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Chapter Two/////////////////////////////////////////
Hogan still smelled horribly of smoke, as he staggered into the barracks; the group gathered around him.
"I take it you were too late, Col?" Kinch asked. Hogan nodded, as he dropped down but the tables.
"Yeah, I blew it," he grumbled, "I shocked Schultz, and he smashed a bottle. That set of the rest, and well, you guys saw the results for your selves."
"Yeah," LeBeau said, "Carlson wasn't kidding when he said that stuff was highly unstable."
"So, what 'appened next?" Newkirk asked.
"Schultz got the blame, and now because of me, he's being sent to the Russian front!"
"Schultz?!?" They all cried out.
"Our Schultz is being sent to the Russian front?!" Newkrik said.
"Is there any other Russian front?" Kinch asked rolling his eyes.
"I think they have one in the Ukraine," Carter said. LeBeau smacked him on the head, while the rest just moaned.
"Hey," Hogan said, "We've got more pressing matter's to attend to at the moment, like how are we going to reverse Klink's decision?"
"Well, that will depend on how mad he was went he sent Schultz packing," Kinch replied.
"He looked pretty steamed, worse then when his promotion was turned down."
Newkirk whistled. "In the words of my Australian cousins, Colonel, you haven't got a hope in hell."
"Well, we'd better find one, if we want to save Schultz."
"Maybe, the replacement Sgt. won't be so strict?" Carter suggested.
"And maybe he will," Hogan said, "So what if we get a new kraut in here, how loyal to us has Schultz been?" The others shrugged. "How many times have we gone through, were Schultz could have turned us in, but he didn't?" Nobody answered. "We've saved Schultz from the Russian front many times before, we can do it again."
Just then, the barracks door was flung open, and Helga staggered in. "Colonel Hogan!" She cried out. She had a wet rag to her forehead that was slightly bloody, and here and there on her clothes, were the tell tale cuts and burses.
"Helga?" Hogan said, leading her over to their table, "What happened to you?"
"I was in the next room when Klink's office exploded. Luckily I heard your suggestion to jump out the window, and I took cover just in time." She looked down at herself, "However, I wasn't far away enough. Good thing for me, we Germans can build such strong desks or I wouldn't be standing here right now."
"Helga, where's Schultz at this very moment?"
"Colonel Klink took him in a transport truck to see General Burkhalter, to arrange his transfer to the Russian front."
"Hmm, Klink's not wasting any time on this."
"Why didn't he just arrange it from his office?" Carter asked.
"Because Schultz blew it to the eastern front, and if he's lucky, he might be able to return it to Klink and get his transfer cancelled," Hogan said sarcastically, before LeBeau could smack him again.
"So, what do we do, Colonel?" Kinch asked. Hogan sighed deeply.
"To be honest, Kinch, I have no idea."
***
Burkhalter stood just outside of what had once been Klink's office. Despite the fact that the fire had been out for nearly six hours, the building was still bellowing the same thick black smoke which seemed to go on and on into the heavens.
"And you say that a bottle of wine, did that?" Burkhalter muttered to Klink.
"It was a wine bottle," Klink said, "It was in a brief case with four other bottles, Schultz got it from Col. Hogan's room."
"Really!" Burkhalter said, sliding his eyes towards Klink.
"Now that you mention it, when Hogan came in, he seemed anxious about something. When Schultz smashed the bottle, the wine started sizzling on the floor, and Col. Hogan pushed us both out the window. If not for him, I wouldn't be standing here."
"So, Hogan knew what was inside that bottle?"
"Yes. I haven't talked to him about that yet, I haven't had the chance."
"Sounds to me like Nitro-Glycerine," said Burkhalter, as he turned to face Klink. "Tell me something Klink, that's if you can, how dose a prisoner of war, get his hands on Nitro-Glycerine?"
"The corner store?" Klink answered with a chuckle.
"Klink!" Burkhalter screeched, "I'm being serious!" Klink snapped to attention, as Burkhalter started slowly circling Klink. "The prisoners were obviously planing an escape of some sort. The way I see it, they paid of one of your guards to bring it in disguised as wine, while they use it as a diversion, and then make an escape."
"Yes, General Burkhalter," Klink agreed.
"There will be an investigation into this matter, to find out which guard gave them the Nitro-Glycerine, and were he got it from!"
"Yes, General Burkhalter," Klink agreed. Burkhalter saluted, and so did Klink, as he turned and left. "Uhh, General Burkhalter?" Klink asked.
"What?" Burkhalter mumbled.
"What are you going to do about my office?"
"What am 'I' going to do?" Burkhalter said, sounding shocked.
"You are the head of all POW camps in Germany, this sort of thing is your responsibility!" He chuckled slightly, before dropping of as Burkhalter's look turned sour.
"No, my dear Klink, this is your camp, it's your problem, not mine." He said, sarcastically.
"But… but… General Burkhalter?" Klink stammered, "How am I going to get this fixed? Where am I going to get the men and recourses to fix this building?"
"You have a whole camp of men doing absolutely nothing, you can use them, and as for the recourses," he smiled, that cool evil smile of his, "I think the necessary money can be taken out of the Camp petty cash fund."
"But… but… General Burkhalter?" Klink stammered, "I was saving that money for a trip to the alps next winter!"
"Then you'll have to go another time, but if your really desperate, there are plenty of booking openings in the resort by the Sea of Azov!" Klink quickly quieten down.
With that, General Burkhalter turned around and headed towards his staff car, but paused when a different staff car pulled in. The difference was that the new car was from the Gestapo. Burkhalter decided to stay a while and see what the Men in Black wanted with the Col.
***
"Car's coming!" announced sgt. Carter, peeking into Hogan's office.
"Any idea who?"
"Looks like Gestapo."
"Right. Tell Kinch, to go stand as close to them as possible. I want to know what they're talking about."
***
Burkhalter just rolled his eyes, as his ever-friendly Gestapo major got out. "Major, I demand to know what's going on!"
"The Gestapo does not reveal information to just anyone who asks, Herr General." Hochstetter snarled back.
"Major Hochstetter, tell me why you want to see colonel Klink at once!"
"Are you threatening an agent of the Gestapo?!?!?!?"
"Nonsense. However, it is my business to know what is happening with the officers under my command, now matter how insignificant they are."
"Very good, general. Come over here with me, and you can find out. By the way, you didn't hear about the epidemic going around those who tend to be in disagreeance with the Gestapo, did you?"
"What epidemic would that be?"
"Scarlet Fever!' Hochstetter snarled. Then marched boldly over to Klink. Neither of them noticed the black man standing over by the corner of the barracks, pointing a small listening device in their direction, holding a small black box, with an earpiece in his right ear.
"General Burkhalter! Major! How can I be of service?"
"Klink, the Gestapo always is in need of service, but not usually from you, thank goodness." Klink frowned at that. "Recently, during a major operation in central Poland, we were supposed to pick up a scientist who had the design of the newest alternate fuel source for the Rich. However, he fled before we could arrive. He is undoubtedly in the hands of the underground, who will send him off to London. We do not want him going to London."
"I see, Herr major, that is a problem indeed, but where do I come in?"
"Shut up, Klink. Some of our contacts have seen him in the area, and as it is known, the Gestapo never makes mistakes."
"Of course, Herr major. Anything you need!"
"Just your prisoners, Klink." Hochstetter said.
"My prisoners?" Klink said, confused, "Why do you need them?"
"That!" Hochstetter shouted, pointing towards the rising black smoke. "The new substance is called Gabou-Throim G, it's still being perfected, and at its present stage, it's highly unstable. When it experiences sharp sudden motion, and is exposed to air, it explodes. The description of the chemical reaction that destroyed your office, matches with the reactions that cause Gabou-Throim G to explode!"
"But major," Klink said, in a laughing manner, "how could my prisoners get a hold of an unstable fuel source?"
"That's what I intend to find out, Klink!" Hochstetter snarled, leaning closer to Klink. Klink lost his charm, and nearly fell over. Hochstetter then leaned back, and turned around to leave. "In the meantime, nobody will leave this camp!"
"Dose that include me, Herr Major?" Burkhalter asked. "Because if it dose, I will be forced to call my friend Himmler in Berlin, and…"
"General," Hochstetter hastily replied, "I did not mean for you to think that you were a suspect!"
"I though everybody was a suspect to the Gestapo, Major," said Burkhalter.
"Everyone except you, Herr General," Hochstetter said, forcing a smile.
"I hope so, for your sake, Major," Burkhalter snapped. "But Major, if you make one slip up, I will see to it that you will be searching for rats in sewers of Leningrad!" Hochstetter and General Burkhalter saluted each other. Then, not bothering to salute Klink, the General and the Major left, leaving the Colonel alone.
***
"Great. Just great!" Hogan muttered. Kinch had just returned, and told him the whole story. "First we lose Schultz, and now we have a case of the black plague."
"Oui, Col." LeBeau said, "What are we going to do now?"
"We need to get Carlson out of here, and that's going to difficult with the SS boys in town, not to mention that our one and only safety net is heading east for the winter."
"Don't forget that we've still gotta figure out a way to get 'Ol Klink to bring Schultzy home." Newkrik reminded him."
"I hate to admit it, Col." Kinch said, "But I think we've dug ourselves too deep this time."
"Yes."
"There's no way in heaven and hell it can be done," Newkirk said.
"Yes."
"We're kaput!" LeBeau said.
"Yes." Hogan replied.
"And here's how we're gonna do it!" They all chorused at the same time.
Hogan smiled. "Am I getting that predictable?" They all nodded. "We've been in this war far too long. But seriously, first things first. We take care of Hochstetter, then we save our resident Barrage Balloon from frost bite!"
"How are we gonna get rid of Hochstetter, Col?" Newkirk asked.
"Burkhalter, said that if he slips up just once, he'll be hunting rats in Leningrad, right?"
"Right."
"So we're going to give him a nice big rat to follow."
***
"No. NEVER. I will not let myself be captured by the Gestapo!" Hogan rubbed his eyes, and groaned. Carlson was proving to be more stubborn than usual.
"Look professor, we're not asking you to give your self up to the Gestapo, we just want them to see you, recognise you, and the clothes you're wearing. If not, they'll tear this place apart until they really do find you, and we'll be revealed and ruined."
"I thought you were going to get me to England!"
"We are. However, we need a way to get the heat down on us."
"What will you do after I am spotted by those animals?"
"Simple. They'll do what we expect them to do, chace you. We already have our own plans as to how to distract them, but all you have to do, is be spotted, then run to us. We'll move you back to our base, and with the Gestapo covering the town, that'll give us a chance to slip you away to the Underground."
"I refuse."
"You don't have a choice, you're going to have to trust me."
"I still do not like it." Carlson snapped, "Remember Col. It's your fault they're after me, if you hadn't lost my brief case, none of this would be happening.
"Thankyou for reminding me," Hogan replied, "But I'm doing my best to get you out of this situation. Now I'm sorry about your brief case, and getting you into this situation, but we don't have any other way."
Carlson sighed heavily. "What time is best for you?"
SOUTHERN UKRAIN…
The train had taken Schultz express all the way to Zaporozhye. Big Shot Klink waisted no time after his office blew up. That's what he got for being nice. If only he'd kept his nose out of Hogan's business he wouldn't be in this mess. If he ever got back, he'd let Hogan do what ever he wanted, from now on.
The train shuddered as it crossed the points into the city and the snow pilled up in big mounds of white across the window. Around him the other passengers rose and shook the creases from their clothes. To his left the young new-recruits with whom he had shared a compartment with, smiled their goodbyes to him; he stood up and help them with their duffle bags.
There was a hiss of steam and the train pulled into the station. Schultz opened the door, stepped down and looked around him. German soldier were everywhere, getting onto the train, leaving, or meeting those who'd just gotten off. Clutching his duffle bag, and his papers, he walked off to find a Sgt. Dieter Schmidt.
To his right, a short man – about the same size as Lebeau -- stood holding a sign that read, 'SCHULTZ, HANS.'
Schultz walked over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder. The man had light blond hair. He looked up at Schultz with disgust. "What do you want, Fatso?" He asked rather bluntly.
Schultz frond. "My name is not Fatso, I am Sgt. Hans Schultz." The man looked him up and down.
"Yeah, right," he sneered, "the man I'm looking for is supposed to be of top quality, the best the prison guards have to offer, that's what the report said, and you, my fat friend, don't fit that description."
"No, really," Schultz said, handing him his papers, "I am Sgt. Hans Schultz."
Schmidt grabbed the papers, and looked over them thoroughly. His eyes widened, as he looked up from the papers, to Schultz, and back to the papers. "You -- are Sgt. Schultz?!" He stammered.
Schultz struck a pose and smiled. "The one and only, top of the line, prison guard."
He dropped the papers, and clutched his cheques in horror. "God in Heaven," he cried out, "We truly are losing the war!"
***
"So, Hogan, we meet again!" Hochstetter smiled. He sat down in the chair, directly opposite Hogan. Two SS men with machine guns flanked Hochstetter as they sat in the barracks. Behind the SS men, was another man, doing something Hogan couldn't see.
"I guess this makes it, umm, what, the second time this month now, Major." Hogan smiled back.
"Tell me, Hogan," Hochstetter replied through his teeth, "Why is it, when ever the words sabotage, and unexplained arise, the word that immediately follows, is Stalag 13!"
"That's two words, not one," Hogan said cheerfully.
"By all means, Hogan, make jokes while you can," He snarled, "you will need all the humour you can when I'm through with you!"
"You've been through we me many times before, Major," Hogan said cheerfully, "And I still come out smiling,"
"May I remind you, Hogan, that we at the Gestapo always find results! Always!" He snarled, losing some of his good cheer. "We'll tare this whole camp apart until we find the answers we're looking for!"
"You're wasting your time," Hogan said crossing his arms, "He isn't here."
Hochstetter raised an eyebrow. "He?" He said, his smile returning, "I never said we were looking for anyone, Hogan." Hogan looked nervous.
"Opps," he said.
"Do you know more than you're letting on, Hogan?" Hochstetter asked.
"Hey," Hogan said defensively, "We don't have the professor's briefcase anymore!"
"Professor?!" Hochstetter cried out, standing up, "Briefcase!?" Hogan made a face and snapped his fingers.
"Dang! I'm just saying all the wrong things!"
Hochstetter walked right up to the Col. and leaned down towards him, almost touching his nose with his own. "All right, Hogan, talk! Where is he?"
"I won't talk, you'll never find Carlson." Hochstetter grinned, and turned to the man behind the SS guys.
"Did you get all that?" The man nodded, he was sitting at by a recording device. "Hogan, I have all that recorded. I have the evidence I need to shoot you, and your men for assisting the enemy!" He took out his pistol and pointed right at Hogan's head, "Now talk!"
Hogan gave Hochstetter a dirty look. "All right, you've twisted my arm." Hochstetter smiled, and put his gun away. "A few days ago, this polish guy came around, looking for assistance. We couldn't give him much help, however, because of our tough Commandant, it's impossible to escape, and so we were trying to get one guy out, to ruin his record, when Carlson showed up. We then decided that this guy really did need help, so we gave him false passports, and documents, plus some change of clothes, and a map of the town. We told him that he should take the next train out of town towards France, but he insisted on seeing someone in town first. Sounded like someone he cared about, said he'd stay a few days, not to look suspicious, then he'd leave."
"Where in town is he?" Hochstetter demanded.
"Don't know that entirely," Hogan said, "He said he'd be staying at the Hotel by the train station, in case he needed to make a hastily exit, but he never told us which room he was in."
Hochstetter quickly turned to the two SS men. "Ready the squad at once, we're leaving immediately!" The two men clicked their heels together and left, along with the recording man. Hochstetter then turned around to face Hogan. "Thankyou Hogan, you've finally given me the excuse I've always wanted."
"What excuse is that?
"The excuse to arrest, and shoot you for assisting the enemy!" Hogan looked shocked.
"But you said that you were going to let me go, if I told you everything." Hochstetter grinned, showing all his white teeth.
"You should know by now, Col. Hogan, never to trust the Gestapo!" Then he turned around and marched out the door. A few moments later, Carter, Newkirk, Kinch and Lebeau all entered the room.
"How did it go, Colonel?" Carter asked.
"Let's just say that the rat is sniffing the cheese," Hogan said, "Newkirk, did you go and put your hands were they don't belong?"
Newkirk reached into his coat, and pulled out a small black record disk. "Did you ever have any doubt in me, Colonel?" He answered.
"Yeah, Newkirk just hurried around the corner, bumped into Hochstetter's sound guy by accident, and switched the records." Kinch said, patting him on the shoulder.
"What did you guys give him? Hogan asked.
"One of your old records, sir." Newkirk said.
"Right, Hochstetter is heading into town, are you guys ready?" All four of them nodded.
"I made sure Hochstetter will be delayed," Carter said, holding up the knife.
"It'll take him a few minutes to replace all four tires, giving you guys a head start."
"The underground is waiting with the truck, just a few miles down the road from the camp, they'll take us to town, and the rest is up to us." Lebeau said.
"Our watches are all syncretised, sir." Kinch said.
"Then let's get going."
"Pardon my asking, Colonel," Newkirk said, "But what are you going to be doing now?"
"I'm going to get Klink to bring Schultz home."