((Hellow, people! This is my favorite chapter so far, and it's rather long, so enjoy!))
*Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started chasing after you*
Boromir glanced across the table at Kara. She wasn't looking at him, aside from an occasional glance. To all appearances she was engaged in a conversation with Legolas. He was telling her how lembas was made. Their speech was cluttered with Sindarin. The words falling off her tongue made a musical chiming sound. It reminded Boromir of a fresh breeze blowing away stale air. Every now and then a hint of a smile would aim itself at him. Boromir reeled. So many false grins had been hurled at him from across ballroom floors at palace functions, so many false lines handed to him on a platter, probably whispered tips from a mother eager to have her daughter wed. Kara, conversely, shunned any falseness.
He had thought, when they first met, that she was just one wall after another. Now he saw nothing more than different parts of her personality coming to the fore as they were needed. She had no more walls than Gimli had table manners.
*I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto*
Kara was a study. Every action she made broke patterns set by humanity. He knew she had gone through pain and torment to become who she was, but Boromir saw no bitterness about her. The struggles were just another part of life, and they had served their purpose. With every word she spoke, every action she took, every thought she expressed, Boromir fell in love with her all over again.
*I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you*
From time to time, Aragorn cast an apprehensive look, first to Boromir, then to Kara. The message was clear. "I warned you to stay away from her. Now look what you've done." Boromir forced his expression to be calm and steady. He did not feel guilty for his actions, and he would not recant them. The only one that would persuade him to back away, to leave off his pursuit, was Kara. Only a direct order from her to go away would dissuade him. Until then, there was no option. He would not move.
*Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely Incomplete*
The party left Lothlorien all too soon. There was a general air of unfinished business, of not wanting to leave. Boromir scarcely noticed. Kara was there. Though he scarcely dared to touch her or even speak to her in the presence of the fellowship, she made the almost painful seperation bearable. The heaviness that had seemed to posess her after Gandalf's death was held at bay now. She worked with a purpose, taking an almost motherly attitude toward the others.
As they rowed along in the little boats provided them, Kara sang or spoke softly, sometimes pulling the others into it. She even persuaded Gimli to teach them a dwarfish song or two. For a time, his deep bass and her soft, clear soprano harmonized. The hobbits improvised little dances in their seats while Legolas and Aragorn watched with delight.
When they camped, Kara remained nominally busy. Boromir worked beside her as much as he could. Every so often the wind would shift or she would turn her head quickly and he would catch the scent of her hair. When that happened he would stop what he was doing for just a moment and watch her. Kara would glance at him, face full of tenderness and love. Her deep eyes caressed his face, bringing to his mind images of far away places that existed only in the depths of a dreamworld. Then she would glance away, go back to her task, silently pleading for him to stay close to her. Boromir gladly obliged.
Sleep came quickly that night. The only goodnight he was able to offer Kara was a longing look across the blazing camp fire between their two paletts.
Hours later, he awakened to the sound of soft humming. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The stars above him were faded, but the moon still shone brightly. Kara knelt next to him, her eyes fixed immovably on the horizon.
"How long have you been there?" Kara stirred, looked down at him, and smiled sweetly.
"Not too long. It's a lovely night." Boromir sat up, then noiselessly stood, offering his hand. Kara grasped it. Her little fingers were cold. Boromir drew her upright, then clasped her hands in his. Kara pulled in a deep breath and rested her forehead on his shoulder. Her loosened hair fell and brushed against his forearm. Boromir smiled and tucked it behind her ear.
*I'll take your invitation
You take all of me*
Arm in arm, they slipped away from the campsite into the woods, seeking out a clearing where they could watch the sunrise. Few words were exchanged. Their mood rendered conversation useless. Boromir had all he could do just drinking in her presence, looking at her without fear of others seeing. As soon as a clearing was found, Boromir turned her to face him and clamped his hands gently on her arms.
"Hold still." He whispered softly, voice fervent with desperation. Kara blinked questioningly, but complied calmly, without a word. Gently, Boromir reached up and stroked the edges of her face.. Over the soft skin of her neck, down her shoulders and arms, he took in her features like a man dying of thirst. He breathed in her scent deeply, watched her eyebrows knit and her eyes pool with tears.
Before they could spill onto her cheeks, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing each eyelid. Her breath brushed against his face as she sighed, then leaned closer to nuzzle her way into his chest. Boromir clasped her softly, scarcely daring to hold her any closer for fear that she would dissolve like a dream.
Then he felt her turn her head, rest her cheek against his shoulder. He followed the direction of her gaze out to the east horizon. It was dark, but still they watched together in silence.
Then the sun broke over the horizon. Its beams hit them warmly. Kara shuddered with a force that made Boromir pull her closer, would have made him worry had it not been followed immediately by a giggle.
*I'm living for the only thing i know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go*
Too soon, the sun was up and they heard distant sounds of the camp rousing. Boromir sighed and whispered softly,
"You had better go back, Calad Aur. I'll gather some firewood, then follow you." She nodded, and he pulled her closer for a lingering kiss.
Then she was gone. Her pattering footsteps faded into the forest. Boromir smiled and set about gathering an armload of firewood.
As soon as he stepped out of the trees into the camp he knew something was wrong. Though the hobbits tramped about jovially and Gimli and Legolas shared something akin to banter, Kara's singing was painfully absent. She was hunched over the fire, eyebrows knit, tears falling into the ashes she stirred.
Boromir started toward her, but his way was blocked by Aragorn. The look on the Ranger's face made Boromir want to hit him. He wasn't sure how, but Boromir knew the other was responsible for Kara's tears.
"Come with me." Aragorn muttered quietly. Boromir paused for a moment, then moved to follow him.
*I don't know what I'm diving into
I'm hanging by a moment here with you*
They walked until they were out of earshot from the rest of the camp. Then, abruptly Boromir turned and drilled Aragorn with a glare.
"What did you say to Kara? Why was she crying?" Aragorn sighed. shaking his head.
"I told her not to leave the others again. Nothing more."
"Then why was she crying?"
"Kara is perceptive. Perhaps she guessed what I was about to do."
"Which was?" Aragorn regarded Boromir's irked face for a moment.
"Forbid her to be alone with you any more." Boromir tensed.
"...Who are you to forbid her to do anything?" Aragorn sighed again.
"Boromir, be reasonable, please. You know as well as I do that she isn't equipped to handle the role she has with the Fellowship, let alone the feelings she has for you. Even if you are absolutely sure of what you are doing, she is not. If she is simply responding to the emotions she senses from you....Boromir, that isn't love, that's servitude."
Boromir flinched as if he had been struck. Aragorn's eyes immediately registered regret at his words. He did not try to retract them, knowing that would only make it worse. With a slow nod, Boromir turned on his heel and walked slowly, sedately away from Aragorn.
*There is nothing else to lose
There is nothing else to find*
Boromir walked for a long time---he lost consciousness of just how long. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. When he came to himself, even partially, he was face-to-face with Frodo. A kind of burning madness posessed Boromir, control ripped away from him. Before he knew it, he was fighting, pulling, grabbing at the little hobbit. Unwarranted feelings of hatred and jealousy dug into him.
Then he was left alone, face buried in the leaves, sobbing with remorse over his own actions. It was as though a monster had taken hold of him, and now left him to pick up the shattered peices of his honor.
Out of the fog of his tears, he felt small hands grasping onto his shoulders, shaking him, heard a beloved voice breaking through his guilt. Boromir clenched his teeth, pushing her away.
"Leave me. Please. You don't know what I've become."
"Boromir..."
"I'm a monster...You've no idea what I'm capable of..."
"Boromir..."
"Just leave me alone...I'm a..."
"BOROMIR! SHUT UP!" Boromir jerked, then fell silent. Kara held his face between her hands with a grip of surprising strength, forcing him to look at her.
*There is nothing in the world
That could change my mind*
"I saw, Boromir. I saw everything that happened. Boromir, it wasn't....LISTEN TO ME!" Kara shook him as his eyes began to fill with tears.
"It wasn't your fault! The power of the ring turns the purest of souls into black shreds. You know as well as I do how it nearly corrupted Bilbo, who didn't even know what power it held. Even Frodo isn't immune. You were about to break down as it was. The ring saw an opportunity to get back to its old master, and it seized it! It has nothing to do with how strong you are, or how good you are. You are still Boromir, still a good man, and I still love you, now more than ever." Boromir reached up and grasped her wrists, gently prying her hands off her face. His jaw clenched to stop the trembling. Tears still streamed from his eyes.
"...How can you still love me?" Kara's eyes were alight with gentleness. Her tears mingled with his.
"You have to ask?"
*There is nothing else*
They sat in the woods for a moment. Kara held Boromir tightly, stroking his hair. Boromir slowly forced himself to calm down.
Then, without warning, Kara yelped and tensed. Boromir sat upright and looked at her. Her face was twisted, her eyes filled with fear.
"Something's coming. We have to get back to camp."
"Are you sure?" Kara grimaced and pulled the neckline of her tunic down just a little. Beneath the fabric, her mark glowed with white-hot intensity.
Boromir scrambled to his feet, pulling Kara with him. She ran with such speed Boromir had difficulty keeping up. Long before they reached the camp, they heard sounds of battle, saw the black shadows of things too horrible to name. Boromir put his horn to his lips and sounded. Still he ran at Kara's heels. The last vestiges of morning light shone on their backs.
*Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started chasing after you*
*Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started chasing after you*
Boromir glanced across the table at Kara. She wasn't looking at him, aside from an occasional glance. To all appearances she was engaged in a conversation with Legolas. He was telling her how lembas was made. Their speech was cluttered with Sindarin. The words falling off her tongue made a musical chiming sound. It reminded Boromir of a fresh breeze blowing away stale air. Every now and then a hint of a smile would aim itself at him. Boromir reeled. So many false grins had been hurled at him from across ballroom floors at palace functions, so many false lines handed to him on a platter, probably whispered tips from a mother eager to have her daughter wed. Kara, conversely, shunned any falseness.
He had thought, when they first met, that she was just one wall after another. Now he saw nothing more than different parts of her personality coming to the fore as they were needed. She had no more walls than Gimli had table manners.
*I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto*
Kara was a study. Every action she made broke patterns set by humanity. He knew she had gone through pain and torment to become who she was, but Boromir saw no bitterness about her. The struggles were just another part of life, and they had served their purpose. With every word she spoke, every action she took, every thought she expressed, Boromir fell in love with her all over again.
*I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you*
From time to time, Aragorn cast an apprehensive look, first to Boromir, then to Kara. The message was clear. "I warned you to stay away from her. Now look what you've done." Boromir forced his expression to be calm and steady. He did not feel guilty for his actions, and he would not recant them. The only one that would persuade him to back away, to leave off his pursuit, was Kara. Only a direct order from her to go away would dissuade him. Until then, there was no option. He would not move.
*Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely Incomplete*
The party left Lothlorien all too soon. There was a general air of unfinished business, of not wanting to leave. Boromir scarcely noticed. Kara was there. Though he scarcely dared to touch her or even speak to her in the presence of the fellowship, she made the almost painful seperation bearable. The heaviness that had seemed to posess her after Gandalf's death was held at bay now. She worked with a purpose, taking an almost motherly attitude toward the others.
As they rowed along in the little boats provided them, Kara sang or spoke softly, sometimes pulling the others into it. She even persuaded Gimli to teach them a dwarfish song or two. For a time, his deep bass and her soft, clear soprano harmonized. The hobbits improvised little dances in their seats while Legolas and Aragorn watched with delight.
When they camped, Kara remained nominally busy. Boromir worked beside her as much as he could. Every so often the wind would shift or she would turn her head quickly and he would catch the scent of her hair. When that happened he would stop what he was doing for just a moment and watch her. Kara would glance at him, face full of tenderness and love. Her deep eyes caressed his face, bringing to his mind images of far away places that existed only in the depths of a dreamworld. Then she would glance away, go back to her task, silently pleading for him to stay close to her. Boromir gladly obliged.
Sleep came quickly that night. The only goodnight he was able to offer Kara was a longing look across the blazing camp fire between their two paletts.
Hours later, he awakened to the sound of soft humming. Slowly, he opened his eyes. The stars above him were faded, but the moon still shone brightly. Kara knelt next to him, her eyes fixed immovably on the horizon.
"How long have you been there?" Kara stirred, looked down at him, and smiled sweetly.
"Not too long. It's a lovely night." Boromir sat up, then noiselessly stood, offering his hand. Kara grasped it. Her little fingers were cold. Boromir drew her upright, then clasped her hands in his. Kara pulled in a deep breath and rested her forehead on his shoulder. Her loosened hair fell and brushed against his forearm. Boromir smiled and tucked it behind her ear.
*I'll take your invitation
You take all of me*
Arm in arm, they slipped away from the campsite into the woods, seeking out a clearing where they could watch the sunrise. Few words were exchanged. Their mood rendered conversation useless. Boromir had all he could do just drinking in her presence, looking at her without fear of others seeing. As soon as a clearing was found, Boromir turned her to face him and clamped his hands gently on her arms.
"Hold still." He whispered softly, voice fervent with desperation. Kara blinked questioningly, but complied calmly, without a word. Gently, Boromir reached up and stroked the edges of her face.. Over the soft skin of her neck, down her shoulders and arms, he took in her features like a man dying of thirst. He breathed in her scent deeply, watched her eyebrows knit and her eyes pool with tears.
Before they could spill onto her cheeks, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him, kissing each eyelid. Her breath brushed against his face as she sighed, then leaned closer to nuzzle her way into his chest. Boromir clasped her softly, scarcely daring to hold her any closer for fear that she would dissolve like a dream.
Then he felt her turn her head, rest her cheek against his shoulder. He followed the direction of her gaze out to the east horizon. It was dark, but still they watched together in silence.
Then the sun broke over the horizon. Its beams hit them warmly. Kara shuddered with a force that made Boromir pull her closer, would have made him worry had it not been followed immediately by a giggle.
*I'm living for the only thing i know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go*
Too soon, the sun was up and they heard distant sounds of the camp rousing. Boromir sighed and whispered softly,
"You had better go back, Calad Aur. I'll gather some firewood, then follow you." She nodded, and he pulled her closer for a lingering kiss.
Then she was gone. Her pattering footsteps faded into the forest. Boromir smiled and set about gathering an armload of firewood.
As soon as he stepped out of the trees into the camp he knew something was wrong. Though the hobbits tramped about jovially and Gimli and Legolas shared something akin to banter, Kara's singing was painfully absent. She was hunched over the fire, eyebrows knit, tears falling into the ashes she stirred.
Boromir started toward her, but his way was blocked by Aragorn. The look on the Ranger's face made Boromir want to hit him. He wasn't sure how, but Boromir knew the other was responsible for Kara's tears.
"Come with me." Aragorn muttered quietly. Boromir paused for a moment, then moved to follow him.
*I don't know what I'm diving into
I'm hanging by a moment here with you*
They walked until they were out of earshot from the rest of the camp. Then, abruptly Boromir turned and drilled Aragorn with a glare.
"What did you say to Kara? Why was she crying?" Aragorn sighed. shaking his head.
"I told her not to leave the others again. Nothing more."
"Then why was she crying?"
"Kara is perceptive. Perhaps she guessed what I was about to do."
"Which was?" Aragorn regarded Boromir's irked face for a moment.
"Forbid her to be alone with you any more." Boromir tensed.
"...Who are you to forbid her to do anything?" Aragorn sighed again.
"Boromir, be reasonable, please. You know as well as I do that she isn't equipped to handle the role she has with the Fellowship, let alone the feelings she has for you. Even if you are absolutely sure of what you are doing, she is not. If she is simply responding to the emotions she senses from you....Boromir, that isn't love, that's servitude."
Boromir flinched as if he had been struck. Aragorn's eyes immediately registered regret at his words. He did not try to retract them, knowing that would only make it worse. With a slow nod, Boromir turned on his heel and walked slowly, sedately away from Aragorn.
*There is nothing else to lose
There is nothing else to find*
Boromir walked for a long time---he lost consciousness of just how long. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. When he came to himself, even partially, he was face-to-face with Frodo. A kind of burning madness posessed Boromir, control ripped away from him. Before he knew it, he was fighting, pulling, grabbing at the little hobbit. Unwarranted feelings of hatred and jealousy dug into him.
Then he was left alone, face buried in the leaves, sobbing with remorse over his own actions. It was as though a monster had taken hold of him, and now left him to pick up the shattered peices of his honor.
Out of the fog of his tears, he felt small hands grasping onto his shoulders, shaking him, heard a beloved voice breaking through his guilt. Boromir clenched his teeth, pushing her away.
"Leave me. Please. You don't know what I've become."
"Boromir..."
"I'm a monster...You've no idea what I'm capable of..."
"Boromir..."
"Just leave me alone...I'm a..."
"BOROMIR! SHUT UP!" Boromir jerked, then fell silent. Kara held his face between her hands with a grip of surprising strength, forcing him to look at her.
*There is nothing in the world
That could change my mind*
"I saw, Boromir. I saw everything that happened. Boromir, it wasn't....LISTEN TO ME!" Kara shook him as his eyes began to fill with tears.
"It wasn't your fault! The power of the ring turns the purest of souls into black shreds. You know as well as I do how it nearly corrupted Bilbo, who didn't even know what power it held. Even Frodo isn't immune. You were about to break down as it was. The ring saw an opportunity to get back to its old master, and it seized it! It has nothing to do with how strong you are, or how good you are. You are still Boromir, still a good man, and I still love you, now more than ever." Boromir reached up and grasped her wrists, gently prying her hands off her face. His jaw clenched to stop the trembling. Tears still streamed from his eyes.
"...How can you still love me?" Kara's eyes were alight with gentleness. Her tears mingled with his.
"You have to ask?"
*There is nothing else*
They sat in the woods for a moment. Kara held Boromir tightly, stroking his hair. Boromir slowly forced himself to calm down.
Then, without warning, Kara yelped and tensed. Boromir sat upright and looked at her. Her face was twisted, her eyes filled with fear.
"Something's coming. We have to get back to camp."
"Are you sure?" Kara grimaced and pulled the neckline of her tunic down just a little. Beneath the fabric, her mark glowed with white-hot intensity.
Boromir scrambled to his feet, pulling Kara with him. She ran with such speed Boromir had difficulty keeping up. Long before they reached the camp, they heard sounds of battle, saw the black shadows of things too horrible to name. Boromir put his horn to his lips and sounded. Still he ran at Kara's heels. The last vestiges of morning light shone on their backs.
*Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started chasing after you*