Title: Things Are Going To Change
Author: Israfel
Rating: PG
Summary: Set after "Entropy" and "Seeing Red." Spike's POV.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related materials are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Please don't sue me, I have no money.
I ripped my soul out for them. But no, it's never enough. Nothing is every enough. I take my blood and my sweat and thrust them into my work, waiting in childlike wonder with wide open eyes. But instead they rip me up one by one. Cannibals. They eat me alive by not even seeing who I am.
I took a piece of my heart and invested it into that, and what do I earn? Nothing. I am beneath their notice. I am the dirt on which they step on. No, not even that to them. I am the bacteria on the dirt. No one notices the bacteria.
Love? Bah. I was off my bleeding rocker if I ever thought that love existed. Human beings are a big sack of flesh and bones brought together to bring about misery on all other lifeforms, including themselves. God, look how messed up they are. Half the time they lie to themselves, and the other half of the time they lie to others. "I love you," she says. Fuck me, she thinks. "I love you too," he says. I'm thinking about your best friend, he thinks. Forget the whole lot of them.
What's the whole point of it? Humans think that demons are the greatest evil in this world, but we aren't even half the monsters humans are. Look at them. Oh, they may not look as dangerous what with their pretty looks and their innocent appearances, but I've known humans. Known them my entire life and unlife. Most humans aren't two faced, though. Nah, they're much worse than that. So many faces, each merging into each other that you can't even keep track. Hell, at least that sorceror guy that turned the Watcher into a demon that one time…damn, I knew his name earlier. Ethan Rayne, that's it! Well, that Ethan bloke, at least he was honest about being two faced. This guy even openly worshiped chaos. How's that for honest dishonesty? But no, people can't even bother to be honest about their dishonesty nowadays.
Humans, not demons, have committed some of the greatest travesties this planet has seen. I was there for two world wars. In each of those I saw humans, not demons, take people who out of their homes and force them to fight in far off lands where they faced certain death with outdated techniques. I saw human beings forced off to camps of torture where they were starved, tortured, used in bizarre medical experimentation, beaten, and killed if they were lucky. Then their bodies were made into lampshades or candles or soap. All this for being part of some other religion. Demons are evil, people say. All of them deserve to be destroyed. Yeah, well I say what about you? If being a demon means being damned, then humankind bloody well better get on the wagon for their crimes.
Cruelty and compassion mixed into one body. That's what makes them so dangerous. Oh come on, haven't you wondered why demons suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth after millions of years of being here first? It's because humans came into the picture. Human beings were the new evolution of killers. They learned to kill right off, and they did it well. But they had learned a new trick: show compassion to the enemy survivors. It gave them an indispensable camoflauge whereupon not one could tell whether all humans were demon haters or if they truly sympathized. And when humans band together, watch out. They're even more deadly.
But then came the Slayers. Made it turn into a whole buggering "good versus evil" battle. Had to make it look like they weren't killing for the sake of ridding their enemies. I look at it and see that the lesser of the two evils at the time won. "Survival of the fittest" as Charles Darwin said. I met the man once. Let me tell you, that man knew how to keep a person interested. 'Course, he was an old man by the time I got to him. The fellow knew what he was talking about, though. I had a hard time getting him out of my teeth when I was done.
I'm certainly not the fittest vampire anymore. I was Spike! William the Bloody! Doesn't that count for something? Dru and I cut a path paved with blood throughout our travels, scarring the land and leaving screams in our wake. So why am I still surviving?! I should be ashes on the wind at the point. Bloody Slayer. She ruined me, you know. I was the slayer of Slayers. I should have killed her and been done with it. But she kept getting the better of me. Why? Why did I have to fall in love with her?
Oh, I knew I was in trouble the moment I realized I loved her. I was doomed. Drowning, and I didn't want to stop. Because to stop would mean I would have to give her up, and dying because of her would at least mean I'd have her with me. I despise myself now, though. The little bit turned me into this, not Buffy. Oh, Buffy may have instigated it, but Dawn was the real fiendish mastermind behind the plan. Turned me into some pansy ass wanker, poisoned me with her foolish thoughts on love and righteousness. Turned me into something – someone – I'm not.
How can I know who I am if I don't even know what I am? Monster or man, it doesn't matter anymore. William was beneath Cecily, and I've turned into that wanker once more. Bloody hell. How could I have not seen it? They say history repeats itself, and apparently they're right. But that doesn't mean I'm going to take this anymore. Come now I'm turning a leaf. No more William or Spike. No, I'm done with those phases of my life. It's time for another.
Stupid chip. A small bit of wires and silicon inside my head is keeping me from finding my true path. Well you know what? This blasted thing is coming out. I don't care what those Initiative doctors said! I'm finding a way to get this out if I have to lop my head off to find it. And then they're all going to see me. Things are going to change.
"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"
Rot in hell, Sunnydale! And when I come back, things are going to change.
Author: Israfel
Rating: PG
Summary: Set after "Entropy" and "Seeing Red." Spike's POV.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related materials are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Please don't sue me, I have no money.
I ripped my soul out for them. But no, it's never enough. Nothing is every enough. I take my blood and my sweat and thrust them into my work, waiting in childlike wonder with wide open eyes. But instead they rip me up one by one. Cannibals. They eat me alive by not even seeing who I am.
I took a piece of my heart and invested it into that, and what do I earn? Nothing. I am beneath their notice. I am the dirt on which they step on. No, not even that to them. I am the bacteria on the dirt. No one notices the bacteria.
Love? Bah. I was off my bleeding rocker if I ever thought that love existed. Human beings are a big sack of flesh and bones brought together to bring about misery on all other lifeforms, including themselves. God, look how messed up they are. Half the time they lie to themselves, and the other half of the time they lie to others. "I love you," she says. Fuck me, she thinks. "I love you too," he says. I'm thinking about your best friend, he thinks. Forget the whole lot of them.
What's the whole point of it? Humans think that demons are the greatest evil in this world, but we aren't even half the monsters humans are. Look at them. Oh, they may not look as dangerous what with their pretty looks and their innocent appearances, but I've known humans. Known them my entire life and unlife. Most humans aren't two faced, though. Nah, they're much worse than that. So many faces, each merging into each other that you can't even keep track. Hell, at least that sorceror guy that turned the Watcher into a demon that one time…damn, I knew his name earlier. Ethan Rayne, that's it! Well, that Ethan bloke, at least he was honest about being two faced. This guy even openly worshiped chaos. How's that for honest dishonesty? But no, people can't even bother to be honest about their dishonesty nowadays.
Humans, not demons, have committed some of the greatest travesties this planet has seen. I was there for two world wars. In each of those I saw humans, not demons, take people who out of their homes and force them to fight in far off lands where they faced certain death with outdated techniques. I saw human beings forced off to camps of torture where they were starved, tortured, used in bizarre medical experimentation, beaten, and killed if they were lucky. Then their bodies were made into lampshades or candles or soap. All this for being part of some other religion. Demons are evil, people say. All of them deserve to be destroyed. Yeah, well I say what about you? If being a demon means being damned, then humankind bloody well better get on the wagon for their crimes.
Cruelty and compassion mixed into one body. That's what makes them so dangerous. Oh come on, haven't you wondered why demons suddenly disappeared from the face of the Earth after millions of years of being here first? It's because humans came into the picture. Human beings were the new evolution of killers. They learned to kill right off, and they did it well. But they had learned a new trick: show compassion to the enemy survivors. It gave them an indispensable camoflauge whereupon not one could tell whether all humans were demon haters or if they truly sympathized. And when humans band together, watch out. They're even more deadly.
But then came the Slayers. Made it turn into a whole buggering "good versus evil" battle. Had to make it look like they weren't killing for the sake of ridding their enemies. I look at it and see that the lesser of the two evils at the time won. "Survival of the fittest" as Charles Darwin said. I met the man once. Let me tell you, that man knew how to keep a person interested. 'Course, he was an old man by the time I got to him. The fellow knew what he was talking about, though. I had a hard time getting him out of my teeth when I was done.
I'm certainly not the fittest vampire anymore. I was Spike! William the Bloody! Doesn't that count for something? Dru and I cut a path paved with blood throughout our travels, scarring the land and leaving screams in our wake. So why am I still surviving?! I should be ashes on the wind at the point. Bloody Slayer. She ruined me, you know. I was the slayer of Slayers. I should have killed her and been done with it. But she kept getting the better of me. Why? Why did I have to fall in love with her?
Oh, I knew I was in trouble the moment I realized I loved her. I was doomed. Drowning, and I didn't want to stop. Because to stop would mean I would have to give her up, and dying because of her would at least mean I'd have her with me. I despise myself now, though. The little bit turned me into this, not Buffy. Oh, Buffy may have instigated it, but Dawn was the real fiendish mastermind behind the plan. Turned me into some pansy ass wanker, poisoned me with her foolish thoughts on love and righteousness. Turned me into something – someone – I'm not.
How can I know who I am if I don't even know what I am? Monster or man, it doesn't matter anymore. William was beneath Cecily, and I've turned into that wanker once more. Bloody hell. How could I have not seen it? They say history repeats itself, and apparently they're right. But that doesn't mean I'm going to take this anymore. Come now I'm turning a leaf. No more William or Spike. No, I'm done with those phases of my life. It's time for another.
Stupid chip. A small bit of wires and silicon inside my head is keeping me from finding my true path. Well you know what? This blasted thing is coming out. I don't care what those Initiative doctors said! I'm finding a way to get this out if I have to lop my head off to find it. And then they're all going to see me. Things are going to change.
"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!"
Rot in hell, Sunnydale! And when I come back, things are going to change.