Title: Broken by the Rules of Love
Author: Elisabeth
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Rendezvous and 30 Years.
Disclaimer: I am a poor student, I have nothing to give you.
Feedback: Please!
Summary: S/V, Vaughn's POV mostly… Feelings and thoughts of the episode before and the finale and after….
Note: Cause he can't be dead, and I love Sarah Mclachlan Ooh and I paraphrased something from 'Say Anything'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weiss continued, "I know you genuinely care for her. I do, too. But there is a line that we have been sworn not to cross. We're about a mile past that."
Vaughn tried to think of another way, but he just couldn't, "I don't know how to be Sydney's handler without making it personal. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vaughn stood ready to leave as soon as he could, it hurt to be near her and not be close to her, "Do you have any questions about the mission?"
Sydney looked at him, she couldn't believe he was being so cold and business like. Like the way her father used to be with her. "No, I do not. Vaughn... what's going on?"
He tried to brush her off, tried to put on the stern face that his dad was known for, "Nothing. Do you have any questions?" He made sure his briefcase was closed.
"Yes. I want to know what's going on with you. You're acting not like yourself." He knew she would see through it, but he had to keep it up, it would be better for her if he weren't too emotional, for her safety, for her.
"I'm fine. But I should go. Good luck." And please forgive me, he thought
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No, you don't. You get to tell your friends that you work for the CIA while I go home and look desperately for a tiny moment that I can be honest with anyone about anything. Now that Will knows the truth... he's never going to trust me again. You should have seen his face in Paris. It was like he was looking at a stranger," Sydney let it all out.
He had to drop it to be her friend. He had to be more than just her handler, she mattered so much to him. It killed him not to be able to look at her in public or go to a stupid hockey game together. He knew the real her. "But he wasn't. He was looking at you. Maybe for the first time. He was looking at you." Vaughn couldn't help but think that maybe she would now confide in Will instead of him. That thought broke his heart. But if she chose not to confide in him, maybe it would be easier to not be attached. Still to know Sydney Bristow was to love her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They sat in the warehouse, their warehouse. He had told her about Will and what the CIA would be doing. He expected her to tell him her plan, what she wanted to do.
"You'll contact me if you hear anything." She said. She may be a great Spy but her could see through her lies. He stared at her with a hurt look on his face. "Vaughn?"
He asked her, "What's going on?" He hoped that she would tell him, he had to know what she was up to. Had he lost all her trust by being the company man.
Sydney looked at him, and she confidently said, "What do you mean?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He paced around Weiss' office, he could tell his friend anything, and he was always behind him with Sydney before. He knew his opinion had changed, but he was still his friend.
"I haven't known Sydney that long, but I feel like I have. Like I know her well enough to know that she just doesn't accept problems she tries to fix them." He exclaimed.
Weiss commented, "So you think she'll try to get her friend back using back channels."
"Maybe"
"Then why wouldn't she tell you?" Weiss questioned. But Vaughn knew he hadn't been her friend recently.
"The safe house was compromised. She doesn't exactly trust the CIA right now, would you?" Vaughn turned to his partner.
Weiss answered, "Trust is a tricky thing."
"What does that mean?" Vaughn said as he closed in on Weiss.
Weiss pushed on, "I think you need to fill Devlin in on what you think about Sydney"
Vaughn knew his answer and spoke with confidence, "Not a chance."
They screamed over each other's voices,"Michael."
"What on convection?"
"Do not let you concerns for Sydney get ahead of your responsibilities to the agency."
"That is not what I'm doing here." He wasn't letting his concerns for Sydney get in the way of his loyalty to the agency, he was letting his love for her do that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He saw her sitting on the bench in the train station, he wanted to sit right next to her and take her in his arms. But her safety was more important. So he sat in on of the seats behind her. He could feel the energy swirling in his stomach, like it always did when he was near her.
"Hi," he whispered.
Shocked she paused then whispered back, "Hi"
"How did you find me?"
He thought back to the time he spent driving around, "You told me a couple of months ago that when you feel the need to disappear you go to the observatory. But the observatory was closed, then I remembered you said the pier calms you down, but you weren't there. And you weren't at the Bluff Palisades either."
"You didn't really go to all those places?"
"Yeah I did. Then I remembered you like the train station, 'Normal people go to their normal jobs.'" He knew he would go anywhere for her.
"I can't believe you remember that." He knew of course that he would remember everything about her till the day he died.
"He's contacted you, hasn't he, Khasineau. And he wants the page. You're going to give it to him."
Sydney coldly said, "You came here to stop me."
"My father used to keep a diary. When I was a kid I used to say, 'Hey Dad, only girls keep diaries.' And he'd just...just laugh. He was a really good guy, my dad. He...a... But he was such a company guy. Whenever he slipped up, even in the slightest way, he took it so personally. There were a few operations, his last among them, that he questioned, operations he refused to participate in," he sighed then continued, "But only in his diary he'd write out what he wanted to say to the CIA director, things he could never say in real life. He was a company man and I loved him very much. But it killed him, never questioning orders, his blind devotion to the job. If you're doing what I think you're doing, I'm in, If you need me.
He could sense her emotion but when she spoke he heard her softly cry, "Thank you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most of the mission was a blur, he remembered Jack telling them what he knew, and Vaughn knew that he had found the mole. He remembered his telling him, "I understand the risks you're taking here. And you have my respect for that." He felt honored.
He also remembered the last words they heard each other speak. He had said, "Good luck" and she had replied, "You too." Then he was afraid for her, he had to save her. He ran down the white hallway. He saw her running with a huge wage chasing her. He was shocked, never thinking this would happen, it was suppose to be the size of a shoe. When she pulled him he knew to run. He ran as fast as he could, he didn't run as fast as he usually could because he had ran there. As the door closed he felt numb. He watched Sydney freeze, he wanted to yell for her to run. He felt the air being pushed by the water, when it hit him he took a breath of air. He felt like his body was being crushed by the weight. When he looked around Sydney was still there, he thought he was as good as dead, why was she still there. He saw men approaching her, he mouthed for her to go. But she didn't go she was trying to save him, trying to break the window with the something red. When they pulled her away he dropped to the bottom. As he dropped he thought, 'I love you.' And when she had looked for him he was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author: Elisabeth
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Rendezvous and 30 Years.
Disclaimer: I am a poor student, I have nothing to give you.
Feedback: Please!
Summary: S/V, Vaughn's POV mostly… Feelings and thoughts of the episode before and the finale and after….
Note: Cause he can't be dead, and I love Sarah Mclachlan Ooh and I paraphrased something from 'Say Anything'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Weiss continued, "I know you genuinely care for her. I do, too. But there is a line that we have been sworn not to cross. We're about a mile past that."
Vaughn tried to think of another way, but he just couldn't, "I don't know how to be Sydney's handler without making it personal. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vaughn stood ready to leave as soon as he could, it hurt to be near her and not be close to her, "Do you have any questions about the mission?"
Sydney looked at him, she couldn't believe he was being so cold and business like. Like the way her father used to be with her. "No, I do not. Vaughn... what's going on?"
He tried to brush her off, tried to put on the stern face that his dad was known for, "Nothing. Do you have any questions?" He made sure his briefcase was closed.
"Yes. I want to know what's going on with you. You're acting not like yourself." He knew she would see through it, but he had to keep it up, it would be better for her if he weren't too emotional, for her safety, for her.
"I'm fine. But I should go. Good luck." And please forgive me, he thought
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No, you don't. You get to tell your friends that you work for the CIA while I go home and look desperately for a tiny moment that I can be honest with anyone about anything. Now that Will knows the truth... he's never going to trust me again. You should have seen his face in Paris. It was like he was looking at a stranger," Sydney let it all out.
He had to drop it to be her friend. He had to be more than just her handler, she mattered so much to him. It killed him not to be able to look at her in public or go to a stupid hockey game together. He knew the real her. "But he wasn't. He was looking at you. Maybe for the first time. He was looking at you." Vaughn couldn't help but think that maybe she would now confide in Will instead of him. That thought broke his heart. But if she chose not to confide in him, maybe it would be easier to not be attached. Still to know Sydney Bristow was to love her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They sat in the warehouse, their warehouse. He had told her about Will and what the CIA would be doing. He expected her to tell him her plan, what she wanted to do.
"You'll contact me if you hear anything." She said. She may be a great Spy but her could see through her lies. He stared at her with a hurt look on his face. "Vaughn?"
He asked her, "What's going on?" He hoped that she would tell him, he had to know what she was up to. Had he lost all her trust by being the company man.
Sydney looked at him, and she confidently said, "What do you mean?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He paced around Weiss' office, he could tell his friend anything, and he was always behind him with Sydney before. He knew his opinion had changed, but he was still his friend.
"I haven't known Sydney that long, but I feel like I have. Like I know her well enough to know that she just doesn't accept problems she tries to fix them." He exclaimed.
Weiss commented, "So you think she'll try to get her friend back using back channels."
"Maybe"
"Then why wouldn't she tell you?" Weiss questioned. But Vaughn knew he hadn't been her friend recently.
"The safe house was compromised. She doesn't exactly trust the CIA right now, would you?" Vaughn turned to his partner.
Weiss answered, "Trust is a tricky thing."
"What does that mean?" Vaughn said as he closed in on Weiss.
Weiss pushed on, "I think you need to fill Devlin in on what you think about Sydney"
Vaughn knew his answer and spoke with confidence, "Not a chance."
They screamed over each other's voices,"Michael."
"What on convection?"
"Do not let you concerns for Sydney get ahead of your responsibilities to the agency."
"That is not what I'm doing here." He wasn't letting his concerns for Sydney get in the way of his loyalty to the agency, he was letting his love for her do that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He saw her sitting on the bench in the train station, he wanted to sit right next to her and take her in his arms. But her safety was more important. So he sat in on of the seats behind her. He could feel the energy swirling in his stomach, like it always did when he was near her.
"Hi," he whispered.
Shocked she paused then whispered back, "Hi"
"How did you find me?"
He thought back to the time he spent driving around, "You told me a couple of months ago that when you feel the need to disappear you go to the observatory. But the observatory was closed, then I remembered you said the pier calms you down, but you weren't there. And you weren't at the Bluff Palisades either."
"You didn't really go to all those places?"
"Yeah I did. Then I remembered you like the train station, 'Normal people go to their normal jobs.'" He knew he would go anywhere for her.
"I can't believe you remember that." He knew of course that he would remember everything about her till the day he died.
"He's contacted you, hasn't he, Khasineau. And he wants the page. You're going to give it to him."
Sydney coldly said, "You came here to stop me."
"My father used to keep a diary. When I was a kid I used to say, 'Hey Dad, only girls keep diaries.' And he'd just...just laugh. He was a really good guy, my dad. He...a... But he was such a company guy. Whenever he slipped up, even in the slightest way, he took it so personally. There were a few operations, his last among them, that he questioned, operations he refused to participate in," he sighed then continued, "But only in his diary he'd write out what he wanted to say to the CIA director, things he could never say in real life. He was a company man and I loved him very much. But it killed him, never questioning orders, his blind devotion to the job. If you're doing what I think you're doing, I'm in, If you need me.
He could sense her emotion but when she spoke he heard her softly cry, "Thank you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Most of the mission was a blur, he remembered Jack telling them what he knew, and Vaughn knew that he had found the mole. He remembered his telling him, "I understand the risks you're taking here. And you have my respect for that." He felt honored.
He also remembered the last words they heard each other speak. He had said, "Good luck" and she had replied, "You too." Then he was afraid for her, he had to save her. He ran down the white hallway. He saw her running with a huge wage chasing her. He was shocked, never thinking this would happen, it was suppose to be the size of a shoe. When she pulled him he knew to run. He ran as fast as he could, he didn't run as fast as he usually could because he had ran there. As the door closed he felt numb. He watched Sydney freeze, he wanted to yell for her to run. He felt the air being pushed by the water, when it hit him he took a breath of air. He felt like his body was being crushed by the weight. When he looked around Sydney was still there, he thought he was as good as dead, why was she still there. He saw men approaching her, he mouthed for her to go. But she didn't go she was trying to save him, trying to break the window with the something red. When they pulled her away he dropped to the bottom. As he dropped he thought, 'I love you.' And when she had looked for him he was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~