Truth Out Of Darkness
Chapter 39
"Chloe, I want you to relax." Marlena spoke in a calm, soothing, low tone. She spoke slowly, rhythmically, in order to create an aura of peace and tranquility in the room. The room was decorated in rich, warm brown tones - very earthy and comforting.
Chloe lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling nervously. She looked over at the wall-length mirror behind her for strength, courage. She knew that Brady and Craig were on the other side of that mirror, observing her session.
Marlena had asked them earlier to observe. Craig was Chloe's guardian and his medical knowledge may be needed during the session. Marlena also wanted Brady to be there to provide emotional support for Chloe, knowing how important he was to her. Before the session, she warned them that this would be an intense, difficult session. "I need you both to be strong. We may learn things that will be horrifying and shocking, but for Chloe's sake we must be strong. Also, do not interrupt the session unless I tell you to, no matter how upset she gets. This is important, Brady. Can you do that?" Brady gave a slight nod.
Back in the session room, Marlena was preparing Chloe for hypnosis. "I want you to breathe with me, Chloe, slowly, like this. Inhale Exhale
In Out...."
Chloe's heartbeat slowed and her eyelids became heavy as she focused on her breathing.
"In Out. That's very good. Now, Chloe, when I count to three, you will fall into a deep sleep. You will dream and you will tell me what you are dreaming. One, two...three."
Chloe closed her eyes. She was now in a state of semi-consciousness, in a kind of waking sleep state. She was asleep and dreaming, unaware of her surroundings, but still able to hear and respond to Marlena.
"Chloe, I want you to imagine you are in a place where you feel safe, and happy. Are you there? Can you see it?"
"Yes." Chloe replied mechanically.
"Describe it for me. Where are you?"
"I'm in a country field, in summer time. I'm laying in the tall grass and looking up at the clouds in the sky. I'm so warm. There are wildflowers and butterflies all around me. I'm so sleepy." Chloe yawned, even in her hypnotic trance.
Marlena chuckled softly. "Remember this place, Chloe. This is your haven, a safe refuge. When you feel scared, or upset, come here and you will be safe from all harm. Nothing can hurt you here, remember that."
Marlena inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled. She prepared herself mentally for the trial ahead. "Chloe, I want you to leave your haven for just a little while, okay? I want you to go someplace else. I want you to tell me about your dreams."
The lazy, contented smile on Chloe's face faded away, to be replaced by an expression of pain. Her breathing quickened.
"Chloe, where are you? What is happening?" Marlena asked gently.
Chloe's voice was small and distant:
"She was upset. They were running late. 'Dear, we are going to be late. Chloe will be fine. I've hired the best sitter in town. For goodness sake she's ten years old.'
'Yes dear,' he sighed and he helped her into the car.
I'm floating in the sky and they are beneath me. I see everything but I can do nothing. I'm not really here. Just a dream image."
"What do you see, Chloe?"
Chloe smiled fondly. "I see my adoptive father, my daddy. He turns to look back at the front door where the other me is standing. She's younger and looks at him with wide blue eyes. I hear him whisper, 'I love you.' Then he drives away." Chloe's voice trembles and her eyes shine with unshed tears.
Brady watches her sadly. He knows this story, knows the pain and heartache behind it. He places his hand on the thick glass that separates them and watches.
"I cry out 'No Daddy! Don't go! Don't leave me.' But there is no noise, only silence. I see the lone tear that runs down little Chloe's face. It is the last one she'll shed for years.
She doesn't cry when the police come to tell her her daddy is dead. She doesn't cry when she sits at the funeral amidst the stares and the whispers of 'the poor thing, there aren't any family members who can take her. She was adopted, you know. She'll have to go back to the orphanage.' Ten years old and twice abandoned, and still she does not cry.
That's why no one wants her, why no one wants me. She does not cry outside - it's inside, deeper.
I go through many smiley happy families. They keep me for a while and then send me back."
Chloe sobs recalling the pain of the past. "Why doesn't anyone want me? Why can't anyone love me?" She whispers softly, "I don't want to be alone."
Her words cut Brady to the quick. He hears her words in his head. "Do you know what it's like, Brady, to go years without anyone ever telling you they loved you?" Even during his worst years, he had always been able to count on his father's love for him. He couldn't fathom not having love of some kind, being loved by someone.
Chloe calmed down and quit crying. "I did learn to cry though. They'll stop beating me if I cry." Chloe jerked and twitched repeatedly. She covered her face with her hands and curled into a ball - reacting physically to the memory of the vicious blows.
She sobbed spasmatically. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. All my fault. I deserve it." she cried out. "I'm bad." she whispered. "That's why my daddy left me." Her tears returned full force and she cowered on the sofa, waiting for her next beating.
Brady couldn't take anymore. Someone beat her?! Bastards! Beating a child until she's so screwed up she thinks it's her fault. He looked at Chloe's broken, sobbing figure and knew he had to comfort her, hold her, do something.
He was nearly halfway to the door when Craig stopped him. "Brady, she has to get through this on her own." he said gently, his own voice thick with anger, sadness.
"I...I"
"It's hard for me too." Craig empathized. "She's my daughter, regardless of genetics, and I can't stand to see her like this. But Brady, as hard as it is, you have to be even stronger. We haven't reached the worst of it yet."
Brady inhaled deeply and spun back around to the glass. He clenched his fists and sighed in frustration at his own impotence.
"So what happened next, Chloe?" Marlena asked.
"Then he came for me."
"Who?"
"Father."
"Father?" Marlena asked, puzzled.
"That's what he wants me to call him. He says he's going to adopt me and then we will be a real family. He'll be my father and I'll be his little girl."
Brady and Craig looked at each other. What is this? {This man sounds like he's not all there.} Brady thought.
Marlena listened intently. She was afraid of what was coming next, if her suspicions were correct. But they had to proceed - Chloe must remember, no matter how painful it may be.
"And how old are you, Chloe?"
"Fourteen."
{Right before she came here - when she was in her 'coma'.} Marlena noted that Chloe's responses became more and more childlike the older she became. {The neglect and physical abuse she suffered earlier had caused her to regress emotionally. She was trying to go back to when she was happy, as a young child} she realized.
"How does this make you feel?" Marlena asked.
Chloe was silent for many minutes. Marlena noticed the change in her expression. Her eyes widened in a blank stare. She breathed in quick, irregular spurts. Marlena was stunned when Chloe began to suck on her thumb.
"Chloe, where are you now?"
Chloe's reply was accompanied by tremors that ran through her body. "I'm in the house. It's so dark and I'm afraid. I can hear whispers all around me and shadows dance everywhere. It's dark, it's always dark here. The dark makes things look evil. The pictures on the wall have mean faces. They leer at me with wicked grins.
I'm in a long hallway, and at the end is a door. There are no other doors or windows. The only escape is through the door. I'm trapped. I can't get out."
{The door.} Marlena thought. {In cases of repressed memories, the barrier blocking the lost memories is usually represented by a door.}
"What's on the other side of the door, Chloe?"
"I don't remember." Chloe was growing increasingly nervous and agitated.
"Walk toward the door, Chloe."
Her breathing grew even more rapid and she fidgeted restlessly.
"Are you there?" Marlena asked.
"yes. i can hear voices on the other side, and someone's crying softly." Chloe whimpered and hugged her chest as she trembled.
"Chloe, open the door."
Tears fell from her eyes. Her voice was so small. "i can't."
"Yes, you can, Chloe. Open the door. It will be okay."
Chloe was crying openly now. Brady wanted to reach out for her, give her strength, ease her fears. But he was helpless, a spectator to her pain.
"please, don't make me." she pleaded. "i don't want to remember." Sobbing, "don't make me go back."
"It's okay to remember, Chloe. They're just memories, they can't hurt you. Open the door, Chloe. It will be okay." Marlena soothed.
Chloe closed her eyes. "okay." A minuted passed. Chloe suddenly began to hyperventilate. She gasped raggedly and twitched on the couch.
"Where are you now, Chloe?"
"i'm in my bed. i can't breathe. he's laying on me and i can't breathe. he's so heavy."
Chloe sobbed and shuddered. "he's kissing me, his tongue is in my mouth, i can't breathe. i can't move."
Chloe covered her ears with her hands. She rocked herself back and forth. "he tells me he loves me. 'be a good girl, Chloe, and let Father show you how much he loves you.' i can't move i can't get away. NOOOOOOOOO!"
Chloe screamed and threw herself on the floor. She twisted and writhed on the floor, kicking, screaming.
"Craig! She's going into seizure!" Marlena rushed to the shaking girl on the floor as Craig flew into the room, followed by an ashen Brady.
Chloe rocked herself, arms tight around her chest, choking back sobs and incoherent words.
Marlena tried to restrain her. "It's what I feared might happen. The memories flooding her mind are too overwhelming. It's too much for her mind to handle. It's memory overload."
Marlena looked the shivering girl in the eyes. "Don't fight it, Chloe. Just ride the flow, let the memories carry you. It's going to be okay. Concentrate on us." She motioned for Brady to try. He had been able to reach her before, maybe it would work again.
Brady knelt in front of her and took her trembling face in his hands. He forced her to look in his eyes. Her lids fluttered rapidly, and her pupils were dilated. "Chloe, listen to me. Focus on me, Chloe. Don't think about it, just focus on me. Focus on my eyes."
Chloe returned his gaze; her eyes locked onto his and she held on for dear life. Her hands clutched onto his chest. Brady almost winced from the pain caused by her digging, grasping fingers, but he didn't allow it to break his gaze.
Chloe continued to shake from the onslaught of forgotten memory, hidden trauma. She wanted to run away, escape in her mind, shutdown, like she had before. But Brady's voice, his presence pulled her back like a lifeline around her waist.
"Focus on my eyes, Chloe. My big, blue eyes. Come back to us. It's okay. You're okay."
Minutes passed and still they stared in each other's eyes. Chloe's tremors became less violent, and came less often. She blinked and tears spilled from her eyes. Her shoulders shook from the force of her sobs.
"I remember." She cried with a small, defeated voice.
"He raped me."
Brady wrapped his arms around her, stunned by the revelation. He had had his suspicions, of course. Especially after witnessing the session. But to actually hear it from her mouth - simple, unadorned truth, knocked the air from his lungs. He struggled to breathe while he tried to comfort Chloe.
Like there was anything he could do to make this better. He heart ached, while grief and rage battled for control. Grief won, for the moment, and as he held his sobbing soulmate, his own tears escaped his normally rigid control.
Visions assailed his mind, of Chloe, an innocent little girl, being attacked, raped by a man who was supposed to protect her, who was supposed to chase away the monsters at night. Instead, he was her monster at night. Brady shook with murderous fury. {Don't think about it now, Brady. Chloe needs you.}
Chloe was shaking uncontrollably, unaware of Brady. She was caught in a memory loop. The memories played over and over in her mind. It was for her like it had just happened. She remembered his wet, sloppy kisses. His rough, grabby hands that groped and prodded everywhere. She could feel him between her legs, the pain as he enters her. His wetness inside her that makes her feel dirty. Over and over.
She felt arms around her, holding her, touching her. They belonged to a man. She struggled to escape his embrace. The man looks down at her, concern in his blue eyes, but she doesn't recognize him.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed and bolted out of his arms. She heard him calling after her as she fled the room. {Gotta get away. Don't stop. He's after you.}
"CHLOE!" Brady yelled, running after her, flying through the crowded hospital corridors. {I have to stop her, before she gets hurt.}
Chloe didn't even hesitate as she ran through the doors of the hospital and out into the street. She stopped suddenly, blinded by bright sunlight. She was confused, delirious. {Where am I? What am I doing here?} She stood there, afraid, lost like a little child.
She didn't see the truck bearing down on her.
Chapter 39
"Chloe, I want you to relax." Marlena spoke in a calm, soothing, low tone. She spoke slowly, rhythmically, in order to create an aura of peace and tranquility in the room. The room was decorated in rich, warm brown tones - very earthy and comforting.
Chloe lay on the couch and stared at the ceiling nervously. She looked over at the wall-length mirror behind her for strength, courage. She knew that Brady and Craig were on the other side of that mirror, observing her session.
Marlena had asked them earlier to observe. Craig was Chloe's guardian and his medical knowledge may be needed during the session. Marlena also wanted Brady to be there to provide emotional support for Chloe, knowing how important he was to her. Before the session, she warned them that this would be an intense, difficult session. "I need you both to be strong. We may learn things that will be horrifying and shocking, but for Chloe's sake we must be strong. Also, do not interrupt the session unless I tell you to, no matter how upset she gets. This is important, Brady. Can you do that?" Brady gave a slight nod.
Back in the session room, Marlena was preparing Chloe for hypnosis. "I want you to breathe with me, Chloe, slowly, like this. Inhale Exhale
In Out...."
Chloe's heartbeat slowed and her eyelids became heavy as she focused on her breathing.
"In Out. That's very good. Now, Chloe, when I count to three, you will fall into a deep sleep. You will dream and you will tell me what you are dreaming. One, two...three."
Chloe closed her eyes. She was now in a state of semi-consciousness, in a kind of waking sleep state. She was asleep and dreaming, unaware of her surroundings, but still able to hear and respond to Marlena.
"Chloe, I want you to imagine you are in a place where you feel safe, and happy. Are you there? Can you see it?"
"Yes." Chloe replied mechanically.
"Describe it for me. Where are you?"
"I'm in a country field, in summer time. I'm laying in the tall grass and looking up at the clouds in the sky. I'm so warm. There are wildflowers and butterflies all around me. I'm so sleepy." Chloe yawned, even in her hypnotic trance.
Marlena chuckled softly. "Remember this place, Chloe. This is your haven, a safe refuge. When you feel scared, or upset, come here and you will be safe from all harm. Nothing can hurt you here, remember that."
Marlena inhaled deeply and slowly exhaled. She prepared herself mentally for the trial ahead. "Chloe, I want you to leave your haven for just a little while, okay? I want you to go someplace else. I want you to tell me about your dreams."
The lazy, contented smile on Chloe's face faded away, to be replaced by an expression of pain. Her breathing quickened.
"Chloe, where are you? What is happening?" Marlena asked gently.
Chloe's voice was small and distant:
"She was upset. They were running late. 'Dear, we are going to be late. Chloe will be fine. I've hired the best sitter in town. For goodness sake she's ten years old.'
'Yes dear,' he sighed and he helped her into the car.
I'm floating in the sky and they are beneath me. I see everything but I can do nothing. I'm not really here. Just a dream image."
"What do you see, Chloe?"
Chloe smiled fondly. "I see my adoptive father, my daddy. He turns to look back at the front door where the other me is standing. She's younger and looks at him with wide blue eyes. I hear him whisper, 'I love you.' Then he drives away." Chloe's voice trembles and her eyes shine with unshed tears.
Brady watches her sadly. He knows this story, knows the pain and heartache behind it. He places his hand on the thick glass that separates them and watches.
"I cry out 'No Daddy! Don't go! Don't leave me.' But there is no noise, only silence. I see the lone tear that runs down little Chloe's face. It is the last one she'll shed for years.
She doesn't cry when the police come to tell her her daddy is dead. She doesn't cry when she sits at the funeral amidst the stares and the whispers of 'the poor thing, there aren't any family members who can take her. She was adopted, you know. She'll have to go back to the orphanage.' Ten years old and twice abandoned, and still she does not cry.
That's why no one wants her, why no one wants me. She does not cry outside - it's inside, deeper.
I go through many smiley happy families. They keep me for a while and then send me back."
Chloe sobs recalling the pain of the past. "Why doesn't anyone want me? Why can't anyone love me?" She whispers softly, "I don't want to be alone."
Her words cut Brady to the quick. He hears her words in his head. "Do you know what it's like, Brady, to go years without anyone ever telling you they loved you?" Even during his worst years, he had always been able to count on his father's love for him. He couldn't fathom not having love of some kind, being loved by someone.
Chloe calmed down and quit crying. "I did learn to cry though. They'll stop beating me if I cry." Chloe jerked and twitched repeatedly. She covered her face with her hands and curled into a ball - reacting physically to the memory of the vicious blows.
She sobbed spasmatically. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. All my fault. I deserve it." she cried out. "I'm bad." she whispered. "That's why my daddy left me." Her tears returned full force and she cowered on the sofa, waiting for her next beating.
Brady couldn't take anymore. Someone beat her?! Bastards! Beating a child until she's so screwed up she thinks it's her fault. He looked at Chloe's broken, sobbing figure and knew he had to comfort her, hold her, do something.
He was nearly halfway to the door when Craig stopped him. "Brady, she has to get through this on her own." he said gently, his own voice thick with anger, sadness.
"I...I"
"It's hard for me too." Craig empathized. "She's my daughter, regardless of genetics, and I can't stand to see her like this. But Brady, as hard as it is, you have to be even stronger. We haven't reached the worst of it yet."
Brady inhaled deeply and spun back around to the glass. He clenched his fists and sighed in frustration at his own impotence.
"So what happened next, Chloe?" Marlena asked.
"Then he came for me."
"Who?"
"Father."
"Father?" Marlena asked, puzzled.
"That's what he wants me to call him. He says he's going to adopt me and then we will be a real family. He'll be my father and I'll be his little girl."
Brady and Craig looked at each other. What is this? {This man sounds like he's not all there.} Brady thought.
Marlena listened intently. She was afraid of what was coming next, if her suspicions were correct. But they had to proceed - Chloe must remember, no matter how painful it may be.
"And how old are you, Chloe?"
"Fourteen."
{Right before she came here - when she was in her 'coma'.} Marlena noted that Chloe's responses became more and more childlike the older she became. {The neglect and physical abuse she suffered earlier had caused her to regress emotionally. She was trying to go back to when she was happy, as a young child} she realized.
"How does this make you feel?" Marlena asked.
Chloe was silent for many minutes. Marlena noticed the change in her expression. Her eyes widened in a blank stare. She breathed in quick, irregular spurts. Marlena was stunned when Chloe began to suck on her thumb.
"Chloe, where are you now?"
Chloe's reply was accompanied by tremors that ran through her body. "I'm in the house. It's so dark and I'm afraid. I can hear whispers all around me and shadows dance everywhere. It's dark, it's always dark here. The dark makes things look evil. The pictures on the wall have mean faces. They leer at me with wicked grins.
I'm in a long hallway, and at the end is a door. There are no other doors or windows. The only escape is through the door. I'm trapped. I can't get out."
{The door.} Marlena thought. {In cases of repressed memories, the barrier blocking the lost memories is usually represented by a door.}
"What's on the other side of the door, Chloe?"
"I don't remember." Chloe was growing increasingly nervous and agitated.
"Walk toward the door, Chloe."
Her breathing grew even more rapid and she fidgeted restlessly.
"Are you there?" Marlena asked.
"yes. i can hear voices on the other side, and someone's crying softly." Chloe whimpered and hugged her chest as she trembled.
"Chloe, open the door."
Tears fell from her eyes. Her voice was so small. "i can't."
"Yes, you can, Chloe. Open the door. It will be okay."
Chloe was crying openly now. Brady wanted to reach out for her, give her strength, ease her fears. But he was helpless, a spectator to her pain.
"please, don't make me." she pleaded. "i don't want to remember." Sobbing, "don't make me go back."
"It's okay to remember, Chloe. They're just memories, they can't hurt you. Open the door, Chloe. It will be okay." Marlena soothed.
Chloe closed her eyes. "okay." A minuted passed. Chloe suddenly began to hyperventilate. She gasped raggedly and twitched on the couch.
"Where are you now, Chloe?"
"i'm in my bed. i can't breathe. he's laying on me and i can't breathe. he's so heavy."
Chloe sobbed and shuddered. "he's kissing me, his tongue is in my mouth, i can't breathe. i can't move."
Chloe covered her ears with her hands. She rocked herself back and forth. "he tells me he loves me. 'be a good girl, Chloe, and let Father show you how much he loves you.' i can't move i can't get away. NOOOOOOOOO!"
Chloe screamed and threw herself on the floor. She twisted and writhed on the floor, kicking, screaming.
"Craig! She's going into seizure!" Marlena rushed to the shaking girl on the floor as Craig flew into the room, followed by an ashen Brady.
Chloe rocked herself, arms tight around her chest, choking back sobs and incoherent words.
Marlena tried to restrain her. "It's what I feared might happen. The memories flooding her mind are too overwhelming. It's too much for her mind to handle. It's memory overload."
Marlena looked the shivering girl in the eyes. "Don't fight it, Chloe. Just ride the flow, let the memories carry you. It's going to be okay. Concentrate on us." She motioned for Brady to try. He had been able to reach her before, maybe it would work again.
Brady knelt in front of her and took her trembling face in his hands. He forced her to look in his eyes. Her lids fluttered rapidly, and her pupils were dilated. "Chloe, listen to me. Focus on me, Chloe. Don't think about it, just focus on me. Focus on my eyes."
Chloe returned his gaze; her eyes locked onto his and she held on for dear life. Her hands clutched onto his chest. Brady almost winced from the pain caused by her digging, grasping fingers, but he didn't allow it to break his gaze.
Chloe continued to shake from the onslaught of forgotten memory, hidden trauma. She wanted to run away, escape in her mind, shutdown, like she had before. But Brady's voice, his presence pulled her back like a lifeline around her waist.
"Focus on my eyes, Chloe. My big, blue eyes. Come back to us. It's okay. You're okay."
Minutes passed and still they stared in each other's eyes. Chloe's tremors became less violent, and came less often. She blinked and tears spilled from her eyes. Her shoulders shook from the force of her sobs.
"I remember." She cried with a small, defeated voice.
"He raped me."
Brady wrapped his arms around her, stunned by the revelation. He had had his suspicions, of course. Especially after witnessing the session. But to actually hear it from her mouth - simple, unadorned truth, knocked the air from his lungs. He struggled to breathe while he tried to comfort Chloe.
Like there was anything he could do to make this better. He heart ached, while grief and rage battled for control. Grief won, for the moment, and as he held his sobbing soulmate, his own tears escaped his normally rigid control.
Visions assailed his mind, of Chloe, an innocent little girl, being attacked, raped by a man who was supposed to protect her, who was supposed to chase away the monsters at night. Instead, he was her monster at night. Brady shook with murderous fury. {Don't think about it now, Brady. Chloe needs you.}
Chloe was shaking uncontrollably, unaware of Brady. She was caught in a memory loop. The memories played over and over in her mind. It was for her like it had just happened. She remembered his wet, sloppy kisses. His rough, grabby hands that groped and prodded everywhere. She could feel him between her legs, the pain as he enters her. His wetness inside her that makes her feel dirty. Over and over.
She felt arms around her, holding her, touching her. They belonged to a man. She struggled to escape his embrace. The man looks down at her, concern in his blue eyes, but she doesn't recognize him.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed and bolted out of his arms. She heard him calling after her as she fled the room. {Gotta get away. Don't stop. He's after you.}
"CHLOE!" Brady yelled, running after her, flying through the crowded hospital corridors. {I have to stop her, before she gets hurt.}
Chloe didn't even hesitate as she ran through the doors of the hospital and out into the street. She stopped suddenly, blinded by bright sunlight. She was confused, delirious. {Where am I? What am I doing here?} She stood there, afraid, lost like a little child.
She didn't see the truck bearing down on her.