MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TONIGHT'S EPISODE!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to David E. Kelly. I only own the girl telling the story.
Notes at the end
Did He Know?
Did he know, I wonder, that we loved him? Like a father, a brother, a friend and a teacher. He was all those things and much more to the students of the dungeon. He was truly a guardian, sent to watch over some of us, guide others. I strongly believe he was destined to keep us, to treat us with the respect we never received elsewhere. There was something in his eyes, his knowing smile. Something that made us know he really did care.
Perhaps he cared too much, but I wonder if that is really possible. Was it possible for a man with a heart as large as his to care too much? I don't think so. He was more than a teacher, he knew it and so did we but we never spoke of it. With a glance in the hallway, he could tell us all we ever need to know; that he would always be there to help us.
Did he know that his guidance was our flashlight when we were lost in the dark? That the thought of making him proud was the light at the end of our tunnel? The students of the dungeon knew that if they had a problem he would always be by their side. But did he know that if the situations were reversed, we would always be by his?
If he had ever needed us, we would have helped him in an instant, no questions asked. He taught us about love and respect, taught us to love and respect ourselves. That is an invaluable gift, something that we will never be able to pay back.
I know some of the teachers thought his methods were off the wall, unusual and definitely unstable, but he taught us well. They didn't see our lives everyday, but he did. He knew us inside and out and he did whatever he had to to reach us. The other teachers never understood us, but he did. He saved us.
We stand outside in a cemetery, the sky dark with clouds, thunder rumbling in the distance. It is appropriate, I don't think I could stand to see the shining sun tody. I think it would drive me insane to hear singing birds.
My heart aches and my throat it raw from crying. My eyes are swollen and a headache throbs in my temples, but I do not look away. Tears begin to stream down my face once more and they shock me; I didn't know there were any tears left to fall. Did he know that we would cry for him?
They walk past me, carrying the dark casket. I know he is inside and I wonder for a brief moment what death is like. Is he happy where he is now? I pray with everything inside of me that he is. He deserves peace more than anyone I have ever known. He deserves to finally rest after his fight to live. The fight he lost.
Teachers and students crowd the cemetery, tears on the faces of most. I am standing with the rest of the kids from the dungeon near the headstone, watching and waiting for the casket to be lowered inside. It is a beautiful, dark red wood and I want to touch it. I want to feel the box that will hold him for eternity. I force myself to keep my hand away and stare at it instead. It looks smooth and cool, comforting almost.
The casket is lowered and Kevin Riley is the first to step up to the edge of the grave. He is the first to throw dirt inside the deep hole. As the soft dirt leaves his fingers and thumps on the wooden casket, sobs overwhelm him and he has to be led away. It breaks my heart, knowing the friends he left behind. Did he know we would miss him like we do?
The crowd slowly disperses and soon only a few teachers and the kids from the dungeon remain. His grave is filled with dirt and the sod is replaced over the hideous mound. My teacher, my guide in life is buried there, sleeping peacefully, a white rose forever folded in his hands.
I hear an anguished scream and it startles me for a moment before I realize I am the one screaming. I fall on top of the sod, pounding angrily at it with my fist, then clutching helplessly at the headstone. The cool groves of the words slide under my fingers as I grasp at it and through my tears I can read the words that will never do the man justice.
"Harry Senate
1969-2002
The truest teacher there ever was"
How can they try to embody him in simple words on a stone? I don't understand. Did he know that no one would know what to write on his gravestone?
There are strong arms around me in an instant, a tear streaked face buried in my shoulder and instinctively my arms come up. Kevin Riley is sobbing with me, our bodies shaking angrily, my voice rising in a scream once more.
The others watch us, unsure of what to say and do. They try to understand, but I don't think they can. The only people who know what it's like are some of the other teachers and the students of the dungeon.
The moment is over and Kevin Riley slowly stands, looking down at me. He reaches for my hands and I stand up, trying to smile at him but failing miserably. He brushes the hair back from my face that has come out of my ponytail and swallows hard. He tries to speak, but can't and I nod, knowing what he wanted to say. He loved us both and with that we share a hurt that can't be described.
People begin to walk to cars once more and soon only his students are left. We stand together, staring at the grave and suddenly being to murmur.
"Do you remember when he brought the gun into class?" One girl asks and a chuckle ripples through us.
"Or the time he set up a video camera to catch the cheaters," another student adds.
"Remember when Sheryl Holt put up that video of him and Miss. Davis?" This comment receives a louder laugh as we recall the expression on his face that day.
"I thought they'd be together forever," one boy says.
Silence falls over us again and I feel the tears begin to form once more. Not wanting to cry, I turn and say, "Do you remember the way he looked at us? The way he taught us?" A shuddering sigh escapes my lips as I continue. "The way he loved us?"
Heads nod and I am encouraged. "He was the greatest man I have ever known. He changed my life. When I wanted to sell myself on the streets, he was there. He knew what to do and he made me a better person. It's because of him I am who I am today."
Students muttered their acknowledgement, agreeing that he has changed us all.
"I won't remember him with those words on his stone," I say. "I will remember Harry Senate as the best friend I ever had. He was everything to us and we will never forget him." I look around at my classmates, knowing he battled a different problem alongside every one of them. "Never forget what he taught us guys. Love yourself, respect yourself and take a look at the beautiful world once in a while. You never know what you might find."
Tears begin to fall again and this time I don't try to stop them. I turn back toward the grave and whisper, "I love you Harry Senate and I'll miss you. I'll never stop missing you."
Did he know, I wonder, how many lives he changed?
End
Notes: I don't read spoilers, so I don't know if Harry lives or dies. Please don't reveal the answer to me in any reviews. Thanks. This is just my release of all the anger I felt at watching him being stabbed. I needed an angsty piece and hey, if he dies, it totally could happen. Hope you enjoyed and please leave a review on your way out. :)
Disclaimer: Characters belong to David E. Kelly. I only own the girl telling the story.
Notes at the end
Did He Know?
Did he know, I wonder, that we loved him? Like a father, a brother, a friend and a teacher. He was all those things and much more to the students of the dungeon. He was truly a guardian, sent to watch over some of us, guide others. I strongly believe he was destined to keep us, to treat us with the respect we never received elsewhere. There was something in his eyes, his knowing smile. Something that made us know he really did care.
Perhaps he cared too much, but I wonder if that is really possible. Was it possible for a man with a heart as large as his to care too much? I don't think so. He was more than a teacher, he knew it and so did we but we never spoke of it. With a glance in the hallway, he could tell us all we ever need to know; that he would always be there to help us.
Did he know that his guidance was our flashlight when we were lost in the dark? That the thought of making him proud was the light at the end of our tunnel? The students of the dungeon knew that if they had a problem he would always be by their side. But did he know that if the situations were reversed, we would always be by his?
If he had ever needed us, we would have helped him in an instant, no questions asked. He taught us about love and respect, taught us to love and respect ourselves. That is an invaluable gift, something that we will never be able to pay back.
I know some of the teachers thought his methods were off the wall, unusual and definitely unstable, but he taught us well. They didn't see our lives everyday, but he did. He knew us inside and out and he did whatever he had to to reach us. The other teachers never understood us, but he did. He saved us.
We stand outside in a cemetery, the sky dark with clouds, thunder rumbling in the distance. It is appropriate, I don't think I could stand to see the shining sun tody. I think it would drive me insane to hear singing birds.
My heart aches and my throat it raw from crying. My eyes are swollen and a headache throbs in my temples, but I do not look away. Tears begin to stream down my face once more and they shock me; I didn't know there were any tears left to fall. Did he know that we would cry for him?
They walk past me, carrying the dark casket. I know he is inside and I wonder for a brief moment what death is like. Is he happy where he is now? I pray with everything inside of me that he is. He deserves peace more than anyone I have ever known. He deserves to finally rest after his fight to live. The fight he lost.
Teachers and students crowd the cemetery, tears on the faces of most. I am standing with the rest of the kids from the dungeon near the headstone, watching and waiting for the casket to be lowered inside. It is a beautiful, dark red wood and I want to touch it. I want to feel the box that will hold him for eternity. I force myself to keep my hand away and stare at it instead. It looks smooth and cool, comforting almost.
The casket is lowered and Kevin Riley is the first to step up to the edge of the grave. He is the first to throw dirt inside the deep hole. As the soft dirt leaves his fingers and thumps on the wooden casket, sobs overwhelm him and he has to be led away. It breaks my heart, knowing the friends he left behind. Did he know we would miss him like we do?
The crowd slowly disperses and soon only a few teachers and the kids from the dungeon remain. His grave is filled with dirt and the sod is replaced over the hideous mound. My teacher, my guide in life is buried there, sleeping peacefully, a white rose forever folded in his hands.
I hear an anguished scream and it startles me for a moment before I realize I am the one screaming. I fall on top of the sod, pounding angrily at it with my fist, then clutching helplessly at the headstone. The cool groves of the words slide under my fingers as I grasp at it and through my tears I can read the words that will never do the man justice.
"Harry Senate
1969-2002
The truest teacher there ever was"
How can they try to embody him in simple words on a stone? I don't understand. Did he know that no one would know what to write on his gravestone?
There are strong arms around me in an instant, a tear streaked face buried in my shoulder and instinctively my arms come up. Kevin Riley is sobbing with me, our bodies shaking angrily, my voice rising in a scream once more.
The others watch us, unsure of what to say and do. They try to understand, but I don't think they can. The only people who know what it's like are some of the other teachers and the students of the dungeon.
The moment is over and Kevin Riley slowly stands, looking down at me. He reaches for my hands and I stand up, trying to smile at him but failing miserably. He brushes the hair back from my face that has come out of my ponytail and swallows hard. He tries to speak, but can't and I nod, knowing what he wanted to say. He loved us both and with that we share a hurt that can't be described.
People begin to walk to cars once more and soon only his students are left. We stand together, staring at the grave and suddenly being to murmur.
"Do you remember when he brought the gun into class?" One girl asks and a chuckle ripples through us.
"Or the time he set up a video camera to catch the cheaters," another student adds.
"Remember when Sheryl Holt put up that video of him and Miss. Davis?" This comment receives a louder laugh as we recall the expression on his face that day.
"I thought they'd be together forever," one boy says.
Silence falls over us again and I feel the tears begin to form once more. Not wanting to cry, I turn and say, "Do you remember the way he looked at us? The way he taught us?" A shuddering sigh escapes my lips as I continue. "The way he loved us?"
Heads nod and I am encouraged. "He was the greatest man I have ever known. He changed my life. When I wanted to sell myself on the streets, he was there. He knew what to do and he made me a better person. It's because of him I am who I am today."
Students muttered their acknowledgement, agreeing that he has changed us all.
"I won't remember him with those words on his stone," I say. "I will remember Harry Senate as the best friend I ever had. He was everything to us and we will never forget him." I look around at my classmates, knowing he battled a different problem alongside every one of them. "Never forget what he taught us guys. Love yourself, respect yourself and take a look at the beautiful world once in a while. You never know what you might find."
Tears begin to fall again and this time I don't try to stop them. I turn back toward the grave and whisper, "I love you Harry Senate and I'll miss you. I'll never stop missing you."
Did he know, I wonder, how many lives he changed?
End
Notes: I don't read spoilers, so I don't know if Harry lives or dies. Please don't reveal the answer to me in any reviews. Thanks. This is just my release of all the anger I felt at watching him being stabbed. I needed an angsty piece and hey, if he dies, it totally could happen. Hope you enjoyed and please leave a review on your way out. :)