  He gave it to me when he got it."

"You mean when I gave it to him," Deirdre hissed back.

"Did they just go from a joyful reunion to hating each others' guts?"  Lorne asked Angel as they watched the two approach the phone at the counter.

Angel nodded, "Pretty much."

"Alright," Lorne kept watching.  "I was just checking to make sure that I hadn't missed anything."

A strange smile crossed over Gunn's face.  Fighting with her like this was almost like old times.  Every couple fights, it is the making up later that counted, well every couple but him and Fred.  They only ever fought once, and it wasn't even real fighting, he was doing most of the yelling.  Carefully he punched the buttons and started to dial Junior's number.  "Maybe you should pull up a chair or something," he sneered.  "I wouldn't want you to faint again."

"Shut up and call," she muttered.  She waited impatiently while the phone rang.  In the back of her mind Deirdre knew what was going to happen.  Junior would pick up and answer Gunn like they had just seen each other two hours ago, proving that Gunn had been right.  They both had been played, but why was the real question.  The sound of Junior's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hey bro," Junior said over the speakerphone.  "I was starting to wonder about you.  I was worried that you were upset at me or something, cause I brought her up.  But I figured you could use the time off so."

"No Junior," Gunn spoke into the phone.  "I am not upset about that."  He looked at Deirdre whose face was a mix of pain and sorrow and he knew exactly how she felt.  "Not about that."

"Bastard," Deirdre yelled at the top of her lungs into the phone.  "You bastard.  I hate you!  I hate you!"  She made rush at the phone and it looked like she was going to start pounding it.  Gunn grabbed her and held her back as the tears flowed down her face.  "You bastard!  Why did you do it, why?"

"Deirdre," Junior gasped over the phone.  "Deirdre it isn't like that.  Let me explain."

"No," Deirdre struggled against Gunn.  "No, no, no!"

"Junior," Gunn spoke over the woman's sobs.  "I got to go now."  He clicked off the phone and held Deirdre against him.  "Shh," he stroked her hair letting her curl into him.  "It's gonna be okay, baby.  It's gonna be okay."

"I hate him," Deirdre cried.

"I know," Gunn sighed and held her tighter.  "I know."

Angel watched them.  They were drawing strength from each other he could feel it.  But at the same time he could feel someone else becoming weaker.  He looked around and saw Fred hiding in the shadows watching them.  It surprised him that she was standing there just taking everything in.  Fred's body seemed so much smaller at that moment and Angel could swear that she just kept making herself smaller.

"I just don't understand," Deirdre's voice brought back his attention.  She was sitting down in a chair now and Gunn was kneeling in front of her.  "What really happened that night?  I mean I got there and they told me you were dead."

"Do you remember what time it was," Gunn asked her holding her hands in his.

Deirdre shook her head.  "I don't remember much," tears still were coming down her face.  "I just remember Alonna taking me away and trying to get me to eat something.  I wasn't hungry.  She told me that I had to be strong.  That you would have wanted me to, but I couldn't be because losing you was like losing my whole world.  I even felt bad because it seemed to me that all of the attention, the condolences were coming to me and not to Alonna."

"I remember," Gunn said.  "It was about 11 at night.  I had been standing outside for probably a half an hour before I finally went inside and you weren't there."

"A half hour?" Deirdre looked at him.  "Why so long?"

"Because," Gunn paused.  He had to tell her, tell her everything.  "Because I had sold my soul so that we could be together and I didn't know how to tell you."

"No," a small shriek came from across the room.  Everyone turned to see a Fred back away from them towards the door.  "No," she said again, shaking her head.

"Fred," Gunn called out to her.  It was too late though.  Fred was gone.  It had taken her about half a second to dash out the door and Gunn almost went after her.  He couldn't though, Deirdre was there and she needed him, and his need for her was so great.  If someone asked him to explain it he wouldn't have been able to, but no matter how much his mind was yelling at him to go after Fred, his soul was yelling ten times louder to stay there with Deirdre.