OF DIB AND DEVOTION
By Lennon Karma, who luvs Dib
Okay, this is a little strange. Well, it's strange cuz it almost makes sense compared to the stuff I usually write. But it's no happier. I'm sorry, but when I write, I always seem to torture all da people I like I don't really know why that is, and rather than bug ya by trying to figure it out (that sounds like a paranormal investigation. Oh, Dib!!!) Since this has the potential to become a collection of songfics, it would be kewl if you wanted to request songs you like for me to do a Zim fic about. I'll just say I don't own any of da people, I don't own da song (Everclear does) either, review if u can, flames do burn, and pleez enjoy!
Hey, ain't life wonderful?
Wonderful
Isn't everything wonderful now?
Dib could have chosen all sorts of words to describe the outlook he had for his life, and 'wonderful' certainly wasn't one of them. His parents' marriage was falling apart, and he knew it. It wasn't a recent thing, either; this was something that had been going on as far back as he could remember. Only recently had it become impossible to ignore. Gaz was indifferent as always. While Dib was rapidly spiraling towards the breaking point, she acted as if nothing was wrong. As long as she had her GameSlave, not much bothered her. In every attempt that was humanly possible, Dib tried to impress upon his sister the importance of upholding their family's structure. All of these were responded to with rolling eyes, a thrown object, a scream, or most often, nothing. Didn't it matter to her what was happening to their lives? What would become of them? An air of tension filled the home that had once been so comforting turning it into a containment of horror; somewhere he now avoided at every possible opportunity. It hadn't always been that way, but it had been long enough to eat away at his life when it was young and soft. Now it was part of him, unpleasant as it was.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
I close my eyes and I count to 10
I hope it's over when I open them
I want the things I had before
Like the Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to 10
Make everything be wonderful again
The more distant memories of his parents' fights were fuzzy to Dib now, and he wished all such memories had the same vagueness. He could never see their faces, but he knew them. Gaz was a toddler, and he was not much older. Even back then, he quested for knowledge and was often reading. This was most likely what he was doing as he and Gaz sat in the living room, and listened to their parents, who were across the hall in the kitchen. Their mother had a comforting, gentle voice, which was twisted into a shrill screech when she was beyond furious, generally at her husband. "How can you say that? It doesn't even make sense." Dib had always preferred his mother to his father. He saw eye to eye with her. More willing to make an effort to understand his quirks, she provided Dib with the structure he desperately needed. That was back in the pre-Zim days; if he had her now, he could carry on. His mother was not beautiful, nor was she ugly. Gaz looked eerily like her, but in truth, they had nothing in common. Gaz likewise preferred her father; they were both reclusive, showing their affection for each other by keeping out of each other's way. He always spoke as if nothing was wrong, much as Gaz did. "What, that I need to work late? I won't tomorrow, I promise." This had been a bone of contention between them for years: which Professor Membrane loved more, his work or his wife. She was persistent, unwilling to let him win; yet he always did. "Every day you say that," she would say, "And you always do." Dib heard a sigh and jumped at a thud, and watched his father appear. He looked tired, and passed Dib and Gaz without so much as a glance. That was what Dib never liked about his father. Were he and Gaz as important to their father as his work was?
These thoughts were present with Dib constantly, not only when his parents argued. Dib could remember countless times when he was scared of what would become of him and Gaz if his parents decided they didn't love each other anymore. Back then, the arguments were usually short, but not sweet. Even though they weren't sweet, they always ended in definite forgiveness, and everything seemed okay. Now, this wasn't enough. Dib remembered what sent him down the path of paranormal investigation. Every night he would pull the bed sheets around his face, and watch the shadows dance on the opposite wall, shapeshifting into bizarre patterns. These intrigued him, but not so much that they took his mind off his parents' difficulties. He closed his eyes, forcing the tears back, and condemning them from freedom. What could he do to free himself from their constant problems? He didn't want to open his eyes for fear of seeing anything else that would add to his stress. Instead, upon opening them, he found the shadows on the wall, still in transit, flitting past him and across his face. These intrigued him, giving him something else to think about. These shapes looked like the shadows of hideous, twisted monsters. He assured himself that these did not exist or did they? It would certainly keep his mind off his parents if he made it his mission to find out. From there sprung his supernatural quest.
In the years that followed his revelation, Dib became absorbed by all things unearthly. He read sci-fi novels while his classmates struggled with Dick and Jane. Those were good days; life was simple, and with his mother around, he always felt praised and appreciated for all he could do. There was nothing that particularly bothered him, and life was good for the most part. Until his father came home from work, and a cold war broke out. Professor Membrane never fully understood Dib's interests. He would ask himself, "Why is that boy so obsessed with superstitions? These things don't even exist!" Assuming it all to be a phase, he simply ignored Dib's curiosities, with the intention to ignore it until it went away. Dib perceived this as an indication that he wasn't doing big enough things. Trying to confirm the presence of a ghost named Veronica in his attic was not enough, even though he was certain she had said, "I'm going to feed you to my cat." Either way, this cued him into making it his mission to find something better. That something better came not too long after in the form of Irken invader, Zim.
Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream and I hear them fight
Say bad words that make me wanna cry
I close my eyes when I go to bed and I
Dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
"Everything will be wonderful someday."
Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
Turmoil erupted between Zim and Dib on the instant, but this did keep Dib occupied. Gaz had no interest in his work or her parents' problems, either, for that matter. Dib spent his days watching out for his planet to protect it from Zim's vicious hand. Desire to destroy often overwhelmed Zim from using his strategic military logic. Dib's cleverness alone made Zim's match, as nothing could compete with Dib's brainpower. Zim had no real interest in Dib, seeing him as nothing more than a pesky obstacle. Although it really wasn't so, Dib saw Zim as a true threat, and was bound and determined to save Earth from him. Surely he could win his father's favor with this! His mother's love was blind, and it always had been. It was enough for her that he lived and breathed. Professor Membrane had high expectations, unattainable at times. Dib following exactly in his hard science footsteps? That was not about to happen. Dib's only care was to pursue Zim, and discover the truth behind the invading Irken.
At home, it was another story. His parents' fights used to actually be about something, such as working late and paying attention to the kids. Now they really had no meaning. If anything, they were a greeting. On nights when Professor Membrane made it home before everyone went to bed, his greeting usually consisted of his wife saying, "You're just in time for dinner. I hope you like cold soup and room temperature grilled cheese." "Nice to see you, too," he would mutter as he stomped past her. Dib and Gaz no longer responded to these fights. The little time their parents did spend together was composed of fights. After Dib went to bed, his parents clearly saw it as a no holds barred battlezone. Their room had a vent on one wall, and although they were clear on the other side of the house, Dib could hear every word shouted from their room. Gaz was lucky enough to be shielded from the words, as her room had no vent. To her, though, it wouldn't have mattered much as long as it didn't keep her awake. It bothered Dib beyond explanation, and most of the time, he was lucky to sleep at all. Pouring through his vent along with cold air came cold words. No, the words were more than cold; they were frosted, icy. They would start off mind though, with his father's murmuring words, "at least we know that no matterwe always end up in bed together at night" Dib held his breath, knowing that although he knew his father really did mean well, his mother would take this the wrong way without a doubt. "What?!?" He was right. She continued screeching at his father with no inhibitions, not even considering Dib's listening ears. "Is that all you care about? Is that all you fucking married me for? How I am in bed?" Dib hated to consider what this meant. Had he been a mistake? Just an accident in his father's promiscuous love affair? And was Gaz as well? Gaz had never liked Dib, but she was his sister and he cared about her. Not wanting to think of her as a child created out of lust, not a true father who would always love and protect her, Dib couldn't help but be outraged at his father. Also wanting his mother to be happy with her marriage and family, he didn't want his father to hurt her like this. But it was obvious that this was nothing that would end overnight, if at all.
Dib pulled the covers over his head, trying to block out the words but he could still hear their loathing for each other. "Don't you understand that I love you, dammit?" Professor Membrane responded, raising his voice. His mother was never short on comebacks. "No, but I understand that you love my body. Everyone told me you were a bastard and I should have just believed them!" This would continue back and forth until they finally wore out and fell asleep, which was too long for Dib. He would lie awake and fear for the days to come and whether it would improve or not. Closing his eyes couldn't shut out the horrors he heard from the vent, but it could help remove him and take him far away from the hate that surrounded him. He could picture himself anywhere he wanted to be, free from his parents and their inadvertent torture. It was this one time during each day that he could almost convince himself that everything would be all right.
I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh out loud so my friends won't know
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go
I go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
"Everything will be wonderful someday."
Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
School life wasn't hot either, but it was better than his home life. Dib was an oddity, on the outskirts of schoolyard social structure. His gothic appearance set him apart from the others. They were a whirlwind of color, splashed across. This was more color than he cared to look at, as he preferred basic black. His hair was gelled into spikes, and he had recently taken to wearing a chain of metal spheres around his neck. His t-shirt reflected his outlook on the world perfectly: grim. But the most notable feature he displayed was his long, black trenchcoat. It shrouded him in the darkness that likewise shrouded his world. Never leaving home without it, his trenchcoat made his image. To Dib, though, this trenchcoat was so incredible to him because of what he kept in the inside pocket. A picture of his family not long after Gaz was born when everyone looked almost happy. Still, picture and all, he preferred to avoid all that was extracurricular. Class was a safe haven; a place to show off his genius as well as veil himself from the torment in the world around him. And although his body was contained in a room, chained to a desk, Dib's spirit was outside, free, and always searching. Yet, with Zim in the very room with him, he could conduct his studies without even moving a muscle. The only problem here was with Zim's idle state, there was little to observe. With a sigh, he would continue to listen halfheartedly as Mrs. Bitters droned on about nothing. He wished Mrs. Bitters could be like the teachers in the books he had read, the kind that noticed and cared when you had a problem and took on the role of a parent when you needed it most. Like that would ever happen! Mrs. Bitters took no notice of him unless she was reprimanding him for one thing or another. She had no idea how she frightened him with her constant scorn of his obstinate belief in the 'imaginary.' Recess was no treat either. While other kids could be found playing four-square or dodgeball, he usually laid down on his back and looked up at the sky longingly, wishing he could be up there, to see more and escape his problems here on Earth. Other days, he would search through the wooded area at the edge of the playground for who knows what, anything from the ordinary to the extraordinary.
One clear and bright fall recess, Dib trudged heavily down the steps. Settling down in a sunny spot, not too choked with weeds, he began to dig, hoping whimsically to find a fossil. After a time of digging, Dib came upon something that looked as if it had been white once, but was now gray with age and dirt. With a gentle tug, Dib pulled it free of its earthen prison. A snail shell! Not exactly a fossil, but still beautiful, not to mention the largest he had ever held in his hand. Stroking its marbled exterior, Dib was lost in its beauty, until the horror struck. Seeing nothing, he simply felt a sharp pain in his side and toppled over. Looking up, the sun's glare threatened to pierce Dib's eyes. Extending a hand to shield them, the radiant reflection from his glasses was extinguished as well. Zim? What was he doing? Another good question would be how this Irken had managed to become the most popular "boy" around so quickly. How did he do it?
"What are you doing, Dib-monkey?" Zim jeered. This was unlike Zim. Usually he saved their rivalry for just between the two of them rather than drag a class of humans into it. Dib was filled with a great suspicion for his peers, not just Zim and the other Irkens. There was no one he genuinely "trusted." After all his years of experience being the odd man out, he had no interest in trying at it again. Leaping to his feet, he shot off back in the direction of the school, still clutching the treasured shell. Zim and the others were hot on his tail, but he was sure he could prevail. Not long after, he was sure he could not. As he neared the blacktop, his asthma overcame him, and he gasped for air. As he clawed at his chest, wanting to tear it open to allow him to breathe freely, he slowed his pace, and one of his pursuers lunged forward and caught the end of Dib's flyaway trenchcoat, pulling him down on the concrete blacktop. Dib flailed his arms, not wanting to hit the ground, but there was no avoiding it. Doing this, the shell flew from his hand, and landed hard on the concrete as well, instantly splitting into several shards. His treasure. Gone. Silently mourning the loss of his shell, he let his guard down long enough to be pinned to the ground and given the thrashing he had tried so hard to avoid.
When he was finally released from their clutches, Dib crawled on raw, bloody hands and knees to where his shell was shattered. Taking the shards in his hands, Dib felt a tear fall from his eye, followed by another and another. In moments, Dib unleashed pain that had been welling up inside him for a while. He knew why they did these things to him; he was 'weird.' There wasn't a day where he wasn't called crazy or insane. He remembered being told one day, "You should have been locked away forever. You are a psychopath! Do little aliens live your big head and tell you what to do?" The worst part of that was the fact that it came from a pair of lips he so longed to kiss: those of the girl he had a crush on. Dib tried to convince himself he no longer cared, but this was impossible. His cheeks still glistened with tears as he placed the pieces of shell in his pocket. Downcast, he pushed his chipped glasses up on his nose and crept back inside the school to hide in the library. This didn't mean he wanted to return to his broken home the second the bell rang after school. His loving mother was now tight-lipped, his father offered no sympathy, and Gaz was just as bad as his schoolyard tormentors.
No, no., I don't want to hear you tell me
Everything is wonderful now
I don't want to hear you say
That I will understand someday
No, no, no
And I don't want to hear you say
We both have grown in a different way
No, no, no
One Saturday morning, Dib came downstairs in a half-daze to find his parents and Gaz sitting in the living room in silence. He sat on the edge of the couch next to Gaz, and then his mother spoke. "Dib, honey, your father and I have talked things over, and we've decided to get a divorce. Dib's jaw dropped. Sure, he was glad that the constant fighting would stop, but he never thought that this would happen, not to him. "No!" he shot back at her. "No!" Putting a gentle hand on his quivering shoulder, she continued, "It's for the best. And we've decided that you will stay with your father because I have decided to join an acting company, and I wouldn't be around enough if I went on tour." How could this be happening? No more mother? Stuck with Professor Membrane? This was too much. Dib raced back up the stairs and leaned against his shut bedroom door, not willing to hear more.
No, I don't want to meet your friend
And I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
The last few weeks he had spent with only his father were starting to wear Dib down. He didn't want to adjust himself to meet his father's high standards. He couldn't stand the thought of becoming another scientist drone. There wasn't much he could stand, when he stopped to think about it. Climbing out his bedroom window and onto the roof, he sat out under the stars he so longed to explore. The day that could happen seemed so far away, unreachable. Dib could only see one way to reach the lofty heights of the firmament. Standing just outside the window, Dib closed his eyes and tilted his head upward, feeling the bitter breeze on his face. The breeze led him on tiptoe to the edge of the roof, and took his hand gently as he stepped off
Promises mean everything
When you're little and the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
* If enough people like and review this I might make a Zim songfic collection Oh yeah, again, if there's any songs you want me to songfic, add it in a review. J *