Disclaimer:  I do not own any of these characters.  They belong to NBC.  The lyrics belong to Geoff Moore & the Distance

If You Could See

Chapter Four:  A Faithful Love Forever True

"No John," Jing Mei cried, shaking her head.  "I…I," Jing Mei couldn't describe the fear she felt.  She was scared of losing him and she was scared of being with him.  What was she going to do?

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I know there are days when you feel So much less than ideal, Wondering what I see in you. It's all of the light and grace, Your belief in me drives me to say, That I promise you a faithful love forever true.

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John watched Deb as she began to shut down.  She pulled her hands away, which were entwined in his.  "Deb, don't walk away, please," John said hoarsely.

His stomach was doing flip-flops.  John didn't want to end this conversation like this.  He felt his hand grasp Deb's trembling arm.  "Don't runaway," John demanded.

Deb turned around and faced him.  Her dark eyes were clouded by confusion and fear.  "I can't John…I can't answer you."

The words echoed in his head as his stomach lurched in disbelief at the rejection.

John shook his head and steeled himself against his insecurities and the compounding reasons of why she wouldn't say yes.  "You can't just walk away.  Talk to me Jing Mei," he whispered.

He waited anxiously for her next words.  John now truly realized how much he loved her.  The mere idea of rejection would send him spiraling.

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Jing Mei didn't know what to say to the man who'd been her best friend, who was her best friend for a lifetime.  She owed him more than that, more than just walking away.

Jing Mei took a deep breath, which seemed to calm her and even slow down her racing heart.  "John, I don't know what to say…" she admitted truthfully.

John pulled her closer until his arm hung loosely wrapped around her waist.  "Okay.  Don't say anything," he coaxed softly.  "Just don't runaway."

Jing Mei felt the tension in her body melt as John's warm arms tightened around her.  The moonlight illuminated his brown eyes.  She rested her head on his chest as she'd done so many times before.

Why was she scared?  This was John.  Her best friend.  Her lover.

The passing thoughts seemed to tame all of her instincts to run.  Now, even the thought of leaving seemed like a distant memory in the strong arms of the man she loved.

"John, why?" she whispered.  "I know we've grown…closer, than I'd ever imagined, but marriage?"

Jing Mei regretted the question as it left her lips.  She knew it was more than closeness, and John had professed his love for her many times, but Jing Mei didn't know how to express what she felt for him.  Habit.  Jing Mei had kept her feelings for John hidden for such a long time that it didn't seem natural to tell him.  It left her wholly vunerable.  Not to mention the fact that Jing Mei didn't deserve to be loved by a man this much.  Sometimes it drove Jing Mei crazy, but mostly amazed her, how much John believed in her and his knowledge that they belonged together.

John seemed to hesitate.  "Deb, I…I know you're scared," he paused.  "Don't you think I am?  The thought of marriage scares the hell out of me."

Jing Mei felt his arms drop from her waist and watched as one hand ran through his light chestnut brown hair.  "Then why?" Jing Mei asked tentatively.  "I wasn't pushing you to do it.  Hell John, I haven't even managed to tell you that I love you…"

This time it was Jing Mei who turned around the distracted John.  She looked him in the eye searching for a reason, a reason why he wanted to marry her.  Or, maybe, a reason not to.

» * »

As John was turned around and confronted by a pair of dark probing eyes, he felt his throat close.  He unbuttoned his collar.  John was going to lay it out on the line.  He would tell her exactly what he was feeling.

It was all or nothing.