Author's Note:

Hiyee, minna-san! So how's my fic going, huh? I really hope that all of you like it. And if any of you are wondering, this is an angsty fic with a happy ending. Of course, if you agree with that, if not, maybe I'll change it?. And no, the conclusion isn't near yet. Also, this fic would be written in Megumi's point of view (mostly). Maybe only a little of Sano or Sayo here and there, when the time calls for it.

If any of you know any good Sano & Megumi fics or Aoshi & Misao fics (the longer the better!), please send an email or leave it in the review section to let me know. (Most probably ones outside FanFiction.net) Arigatou!

Without Akai Kuu, the ever generous beta-reader, there'd be a lot of past-present tense errors here. So go thank her too!

Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai X so don't sue!

===== denotes a flashback

~*@@@*~ denotes another scene

Wasn't That Love?

By: g3ozLizh

Chapter 4

It took a few seconds for Megumi to register in her mind that this was Sagara Sanosuke, the man that she was forbidden to love, and now hated. With that thought, she jerked away from his hold and took a step back, glaring at him through tired eyes.

Sano still couldn't help but be amazed that even though Megumi's eyes looked puffy, the fire inside still continued to burn. "Sorry." He muttered, taking his hands off her and stuffing them in his pockets.

Even with those quick movements, Megumi was able to detect that indeed, his hand had healed… a little. Maybe with just a few more weeks and continuous application of the ointment --- Stop that! She shook her head mentally. He has someone to take care of that for him, remember? Just think about others who need more of your care --- who deserve my care and attention. She was quickly reminded of the reason of her going out of the clinic. Then she realized that the container of food wasn't in her hands anymore --- rather, on the ground.

Sano noticed this and quickly bent to pick it up.

"You don't need to do that." Came Megumi's voice, calm yet cold.

Sano paused halfway and listened to what she has to say next. When she didn't say anything, he resumed picking the spilled dish.

"I said leave those things. Who would benefit from them now anyway? They are all spoiled."

Sano pretended not to hear and gathered them in his arms, not minding sticky liquid dripping down his arm. He straightened up to look at Megumi in the eyes but found that she wasn't even glancing at him. Her eyes bored to nothingness, a blank expression in them. It gave no emotion and Sano wondered if he only imagined seeing that burning amber in her eyes just a moment ago. He didn't know how to react to this. This was not the Megumi he knew. Even though he was dreading having a fight with her, he still wanted to engage in a verbal spar, if only to be assured that Megumi still hadn't lost her spirit. So, trying his luck, he said, "I'll just bring this to your place right now." Yup, just the right tactic to intimidate Megumi. It always annoys her to no end for someone to pretend that nothing major was happening, as if everything was okay and normal, especially if it involved her feelings.

But luck must have deserted him for Megumi just turned around and started walking back to the house. "Just leave them on the sink, the one at the back of the house."

Sano followed behind, dumbstruck to the way Megumi was turning out. Sure, was good that they weren't bickering anymore, he would have been glad if this happened at any other time, but not now. Megumi was taking long strides, contradictory to the tiredness that seemed to emanate from her body.

When they arrived at Megumi's, Sano quickly went to the back part of the house and dumped the dishes in the trash can. He just realized that they were all broken anyway. To think that even Megumi hadn't noticed! Very much certain that Megumi was not herself, he summoned all his courage and the dignity he had left (he was the reason that made her go through this in the first place). He marched in to have a talk with the lady doctor.

It just dawned to Megumi at how tired she really felt and realized the pointlessness of arguing with Sagara minutes before. If he wanted to act that way, fine! The hell she cared. Her life was already in tumbles as it was, more than she herself could handle; She's not about to jump into another fray with that rooster-head just so that she could cry herself out later about it. Hell, she'd been trying to forget him, to not have anything to do with him. She had gone directly to the dining room where she absentmindedly grinded and smashed some of the medicinal herbs. Pausing, she asked herself what kind of medicine she was making. She thought for a moment but finding no answer, she just shrugged her shoulders and continued working.

That was the time when Sano entered the room. He saw the way Megumi was staring into space and the smashed herbs scattered on the table. This was worse than he thought. Not only was Megumi so not-Megumi, she was also making herbs that might actually poison rather than cure her patients.

He stood just a few feet away from her. "What are you doing?"

Megumi smirked slightly but from afar, her face seemed to still be expressionless. She still did not look at Sano. "I'm making some medicine, to make up for my lost time."

"No you're not."

Megumi kept on grinding. "Oh?" She flicked her hair back, as if challenging Sano to say more. "Then tell me, Sagara, maybe you know? You know these kinds of things, right? I mean, you've studied to ---"

"I don't need to undergo anything to pinpoint that what you're doing right now isn't making medicine." Sano couldn't believe what he just heard. He knew that Megumi is aware of his illiteracy and even Yahiko had teased him about it in more than one occasion. But to actually hear it from Megumi, and in such a nasty manner…

Megumi let out her breath in a rush, trying to give Sano a hint that she was not interested in what he had to say and that he could just leave right now.

Sano just stared at Megumi, hard, as if trying to will her to look up at him, or to allow him to see right through her head. When she started to hum, nonchalantly as if no one was there but her, Sano had had it. He purposely marched toward her and grabbed her, almost roughly, by the arm, making her stand up and face him.

"What are you doing?! Let me go!" Megumi tried to wrench her arm from Sano but the latter proved to be very strong.

"Listen to me, Megu --- hey stop that!" He had to restrain her with both his hands to keep her in place.

"Let GO!!" She pushed Sano away with all her weight. Sano took a few steps back, merely. "What's wrong with you?! I didn't ask for you to stay, you can leave right now!" Fire burned in her eyes.

Well, she hasn't lost her spirit alright. Sano thought bitterly. "Megumi, would you try to be reasonable today?"

"Ohohoho. Look who's talking? And what's with this reasonable crap? For what?" She rubbed her sore arms from Sano's grip. He noticed this and was greatly sorry, but now was not the time for asking forgiveness.

Sano exasperatedly gestured with his hands. "Just look at yourself! I --- "

"Well, thanks for noticing my appearance. That's very thoughtful of you. Remind me to note you as one of my --- "

Or maybe it is the time. "You know very well that that's not what I'm trying to say here." Sano's expression changed from troubled to almost serene. "Please, Megumi. A lot of people are expecting you to be… not in this state." Sano finished lamely.

Megumi narrowed her eyes. "Why not ask yourself why I'm like this?" Her voice dropped by a pitch. Tears were threatening to spill but she kept her ground.

"Megumi, you know how you still mean so much to me, you've been caring for my wounds for --- "

"Huh? So that's why you're doing this!" She took a step forward. "Why? Sayo solely can't take care of that for you?" She knew that Sayo could, much as she hated to admit it. "Am I really of diminutive significance in your life?" It was bad enough that Sano couldn't flat out say that he loves her, let alone treat her as just… that. "Just some doctor who makes a fuss every time you get yourself cut. Is that all I am to you? Oh, before I forget, I just happen to be a woman too, who's…" She couldn't say it. Not when he was in denial. What happened the night they confronted was just… He was just faking it, to give her what consolation there may be. She smirked. Some consolation!

Sano heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm not the only one who needs you --- "

She was not going to lose to him. Not anymore. She wouldn't let herself. No matter what ensues, whatever lingering feelings there may still be… it's just not fitting anymore. "Oh, so that's what you're trying to get at. You're concerned about my professional life? Well, let me tell you this: I'm doing fine. You're less one of the many burdens that I have, thank you."

"I'm not talking about you being a doctor here." Sano was already losing patience and he had up to here with Megumi's attitude. But he would stay, no matter what, for her own sake.

"Then just get the hell out! If it's not about my being a doctor that we're arguing here, then I don't see the point of this!" She poked Sano hard right on the chest with her finger. "May I remind you that we are just on the professional level now. You don't have any right to butt in in my personal life."

"I do 'cuz I'm part of it!"

She scoffed. "Excuse me? Maybe you forgot what happened or who you're supposed to be with now. Can't you see? I'm trying to make it appear as if you'd never come into my life!"

"What about the friendship we had?" He was desperate now. Anything to hold on to to what's left of their non-existent --- according to her --- relationship. "You're that shallow?" God! Not that. I never should have said that.

"Shallow? Shallow?! God damnit, Sano!" This was the first time she uttered, well screamed to be precise, his name in the whole argument --- if you could still call this an argument. "Have I got no reason enough to break any ties with you even if it's friendship? What do you want me to do every time I see you with her? Do you just expect me to smile and act like everything's all right?!" She paused to control her breathing… and her raging heart. She was about to add something but decided against it so she just closed her mouth. "I'm just human. Don't expect me to live up to your expectations as the strong woman." She said more softly this time. She was really on the verge of breaking down --- again. How much more of this could she take?

Sano softened. He could now really see the vulnerability behind the cold mask. He reached out for her hand but she swiped him away. Sano let his arms drop to his sides. Right now, he was having a sense of déjà vu. "Megumi, please. If you're only willing to take me back…"

Oh, god, yes. Her heart screamed. But her mind --- Megumi vigorously shook her head. "No." She turned her back to him. C'mon. Her heart urged. Let him know, even just a little… "Even if I want to --- " There!

At this, Sano held her by the arms and made her face him. He stared down at the pools of water ready to fall down her cheeks. His heart broke just seeing her like this.

Megumi coul;d just stay this way for all eternity. Even though she felt like hating Sano for the rest of her life, she couldn't deny the security and love she felt every time she was in his arms. Megumi was about to tell Sano that they should just drop the whole thing. She was beginning to think, maybe Sano had a point when he suddenly said, "Then there's no problem."

The nonchalance in his voice, as if what they are battling their hearts out was just like deciding who was going to pay for tonight's dinner, made Megumi realize the wrongness of it once again and that Sano still hadn't gotten into his thick head the graveness of what he had done.

Megumi pushed him away. "Are you blind or something?! Have you got no feelings?! Can't you see what you're trying to make me do?" How can Sano be so insensitive? She thought disbelievingly. Was he asleep the whole time this thing happened? "For god's sake, Sano! You got a girl pregnant and you're just expecting me to be cool about it?"

"I swear to you, Megumi. I don't remember anything that happened between me & Sayo the night I was drunk --- " He stopped immediately, the things he had just spoken sank in. He was drunk that night, he was sure of that but what he couldn't be sure of was what had happened after that. His brow furrowed remembering something. Magnolia scent… Oh, shit! He cursed, as reality sank in once more.

Megumi must have sensed comprehension absorbing in. "Thinking, Sano?"

Sano could barely look at her in the eye anymore but he did raise his head, slowly.

"Yes, you were drunk! And what better to lose yourself into. You let yourself get lured…" She finished silently, …when you knew how much I wanted you. She hastily wiped the tears away with her fingers that just trickled down her pale cheeks. "Please, just leave." She felt so tired.

Sano stared at her, determination still in his eyes. I won't let you go, Fox. I will never… Telling himself that he could come back to talk to her again… He then quietly turned and left.

She leaned back against a wall, watching him going out the door. A very tiny ironic smile crept to her chapped lips. Just like what happened. But I think… this is the final goodbye.

Author's Notes:

Well, now. That took almost all my brain cells out. I really want it to appear that as if they're really on the verge of totally not speaking to each other --- of forgetting. But I also want it to portray that beneath the cold exterior, there are still the flames… OF PASSION!!! Oopsy-poo! I'm so corny! Ehehehe…

And yeah, sorry if I don't reply to your emails most of the time… ^,^ But do email me.